15. Punching and loving
"...but then I realized it was wrong, so I beat them and woke up."
Everypony looked at Shining Armor curiously, wondering if something was missing in the story of his nightmarish conquest.
"That's it?" asked Thunderlane, raising an eyebrow "Just beat the guards and poof? No climax, no final boss or stuff like that?"
Shining Armor looked away and gulped "It's a dream, not a movie."
He looked at the expecting faces of his companions, who just confessed to their worst nightmares (although Soarin did leave a little detail out, unknown to others). Doctor insisted they all shared their stories, just in case something like that would happen again, especially considering that their main adversary had 'nightmare' in her name. Shining sighed and finally spelled it out reluctantly.
"Then I called Princess a fake and I ..." he paused, his head lowered "...punched her."
They immediately stopped their march and gasped in unison, staring wide eyed at the ashamed ex-guard.
"You monster!" said Soarin, as he took a step back and shook his head "I'm sorry, we can't be friends anymore!" he looked away and shed a single, fake tear.
"Oh come on!" Shining rolled his eyes and continued "IT WAS A DREAM! It's not like I would actually do that!” he lied “Besides, she was going to execute me publicly for something I never did! In fact, I never found out what I was accused of, that goes against the law, as stated in..."
"Whoa, I was just kidding!" Soarin raised his hooves to stop him from further ranting "Chill out, I know you wouldn't do any of it."
Prince Blueblood rolled his eyes and snorted.
"Yes, that is clearly outside the realm of possibility," said Prince Blueblood mockingly "there is no possible way you would mean any HARM to anypony, especially not ROYALTY. Am I right?" he looked at his bodyguard with accusing glare. Shining Armor grunted.
"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" he muttered through his teeth.
"Sorry about what?" asked Thunderlane, quickly making Shining Armor blush. They stopped on their tracks again, all eyes once again concentrated on Shining Armor. Prince smiled smugly and added.
"Just for the record, I did not imply anything!" now suffer for it, he thought, but decided not to say it out loud. He was satisfied enough as it were.
Currently, Shining was feeling incredibly awkward, and hated it as always, getting drilled by eyes of four confused stallions. There was such thing as 'too much knowledge', so Shining looked for a distraction. He turned to Prince Blueblood.
"So, what about your nightmare? What was it about?"
Prince huffed at the mention "Oh no, don't you dare turn it back to me!"
"Well, as much as we enjoy teasing our armored friend over here," said Doctor "he does bring up a good point. Especially since you didn't wake up like the others."
Prince did not answer to that. He resumed their march and ignored the comment completely. Others followed, but did not drop the issue. Doctor asked again.
"Well?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Prince answered coldly.
"Oh come on, we poured our souls into our stories!" complained Soarin "Shining over there even confessed to national crime!"
"IT WAS JUST A DREAM!"
"We all shared our nightmares to prevent anything like that happening again,” continued Doctor “to have a better understanding of ourselves and each other. And that holds especially for you," he looked Prince in the eyes "since you didn't wake up with others. We need to know exactly why and what you saw. For everypony's sake."
Blueblood looked over expecting faces of his companions. He realized he won't be able to avoid this matter and there was no point in lying. He sighed and told them all of it.
"First, I was eight years old, running in a collapsing cave, leaving my parents crushed under a giant boulder. I could smell their blood on my hooves."
All five stallions opened their mouths and let out a small gasp. None of them was expecting to hear that. Shining Armor remembered something he was told before they entered the cave.
I don't trust caves.
"Then, just about two years ago, I was in my room. My so called 'best friend', while making a toast for my birthday, drugged me to sleep, so he could rob the castle, and left with national treasures, which we still haven't found, by the way."
Or be close enough to stab my back.
"And last but not least, I told Princess Celestia, my aunt who was like a mother to me all those years, that I hate her. Because she wanted to help me. And then it came back to the start and repeated over, and over, and over again."
There was silence. Nopony dared to say anything or comment.
