Just a Teensy-Weensy Bit Too Much
"Spike? Spiiiiiiike!"
Oh yeah, I forgot.
Twilight Sparkle sighed and hastily made her way downstairs into the main room of the library. After a few minutes of searching, she spotted her target on the top shelf of a bookcase and pulled it down with her magic. While she probably could have used her newly-acquired wings to reach the top, she was still trying to get used to the concept of flying; therefore, she rarely did so, and instead elected to use her famed magic to retrieve the book. Of course, she normally wouldn't have had to trouble herself with the task--she could almost always rely on her number one assistant to know exactly the book she needed. Today, however, the dragon was busily searching with Rarity for gems in the fields outside Ponyville, and would not be back until late at night.
Trotting up the stairs again, she made her way over to a large cauldron filled with a thick, greyish substance. Twilight opened the book with her magic and held it over the cauldron, flipping pages while she added various ingredients to the 'brew,' as Pinkie Pie would have called it. More and more strange objects were dropped into the mix, and the syrupy goo in the cauldron began to take on a slight purple color. Or was that pink? No, now it was green!
Twilight stared into the mixture that was slowly fluctuating between every color she could imagine, her eyes sparkling with fascination and excitement. What she didn't realize, unfortunately, was that her formerly intense concentration was slipping, and the purple glow surrounding the book suspended in the air over the cauldron was beginning to fade away.
Just as she was about to pull her attention back to the matter at hoof (oh, aren't I clever?), a few sharp knocks rang out through the building, breaking the alicorn's weak concentration completely. Twilight blinked and shook her head, leaping back in surprise as an object fell into the cauldron with a sploop.
"What in Equestria was that?" she muttered aloud. Getting no response from the cauldron, she leaned over it and squinted down into the murky substance, trying to discern just what had mistakenly been added to her experiment. No such luck; it was simply too opaque for her to be able to see more than a few inches under the surface. She frowned, leaned back and looked around for the recipe book--maybe that would tell her which ingredient she had absentmindedly dropped in. Now, if she could just find the darn thing... oh right, hadn't she been holding it over the--
"Cauldron..." she finished her thoughts aloud, her eyes widening slightly. Slowly trailing her gaze over the large pot next to her, she peered over the edge and looked down at the pool of chemicals. Its changing colors were beginning to slow their transitioning and eventually settled on a bright red hue. Small flashes of white and yellow began to streak through the gooey liquid, appearing as if a thunderstorm was raging through it. Twilight took a nervous step back as bubbles started rising out of the mixture and small arcs of static raced across the surface. "I don't think that's supposed to happen."
The alicorn's head snapped to the side as another wave of knocks came from the door, this time even louder than before. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed the cauldron shake and heard a loud rumble, and a wall of flames erupted straight towards the ceiling. She let out a scream of pain as the intense heat seared through her and knocked her clean off her hooves. Too shocked and in too much pain to flare her wings for balance, she was thrown backwards, tumbling for what seemed like an eternity until the back of her head collided with the wall. A resounding crack echoed throughout the library, and Twilight crumpled to the floor, fighting to regain her senses. It was a losing battle, however, and the alicorn's vision became blurry, accompanied by an aftershock of pain that lanced through her head. Twilight tried to will herself to stay awake, but eventually her strength waned and unconsciousness overtook her. The last thing she heard before her hearing faded as well was distorted knocking coming from the front door.
"Geez, is anypony not busy today?" Rainbow Dash huffed, cruising over Ponyville on a small patch of cloud. After numerous disappointing visits to her friends, Rainbow was beginning to think ponies were avoiding her. Her! How could anypony not wanna hang out with the most awesome pegasus--no, most awesome pony in all of Equestria? She let out a groan as she ran through her friends' excuses in her head.
Apparently, Pinkie Pie was stuck working at Sugarcube Corner, Fluttershy had to give her animals routine checkups, Applejack wasn't even at Sweet Apple Acres--probably out doing whatever Applejacks do, she figured--and Rarity was gathering rocks with Spike. Rather, Rarity's doing the gathering while Spike does the ogling, she thought with a snicker. Well, if Spike was out, that probably meant Twilight was at home with her nose in a book. Maybe she should go visit the Golden Oaks Library?
"Well, I guess I could go see Twilight," she thought aloud. "Maybe she'll even want to go flying!" Rainbow stood up, stretched her wings, and took off from the cloud in the direction of the library. Yeah, right.
Rainbow Dash landed carefully on the doorstep of the library and raised a hoof, tapping it against the door three times. She waited patiently for Twilight to tear herself away from the book she was most likely wrapped up in and come to the door, and decided to let her thoughts roam for a moment. I bet Pinkie Pie would like Daring Do... I wonder if Rarity and Spike will ever get together... Did I ever give back that pie tin Applejack lent me? Why is Fluttershy so shy? Why is everypony avoiding me today?
Rainbow snapped herself out of that derailing train of thought with a jump. Shaking her head, she realized that she was still waiting in front of the library and Twilight had not yet come to the door. Confused and slightly annoyed, Rainbow knocked on the door again, putting more force behind her hoof than last time. C'mon Twilight, open up already! This thought was almost immediately met with a loud BOOM and a scream from inside, making Rainbow stumble back in surprise.
"What in the hay was that?!" Rainbow yelled, quickly approaching the door again. Was that Twilight? Was she in trouble? If she was, none better to help than the one and only Rainbow Dash!
Rainbow let loose a flurry of loud knocks and yelled through the door. "Twilight! Twi, are you okay?" Abandoning the idea of waiting--because Rainbow Dash waits for nopony--she checked the doorknob, only to find it locked. Why would Twilight lock the door? she screamed in her head. Isn't this supposed to be a public library?! She glanced around frantically and caught a glimpse of the upstairs window leading to Twilight's bedroom.
"Don't worry, Twilight; Rainbow Dash is here!" With that, she spread her wings, zipped up onto the balcony, flung the window open, and leapt inside.
