Only an Imaginary Friend

by i_am_the_jam

An Imaginary Friend

√-1 √-1 √-1

An Imaginary Friend

Dame Sparkle had been correct. Because Imaginary received medical care immediately, the damage done to his horn and magic font wasn’t permanent. And he didn’t have to stay a whole week in the hospital; only five days this time, which was the time needed for his magic font to replenish itself, and for the magic treatments of keratin growth to repair the dent in his horn, that is, while the suppressor ring cancelled out the magic his own horn generated, the unicorn doctors cast spells on his horn to accelerate its natural growth cycle, and thus discard the damaged keratin cells and replace them with new ones, filling out the dent and relieving the pressure on the nerves under it.

That had a slight side effect on all the keratin cells in his body, namely, his coat, his mane, his tail, and his hooves, which in five days grew the length they normally would in seven months. So, by the time the treatment was finished, Imaginary’s coat was shaggier than it would have been during winter, his mane flowed down to his chest, and his tail length would have very much made Dame Fluttershy jealous. He didn’t mind, though, since his new hoof length made him slightly taller.

His sister, brother-in-law, and nephew couldn’t visit him often, again due to their conflicting schedules, but Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps were able to keep him debriefed on the antics of the Knights of Harmony.

Of which, Dame Sparkle and Dame Belle also gave him their version of their adventures, and, much to Imaginary’s relief, they were able to handle all the time sensitive projects and experiments Imaginary had left pending in his house, and send the results to Canterlot when necessary.

Applejack and Apple Bloom, being close friends, also visited him, giving him a relief from the bland hospital food by bringing a number of delicacies courtesy of Granny Smith.

In the end, it had been Dame Fluttershy who got the job of picking up Pip Squeak from school, and bringing him to the hospital whenever he could. While Dame Sparkle’s worries were justified that Pip could have been traumatised for life after seeing Imaginary’s injury, the fact that he also saw his uncle’s recovery helped mitigate the colt’s mental trauma.

Even Sour Grapes, Applejack’s cousin, was kind enough to pay her friend a visit; after all, an injury to the horn was enough to bring extreme worry to any unicorn friend or relative of the victim.

But, as was expected, the two ponies that didn’t visit Imaginary at the hospital were Dame Dash and Dame Pie.

And that was at the instruction of Imaginary himself.

It was a harrowing five days for the weather mare and the party mare. While the two received constant updates on Imaginary’s condition, the situation at the MRI, and Pip’s well being, the fact that Imaginary refused to talk to them, or even see them, further increased their guilt.

When they heard that Imaginary was being discharged on Friday afternoon, the two decided to come up with a plan.

The brown unicorn was—per hospital protocol—taken out of the hospital in a wheelchair, and, of course, only up to the front door.

And he was escorted by his friends: Big Macintosh, Bulk Biceps, Sour Grapes—and one certain pegasus of her farmhooves—Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Featherweight, Pip Squeak, Spike, and four of the Knights of Harmony: Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy.

As Imaginary blinked the sunlight out of one eye—because the other was covered by his now very long mane—and he stepped off the wheelchair, the doctor gave him his final instructions, “…and remember, Mr. Imaginary, do not attempt any long-range winking for at least another week, or until you see that the dent has disappeared and your horn is completely symmetrical. Any mid-level spells should be okay for now, and here is the prescription for the keratin growth spell,” he floated a parchment to Imaginary, who grabbed it with his hoof. “You have an appointment Monday morning for a follow-up check of your horn, and the prescription is in case you need another spell. If necessary, you’ll have one final appointment scheduled one week after that, but given your overall health and the size of your magic font, you should be fine by then.”

“Thank you, doctor. I’ll keep in mind the no-long-range-winking order, but I hope I can start again by next week, at least. My job kinda depends on me doing that.”

“I’ll send a note to your boss if you require one, don’t worry.”

The former patient smiled. “Understood, doctor. Thanks again.”

The doctor took the wheelchair back inside with his magic while Imaginary stuffed the prescription note in his long mane.

“So, no winkin’? How are yew gonna get yer groceries now, Immy?” asked Big Macintosh.

The red-brown stallion shook his mane out of his eyes, “I’ll probably have to buy a week’s worth of food and supplies in one day, and hire a pegasus carrier to take everything to my house…”

“You know, Mr. Imaginary,” said Spike, “I could set up with you a Fire Line, in case you need to send a message to anypony to pick you up from your house.”

