The Human Side of Things

by Gylden Glor

Peter and Luna Share a Drink (WARNING - DIRTY JOKES AND CONNOTATIONS)

"Art thou sure of this?"

I playfully nudge Luna in the side as the stares down at the bottle I've presented her with. "C'mon. When's the last time you had a drink with a good friend?"

"Over one thousand years ago."

"Even more of a reason to pop that sucker open!"

Luna sighs as I push it towards her a bit more. "Peter, We are not sure that this is a good idea."

"You used the royal We again," I inform her.

"Would you stop lecturing me about that?" She hisses. "And I don't think it's a good idea!"

"Lecturing? When have I ever lectured you about using the royal We?"

"For the past month and a half. Every time we sleep in each others' embrace and I happen to say 'We' instead of 'I', you remind me of the necessity to speak 'properly'." She rolls her eyes. "At times, I wish you hadn't turned nocturnal just so my ramblings could leave me a moment's peace..."

I frown at her as I reach for the bottle. "Fine, then. If you're really so regretful of me shifting my sleeping habits to coincide with yours, I'll just leave."

"Please don't," she immediately responds with an adorable pout. "I would like for you to stay..."

I nod. "Well, that settles that," I announce. "Now, c'mon - you've got to have a few glasses in here, right?"

She nods as she levitates over a few incredibly dusty glasses, with a spider living in one of them. We both eye them for a moment before standing and moving towards the door without giving them a second thought.

About twenty minutes later, we return to Luna's quarters with two glasses for our alcohol. They're both from Celestia's (gratuitous) collection. We sit down across from each other, and I pour out some of the alcohol into each of our glasses.

"You do realize that this will not cause me to become inebriated, correct?" Luna asks. "I can drink ten times more alcohol than that of a normal pony..."

"That's why Celestia gave me special alcohol," I respond as I finish pouring. I grin at Luna's confusion. "I bet you'll like this - it's called Moonshine."

"Moonshine!?" She demands with a grin. "Oh, they named a liquor after me!? How fitting! They can become drunk upon the moon's beauty!"

I'd like to get drunk of off your beauty, my dirty mind quips. I imagine myself rolling my eyes.

That doesn't even make any sense.

Yes it does.

No, it doesn't. You wanted it to be a dirty joke, but it's not dirty at all. You should've replaced "beauty" with "pussy" or something.

But then that'd be too blatant...

Ah, whatever. Just go ahead and do whatever you want, dirty mind.

Affirmative.

"So...what is it, exactly?" Luna asks, tentatively sniffing at the liquid's surface.

"It's extracted from the moon," I explain. "Or, more accurately, from the energy released by the moon when it shines. It's mostly magic, and there's a bit of science in there. Celestia captures the light using some magic crap and then forces the light into a physical, crystallized form using some sciencey-magicky crap and then dilutes that crystal into alcohol using science crap and then makes it into Moonshine. In fact, if we turn off the lights in here, you can actually see it glow."

Luna lets out a small squeal of delight as she magically darkens the room, allowing the light to shine onto our faces. I smile as I see how elegantly yet cutely it illuminates hers. I find myself staring and force myself to look away before she notices, now sporting a small blush. Luna grins as she puts the lights back on.

"'Tis marvelous!" She declares. "It's like a juice from my Moon!"

You know what else is marvelous? The juice from my -

No, no, stop it. Stop right there. You didn't want it to be too blatant, and now you just go ahead and -

apples. The juice from my apples.

Wait...what?

I have real high quality apples. All the dirt in here lets me grow them.

Really? So...no dirty jokes?

What? Nah, I was just saving one.

Run it by me.

Fine. Well, you know how, technically, Luna is the moon?

Yeah?

So, if she says "I'd like to drink the moon's juice" or something, then I'd call Luna the moon and say that I'd like to drink her juice.

Oh, shit - that's actually pretty damn good!

I end up letting out a bit of laughter at the dirty joke I made, and Luna looks to me strangely, lifting her muzzle from the Moonshine. "Inebriated already?"

I shake my head as I put down my own glass of Moonshine. I hadn't even realized I had started drinking. "Nah, I just thought of a dirty joke," I inform her. I'm not afraid to do so, as she loves dirty jokes. Y'know, being the Princess of the Night and everything.

"Oh? Tell it to me."

I smirk as I outline what would need to be set up for it, and as I conclude, she doesn't laugh as I had expected her to. Rather, she heightens her posture and blushes as she stares into her glass. I watch in confusion as she takes a few sips in silence, but I finally understand as I see her wings fighting against her.

My eyes widen as I realize that I just turned on the Princess of the Night.

Huzzah! The fun has been doubled!

"Sorry," I immediately apologize. "I didn't realize that it would, er..."

She shakes her head as she consumes more alcohol. "Don't bother apologizing. It's my fault. And, uh...please, disregard anything I may say - or even attempt - in this state."

I must admit, I'm impressed. She's taking it fairly well. "Alright, " I respond. "Uh...just...y'know..." The blush I've been sporting intensifies as the alcohol causes her to gradually lose the fight against her wings. I find my own "beacon" growing erect at the sight.

Hah-hah! Not-so-dangly parts.

We continue to drink in silence, despite our better judgement. The more we drink, the more likely we are to act upon our hormonal instincts.

"So, uh...d'you like the Moonshine?" I ask Luna. She responds, but as the alcohol takes effect, I find myself slipping away. I blink, and when I open my eyes, I feel like I've been knocked out. By a hoof. To the face. From Big Macintosh.

It takes me a moment to get used to the light flooding the room. I haven't woken up in the morning in a month and a half, ever since I started adapting my sleeping schedule to Luna's...

I let out a groan as I attempt to sit up. I can't do anything, let alone sit the fuck up. Sensation begins to return to my body, and I realize that I'm hungover once I can feel my stomach again.

However, it's when everything is fully back online that I realize I'm not alone.

And that I'm naked.

And that I'm in a bed.

And that I'm in a bed with Princess Luna.

And that she has bed-mane.

And that I am royally screwed.

And that I was doing some royally screwing last night! Hey-oh!

...

What?

Not cool, man. Not cool.

Author's Note:

Yay for a chapter I wanted to write for a long-ass time.

Comments

[Skalula7]

And that I was doing some royally screwing last night! Hey-oh

[setablaze53]

I do and don't regret not listening to the warning at the same time. I think I'll just read the next chapter to see what's happening next... and to maybe clear my thoughts a little.