Books and scraps of cloth were scattered all over the room, along with a few puddles of greyish-brown stuff. Rainbow's eyes trailed over what she could only describe as chaos, until they finally came to rest on a familiar alicorn slumped against the wall. "Twilight?" she whispered, taking a few unsure steps towards her friend. After a few agonizing moments of silence, she closed the gap between them and nudged Twilight gently. "Twi?" No response. Rainbow was starting to get worried--that is, until she rolled the alicorn over.
She gasped.
Now she was very worried.
Twilight's chest and half of her face were singed a dark charcoal grey, and her mane was charred in a way that reminded Rainbow of the whole 'future Twilight' incident. Luckily, she couldn't detect any serious burns, but that didn't change the fact that Twilight was unconscious, unresponsive, and half-cooked.
"Twilight, please wake up!" She shook Twilight a bit harder, but still didn't even get a groan from her. Falling back on her haunches, she tried to think of something, anything to help her friend. Suddenly, an idea came to the pegasus, and her eyes lit up. "I got it!" She galloped over to the window, perched herself on the windowsill, and zoomed up high into the clouds.
Rainbow scanned the cloudscape until she finally found a dark grey patch of clouds a short distance away. She tore off a fairly large chunk of the heavier cloud material and pushed it back towards the tree that served as Ponyville's library. Guiding the cloud through the window, she was suddenly stopped by the damp, fluffy mass in front of her. Blinking in confusion, she pushed on the cloud again, but it would not move. Frowning, she tried to pull it towards her, but it still wouldn't budge--it was stuck in the window.
"Oh, come on!" she shouted, throwing her hooves up in exasperation. She punched and kicked the cloud a few times, to no avail. "Stupid cloud, stupid window, stupid physics," she muttered, glaring daggers at the grey raincloud that she swore was just mocking her. Rainbow redoubled her efforts, pushing her shoulder against the cloud and flying forwards as fast as she could--still no success. Infuriated, the pegasus pulled away from the cloud, ramming her shoulder against it over and over. "Get," she growled, "in," the cloud moved a few inches, "the," a little more, "tree!" The cloud finally gave way and burst into the room, slowing to a halt just above Twilight's slumbering form. Rainbow couldn't stop her momentum and crashed down onto the floor of the bedroom, panting and groaning as she slowly got back on her hooves.
Rainbow shook her head and flew above Twilight, steadying the cloud above the alicorn. After she had it in just the right spot, she wrapped all four legs around it and squeezed as tightly as she could, dumping a torrent of water over Twilight's head.
"Ack!" Rainbow's ears perked up and she looked down at Twilight, who was currently coughing and blinking rapidly. A smile crept across the pegasus's muzzle, and she kicked the cloud out the window before dropping down next to her.
"Twilight? You awake?" She watched, eagerly, as the mare slowly turned her dazed eyes to the blue pegasus. Luckily, the rainwater had also washed off a bit of the soot from her burned fur, although it still was stained a greyish-purple color.
"Uhg..." Twilight moaned, gingerly bringing a hoof to her forehead and clenching her eyes shut. "Ohh, my heeeeeaad..." She slowly felt around the back of her head, trying to find the source of the relentless pain throbbing through her skull. She brushed up against a large knot directly behind her forehead, and frowned. That definitely wasn't there before. She gently brought her hoof over the bump and, like any kid does when they find a bump on their head, pressed down on it and ow ow ow OW OW OH CELESTIA STOP
"Twilight!" She vaguely heard Rainbow call her name, but the pain overpowered her senses and she writhed on the ground, helpless to stop the spikes stabbing through her brain. A pair of hooves grasped her and held her down, and she struggled a few moments longer, gritting her teeth and whimpering softly; the pain had subsided, if only a little. After a few shaky breaths, she wrenched her eyes open, coming face-to-face with one of the rarest sights she could remember: Rainbow Dash was crying.
This realization alone caused her to nearly forget about the crippling pain in her head--nearly.
Rainbow Dash never cried. Ever. At least, not that she could remember. Whether or not that was due to memory loss from her current head injury, she wasn't sure.
"Twi, just... hold on!" Rainbow Dash bolted down the stairs and into the kitchen, where she began rifling through the cupboards. C'mon, c'mon... Her expression turned to one of dismay as she neared the last cabinet. Throwing it open, she nearly tore the door off its hinges, and she sighed in relief. Taking a small white bottle in her mouth, she pounded out of the kitchen and back upstairs to sit next to the twitching Twilight.
"Don't worry, Twi," she reassured her quietly while prying the alicorn's mouth open. "You'll be feeling better in ten seconds flat!" Rainbow emptied the bottle on the floor and scooped up the pills in her hoof.
"Rainbow, I don't--hmf?" Twilight was cut off when a blue hoof entered her mouth, along with the stale taste of... something, which she couldn't identify. Rainbow retracted her hoof, but before Twilight could get the taste of whatever out of her mouth, the pegasus grabbed her muzzle and clamped it shut, muffling any protests she may have had.
"Relax," Rainbow whispered gently. "Just swallow, nothin' to it." Upon receiving an uncertain look from Twilight, she rolled her eyes. "C'mon, trust me. You'll feel tons better." After a moment of thought, the alicorn hesitantly swallowed, and Rainbow released the grip on her muzzle so they both could sit up. "There. Good as new!" Her eyes fell on the blackened fur of Twilight's chest and face, and she put on a fake grin. "Heh... sorta."
A few minutes later, Twilight and Rainbow Dash were sitting quietly on the edge of the former's bed. As usual, one's thoughts were scattered, the other's focused and organized; in a strange twist, however, these thoughts were not matched with the ponies one would quite expect.
Geez, I hope Twilight's okay, thought Rainbow Dash, glancing at said alicorn. That must have been a really bad bump on the noggin. I'm sure her big head can take a few hits, though. Heheh.