"Three worst moments of my entire life, in a loop. I couldn't stop them, because no matter what I did, nothing will change what happened.”
“So yes, my nightmare wasn't some one in a million 'maybe will happen' event, because it already happened! Execution, getting dumped, terminal disease, all your exes forming an army? Give me a break! How simple minded can you get when sun won't go up!?"
Doctor stepped forward "Okay, you're going too fa--"
SMACK!
Everything stopped. The only thing heard within their nearest area were heartbeats of six stallions. One of them laid on the grass, massaging his broken, bleeding nose, fearfully looking over one who assaulted him, as he stood before him and looked him deeply into eyes with great contempt. Other four observed from afar and still couldn't wrap their heads around what just happened. Prince shivered from a mix of pain and shock. That wasn't a mistake, crashland or wake up call.
"T-Thunderlane?"
Thunderlane brushed Doctor away and moved closer to Prince, fuming with anger.
"DON'T YOU DARE MOCK MY DREAMS OR NIGHTMARES, YOU SNOOTY, ARROGANT PIECE OF GARBAGE!"
Prince didn't dare to respond, neither were everypony else gathered, all of them too focused on dark, steaming pegasus.
"So you had a crappy life? BIG BUCKING DEAL! You think that makes you special? You want to be pitied because your parents died, your one excuse of a friend turned out to be a douchebag and you had a fight with Princess? Well guess bucking what, I don't care what you did in the past, or how much life screwed you over, if you're an a-hole, you're and a-hole! Want to compare lives?"
"When I was thirteen, my parents got to a dinner night on the day of their anniversary. Few hours after they left, I was visited by police, that told me that me and my baby brother were now orphans. Then, I spent months fighting with social workers, so they wouldn't separate me and Rumble. I almost ran away from home with him, but was thankfully captured, beaten some sense into and given an ultimatum. Pass the school with 90+ grades, get a job, pay for my house and they'll let me be his legal guardian. So I spent all my days and nights studying, and mind you I'm not the brightest stallion ever, so I barely did it! And ever since I turned 18, I was working non-stop, to pay for rent, food and education for my little brother who deserved a better life than an angry, stupid, impulsive, trigger happy excuse for big brother as his only family!"
He stopped to take a few, slow breaths. Others still did not dare to stop them, while Blueblood tried to look away, but kept peeking at Thunderlane, as he slowly regained his mind.
"Your life sucks? You made some bad decisions? Too bad! If you want to spend the rest of your life in self-pity, be my bucking guest. But don't you ever dare mock those who keep going and try harder, just because you're jealous that they have more balls than you!"
They fell to silence once again. Four stallions in the background knew few things. For one, Thunderlanes great monologue had a lot of holes and was completely uncalled for. But on the same note, it was something that flew from his heart, not brain, obviously. Prince also didn't act, they weren't sure if it was because of the talk, or was he still recovering from the hit before.
Moment passed, after which Thunderlane gulped and spoke first.
"I-I'm sorry," he said, his head looking at the ground, ears flat "I-I went too far."
Prince looked up and hesitated before replying.
"I-I'm sorry too. I shouldn't insult your lives, especially since I knew nothing of it."
Thunderlane slowly walked closer and looked apologetically at Prince.
“And sorry for punching you. T-that was wrong, no matter how I felt. I have no excuse.”
Prince shook his head “No, that's fine. I'm getting used to it.”
A moment of silence passed. Prince kept a hoof on his nose, trying to stop the bleeding. Thunderlane scratched his head and looked away.
“I-I mean, you're not that bad,” continued Thunderlane “without you, we wouldn't be here and you did go to Everfree, and fought that Manticore with us and... stuff...”
“That was no--”
“NO!” protested Thunderlane, as he walked towards him “Don't say it's nothing! You showed some serious balls and skills ever since we entered the forest. I thought you were going to whine and need to be saved every five seconds, but so far we're kinda even.”
