• Member Since 23rd Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 4th, 2015

Nightmare Prose


Still idle, though.

T
Source

Equestria's long peace is broken by the changeling invasion of Canterlot. Princess Luna must take command of Equestria's armed forces even as she struggles with the shadows of her past. When the dust settles, Princess Celestia sees the cost of her mistakes and doubts her ability to rule. In the end, they both know the threat posed by Chrysalis and her changeling army must be stopped—even if it means war.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 25 )

Good story... excited to see more and what will happen next.:pinkiehappy:

I remember editing this.

*Adds to read alter*

3271180
Glad you liked it, thanks for the fave!

3271186
You had some very excellent feedback! Though if I recall, that was quite an old draft, so I'm hoping it's greatly improved.

And hey, you wrote Dash's New Mom? I have that on Read Later. Guess it's moving up the list!

3271201

It's quite the wild ride. My apologies for the first chapter, it's not as good in quality as the other chapters. But I hope you enjoy it.

Fight scenes really aren't my thing, but the way you made sure Luna pondered the strategic consequences of her actions gave everything the weight it needed. When Luna realized she had won and her army was cheering for her, I got all of the feels *sniffle*

And congrats on finally getting things released! 11 months is a long time to sick to something. Glad to see it all came together :twilightsmile:

3271334
I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you! And yes, eleven months was far too long for this project. At least it's finally out here. Hope your writing is still going well!

3271415
It is :twilightsmile: With any luck I should have a chapter ready for pre-reading on Monday.

Well, you have my interest. I love how you've portrayed Luna here; most fics I've read where she fights paint her as a berserker, or a straight-up powerhouse. But you've given her a nicely pragmatic fighting style, and some great tactical sense--you seem to have done your homework about infantry tactics. :)

Liked and faved; can't wait for what happens next!

Btw, I'm hoping ol' Chryssie gets a nicely undignified end--screaming, sniveling, begging for her life; the works. >:)

3271597
Thank you! I've always seen Celestia as the long-term planner and Luna as the Indy Ploy tactician. They're certainly powerful and skilled, but I think the finale proved they're not gods. Having armor that's basically a minor artifact from another age does give a bit of an edge, though.

As for Chrysalis... well, it's only two chapters away. Wouldn't want to spoil anything. :moustache:

You had my curiosity.

Now you have my attention.

Tracking.

3271863
Thank you! Good to hear it was worth the wait.

Epic. The action scenes and descriptions were great.

Faving.

3272691
Good to hear, and thank you for the fave, Prosebro!

Damn! That was quite good! Great work, easily faving! :rainbowkiss:

3289178
Thank you for the fave! I have yours in read later, by the way. Night Guards are awesome. :insert Luna emote here:

3289294 Hope you enjoy it! :twilightsmile:

Luna refined her aim, and a second bolt tore into the beast's neck and wing, sending it tumbling to the ground only a few paces away. It went still. “Continue moving,” Luna said. For all her skill at battle, she disliked taking lives. These were the first since even before her banishment.

She exhaled softly and hardened her heart. They are attacking my place of solitude and threatening the ponies I hold dear, she thought. Violence is never the answer, but I'm not being given a question.

First off you need to differentiate between Luna's thinking from the storyline. Here they just blurred together. Second, Luna is being kind of hypocritical. She's out right killing instead of even attempting to disable the changelings. I mean a bolt through the neck as oppose to throwing them into a wall. Considering the changelings need their prey alive, they are looking to capture whereas Luna kills from the very start. She does have a choice, she's just going with the easy way out.

A crackling sound like crystals breaking echoed down the hallway, and frost covered the floor and walls as she snap-froze the air around the two. When they tried to escape, they only succeeded in shattering their chitinous hide and limbs.

I take it back, Luna is a hypocrite and she's frigging sick. What next, she gonna hit them with a microwave and boil them from the inside out?

3310921
Luna's being cold, yes, but that's the goal: she's the pragmatic and direct Princess. She knows the changelings are a threat, especially since they're trying to capture her. There are backstory reasons as well. In my headcanon, the changelings need some amount of love for sustenance, but the hive queen is like a love battery, and sort of 'rations' it out to her subjects. To that end, there's no way to imprison the drones (or even the consorts). It's either a quick death or a slow, painful one. Releasing them is perpetuating the threat, and crippling them in some way will simply get them euthanized.

Anyway, beyond the amount needed to survive, love becomes energy for the changelings. The more love, the more power, hence why Chrysalis was able to defeat Celestia. She wanted that kind of power for her own ends, and Equestria seemed like a ripe target. Furthermore, they would prefer their prey alive, but they aren't gentle about it. The next chapter will touch on the body count listed in the first two lines of the cover image. And if the changelings had actually succeeded, it would have gone far, far more poorly for the ponies.

Fair point on the thoughts vs. narrative. For your next comment, the snap-freeze was part of the foreshadowing for the thermal shock explosion, but having your skin split apart would be a pretty painful way to go. I'll add both to my planned spot edits. Beyond those two errors, I stand by Luna's actions and motivations. Regardless, thank you for the feedback.

3310921

Conventionally, italics are accepted to indicate internal dialogue in much the same way quotes are used to indicate spoken dialogue.

I seriously like the way that you're showing Luna to be both a brilliant thinker and a total badass, while maintaining her canon personality as a bit unsure of her own worth. It's clearly that, in time of danger, she doesn't let her own self-doubts get in the way of doing what's necessary to protect others. A true heroine!

Why yes, I am a major Luna fan :twilightsmile:

Oh, as to her willingness to kill?

It's a war. If she holds back, she could die. Moreover, others -- ponies who were counting on her -- could die. And Luna is in any case millennia old, product of a more primal age. And if Luna wasn't willing to fight hard for Equestria, there might not even be an Equestria today for the ponies to enjoy.

So I'm not going to even slightly criticize Luna for this. Heck, nobody invited the Changelings to attack.

3581541
This is a way stupid late response and I blame life, but: if that came across to you that well, yay, I did what I set out to do in this chapter!

Thanks for the fave! :twilightsmile:

I'm reading this just because the title references Pontypool.

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