"Hm?" Rainbow shook her head and looked at Twilight, who was watching her with a confused expression. "What's so funny?" Twilight asked.
"Oh. Was I laughing?" A nod. "Oh, well, uh... I just thought of a funny joke. Pegasus thing, you wouldn't get it," she smiled and dismissed the topic with a wave of the hoof.
"Oh, okay." Twilight pulled her gaze away and stared ahead, frowning slightly. My head hurts... what was I even doing that caused this? I hope Pinkie Pie is alright, I heard she bounced off a cliff. And then Applejack fell out of a tree, or something.
Twilight blinked. Where had that come from? Her frown deepened with worry. What's wrong with me? I never lose control of my thoughts. Huh, must be the head injury. What was I thinking about again?
Rainbow noticed Twilight slowly shaking her head out of the corner of her eye. "You okay, Twi?" The alicorn stared straight ahead, seemingly not hearing her. "Twilight?" she pressed. "How's your head?"
This time, Twilight inclined her head slightly, as if to acknowledge her friend's presence. "Ugh, a little better, I guess," she mumbled. "But I..." her voice died out, and she turned her head to stare at the blue pegasus next to her. "I feel kinda funny."
"Oh, well, um..." Rainbow rubbed her hooves together. "That's probably just the painkillers I gave you," she explained with uncertainty.
"Painkillers, huh?" Twilight's gaze was drifting slightly askew, and she shut her eyes tightly. A few moments later, she opened them again, her eyes returning to their natural position. "I've actually never taken... painkillers, before." As she raised a hoof to her face, she noticed that something looked... wrong. Waving it back and forth, she watched in amazement as vivid purple trails followed behind it and painted long arcs across her vision. "Whoooooaaa..."
"Um, Twilight?" Rainbow's voice cut through her focus, and her dazed eyes blinked; one, then the other. The alicorn spun around to sit cross-legged on the bed, facing her friend with undivided attention.
"Yeeeesssss?" Twilight drew out the question, raising her voice as she did so. Rainbow looked at her strangely, waving a hoof in front of her face to try and snap her out of this trip to Creepytown. This was probably the worst thing she could have done, however, which she quickly realized when she noticed Twilight's head bobbing back and forth in motion with the mesmerizing blue hoof. "Oooh."
Rainbow dropped her hoof back to her side. "Twilight, are you feeling alright?" Even as the question passed her lips, she got the feeling that Twilight was definitely not alright. Purple eyes locked onto hers, and Rainbow leaned back slightly at the unnerving stare she was at the other end of. After a few moments with no response, Rainbow sat up straight again. "Twi? Twi. Twilight!"
"What?" Rainbow flinched as Twilight pressed their noses together, and Twilight smiled, crossing her eyes to stare into Rainbow's own. Her smile soon fell, and she leaned back, eyes blinking rapidly. "I-I can't see! Rainbow, help me!" Rainbow was about to reach for her when Twilight's eyes suddenly flicked back to normal. "Hey, that rhymed!"
Rainbow stared blankly at the alicorn, who soon broke into a fit of giggles and rolled off the bed. Okay, I was right. Something's wrong. The pegasus moved her eyes from the sniggering mare on the floor to the small white bottle she was still clutching in her hoof. Bringing it closer to her face, she peered closely at the label. "Triple-Strength Painkiller for Ponies," she read aloud. "Wait..." Triple-Strength? Her apprehension increasing, she turned the bottle in her grasp to look at the instructions on the back, and her pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks.
Take no more than one pill every six hours.
...oops.
Twilight Sparkle, in a surprising moment of perception, tilted her head as she watched a suddenly-panicky Rainbow Dash wringing her hooves together. "What's the matter?" she asked, struggling to sit up straight. She got as far as a few inches off the ground before her legs gave way and she fell down on her stomach. "Oof."
"Um, n-nothing!" Rainbow shot her a very forced-looking grin, but Twilight had fallen back into her distracted stupor and failed to notice. "Everything's just fine!" Rainbow's voice cracked, and she let out a nervous chuckle.
"Cool," Twilight said simply, rolling onto her back. "Cool cool cool."
"So, maybe you should go lie down in bed, Twi," Rainbow suggested, nudging the alicorn to her hooves. "You'll feel better when you wake up."
"No," Twilight chirped happily, strutting away from the confused pegasus.
"Huh--'no'? What do you mean, 'no'?!" Rainbow followed after the wobbling pony as she approached the stairs. "Twi, you've gotta get to bed!" Rainbow slowed to a stop and watched in disbelief as Twilight simply plodded away from her. "Are you even listening to me?!"
"No," she repeated, pausing at the top of the staircase. One hoofstep later, Twilight was, inevitably, tumbling down the stairs while letting out a series of squeaks and squeals, a horrified Rainbow Dash watching helplessly from above.
"Twilight!" she yelled, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, and leapt off the staircase, floating to the ground where she crouched down, yet again, near the disoriented pony. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Twilight didn't answer. "Twilight, talk to me," Rainbow pleaded, staring into the alicorn's stunned purple eyes, her worry increasing tenfold with each passing second. Finally, as she was nearing her breaking point, those purple orbs flickered over to her, sparking with excitement.
"That. Was. AWESOME!" Twilight screamed, a huge grin forming on her face. "Again, again!"
"Twilight, are you okay?" Rainbow's concern had shifted from Twilight's apparent insanity to her physical health, and she looked over the pony's purple coat for any new injuries. Satisfied when she found none, she looked more closely at her friend. Squinting, she studied those glazed purple eyes and frowned. "How's your head now?"