Prince snorted “Funny how things turn out when there's danger around.”
Thunderlane snorted as well “Yeah.”
The two smiled and Thunderlane extended his hoof to help Prince stand up again, which he gladly accepted. They didn't say anything else and just nodded and resumed their march. As soon as Prince took out a tissue to clean himself up.
Shining Armor's eye twitched
“What the buck was that?” he asked others observing the spectacle. They shrugged.
“I think they just had a fight and they apologized right after...” answered Doctor “...you know, like grown stallions should. But never do.”
Shining Armor grunted with frustration.
“Seriously, when I hit him I got suspended, but when he does it it's a-okay? What kind of justice is that?!”
“Wait, so you DID hit him?” asked Soarin, instantly making Shining's mood all more awkward. Lack of answer was confirmation enough “Oh wow, you really did! Just what happened between you two before we met?”
Shining dropped his head and muttered “I don't wanna talk about it...”
“Wait, so that means,” Soarin continued “that we at some point in time, we all physically hurt Prince Blueblood, right?
First there was Shining, then I accidentally crashed into him, then Doctor wake up slap, now Thunderlane... no, wait, Big Mac still didn't hit him!”
A moment later, Prince found himself being shoved away by a powerful, red hoof. He turned to see Big Mac, looking at him nervously.
“Umm...” he looked around and started sweating “...Ah jus' didn' wanna be left behind!”
About an hour of a rather uneventful, if paranoid, march later, they encountered another obstacle on the road. A wide, stormy river divided their path. Swimming through it was not an option, as the current was so strong, they doubted anypony short of Big Macintosh could swim there by himself. Their first idea was to just let their fliers carry them over to the shore, although an idea of teleportation and creating a magical bridge was also thrown out, but shot down due to magical strain that would cause, not to mention the fact that Prince wasn't very confident about his success rate. As always, they spent much longer time discussing then actually doing anything, but eventually stopped as Soarin called their attention.
“Guys, quiet. I think I hear something!”
They instantly shut up and formed a battle formation, wearily looking and listening around for any signs of danger. Nothing dire came their way, but the sound intensified and was now being identified as...
“Is that... crying?” asked Shining Armor, looking to his right, at the thick gathering of trees and bushes, which obscured whatever was behind it. They gulped and slowly tried to walk away, but Soarin had no such plans, as he went there and disappeared behind the trees.
“Soarin! Get back here!” shouted Doctor, but heard no reply, so they followed after their Wonderbolt companion.
Once on the other side, they saw Soarin looking in the direction of the river, jaw dropped lower then ever before.
“Soarin, don't just run away like that, we were...” Doctor stopped as he noticed what took Soarin's attention “... worried...”
Five more jaws joined Soarin, as they all observed one of the most ridiculous views in their entire lifetimes. For one, they found the source of crying they heard before and it was nothing they never expected to see, as long as they lived. It was very, very large serpent, covered in tough purple scales, coming out of the water and leaning on the land on its shoulders, sobbing while looking at a small hand mirror he held in one of his hands. But what caught their attention, was a styled back, long ginger hair, along with long mustache of the same color. Except, one side of the mustache was now cut of, leaving a very unnerving asymmetry. The serpent stopped sobbing for a moment when he noticed six ponies gathering. They quickly flinched backwards, but the serpent didn't attack. Instead, it covered its face and turned away.
“DON'T LOOK AT ME!” the serpent cried a plea, waving them away “I'M TOO HIDEOUS!”
As shocking as finding out that it could speak was, the group looked at each other and nodded in agreement. Nothing good would come out of messing up with the serpent right now, so they decided to leave it alone before it gets any weird ideas. Shining walked to Soarin and tried to pull him away, but pegasus shook his hoof of and instead flew into the air towards the serpent. Five ponies gasped in terror, as their companion talked to the serpent.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
The serpent held his tears as he took a peek at Soarin flying around his head. After a moment of hesitation, it sighed and turned to the pegasus, still holding one hand over his left mustache.
