Breaking Bad: Equestria

by darkstar64

Chapter 1: Welcome to Equestria, Bitch

Walter White stood outside of the airport, clutching a duffel bag in his left arm. It was filled with a change of clothes for the weekend, as well as his toothbrush and medication. The middle-aged man was wearing a green-plaid shirt and a pair of brown pants, and patiently waited for his ride.

He had a sudden coughing fit, bringing his free hand to his mouth to cover his hacking. He relaxed for a bit, adjusting his glasses and gently rubbing his upper chest were his lungs were. After his latest visit to the hospital, he was worried that his cancer had spread and didn't have much time left.

Looking to his left, his mouth dropped in surprise seeing the RV pull up in front of him. The side door was covered in duct tape, hiding the bullet holes from one of their first deals gone wrong. Walter grabbed the door handle and rushed inside, closing the door behind him and glared at his partner, Jesse Pinkman.

"You brought a meth lab to the airport?!" he scolded.

"You said we were in a hurry. I saved us a trip." Jesse replied.

"Whatever, let's just go! Go!"

"Alright man, relax, I'm going." Jesse put the RV into gear as Walt settled into the seat beside him, and the vehicle pulled away from the airport and headed towards the desert.

Jesse was the one who suggested using the RV as a mobile meth lab, that way they would never cook in the same place more than once. It was easy to move their supplies and hide them from anyone. Several containers of powders and chemicals were kept organized on top of the counters of the RV, placed alongside among their sets of vials, beakers, and ventilation equipment. They also supplied their lab with food and other supplies for their weekend, planning to spend it using the rest of their methylamine supply to make a large supply of crystal meth and sell it before Walt's cancer gets to him.

It wasn't long before they had drove off the main road and into the desert, and eventually they were far enough into the boonies where no one could see them.

Suddenly, the RV began to shake violently as it went down the dirt road. Jesse struggled to maintain control as his hands gripped vigorously on the steering wheel.

"Yo Mr. White, something's wrong here!" Jesse shouted.

"What the hell did you do?" Walt questioned.

"I don't know man, this RV is just out of whack!"

"All right, just stop the RV and we'll take a look at it."

Jesse's foot went down on the brake pedal, but the RV kept going down the road.

"We got a problem Mr. White, no brakes!"

"Take your foot off the gas pedal!"

"It is off the gas pedal bitch!" Jesse responded, struggling to stop the RV to no avail.

While the pair of them attempted to slow down their portable meth lab, a purple glow began to emerge in front of the RV. The light blinded them, and eventually the RV was wrapped in a mystical purple aura.

"Damn it Jesse!" Walt yelled, covering his eyes.

"Don't freak out at me yo, I'm trying to stop it!" Jesse replied, trying to see through the aura.

Almost immediately, the purple glow disappeared and the two could see again. The RV was speeding through a grassy field, with a tree directly in front of them.

"Tree Jesse, tree!" Walt shouted, pointing at the tree.

"I see it! I see it! Hold on!" Jesse pulled the steering wheel over to his right, slamming down on the brakes. The sudden shift made Walt fall to the floor. This time, the brakes worked and the RV came to sudden stop, just short of hitting the tree.

"Yeah bitch!" Jesse screamed. "You see that Mr. White? You see that?"

"Yeah, I saw it," Walt said as he lifted himself off of the floor, lifting his glasses back on his face. "Why is there a tree in the middle of the desert?"

"I don't know yo," Jesse replied, looking out the window. "Uh, Mr. White. Something ain't right here."

"Ugh, now what?" asked Walt.

"Like, the desert disappeared."

"...What?"

"Look out the window yo!"

Walter took a good look out the window. In front of them was a wide open grassy field, with snow-capped mountains off in the distance. Gone was the flat desert land of New Mexico, replaced with scenery straight out of a painting.

"Did I fall asleep or something?" Walt asked. "Did you drive us all the way up north or something?"

"I didn't drive us anywhere yo, there was all that purple shit and suddenly where here!"

"A desert doesn't just disappear Jesse! I should have been driving and we wouldn't have gotten into this mess!" Walt yelled as he made his way to the door.

"Oh good, blame it on me." Jesse retorted. "Where you going?"

"Outside. There were problems with the RV and we have to check it for damage, and also make sure we're not near anywhere were people can find us!"

As Walter opened the door and stepped outside, he began to have another coughing fit and brought his hand up to his mouth. He took a deep breath and relaxed, wiping his mouth and began to get a better look at his surroundings.