"Oh, just wonderful," Twilight proclaimed, emphasizing this statement with an elegant toss of her now not-so-elegant mane. "Everything's so ffffuzzy, an'... colorful..." A silly smile grew on her muzzle while a blissful sigh escaped her lips. With a sudden jolt, she turned her attention to the rainbow-maned pony observing her. Her eyes grew big as she took in the swirling pools of color mixing together in that one-of-a-kind hairstyle nopony could ever come close to replicating. Her admiration for the increasingly-nervous pegasus could only be summed up in one simple sentence:
"Yooouu," she lightly batted Rainbow's nose with a hoof, "look extra-rainbowy today, you know that?" Twilight smiled and pulled her hoof back, happy with the heartfelt and intelligently-worded compliment she had just given.
Rainbow Dash honestly wasn't sure in the slightest how to respond to such a comment, so she just chalked it up to 'Twilight being weird again' and left it at that. "Anyway, Twilight--"
"I need some potatoes," Twilight cut in. She stumbled past Rainbow into the kitchen and started looking through the silverware drawer, oven, microwave, and underneath the fridge--all the places any normal pony would store food. The pegasus walked in cautiously, watching Twilight shake the toaster upside down to dislodge any potatoes that might be hiding from her.
"Why do you need potatoes?"
Twilight turned and looked at her as if she had gone insane. "Everypony knows you can't have steak without potatoes, duh!"
This only raised more questions, but Rainbow pushed them to the back of her mind and set her jaw determinedly. "Okay, enough games," she muttered lowly. Once Twilight had her back turned, the speedster--No, right now I'm the stealthster, she thought with a grin--crept towards the unsuspecting pony. She opened her mouth, leaning towards the dark purple tail swishing slowly in front of her. Just as she was about to grab it, Twilight squealed excitedly.
"Games?! Ooh, I love games!" Startled, Rainbow bit down. Hard.
"Oooww," Twilight whined, "this game hurts! Stoppit!"
Thank Celestia she's so doped up, or that would have hurt a whole lot more, Rainbow thought, relief clear on her face as she loosened her grip and began dragging Twilight out of the kitchen. The first few hoofsteps out of the room went smoothly, but when Twilight was exiting the kitchen, she suddenly flung her limbs wide apart, catching the doorframe and holding on for dear life.
"Twilight, let go." Rainbow's command was muffled by the bushy appendage in her mouth, but its tone still showed she meant business. To further the point, she gave another impatient tug on Twilight's tail. Unfortunately for her, the purple alicorn wasn't planning to comply so easily.
"You first!" she yelled, and launched a back hoof into the pegasus's startled face. The strike connected directly on her nose, and her head snapped back; Rainbow released the mare's tail and toppled forward with a pained moan. She barely noticed as Twilight ran past her and started beating her head softly against a bookcase.
This is not what I was expecting when I came over, Rainbow thought, shaking the stars out of her vision. Getting back up, she noticed, with understandable anxiety, just what state the normally composed librarian was in.
"Ditzy Doo, where are you?" Twilight mumbled, still rhythmically thump-thump-thumping her head against the hardwood frame of the bookcase. After a few moments of this, her face fell, yet she still kept headbanging away. "I thought this was the one that spun around and stuff," she whispered sadly. "Darn it."
Rainbow grabbed the mare's head and held it steady to prevent her from hurting herself further, and she was surprised to still hear a continuing tapping noise. She looked at Twilight from every angle to be sure her head was no longer connecting with the bookcase--nope, no tapping there. Listening closely, she realized it wasn't so much a thump or tap, but more like...
Knock knock knock
Rainbow Dash froze. Oh no. Please, not now.
Outside the library, an orange earth pony lowered her hoof from the front door and adjusted the grip on the book in her mouth. Applejack had been hoping to finish reading it today, and when she had finished work early, she could think of nothing she'd rather do than sit in the park and relax while she delved deeper into Daring Do and the Griffon's Goblet. Rainbow Dash had been right; a farm pony like herself could use the adventure, even if it didn't actually involve her personally.
After finishing, she had decided to stop and return the book to Twilight on her way home. Now that she thought about it, where was Twilight? Was she even here? I'd sure be surprised if she wasn't, Applejack thought, raising her front hoof again. Before she could try knocking, the door swung open to reveal a familiar cyan-coated pegasus. Applejack smiled, her memories soaring back to the captivating book she was holding. Actually, she should probably drop that book now, so she could speak clearly...
Spitting it out into her hoof, Applejack turned her attention back to the pony standing nervously in the doorway. "Well howdy, Rainbow Dash. Is Twilight around?"
"Applejack, w-what are you doing here?" Rainbow asked in a hushed shout. Applejack raised an eyebrow.
"Uh... ah was just returnin' this book ah borrowed." She grinned at the pegasus and pointed to the novel she was holding. "Remember, the Daring Do one? It really was good; thanks fer suggestin' it to me."
"Oh, yeah, sure, no problem," Rainbow replied quickly. "Uh, listen, you can't come in right now, okay?"
Applejack frowned. "Why not?" A crash echoed from inside the tree-building, and Applejack tried peeking over Rainbow Dash's shoulder, but a blue wing opened in front of her and blocked her view inside.
"No reason," Dash replied with a very wide grin. A little too wide, if Applejack's perception was anything to go by.
"Apple-jaaaaack!" Rainbow visibly cringed as the singsong voice pierced her ears. No no no no no don't come over here--
Twilight skipped happily to the door and bumped the pegasus aside, leaning in close to the earth pony. "And how are you today, Applejack? Feel just as Applejacky as usual? Hm?"
Applejack leaned back and stared uneasily into Twilight's slightly off-center eyes as her personal space was invaded. "Uh..." she blinked, trying to fully understand what exactly Applejacky meant, but soon gave up. "Ah guess."
"Great great great!" The alicorn smiled and started bouncing in place joyfully, reminding both ponies next to her very much of a certain pink party pony they knew all too well--an observation that made both of them break out in a cold sweat. "That. Is. Awesome," Twilight continued, bouncing on each word. She turned her bright-eyed grin to the blue pony watching her and giggled. "Maybe even awesomer than you, Dashie!" Her giggling intensified, but she held a hoof over her mouth and bounced back a few feet from the door. "Well, c'mon in, Applejack. Don't be Fluttershy!" Twilight couldn't restrain her laughter any longer and fell to the floor, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.
Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash with an odd look on her face. "Care to explain what's goin' on, sugarcube?"
Rainbow averted her gaze. "Um, whatever could you mean, Applejack?" She put on the most innocent smile she could muster; obviously, she failed horribly.
"Ah mean, this," Applejack waved a hoof in the direction of the endlessly-giggling pony gasping on the ground. "What's wrong with Twilight? She's actin' kinda..." The farmer made a face, trying to come up with the right word. "...strange."
You don't say! Rainbow rolled her eyes and turned her weary expression towards the source of her distress. "'Strange' doesn't even come close to describing whatever the hay this is," she muttered.
"So, what happened to 'er?"
"Weelllll..." Rainbow gave a nervous giggle and rubbed the back of her head. "I may or may not have given her just a teensy-weensy little overdose of painkillers."
Applejack's eyes widened. "Rainbow Dash..." she gulped and continued in a tiny voice. "How much is 'teensy-weensy'?"
"Um... about twenty doses." Rainbow hesitantly looked up to see the farm pony staring incredulously at her, mouth agape.
"What...?" Applejack breathed. She turned her head to see Twilight staring at her, a trail of drool running from her mouth. "Twilight? You hear me?"
"Uh-huh," Twilight replied, shaking her head 'no.' Applejack frowned, deciding to take that as a yes.
"Well, ah brought this here story back that ya lent me." She walked closer to Twilight, holding the book out for the alicorn to see. "So, uh... here ya go!" She forced out a laugh and pushed the book towards the other pony. Twilight's attention was not on the proffered book, however, as Applejack soon noticed; she traced the purple-eyed gaze to something above her, and felt around on top of her head. Nothing out of the ordinary. What was she staring at?
"Whatcha lookin' at, sugarcube?" Applejack questioned, tilting her head slightly. Twilight's eyes slid to the side, locked on the mystery object on the farm pony's head. With her eyes still on the entranced mare before her, Applejack reached up and felt something--her trademark Stetson hat, seated firmly on her blond mane. Pulling it off her head, she saw Twilight follow the hat into her hooves and down to where it was now held in front of her.
"Dash, ah think she wants somethin' with mah hat." Applejack nervously put on the hat once again, and Twilight gasped--the thing was just sticking to her head! It must be magic! The alicorn clapped her hooves and gave a foalish squeal of excitement, reaching out for the item eagerly. Applejack leaned back, taking the hat out of reach of the purple hooves. "Whoa there, partner," she warned, defensive.
"AJ!" She looked to Rainbow Dash, who gave her a pleading look, followed by a subtle jerk of the head in Twilight's direction. Applejack shifted her gaze to the alicorn, who wore a confused expression, bottom lip quivering and forelegs stretched out towards her. With a heavy sigh, the orange pony complied and gave the hat to her friend, albeit reluctantly.
"Hehe, yeay!" Twilight was overjoyed, and let out a soft squee as she held the priceless artifact in her grasp. Straightening her back, she sat as tall and regal as she could manage, donning the hat with a swift stroke of her foreleg. The princess put on her 'serious face,' which was really more like a pout, and stared solemnly at the other two ponies in the room, clearing her throat for a few seconds before she took a deep breath and prepared to give her royal decree:
"Howdy."
The three ponies sat in silence for a few moments, and before long Twilight was struggling to keep the grin off her face. "Pfft!" Twilight snorted and brought a leg up to cover her eyes, laughing quietly.
Applejack rolled her eyes and reached out to reclaim the Stetson from the alicorn's screwed-up head, but Twilight jerked back. "Wait!" The pony's horn lit up in a purple glow, and out of Applejack's saddlebags floated a long coil of rope. Twilight adjusted the position of the rope in midair to look something like a poorly-tied lasso.
Applejack cringed and raised a hoof to point out where the mistake was, but stopped herself. No, I ain't gonna be fussy like Twi would be, she scolded herself. "Well that looks just fine an' dandy, sugarcube."
"I'mma cowmare!" Twilight shrieked, making a high-pitched cross between a squee and a giggle that made the other ponies' ears fold back. Twilight made a face and looked up at the rope. "Wait, that sounds like a cow-mare. Oh, but that's right! I think. Isn't it?" She looked at Rainbow Dash and waited for an answer.
Rainbow exchanged a glance with Applejack and gave Twilight an unsure smile. "Yyyyeeeaah, sure."
Applejack scuffed a hoof on the floor and cleared her throat. "Well, ah really jus' came by to return that book, so ah should be goin'. Got s'more chores to do down on the farm an' whatnot. So, uh, Twilight; if ya don't mind?" She pointed at the rope hanging over their heads and then motioned to her saddlebag.
"Okie-dokie-lokie!" Twilight smiled and slowly started moving the rope down towards the orange pony, who turned away to see Rainbow Dash standing beside her.
"Think y'all can handle her, RD?" Applejack whispered.
The pegasus gave a confident smirk. "Aw, yeah, totally. I can handle anything, remember?" She turned a hoof over and began inspecting it, looking quite bored. "Besides, this is Twilight we're talking about. You know, only the most boring egghead in all of Equestria?" She set down her hoof and closed her eyes. "No sweat."
"We got a big one, boss!" The two ponies jumped at the sudden shout and stared confusedly at Twilight, who seemed to be looking past them at something they couldn't see. Rainbow noticed she was swaying precariously on her hooves, and her normally neat appearance had become frazzled.
Applejack, on the other hoof, was simply at a loss trying to understand the alicorn's recent behavior. "Wha...?" she mumbled, slowly moving her eyes to look at the cyan pony next to her.
"Let's lasso 'er and bring 'er in fer some steaks!" Twilight took Applejack's rope in her mouth and yanked it towards herself, and the farmer noticed a sudden tug on her legs. She flicked her gaze down to see the rope snaking around just below her knees, and before she could react, Twilight pulled the end of the rope tightly over Applejack's midsection and wrenched back, locking Applejack's legs firmly against her belly.