“Oh, it's no-nothing...” it spoke back, stuttering “... it's just... just...” he finally couldn't help himself and exploded with a waterfall full of tears “MY MUSTACHE! MY BEAUTIFUL MUSTACHE, RUINED!”
Aside from metaphorical waterfall of tears coming from its eyes, the rest of his body moved violently and erratically, which at first wasn't easy to notice considering he was half submerged in water, but they did took note that the current of the river was moving along with him. They were in no position to argue how this was even possible, once again blaming it on Everfree magic.
However his latest crying fit made the water shake even more. They only managed to scream, as a tidal wave washed over them, drenching them completely. Except Soarin, who was still flying.
“Really? That's it?” asked Thunderlane, as he tried to get his flowing hair into a mohawk up again, failing “You make a dangerous hissy fit over a ruined mustache?”
The sea serpent and Soarin both gasped with terror.
“That's it?” repeated the serpent “THAT'S IT? How can you be so insensitive to a personal tragedy of this magnitude!”
Soarin nodded and crossed his arms “Yeah, shame on you Thunderlane!”
“Do you even realize how much effort that kind of stylish looks take?” continued... Prince Blueblood, as he looked over his soaking wet mane, removing seaweeds from it “One is not born with this much fabulousity, it takes months if not years of careful grooming, proper diet, tons of nutrients, shampoos, not to mention regular visits at beauticians, all to be ruined by an accident you had no control over. I can't even BEGIN to think what would happen if I lost my mane like that.”
They all stared at Prince.
“What? It's true!”
“R-right, sorry,” said a flat eared Thunderlane “but still, it's not the end of the world... I think.” he shrugged. The serpent took a long sigh, calmed down a bit and leaned over the shore, looking at the ground with defeated gaze.
“Yes, you're right, it's not the end of the world,” he looked away, letting a few more tears pass through his cheeks “but it might as well be for me.”
Soarin put a hoof to his chin and hummed. He landed right on the serpents nose, looking him into the eyes.
“Let me guess, love troubles?”
The serpent opened his eyes wide at the mention.
“H-how did you know?”
“I can tell just by looking. You're afraid that your sweetheart will reject you because you lost some of your charm?” the serpent didn't give an answer, but looked down and sighed. Soarin nodded with sympathy “Look, this might sound a bit harsh, but you should confront your lover anyway. If you're rejected, that means you're not meant for each other.”
Now he really caught his interest. And other ponies as well.
“Trust me when I say this, if all your relationship is built around your looks, it's just waiting to fall apart. I can see how much you care, you're a good guy and would be a great match for anypo- serpent lucky enough to get you. But this works both ways, if they can't accept you for this,” he put a hoof to his own face “then they won't accept you for this!” he pointed as his chest.
The serpent hummed and sat silently for a moment. He finally opened his eyes and stood tall, hands forming fists which he lifted into the air with determination.
“You're right! I can't waste my time here, covering in self pity, I have to go and face my problems head on!”
“Yeah, that's the spirit! Go and tell him you love him!”
“That's right, I'll go and tell her I love her!”
“...wait, her?” this comment however went ignored, as the serpent kept on talking.
“So what if I'm imperfect, nothing is! She'll have to accept me as I am!”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Soarin interrupted him, flying over his face once again and waving his hooves before his eyes “What do you mean 'tell her'?”
“Umm, that I should talk to her about...”
“No, what do you mean, 'her'? Don't you mean 'him'?”
He raised an eyebrow “No, why would I call her that?”
And then he asked that monumental question.
“Aren't you gay?”
The serpent blinked “What?”
“You know, fan of your own gender, colt cuddler, homosexual...”
“I KNOW WHAT A GAY IS!” he yelled in response, hitting the water surface, causing yet another tidal wave, which washed over the stallions. This time, however, as they removed their hooves from shielding their faces, they realized they were not any more wet then before, courtesy of a purple force field deployed by their guard friend. He gained a few grateful nods of appreciation, as the conversation above continued.