There were two very shocked looking creatures looking back at him. One of them appeared to be some sort of purple unicorn, her mane and tail a darker violet colour. There was also some sort of tattoo on it's flank, an image of a violet star. The other creature was also an equine, but lacked a horn. It was orange in colour, and wearing a stetson on top of it's lighter coloured mane. This one also had a strange pattern on it's flank, but only this one had apples instead of a star. Walt only stared at the equines in shock.

"Hey Mr. White, I just checked our equipment and nothing seems broke-" Jesse stated as he emerged from the RV, only to notice the vibrantly coloured equines that were staring back at him. "Uh, Mr. White, what the hell are those?" Jesse freaked, pointing his finger at the creatures.

"Um... hello?" The purple unicorn spoke, making both Walt and Jesse jump in shock.

"What in the name of..." Walt muttered.

"Oh geez, this is really messed up yo!" Jesse stated as he brought his hands up to his head. "Where the hell are we?"

"Ok, everypony just calm down here," the orange pony spoke with a southern accent. "We don't want any trouble."

"You see that Mr. White?" Jesse asked. "They can talk! They are talking!"

"Jesse," Walt replied. "We didn't happen to try our product did we?"

"No way man, it doesn't make you hallucinate. And even so, there's no way we can both have the same hallucination, this is for real man!"

Frustrated and confused, Walter looked back towards the ponies, who eyed him back with a look of fear. He took a couple deep breaths and relaxed himself.

"All right Jesse, I don't know what's going on here but we're going to deal with it for now," Walt explained. "Just don't intimidate them or anything to make them afraid of us."

Jesse nodded in compliance as Walt turned to face the ponies.

"Uh, Hi," Walter introduced. "My name is Walter Hartwell White. And this here is Jesse Pinkman."

"...Hi," the unicorn replied, curious about the strange bipedal creatures. "Nice to meet you Jesse and Walter, my name is Twilight Sparkle."

"Twilight Sparkle?" Jesse replied, nearly laughing. "What kind of name is tha-"

"Jesse, shut up!" Walt scolded. "Let me handle this."

Jesse glared at Walt for a few seconds before looking back at the ponies. Twilight gave him a wierd look that made him look away.

"Ok, Twilight Sparkle." Walter continued, feeling weird for calling someone such a strange name. "Just what exactly are you?"

"I could ask the same thing," she replied. "Me and my friend Applejack here are ponies."

"Ponies... all right then," Walt responded. "Jesse and I are humans. Now, do you mind telling us just where exactly we are?"

"Humans, all right then," Twilight noted. "You are currently in the land of Equestria."

"Equestria?" Walter questioned. "Just where exactly is Equestria anyways? Is it close to New Mexico?"

"I'm sorry, but I've never heard of this New Mexico," Twilight answered. "We just only saw that purple light appear from nowhere and then your strange looking... carriage appeared."

"Hey, Mr. White," Jesse interrupted. "I know you're busy talking to the talking ponies and all, but shouldn't we be trying to get back home? I mean, we're obviously not even in America anymore, or maybe even Earth for that matter. And another thing..." Jesse brought himself closer to Walt so only he could hear him. "We have a meth lab in that RV! We can't let them see it!"

"Jesse," Walt whispered back. "We don't even know if these ponies have the slightest clue what meth is. We can just say it's our portable lab and I doubt they'll suspect a thing."

"Just what exactly is that thing anyways?" Applejack spoke up, pointing her foreleg at the RV. "The way it was moving it seemed like some sort of carriage, but it wasn't being pulled by anything and was goin' to fast."

"That... is our portable lab," Walt answered, Jesse giving a look of surprise as he said it. "Jesse here is my... assistant and we were in the middle of driving to our work site when those strange colours appeared." he stated while waving his hands for effect.

"A portable laboratory?" Twilight replied, her eyes beaming. "You mean can travel around in that thing and keep all sorts of equipment in there?"

"Yes, indeed. And it seems that... something happened to us that brought us here and we need a way home."

"I'm sorry, but I have no idea how you two got here," Twilight answered. "I'm sure if we ask Princess Celestia for help we can find a way."

"Princess Celestia?" Walt questioned.

"She's the co-ruler of Equestria, sharing the title with her sister, Princess Luna. Her magic is extremely powerful and I'm sure she could help us find a way."

"Woah, now just wait a second there," said Walter. "Did you say, magic?"

"Yes, I believe I did." Twilight replied.

"What, you mean like spells and shit?" Jesse spoke. "Like Harry Potter or something?"

"I don't know what you mean by Harry Potter, but yes Jesse, spells. Levitation, teleportation, defensive magic..."