The farm pony twisted and fell down on her back, and Twilight began dragging her towards the stairs, inch by inch. "Twi, what're you doin'?!" She wrestled around in the ropes for a moment, but they were too tight and cleanly-knotted for her to escape. Where'd she learn to do this? Even I can't tie ropes this well!
It was around this moment that Applejack finally registered the word steak in her mind, and her eyes shrank in fear. "No!" she cried, thrashing as hard as she could. "Stop! I ain't gonna be made in'ta no st--ack!" Her protests were silenced temporarily as a loop of rope fell around her head and found its way into her mouth, tightening instantly. "Ungh, hey!" She twisted her head around to fix Rainbow with an expectant glare. "Dasch, do somefin'!"
Rainbow Dash flew quickly in front of the shaky alicorn and faked a smile. "Twilight, why don't we just go and have a nice, long nap. How's that sound, eh?"
Twilight dropped the rope and shook her head forcefully, nearly toppling over as she threw her weight to the side. "Ah can't right now! I have'ta bring in this haul. It shore is a big one, too!"
"Eshcuse me?!"
Rainbow Dash couldn't help but giggle at Applejack's offended-sounding comment and matching angry expression. "Look, Twi, you're..." She rolled her eyes as she thought of a way to explain this in a way the fantasizing pony in front of her would understand. "Um, you've had a loooong day, and you're probably exhausted. So, I'll take care of..." She trailed off, glancing at Applejack, who returned a glare. "Um... this... and, you can just get some rest! Alright?"
Twilight tried to find a logical argument that would convince Rainbow to let her continue, but her drug-addled mind prevented her from doing so. "But..." she gave the pegasus a glistening, puppy-eyed stare. "I don't wanna go to bed!"
Rainbow almost fell for the look... curse that look... but managed to tear her own eyes away and close them tightly. "Twilight..." she addressed the pony in a scolding, almost motherly tone.
"Oh, fiiiiine," Twilight sighed. Her crestfallen demeanor twisted into a devious, somewhat deranged smirk. "But you'll have to catch me, first!" She bounced into the air and took off on her broad purple wings, soaring around the large room in circles. "Ehehehe! Wheeee!"
Rainbow watched the circling alicorn quietly. "Huh?" she finally replied, blinking. "Twilight, no. Get down."
"No!" Twilight flew in front of the pegasus and squeezed her eyes shut while sticking out her tongue. "Bleh." Rainbow crouched down as Twilight flew over her, just barely skimming the pegasus's wings. Jumping to her hooves, she watched the alicorn zoom around the room erratically, narrowly missing bookcases in her wild, looping course through the library.
"Ahem," a voice came from somewhere near her; Rainbow looked down at Applejack, who was watching her impatiently. "Would ya mind untyin' me?"
Rainbow spread her wings and stepped away. "I gotta stop Twilight first, before she hurts herself." Flashing a quick smirk, she added, "Sorry." Applejack gave a frustrated groan, but Rainbow was already gone.
"Twi!" Rainbow called. The mare was just ahead of her, and if she could just reach her before she ran into something...
"No!" Twilight yelled back. She swerved suddenly to the side, and Rainbow came to a screeching halt, mere inches from a wall.
"Whew," she breathed. "That was close." She turned and set off in pursuit of the stubborn alicorn, who was now flying away even faster. Great, just what I need right now. Just as she was nearing her catch once again, Twilight suddenly dove straight down and ducked under Rainbow's belly. Rainbow bent her head down to keep an eye on her, not realizing she was headed straight for--
WHAM!
Applejack winced, watching as her pegasus friend slowly slid down to the ground, plastered against the wall. As Rainbow's rump hit the floor, she pushed herself away from it and collapsed onto her back, eyes spinning.
"Wall..." she moaned, pulling herself back up. She stumbled around for a moment, shook her head and seethed up at the oblivious (and now very dizzy) alicorn. "This has gone on long enough," she growled. Launching herself into the air, she almost intercepted Twilight right away, but out of sheer luck and a bit of disorientation, the alicorn floated to the side--just out of the pegasus's reach.
"Ugh, Twilight, stop acting all crazy!" Rainbow screamed. "Get back here!"
"Nnnnope! Wheeeehehe!" Twilight cried; she was positively giddy with excitement by now, and no mere pony was going to stop her!
Or so she thought. Rainbow Dash was now only a few feet behind her, stretching her hooves out as far as possible to grab the infuriatingly elusive alicorn. "I've... got you... now--" An extremely bright flash came out of nowhere, blinding her as she flew through the space Twilight had just occupied. Blinking rapidly, she squeezed her hooves together, searching for the weight that should have been in her grasp. I missed?! Ooh, Twilight, you are so gonna get it now... Unfortunately for her, it had never occurred to the temporarily-sightless pegasus that it might not be the best idea to keep flying straight ahead while her vision cleared.
An unfortunate fact indeed, which she soon realized when the bookcase appeared before her very eyes. Rainbow flew straight into a fairly wide gap between two large tomes, her momentum carrying her entire body forward and forcing it into the cramped space on the shelf. The pegasus could barely breathe; she wiggled her hindquarters to try and push herself out, but she couldn't manage anything more than making the shelf creak quietly. Panic rising, she squirmed and stretched out as much as she could, but she soon realized she would not be able to free herself easily, if at all. The shelves in the library were tilted at an angle, higher in the front and sloping lower as they reached the wall; her balled-up form was resting snugly in the nook between the shelf and the wall, and the rows of books on either side of her only squeezed her body further, inhibiting any significant movement that may have helped her situation. In other words, she was stuck good.
Oh, buck me.
This thought was shared by both Rainbow Dash and the tied-up farm pony observing the ordeal. Applejack felt her hope dying out as she realized that the only pony--well, the only sane pony left in the room was now powerless to help free her from her bonds.