“And you say that... you're not?” asked Soarin, tilting his head, observing his new friend carefully.
“No I'm not! Where did you even get that idea from?”
Soarin closed his eyes and thought for a moment. He turned to his wet companions on the ground.
“Guys, what did you think when you first saw him?”
“He's totally gay!” said Thunderlane flatly.
“He fits the archetype.” added Doctor, nodding.
“Eeyuup.”
“Not that there's anything wrong with that!” added Shining Armor, forcing a smile on his face.
Prince was less then amused.
“Oh come on, really?” he looked them with mean glare “Just because somepo- serpent takes a greater care of his appearance and acts in a very fabulous, eccentric way doesn't necessarily mean he's gay!” there was a short pause. Prince scratched the back of his head and added, blushing.
“Although to be honest, that was my first guess too.”
“See what I mean?”
The creature in question opened his mouth to say something, but only breathed in and out a few times, too baffled to even answer that. He huffed and crossed his arms.
“Th-that's ridiculous! How can you make such assumptions to someone you just met today? I'm not gay, I never was and never will be! In fact, my heart belongs to only one!” he smiled brightly as he pictured his object of adoration in his mind “Oh, those sleek, polished scales! Her magnificent hair, especially when it's dripping after she emerges from the deep ends of the lake! That smile that melts any cold-hearted beast that lays their gaze upon her! Those eyes, that I could drown in if I looked too long! And don't even get me started on her sweet, angelic voice when she calls my name,” he covered himself in blush, hiding his face behind his hands “ooh, I would steal the stars from the sky if she could smile for me just this once!”
Soarin smiled and nodded, but one thing stopped him from cheers.
“You haven't told her you love her yet, did you?”
The serpent stopped in his tracks and lowered his eyes.
“N-no... but I'm making progress! We're already great friends, we share a lot of things and talk all the time, and we make each others hair and...
“Oooooh!” Soarin facehooved “I get it! I think I can see what your problem is.”
“What? What problem?”
“You see my new but dear nonetheless friend, your problem is that you are...”
He paused, to let everypony and serpent gasp with anticipation. They all looked at him with expectations. Soarin pointed a accusing hoof at the serpent and stated his theory.
“You're a GAY BEST FRIEND!”
All ponies gasped. Thunderlane put a hoof to his chin and analyzed it, but it made sense. Doctor put both hooves together and nodded. Big Macintosh rolled his eyes, as if this was something obvious. Prince Blueblood saw it coming from a mile away. Shining Armor … did not, as he was about as oblivious to love as it gets.
“B-but I already said I'm not gay!” protested the serpent. Soarin shook his head in response.
“I know that. You know that. But does SHE know that!”
Once again the serpent gasped loudly, but couldn't find any proper counterarguments.
“Oh no! Does she really take me for...”
“I'm afraid so,” Soarin shook his head “best friend for years, interested in fashion, never making a move on her. Can I assume that your mustache was also her idea?”
The serpent nodded sadly. His eyes were starting to water again and everypony prepared for another torrent, Shining readying his barrier.
“Hey hey, don't worry man, it's not a lost cause!” Soarin reassured the serpent, who looked at him curiously, hopefully “But to fix that, you must trust me.”
“Trust you? With what?”
“Just trust me.” he smiled brightly. The serpent took a little while to consider, but eventually realized that he was desperate enough to listen to some unknown creature he just met. He made sense so far.
“Okay, I'll trust you... why exactly?”
“Oh, I have a plan. By the end of the day, she'll be in your hoo-- arms.”
He flew down and scanned serpents body, looking over his purple, tough and rather sharp scales. He grabbed one with his teeth and yanked it away, ripping it from his skin. The serpent cried melodramatically from the pain, but couldn't react further as Soarin flew back to his face level, purple scale in mouth, and took a swing.
SLASH! SLASH!
