You will always be a loser and that's okay.
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After Rainbow Dash continues to boast about how amazing she is, Applejack makes a challenge with Rainbow in that she has to go one day without using her wings. Being the competitive pony she is, Dash accepts all too willingly. Perhaps some more thinking should've been done on Dash's part.
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Scene transitions. Use them.
2982672 I didn't want to write out a scene transition there actually as I wanted it to be introduced by Dash's dialogue. I may just put a line break or something there.
2982800
... the challenge is in place to teach Dash modesty.
In the morning of the challenge, Dash says:
Wat.
Also, the fact that Dash is using her wings for somepony else (Scootaloo), should take priority over the challenge. That entire scenario ought to count as a time-out, in my opinion.
2983295 #BeingPolite #Compliments #DashIsFriendly #Foreshadowing.
The challenge wasn't created to specifically teach her about modesty, it was just an outcome.
Wow...That paragraph and the rest of it was indescribably mean. To make your not so hidden meaning clear, you should've kept going:
And lo and behold, he wasn't even worth mentioning until the very end when it's time to use him and he didn't get to speak either. Can't even take the scroll from Rainbow Dash, he;'s only allowed to accept it from Twilight who is positevely dripping with racism in here. The story would've been easy to appreciate if you understood that Spike is her best friend, not some servant who can be left behind without regret. he comes before the mane 6 in her heart every single time, but bronies, as seen here, really seem to hate that idea.
2985157 Okay.
2985283 No, that's not how it works! Your supposed to try and justify yourself so I have something to rail against!
No seriously, there is a pretty strong underscore of Spike hate in this fic and it hurts the story. Probly the only reason it has so many upvotes is because it's otherwise very good and your readers think Spike is okay with having no friends and working all the time...or they're just jerks who don't give a shit about him. an outsider reading this would have no idea that Twilight has more than five friends or that spike is the most important person in the world to her. For all they knew, he could've been a non-speaking rat who works for the princess and barely knows Twilight.
When such an important character has any presence at all, it needs to be emphasized or you don't do justice to the rest of them. You needed a good reason for spike to not be at the picnic, Twilight to call the ponies five of her best friends, and Spike to have much stronger presence when he finally shows up (or placed him at the picnic and made him part of the story like he should've been from the very beginning).
I don't say this because I'm a Spike fan. staying true to the characters as such should improve your storytelling. Using your dislike for a character as an excuse to pretend he isn't important = bad writing. Hope this helps with your future stories.
2985157
Wow, you're right. Her neglect of Spike is rather over the top. It's almost as if his bad treatment inside of the series has been greatly exaggerated in a deliberate and obviously untrue fashion to add to a shock and audacity factor and thereby cause chuckles to commence due to the ridiculously over-exaggerated nature of it. It's like a parody of some sort. Huh, I wonder why it was written like this.
Probably because it's a parody.
Woah, really great story. This is one of those where it could actually be an episode. I like the way you made the letter too
. The only thing I would recommend would be an editor. I saw multiple grammar mistakes, but anyways great story!
4045664 This was actually a story I wrote before I got editors! If you look at my newer stories, they've all been edited and looked over.
4049842 oh, cool
2985157 So, its essentially just like the show, itself, then.
4333548 More like just Maud Pie. That episodes is why I fucking hate Pinkie Pie now.
4355723 As much as I like Maud as a character, it does seem dissonant, especially since Spike could easily be the one who actually connects with her as an individual.
2983295
I thought it was good as is. You can't use others as an excuse to break a promise. On the other hand, when forced to choose between others and a frivolous bet, putting others first is better and more rewarding, even if you lose the bet because of it.
Not a perfect analogy (it's still open to interpretation) but meh, I think it works.
This actually feels like a shorter episode of the show.
Very sweet and simple and very much in rainbow character. Plus feels like an episode.
I can't believe I didn't favorite it the first time.