Her anxiety only increased as, with a burst of bright purple light, Twilight reappeared a few feet away and slumped against her side. "Oooh," she cooed, "everythin's all spinny and swirly..."
Applejack felt her patience wearing thin and fixed Twilight with a stern glare. "Twi, lemme go, righ' now."
Twilight waved a hoof in the air appeasingly. "Okay okay, okay. Okay." She rolled over and dragged herself on top of Applejack, repositioning herself so that their faces almost touched. "Okay."
Applejack leaned her head back a bit in response. "Erm... okay?"
Twilight blinked and tilted her head. "Okay what?" Her face lit up in realization. "Oh, I know!" She jumped off of Applejack and bounded across the room. "Time for steeeeeeaks!" She froze in place, raising a contemplative hoof to her chin. "Or is it 'ssssssteaks'? Or 'steaaaaaaaaks'? Hm." She stared off into space for a few more seconds, then shrugged. "I dunno. Oh well!"
Applejack watched the pony climb the stairs, with noticeable effort, tripping a few times along the way. However, her look of pure determination never ceased, and Applejack was afraid of what was about to happen when Twilight made it to the top and retrieved whatever it was she wanted.
Her fear skyrocketed past 'terrified' and settled just beyond 'scared out of her wits' when Twilight began descending the stairs with a large cauldron; just large enough to fit a medium-sized pony, she noted with an audible gulp. "Heheh, okay Twi, yer start'n ta shcare me a bit..." she chuckled, edging away from the stairs. The alicorn seemed not to notice her, humming distractedly with her eyes fixed on the cauldron. When she reached the bottom, she turned her back to Applejack, much to the earth pony's confusion, and started walking away from her. What in the hay?
Twilight kept moving forward, still in her own little world, until she rammed straight into the bookcase Rainbow Dash was currently relaxing in so comfortably. The pegasus grunted as she felt the bookcase wobble, and let out a meek whimper. "Applejack?" She felt short of breath just after uttering that one word. It was so small, so cramped... She wasn't claustrophobic, was she? It sure felt like it.
Twilight recoiled and looked at the bookcase in front of her apologetically. "Oh! 'Sssscuse me, madam," she slurred, backing away. She spun 180 degrees and stalked over to the bound farm pony, setting the cauldron down gently beside her.
Just as Applejack was about to let out a particularly foalish scream, Twilight gasped. "I almost forgot! I need some cupcakes for the steak seasoning!" Roughly patting Applejack's cheek in an attempt to reassure her, the alicorn gave her a not-very-comforting-at-all, looks-more-like-a-serial-killing-psychopath smile and declared, "Don't worry AJ, I'll be back in twelve... um, thingies flat!" With that, she flew across the room, made the motion of opening the door, and flew outside.
At least, she would have, if she had been of even remotely sound mind; instead, she flew straight into the locked door, which she had never actually opened.
The alicorn fell to the ground, seated on her haunches with a dazed look on her face. What had gone wrong? What was that invisible barrier she had run into? Was it more magic, like with Applejack's hat? She sat on these thoughts for a few moments, until the recent collision eventually caught up with her, and she tipped backwards, falling onto her back with her hooves stuck straight up in the air.
"Twilight?" a voice called.
...
"Y'okay, sugarcube?"
...
"Y'all 'd better not've ruin'd mah hat."
Applejack stared numbly at the snoozing purple pony. Now what? She slowly craned her neck to look at the bundle of cyan fur crammed into the bookshelf. "Rainbow?" she called, receiving nothing more in response than a twitch of an awkwardly stuck-out hoof.
...anypony?
Applejack sighed in defeat and let her head fall to the ground with a thud.
"Horseapples."
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This is going to get featured. I just know it.
2856409
Thank you.
I doubt it will, but that would be so awesome if it did (a miracle, but awesome nonetheless)
That's not 'woozy and wacky adventures'.
That's 'death by overdose'.
2856427
Well, that would be no fun.
Maybe mortal alicorns are a little more death-resistant?
Looks like someone doesn't know what a painkiller overdose actually does.
Stay in school kids!
Veteran opiate user, I'm totally gonna read and weigh in on medical accuracy.
2856423 The feature box has lower expectations than you anticipate. Hell, "Twilights Plant Problem" made it up to fucking number 2, so I swear I'm going to finish 5 whole Rainbow Dash steaks myself in one serving if this doesn't even reach number 10.
The story was very entertaining.
2856676
wut?
Oh yeah, Twi's plant problem is in my read later, actually.
Thanks for the nice comment, though. I'm glad some ponies enjoy my writing.
2856522
*munch munch*
At first I thought you were making a crack at Rainbow Dash, but then I realized it was probably directed at me. (takes out bottle of painkillers)
Oh well.
Oh my god... This was AWESOME.
I was laughing the whole way through.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2856918
Awkward moment when Twi is in excruciating pain for the first 1/3
But thanks. I like making ponies laugh
OD Twilight turns into a carnivore. Good thing she passed out....
Scooby Doo reference. All I got from it. Wild and crazy good time.
Guess what! Mikeanthony321's prediction came true.
As of right now, this story's #5 on the Featured Box!
I've got nothing to say about this. You DID manage to trigger my claustrophobia quite soundly, though, so. Hm.
Seriously, I freak out if I get stuck in a t-shirt.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTfT6nd4tJcoLVcnQ37lGVZ6o5V_OGxjBydKizrTj8cT6pJrz1lUQ
emptyencore.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/2gskqbchsqserwb9yt8ejrcto1_500.jpg
2858570
Couldn't agree more...
Great story!
This was...equal parts amusing and disturbing.
I think you've confused opiate with methamphetamine (or something that is hallucinogen-based).
Cupcake based steak seasoning?... What is this a Sweetie Belle recipe.
And the lesson is:
Don't OD on drugs.