"Ok, now that is just absurd," Walt interrupted. "I believe the word magic can be used in a metaphorical sense, but actual manipulation of the atoms and molecules surrounding us is just, well, it's impossible!"

"What?!" Twilight responded, shocked. "You mean, you don't have magic in New Mexico?"

"There's no such thing," Walt explained. "It's simply just a myth our ancestors invented to tell stories and explain what couldn't be explained with logic."

"A myth?!" the unicorn shouted, almost looking like she would pass out. "But it is real, I can show you!"

Walt stepped back a few steps as Twilight's horn began to glow purple, the aura transferring to a nearby pile of rocks. The pebbles began to glow purple themselves, and floats up into the air one by one around Twilight.

"You see Walt? Magic is more than just a myth."

Walt didn't respond, and neither did Jesse. They simply stared in shock at the floating pebbles, completely confused.

"What... the... fuck?" Jesse mouthed.

"No... that's just not possible..." said Walt. "How can you possibly manipulate objects like that?"

"Magic." Twilight stated.

"No, no. There has to be a more logical explanation than that! Maybe some sort of, chemical reaction in that horn of yours that somehow releases a sort of controllable gas that can latch onto objects and lift them, but as a chemist even I know that isn't possible!"

"Ok, you know what? Just whatever," said Jesse. "Talking ponies an... and magic? Forget trying to explain any of this yo, I just want to go home and forget about this. So how about we talk to this Princess and have her get us home!"

"I agree," said Walt. "And just what are we going to do with the RV? We can't leave it the open field!"

"Well, for now, how about we take it and leave it the farm?" Applejack suggested. "We can make some room in the barn, it looks like it can fit in there."

"All right," Walt agreed. "How far is the farm?"

"It ain't too far, just one of you start it up or however you work it and we can lead you there by hoof." she replied.

"I'd like to see this lab of yours!" stated Twilight, who was observing the RV up close. "Such an advanced piece of machinery! It looks a little old, but it's more advanced than any carriage we have! How exciting!"

"All right, all right!" spoke Walt. "Jesse, you follow Applejack to the farm carefully and I'll show Twilight our lab."

"Hey, uh, Mr. White? A word?" said Jesse as started whispering again to Walt. "Are you sure this is such a good idea? Letting her see the lab? I mean, we make meth, Mr. White! That's kind of illegal!"

"They don't know that," Walt replied. "And they don't need to know that. Let's just play nice with them until we can find a way home, and then when we get back, we find a better place to cook. Who knows what other strange portals exist, if this is at all real."

Jesse was dumbfounded that Walt would let some talking pony see the meth lab, but they had to stay on their good side if they wanted help getting back home.

"Ok, let's head to the farm now," said Walt. "C'mon inside Twilight, I'll show you the lab. Just don't touch anything."

"No problem!" Twilight replied excitedly as she jumped up into the RV.

"Ugh," Jesse whined as he entered the RV behind them. "This blows..."

Author's Note:

YO BITCH! Hope you're enjoying this crossover so far. For the fans of BB, you should know this takes place before Season 3. So don't worry about spoilers. And don't forget the final episodes air August 11th.

Comments

[Perception Filter]

I WOULD read this, but.... Wait... Did you start with the whole comma thing again? I swear if you did, I'll hunt you down and rip your guts out give you a friendly hug.

[darkstar64]

2920503 Yes, I used commas.

And you would read this but?

[Perception Filter]

2920539 But... This:i.imgur.com/9APcxTq.png

[darkstar64]

2920583 That would annoy the Hell out of me. Good luck.

[Perception Filter]

2920585 Maybe I'll give it a read after all.

[Portable Opium]

Alright, I've invested 2 seconds of time looking so I'll begin promoting and reading If I like. This shit should be good!

[BoogaBingBangBow]

YO BITCH!

That totally made me read the rest of the author's note in jesse's voice. Can't wait for more of this.

[Ragged]

Princess Celestia smoking meth lolololol that would be beast

[abdcdweawrbitwaihjtolwtj]

Good bit of errors mixing were with where, and vice versa. Pretty common mistake

[Conree]

If this doesn't end up depressing I will be most displeased...
Which would make me depressed!
So there is really no way for you to fuck this up...
Dont fuck this up!
Upvoted.

[darkstar64]

2922193 Yeah, I usually miss some things when I proof-read my chapters. It happens.

[bodgers master]

do you need an editor?

[darkstar64]

2925064 And editor would be nice, since I miss some errors.

[bodgers master]

2925883 well i am more than happy to help if you like