“And you don’t need to hire a pegasus,” added Dame Sparkle. “I can teleport to your house whatever you need from Ponyville.”

“Well…” he blinked in surprise, “…this is truly unexpected—”

“Why, Sugarcube?” asked Dame Apple, laughing. “Yew didn’t expect such high an’ mighty an’ untouchable Knights an’ Champions like us t’offer help t’an unknown unicorn lahk yew?”

Before he could answer, Dame Sparkle smiled, “Even though ‘greatness has been imposed on us’, Immy, that ‘greatness’ doesn’t automatically prevent us from becoming friends with anypony we want to, regardless of socio-economic or peerage status. If we’re doing all of this for you, it’s because we want to help somepony in need, because we have the ability and the means to help. We’d be dishonouring our own Knighthood and rank of Champions if we knew there was a pony whom we knew we could help, but didn’t. You may have considered us to be ‘stars’ until now, but stars don’t come down from the night sky and help pick up ponies when they’re down.” She sighed, “We’re not stars, Imaginary. We really are everyday run-of-the-mill ponies, like you, who just happen to have been entrusted with different powers and responsibilities. Sure, we may have our stained glass monuments in Canterlot…but we’re not there. We’re here, Immy, here, with you. We’re not unreachable, much less untouchable. It would be a very, very, very lonely life for us if we were. Also, you don’t have to worry about being considered a traitor or an Enemy of the State should anything go wrong. Friends trust each other, Imaginary, and the princesses are our friends, and because they trust us enough to choose our own friends and whoever we want to associate with, Equestria doesn’t have to worry about going through another national crisis because of any accidents or misunderstandings between friends. It took a god of chaos to forcibly impair our friendships to the point that it actually affected the Elements of Harmony, Imaginary, but even then it was that very same friendship that brought us back together. So I don’t think that any accident or misunderstanding on your part would be able to cause a national crisis. And if it was possible, Ponyville would be swarming with guards all day and all night with the only purpose of keeping us safe. But as you can see, Ponyville has remained a very peaceful town since Princess Luna returned.”

Imaginary rubbed his horn for a moment, and smiled. “You know what, Dame Sparkle? You’re absolutely right. I’ve…been taught to respect and honour ponies like yourself…but unfortunately, Canterlot isn’t exactly known for making it easy to make friends with other ponies. And if you truly want to be as close friends as I am with the Apple Family…well, I’ll do my best to be a friend to you, regardless of my magical prowess.”

Dame Belle stepped up, “We’re so glad you will, darling. Though first things first: could you please refrain from calling us ‘Dames’? Again, we know that is our rank, and we know you want to show us honour and respect, but what we’ve learned in all our adventures is that friendship is something much more important than any title or rank. Yes, there are times when protocol is important, but when it isn’t, well…it would really mean a lot to us if you referred to us by our everyday names.”

The stallion chuckled. “I…I know. That’s going to be a very big habit to break, Dame B…um…” he struggled to remember her first name, “Miss…um…Rarity…oi, I feel so weird saying that.”

“You’ll get used to it, darling. And secondly, before you go home today, you definitely need a session at the spa.”

“The spa? But I haven’t done any strenuous exercise, and I don’t feel stressed out, either.”

“No, but you definitely need to do something about your unsightly hooves and overgrown horn. The growth treatment really did a number on you, and Aloe and Lotus are excellent in horn filing and shaping. Why, they could speed up your recovery by helping your horn reshape itself!”

Imaginary blinked, “Wow, and here I thought they just did massages. Okay, Dame…erm…Rarity…I’ll take you up on that offer.”

Before the group could move on, though, another pony arrived via scooter.

Those are very loud wings, thought Imaginary of the orange filly, as she skidded to a stop.

“Here you guys are!” the young pegasus looked at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Don’t you want to go crusading today?”

“We are, Scootaloo,” squeaked the white unicorn filly. “I just came here with Apple Bloom because she wanted to see Mr. Imaginary when he got out of the hospital.”

“Oh, okay. So, are you two coming now?”

“Akchally, Scoots,” drawled Apple Bloom. “We were kinda waitin’ f’r yew cuz we wanted yew here t’hear somethin’.”

“Hear what?”