“Soarin! What the...” asked shocked Doctor, as he flinched and looked away.
“Oh the ponykind!” whined Shining Armor, disgusted.
“Travesty!” exclaimed Prince Blueblood.
“Eyuup!”
“I dunno, looks good to me.” Thunderlane shrugged.
The serpent closed his eyes for the time being, but after the comments died out, he slowly opened them. His gaze lay upon floating pegasus in midair, spewing out his scale away. He slowly but surely looked down at his nose, naked of any sort of hair. He looked even lower at the shore, where a long lock of ginger hair just fell. His eyes widened, jaw opened in shock, as he touched his face, not believing his eyes and confirming that it was gone.
“My mustache...” he quietly muttered, eye twitching “...my mustache! MY MUSTACHE!” he yelled again, then again and again. Soarin observed his reaction with neutral expression, rolling his eyes as he waited for him to calm down. Which took a while.
“GONE! DEAD! Oh, what a world! WHAT A WORLD! This is... this is...”
“Better then ever.” finished Soarin, interrupting the original thought. The serpent growled at him.
“Better? How is this any better?”
“Well, for one it's symmetrical.” chimed in Thunderlane, rolling his eyes.
“What he said, for one,” explained Soarin, flew closer to his face and looked him deep into eyes “but most importantly, this is... A TEST!”
“Test?” asked everyone gather, tilting their heads and looking at Soarin as he proudly explained.
“Yes, a test! Can you tell me, what is the most important thing to have when you're looking for a mate?”
The serpent opened his mouth to try and say something, but stopped without saying anything, looking for a good answer to that question. Ponies on the ground looked at each other and took a guess.
“Looks?” said Prince.
“Experience?” proposed Doctor.
“Personality?” added Thunderlane.
“Job?” guessed Big Macintosh.
“...umm, wingpony?” asked Shining Armor, earning a few glares at his direction. He smiled nervously and looked away.
Soarin shook his head and crossed his arms.
“No, neither of those. They are important, but you can lack any of them and still succeed. Looks are not everything as a lot of mares look past the cover. Experience is something you get along the way, but you must begin somewhere. You can be dull, snobby and a jerk, yet mares seem to dig that type... for some reason. Having a job makes you more attractive, but you'll be surprised how many unemployed players are there. And wingponies are great sidekicks, but you can't rely on others forever. No, the real thing you need the most and must absolutely have, is...”
Yet another dramatic pause to increase tension.
“CONFIDENCE!”
They gasped... again.
“Confidence?” they repeated after Soarin and he nodded.
“Yes, confidence. If you're not sure of yourself and doubt your strength, then why should others believe in you? And you, my good friend, seem to be lacking it in spades. Which is why you must approach her, mustache-less, and confess. This is a test for you and her. Are you a bad dude enough to express yourself? Is she good enough for you?”
“B-but, I-I'm not ready!”
“You will NEVER be ready! Time is running out, each moment you don't do anything, is a chance for others to take her away from you. So buckle up, gather your courage and go!”
And so they fell to silence once again. The serpent nervously looked left and right, on Soarin, who confidently flew just before him and smiled, encouraging him to go all out. Other five ponies nodded and smiled as well. He took one last peek at his mustache, no longer fabulously emphasizing his face, now just a dead lock of hair lying on the ground.
“Alright, you convinced me! I'll go there and tell her all about my feelings!” he smiled brightly and rose his fists... then quickly fell on the ground and covered his head.
“B-but I-I don't know how! What do I say? How do I act? What if she...”
“Hush now!” Soarin interrupted him with a hoof “I understand how hard it is to start. First step is the worst, so here's what you say...”
And so he told him. Barely two sentences of the greatest pick-up lines they have ever heard somepony speak. They could not believe their ears and neither could the serpent, as he gazed at Soarin wide-eyed.
“A-are you sure? This sounds a little bit...”