OR
Don't let Rainbow Dash administer drugs.
Applejack is tied up. Twilight is wearing her hat, trying to make her into a steak, and is high. Rainbow Dash is stuck in a bookshelf.
This story made me laugh so hard. Especially "howdy."
(...i dOn'Tt feEl so gOod... AppLejack, why aRe yoU... lying ON my floOr alL tied Up? ... Is it a neW slUmber-pArtY gAme?)
(*with the rope still tied around her mouth* Yesh, shugarcube, it'sh called 'Untie me right the buck now if ya don't mind!")
(...or at least buy her dinner first!)
(DASH!)
(OoOh... um... I dOn't thinK I knOw tHat gamE... how dO yoU play? iS thEre a boOk aBout it?)
(Yer goin' ta pay fer thish, Dash... shomehow, shomeway, Ah'm gonna make ya pay fer thish...)
Strong language? Psh, that's nothing.
2856878 Seriously on Twilight's Plant Problem, I found it sucked. Maybe I put too high expectations, but I found every part to be disappointing. From the explanation of why the hell Twilight would do something that sounds idiotic, to the actual erotic scenes themselves. (The guy does not have a very wide word choice for describing certain female accesories.)
2856676>>2856409>>2856423
So it's been featured. Grati!
2859233 And so it has! Rainbow Dash gets to continue to live until I think of another reason!
2856423 Despite your doubts greatest efforts, your exceptionally good story has been featured at #2
*√CONGRATULATIONS!!!√*
I got the Community reference to Abed's phrase.
25.media.tumblr.com/2e3842e3ef2231616eff4e87e2a0f279/tumblr_mklvmjr5dt1qzlxego1_500.gif
2859261 *insert trumpet sound here*
NO, WAIT, I KNOW SOMETHING BETTER!
I donuts care about bad quality.
Wouldn't that be a weird scene to walk in on, Rainbow Dash crammed in a shelf
, Applejack tied up 
, and an out cold Twilight on the floor 
Nicely done. I don't think that's how painkillers work, but nicely done.
2856423
Haha! I was right! Boo-yeah!
100 moustaches? challenge accepted. There was a Scooby doo reference, a spider man reference, reference to cupcakes, y know, the one in which pinkie pie goes all
, and I think one towards the triple strength fish oil, also, there was one towards Indiana jones and the goblet of fire. Obvious drug references. Pinkie Pie bounced of a cliff? halo 2 elements of gaming? And there are way too many to even list in which applejack fell out of a tree. I probably even included references here that you didn't place with a reason, so four words for you: GIVE ME DEM MOUSTACHES! (I also want to know what I missed)
2858809
Actually, enough painkillers in the body can cause mild delirium, changes in attention and memory, a sense of euphoria, confusion, and impaired reasoning. Hallucinations can occur as well in some cases, but this is a rarity (no, not that kind!
). However, taking too much can also result in the depressive effects leading to reduced heartrate and breathing, as well as potential cardiac arrest. The fact that this latter, fatal result didn't happen may be attributable to Twilight's status as an alicorn, which is why Luna can drink as much alcohol as a frigate can carry and only be mildly blitzed.
Great story, CasinoFox! I'd be interested in seeing what the aftermath of all of this is going be. Alicorn Princess Twilight Sparkle is certainly gonna have some 'splainin' to do
(along with Rainbow Dash 
).
2859760
But the hallucinations could be that kind of Rarity, right?
2859831
Touche, my friend, touche.
2859760 All other things being equal, if a 40x dose of a narcotic painkiller were administered and you had the constitution to not die, you'd very likely just go into a minor coma. Or at least pass out.
2859178
no I'm not gonna do this right now.
What the buck did you just bucking say about me, you little filly? I'll have you know...
2859229
That's a problem I struggle with, and hope to avoid. I feel like I can never switch words up enough, like using "gaze" instead of "eyes" or using "her friend" and "the alicorn" and "the pegasus" instead of their names all the time... ugh, too much for me.
2859611
) and Cupcakes (awkward blink-blink moment) ... the Indiana Jones one, no - I was just using the book name from "Read it and Weep" where Rainbow Dash starts reading the next book at the end of the episode. All the others you mentioned, I've never heard of, except Spiderman (which I'd like to know what it was, by the way). One of my other ones was found by 2859298 already, so I won't be spoiling it: "Cool cool cool" (Abed from Community). One 
for you sir.
Whoa. You found a lot, and you're right in that some were accidental. Let's see...
You got Scooby Doo (you too, 2858223 , have a
The other two, I'll leave for everyone. I guess I can post them sometime soon if no one gets them.
Now for the prize... I originally said 10 moustaches, for 5 references. But there was a little misunderstanding, so I'll at least give you those:
That was hilarious!
Well done, and a perfect read in between more sad and depressing stories.
2859915
"Alicorn Princess", my friend. [Im]mortal, god-like, phenominally powerful, "possessing the magical constitution of a mountain and a liver with the metabolic capacity of a small star" flippin' Alicorn Princess.
My dope of choice is what most of you call Tylenol 1: acetaminophe and codeine. Particularly helpful if you need to get to sleep.
why does this song play every time I see that image on the coverart
2859995 now you're convincing me that she'd ignore them entirely.
Well this was certainly an interesting read.
2859931 Yeah, but you obviously did a good enough shuffle to the point nobody noticed. At least I don't recall at all.
2860379
mikaelasptjallden.se/cp/pinkie-pie-shrug-i15.jpg
2858474 Wait a second...
Claustrophobic people seriously freak out when they get stuck on a shirt? Or was it just a joke?
I hope it's true because that would be so hilarious to run into someone freaking out because they can't get out of a shirt
I guess I should feel bad for hoping such a thing...
CONSUME ALL THE PAINKILLERS!
Seriously, this was a very well-written and a very hilarious story. I look forward on how this all end.
"Triple Strength pain-killers? Hey Louis! Try these on for size!"