• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

thunderclap


As a wise man once said, "Let's kill da ho. Beetch!!!"

T

2nd POV. You are depressed, your life seems to be one tragedy after another as you are transferred from orphanages and foster homes. You've almost given up hope until you die. You've been given a second chance at happieness and now you must come to terms with your past and your present.

Chapters (38)
Comments ( 217 )

Tracking, quite interesting

Not a bad story...

It would be helpfull if the text was seperated into paragraphs.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

I'm cautiously optimistic about this story. But I'm tracking nonetheless.
Be proud. I normally hate humans in Equestria stories.

243898 Thanks, I'm still working out some kinks, but I'm hoping the story will turn out great.

I had same thoughts as you DoubleRainbow, I'm cautiously optimistic about this story.

Nevertheless, Im tracking so far :)

Suddenly I'm thinking it would be awesome if it was OCxLuna, haha.

First and ps love the story

mwahahahahahahaha he's shy someone get flutterrage over here:flutterrage:

I have to say I really enjoy this story! I really hope you can update soon.:twilightsmile:

Well, you've got me hooked.

Lol
“Yes, I would like a hot fudge sundae with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce, and could you have that brought to me immediately, that would be great.” You struggled to keep a straight face as the guard looked like he was about to blow a gasket. He started to grate his teeth together before he was able to speak again.
:rainbowlaugh:

Damn it! Cliffhangers!
Favoriting!

WoT = No thx :rainbowhuh:

I WEILD THE SWORD OF FIRST!

Possible asdf movie reference?


PIANO

I HAZ SWARD:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

Interesting! Just when I thought I couldn't like this story anymore! :pinkiehappy: Keep up the great writing and hope for another update soon! :twilightsmile:

Let's see what happens now...

256120 you win you got the ultimate sword but I have a minigun

269617 Touché :eeyup: also nice chapter bro! keep up the wonderful work!

Right now, everything is just peaches and cream with cherries on top.

I guess I'll just wait for the sad/dark part of the story...

Great story so far, glad that I tracked this. Also, I like how you kept the love interest to just one compared to what other authors usually do- make entire Mane 6 fall in love with him.

You had me at second person HiE. You lost me at the giant wall-of-text in the beginning.

JOLLY GOOD SHOW!
I wield the sword of FIRST!
Turely amazing my good sir, FAVORITE! Oh wait I already did.
WATCH!
i487.photobucket.com/albums/rr233/ArtemisKilljoy/maga_sword.jpg

Tracking! I absolutely love this story to the point it might be a new drug! :pinkiehappy:

Can't wait to see him meeting Fluttershy :rainbowkiss:

The only gripe I have about this chapter is how easy you make it sound to break the sound barrier. Both times Rainbow Dash did it was flying almost straight down, and I'm pretty sure doing it at a 90° angle would be practically impossible.

294535 Technically the character didn't break the sound barrier. Yes, he did come close but he's still at the stage where the force of his speed is causing the air molecules in front of him to pile together creating the mach cone, signifying the approach to the speed of sound.:twilightsmile: Also he's been practicing this spell "off-screen" for a while on small objects, which is why he's able to use it so proficiently. Normally, I hate doing this kind of cop out but I had to make an exception in this case otherwise the character might still be in the castle.

295335 I was actually referring to Rainbow Dash. The show treats the Sonic Rainboom as sort of a "legendery event." You made it sound like an every-day occurrence.

295363 I guess I see your point, but when I was writing the chapter I kind of pictured Rainbow Dash doing the same diving maneuver she always does when she does the Sonic Rainboom. And I couldn't really describe it since she would still be behind the character while doing so. Sorry for any mix ups I caused in your head.

Isn't he supposed to be shy? It seems like he's just walking from one conversation to another with no effort at all.

But then again, the shy stranger in Equestria is a huge cliché anyways. I like this story.

LOL okay, tricking angel was rather funny and, must EVERY pony in the mane 6 he talks to fall in love with him? (i, for some reason, expect there to be shipping ahead.)

317350 Romance tag in the story, yeah I'm gonna do some shipping and it will be awesome. And one more thing the entire mane 6 is not in love with him, I will not divulge any further for I believe those who give out spoilers should meet a foul and slow death.:pinkiecrazy:

317554 actually pinkie isn't, i don't know about twi', but i know that at least fluttershy, rarity, Rainbow dash, and applejack are in love with him.
O.O daaaaaayum, Killkord, where did you learn all this?
i happen to be a psycologist
... why didn't i know then?
i'm hardly ever around, i go to the higher-class parties all the time.
so THAT's where you dissapear to all the time!

317554 ... As the ponypokey team said: my little shipping, my little shipping. fuUUUUUUUCK THIIIIS! :derpytongue2: naw jk :trollestia: Good story bro. :yay:






FROST!

353761 FRIGGIN HILARIOUS GIF YOU'VE GOT THERE!! :rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:
Wonderful story.
i'm not blackstar! i'm Icy Winds! :trollestia::facehoof:






PFFT LOL

355528 haha :P, Applejack with Blackstar does look good :P for this story. I think Applejack would admit it brashly though since she's element of honesty :derpytongue2:

Oh Pinkie, you and your physics defying gypsy powers.

Praise lord Smooze.

nothing can beat the Smooze!

ummmm, kay, that's a really good combo of spells hmmm, i wonder what would happen if i did that with Knifes instead of cranes O.O umm, DJ... just... don't

Okay, hold up. Pinkie Pie just "Pinkie-Pie'd" him on a stage? Don't you think that's over-doing it a bit? Because this would basically make her a god that's not aware of her powers.

Another thing I think you're overdoing is the fact that every single one of the Mane 6 (except Pinkie Pie) like Blackstar. FIVE OUT OF SIX. Are you trying to make your readers super-jealous? Well, it's working.

Finally, I noticed that you only pressed TAB in front of some of the paragraphs.

Despite the weird plot points, I still like this story. Carry on. I'll be reading.

373655 I fixed the paragraphs and, no I don't think I'm overdoing it. And why are you jealous?:rainbowhuh: The story is supposed to be from the reader's perspective. Which means 5 out of the mane six like "You".

375240 Well, I did not have a hard childhood and I share no similar personality traits with Blackstar. I can't relate to this character in any way, and thus it does not feel like "me."

This is not a criticism against your story, since I am only speaking for myself, so please don't take it as such. There may well be lots of people who relate to this character.

I brought up being jealous more as a joke, but I still think that five out of six is a bit excessive. These characters have very different personalities (which you have no problems with outlining, I might add,) so it stands to reason that they would like different things. And for one pony to have a wide enough spectrum of traits to be liked by five of the Mane 6 (some of whom are polar opposites) is impressive to say the least. A bit TOO impressive.

I apologize for nitpicking. I tend to do that sometimes. Overall, this story is not bad at all, and it has some potential. It could well earn a favourite from me, depending on how it turns out. Have fun writing.

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