“Crazy?” asked Soarin “Insane? Ridiculous? Out of place? No way it could work? And yet it works. Every. Single. Time!” short pause “...well, ok, 99% of the times, but that's still damn good.”
“Wait a minute,” Thunderlane flew next to him “are you saying that if I said... THAT, any mare would be mine? Just like that?”
“Oh heavens, no!” protested Soarin “But judging from the situation and both parties involved, this would work wonders. Try saying that in a bar and you'll end up with a drink, if not slap, to the face!”
None of the gathered ponies, or serpents for that matter, could wrap their heads around that kind of logic. As far as their experience has gone, finding what to say to who, especially opposite gender, was a topic of the greatest debates and failed experiments to understand half the world. Or 90% of Ponyville, as it stood. And yet, their minds were still fresh from barely a day before, when they witnessed that same, crazy stallion score not one but two mares, lesbians to a boot!
“Well, if you say so...” serpent finally agreed, deciding to trust in his new friend. Which he didn't even know his name “Oh my, here we are talking about such intimate matter and I didn't even introduce myself yet!” he bowed down to the ponies “My name is Steven Magnet, it's a pleasure to meet you.”
“And I'm Soarin. Always glad to meet new friends, especially in places like this.”
“Speaking of which, I have to wonder, what are you six gentlemen doing in the middle of the Everfree forest to begin with?”
Soarin was about to open his mouth, but was stopped by Thunderlane. They looked over the four stallions on the ground, none of them sure how much information they should share with a newly met creature, even one that seemed so nice and harmless. They eventually nodded between each other and gave a trusting nod to Soarin. He nodded back and explained.
“We're looking for the ruins of the old castle. Although if I'm going to be completely honest... we're kinda lost.”
Steven touched his chin and hummed.
“Oh, you mean that old abandoned palace down the river?” he asked “It's a few miles down the current. I pass next to it all the time.”
Six jaws dropped. Especially since Steven was pointing at the exact opposite direction they were originally intended to go.
“R-really?” asked Soarin “Oh man, you have no idea how much trouble you saved us!”
Steven handwaved it “Oh, it's nothing. That's the least I could do to show my gratitude.” he smiled brightly. The other stallions stood up and prepared for the new journey, but were stopped by their new friend “Would you like a ride there? I'm going in the same direction anyway.”
“Wait,” Prince stopped them on the tracks “not only we get directions, but a safe transportation?”
“And all thanks to a dating advice,” added Doctor and snorted “I love my life sometimes.”
“Eeyup!”
And so they all got up on Steven's back, as he took off downstream, where they were all supposed to meet their destiny.
“WAIT!” Soarin suddenly shouted, stopping their ferry in half, alerting all their attention “That line I gave you, I just remembered something important about it!”
“What? WHAT?”
“I need to make sure of something,” he took a deep breath and asked Steven right in his face “is your love... ginger?”
Blink. Another blink.
“No, she's blonde. Why?”
Soarin sighed with relief and wiped the sweat from his forehead.
“Whew, crisis averted. Nevermind then.”
“What's wrong with gingers?” asked Doctor, raising an eyebrow with strange offense. Big Mac huffed, being ginger himself.
“That line... does not work on ginger haired.”
Blink.
“Why?” asked Thunderlane.
“I wish I knew...” his face dropped, as he took a deep sigh “...I really, really wish I knew.”
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Soarin is... Barney Stinson?
3134805 That's kinda what I alluded to since his introduction. Took you long enough to figure out
3134931 YES! Finally someone who noticed!
The lines to remember are easy! they're "Bitch! Sex?" and that'll get you with most anyone. Great chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
Good thing Mac only shoved him. Had I been Blueblood, I'd probably told my fellows something along the lines of
"By the way, the next of you to punch me for something trivial, I will punch back so hard his children will be born with an imprint of my horseshoe on their face."
while smiling all pleasantly^^
Daaaamn, Thunderlane. I nearly stood up and applauded.
Honestly, it was probably best to just get it out of the way.
