• Member Since 13th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 10th, 2020


You will always be a loser and that's okay.


After Rainbow Dash continues to boast about how amazing she is, Applejack makes a challenge with Rainbow in that she has to go one day without using her wings. Being the competitive pony she is, Dash accepts all too willingly. Perhaps some more thinking should've been done on Dash's part.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

“Well, I was looking for somepony to help model some dresses I made.”

“This is so uncomfortable!” Dash grunted in frustration. Rainbow Dash despised modeling fashions for Rarity, even if it did keep her occupied.

Scene transitions. Use them.

2982672 I didn't want to write out a scene transition there actually as I wanted it to be introduced by Dash's dialogue. I may just put a line break or something there.


... the challenge is in place to teach Dash modesty.

In the morning of the challenge, Dash says:

“You did an awesome job, that’s for sure! Makes me wonder how good I’d be at gardening, probably not as good as you,”

“probably not as good as you,”


Also, the fact that Dash is using her wings for somepony else (Scootaloo), should take priority over the challenge. That entire scenario ought to count as a time-out, in my opinion.

2983295 #BeingPolite #Compliments #DashIsFriendly #Foreshadowing.
The challenge wasn't created to specifically teach her about modesty, it was just an outcome.

Twilight Sparkle took in a whiff of the relaxing air of spring; perfect weather for a picnic with all of her friends. As usual, Twilight was worried that the weather wouldn’t cooperate with her plans or something would come up preventing one of her friends from joining in on the day’s event. So far, the day was running smoothly and Twilight’s nerves were forever grateful. Over the hill, Twilight’s best friends appeared, each of them bring something to add to the day’s picnic.

Wow...That paragraph and the rest of it was indescribably mean. To make your not so hidden meaning clear, you should've kept going:

Twilight briefly wondered if Spike, left alone at the library without any company, could be counted as one of her freinds. He had given her company while they grew up together, worked himself to the bone for her every day of his life, and supported her unconditionally when none of her five BEST FRIENDS would. Nahhhh, she thought. 'it's a good thing dragons don't need friendship. Just work and lots of neglect to remind them that spending time with the ponies they're closest to is wrong.'

And lo and behold, he wasn't even worth mentioning until the very end when it's time to use him and he didn't get to speak either. Can't even take the scroll from Rainbow Dash, he;'s only allowed to accept it from Twilight who is positevely dripping with racism in here. The story would've been easy to appreciate if you understood that Spike is her best friend, not some servant who can be left behind without regret. he comes before the mane 6 in her heart every single time, but bronies, as seen here, really seem to hate that idea.

2985283 No, that's not how it works! Your supposed to try and justify yourself so I have something to rail against! :rainbowwild:

No seriously, there is a pretty strong underscore of Spike hate in this fic and it hurts the story. Probly the only reason it has so many upvotes is because it's otherwise very good and your readers think Spike is okay with having no friends and working all the time...or they're just jerks who don't give a shit about him. an outsider reading this would have no idea that Twilight has more than five friends or that spike is the most important person in the world to her. For all they knew, he could've been a non-speaking rat who works for the princess and barely knows Twilight.

When such an important character has any presence at all, it needs to be emphasized or you don't do justice to the rest of them. You needed a good reason for spike to not be at the picnic, Twilight to call the ponies five of her best friends, and Spike to have much stronger presence when he finally shows up (or placed him at the picnic and made him part of the story like he should've been from the very beginning).

I don't say this because I'm a Spike fan. staying true to the characters as such should improve your storytelling. Using your dislike for a character as an excuse to pretend he isn't important = bad writing. Hope this helps with your future stories. :pinkiehappy:


Wow, you're right. Her neglect of Spike is rather over the top. It's almost as if his bad treatment inside of the series has been greatly exaggerated in a deliberate and obviously untrue fashion to add to a shock and audacity factor and thereby cause chuckles to commence due to the ridiculously over-exaggerated nature of it. It's like a parody of some sort. Huh, I wonder why it was written like this.

Probably because it's a parody.

Woah, really great story. This is one of those where it could actually be an episode. I like the way you made the letter too :twilightsmile:. The only thing I would recommend would be an editor. I saw multiple grammar mistakes, but anyways great story!

4045664 This was actually a story I wrote before I got editors! If you look at my newer stories, they've all been edited and looked over.

2985157 So, its essentially just like the show, itself, then.

4333548 More like just Maud Pie. That episodes is why I fucking hate Pinkie Pie now.

:pinkiegasp: :pinkiesad2:

4355723 As much as I like Maud as a character, it does seem dissonant, especially since Spike could easily be the one who actually connects with her as an individual.


Also, the fact that Dash is using her wings for somepony else (Scootaloo), should take priority over the challenge. That entire scenario ought to count as a time-out, in my opinion.

I thought it was good as is. You can't use others as an excuse to break a promise. On the other hand, when forced to choose between others and a frivolous bet, putting others first is better and more rewarding, even if you lose the bet because of it.

Not a perfect analogy (it's still open to interpretation) but meh, I think it works. :twilightblush:

This actually feels like a shorter episode of the show.

Very sweet and simple and very much in rainbow character. Plus feels like an episode.

I can't believe I didn't favorite it the first time.

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