As in, it doesn't work on Spitfire?
I so called it last chapter. But never took BM for somepony who give in to group pressur.
Just kidding the whole think was hilarious, my side still hurts.
Last chapter you made The Doctor my favorite now it´s back to Sorin. Could you please make up my mind!
3134805 didnt you notice the trademark Barney Stinson legendary line after he was introduced? shame on you!
loved the Barney/Soarin twist on the serpent scene, cant wait for the next chapter
3136593
Well, it's hardly surprising, since I don't actually watch the show and about 99.9% of my knowledge of it comes from 9gag.
3137040 ah, i didnt take into consideration the chance that you may not have watched HiMyM, i am sorry... although imho its a hilarious show
3138290
It's cool. You couldn't have known, and it would be neither generous nor kind of me to hold that against you.
Or sensible, even.
Let me guess: Big Mac once went after Carrot Top?
3142411 Big Mac? Why him of all ponies?
3143317 Oh, my bad. I thought that last line was spoken by Big Mac.
You know this is probably the worst chapter of the story, mostly because of Thunderlane. His backstory just seems kind of wangsty compared to Blueblood. Bluebloods parents death has had a clear effect on him and has been present throughout the story. Thunderlanes comes out of nowhere and goes immediately serving no purpose other then some unnecessary conflict. Also his backstory of "Orphaned, had to work hard to support family from young age" is basically Big Mac's backstory so I wonder why you didn't just use Big mac in the first place. I mean now 4 out of the mane 6 are orphans, that's a little bit ridiculous.
3175262 Can't really argue with that. I tried to make that conversation a bit better, but no matter what I wrote, I was never satisfied. It was either this, or stop the story completely.
As far as the orphans go, yes I realize that 3 out of 6 are confirmed and one is heavily implied to be one as well (not that I actually gave Doc any backstory anyway). Well, nothing to say here.
Still liking so far but yea, the Thunderlane bit was rather weaksauce, but its over now so s'all good.
3176435
Yeah, I do have to agree with Big Pimpintosh... on another note, however, since I've read all these chapters in one sitting...
... I... really do not like it when Nightmare Moon's deeds are amped up for drama. In one fic I see her threaten the lives of foals, and in this, she petrifies citizens... 'Dark force' influencing her or not, it makes it really hard to even want to see Luna be forgiven and redeemed as in canon. Really, really hard.
That said, I liked Blueblood throughout the entire fic, jerk moments and all.
3218342 It's not like I'm having her go on a murder spree
... no, really, I don't.
That said, lesson learned and I'll try harder next time.
3219363
I don't know... if not for it being a children's show... *gulp*
3219380 I have a character who openly admits to having sex with a lesbian couple that he just met and he's one of the protagonists. If you read this story to a child, I would send a police for you.
And honestly- this universe is a loooooot different then original show. Just saying
3219405
Very well.
Hope the update comes soon.
3134805
I like that notion. I truly do.
So Blueblood was orphaned as a child. As was Thunderlane. The Doctor has no family as such (I guess?), and the Apple siblings are almost universally assumed to be parent-less.
If you made Soarin an orphan too, then Shining Armor would be the only one of them with parents.
... I'm not sure why I thought of that, but I did.
3136318
Probably.
Welll....... I called soarins right..... Sorta......
It would have been easier if the guys did represent some unique qualities other than Celestia forced on the girls when she visited Ponyvile and just assumed that Blueblood wouldn't have guy friends
Doctor - generosity or kindness
Shining - honesty
Big Mac - loyalty or kindness
Blueblood: magic or honesty
Soarin : laughter?
Thunderlane: who really knows
10522062
Are they talking about Rarity? Weird.
Such a pile of horseshit.
If you're always a hair away from a violent outburst, you've got a serious problem.
How long is it till he caves someone's skull or starts beating his girlfriend?
Doubt it's intentional, otherwise, I'd really dislike this Thunderlane.