“Well, now that Mr. Imaginary is good friends with both o’ our sisters, he’s also good friends with us, an’ now we can ask him!!”

“Ask me what, Miss Apple?”

“Oh, of course!!!” Scootaloo realised what her young friend was talking about, and she hopped off her scooter and removed her helmet.

Then, the three fillies sat beside Imaginary, and Apple Bloom asked, “Mr. Imaginary, how did yew get yer cutie mark? It seems rather…um…” she leaned over to look at the now shaggy symbol.

“Very strangely-math-y-like?” Sweetie Belle tried to finish, also staring at the stallion’s flank.

“Yeah,” added Scootaloo, squinting a bit. “It deals with math that the older ponies learn later on in the big schools, right?”

The stallion chuckled for a moment, and sat down. “Well, since I’m now in the presence of friends, I guess now is a good as time as any to explain.” He turned to the fillies, and began, “It’s interesting that you should mention math, Miss Scootaloo. You see, I’ve always liked math, even when the rest of the foals in class hated it, and I always got the highest score in our math tests. Back then, I was also learning a lot of illusion and teleportation spells, and the formulas for those involved a lot of advanced math, which again, I managed to understand faster than the rest of the class. And since most of those spells—pay attention here, Miss Belle—require for a unicorn to use a lot of imagination—for instance, you need to imagine how you want an illusion to look like, or you have to imagine where you want to wink to—I noticed that a lot of formulas included what is called an imaginary number. And then I saw the formula for it. And, very much like you three right now, the formula made absolutely no sense to me, or even my best friend, who also liked math.

“So one day I went to the library and checked out every single book of advanced math that I could find, and I took them home, and I read all I could about this strange imaginary number, but try as I might, I simply couldn’t wrap my head around how it could even exist, if, by definition, it was imaginary. And so I read, and read, and read all night—quite a feat for me, too, since I was only 10 at the time—and to prevent myself from falling asleep I cast an illusion spell on my window so that it would look like it was high noon instead of night—boy, I’m glad Princess Luna returned much later after that night—” everypony chuckled, “but no matter how much I read, I still couldn’t understand it.

“But then, the last book I read explained that the imaginary number is very much like our imaginations: we use our imaginations to first think of a song, or a building, or a book, or a dress, or even a city. All of what we have, every invention, even our food and weather, and even day and night, first exist in our imagination. An apple pie? Well, somepony first had to imagine the recipe, and wonder how a cooked apple would taste like with bread and sugar and cinnamon. Miss Belle, you’ll note that the first thing that your sister does before making a dress is draw it on paper, because she is imagining it. And the author of ‘Daring Do’? You can bet that everything she writes first appears in her head. And even our Princesses first have to imagine the sun and the moon moving across the sky, and in the right path, too, because they also imagined giving our world its seasons, and those are caused by the angle in which the sun moves. The way the stars are laid out at night, you can bet that Her Highness Princess Luna first imagines all the patterns, and then carefully moves them, which is why we should always appreciate her work. And every building and city in the world first exists only in parchment and paper, that is, in the imagination.

“So then this imaginary number, said the book, is a number that while it doesn’t really exist, it eventually forms the numbers that do exist, precisely by combining imaginary numbers with other imaginary numbers. And because imagination is the basis of illusion and teleportation spells, they would be impossible to cast without imaginary numbers, and each spell combines imaginary numbers with other imaginary numbers, and the end result is—you guessed it—the magic that you wanted to cast.

“When I read that, I felt as if my brain had suddenly cleared, as if Dame Dash had cleared an overcast sky in only one second. Every bit of confusion about the formula disappeared, and I finally understood all the written spells that I had tried to understand before, because before then I was looking at the imaginary number as a formula, and not the answer to a formula, as it really is. I literally fell off my bed when that happened. And I would have fallen asleep right there and then too, if I hadn’t discovered this mark on my flank.”

“Wait, you mean that you got your cutie mark…by reading books??? MATH books????”

“By definition, yes, Miss Scootaloo. You’ve…tried that already?”

Apple Bloom replied, “No…we’ve tried bein’ librarians…Miss Twahlaght an’ Spike didn’t like that at all…” The two in question snickered at that.

“But we’ve never tried reading the books,” said Sweetie Belle. “And Mr. Imaginary did…”

“Do yew think we maght fannd somethin’ if’n we try that?”

“But it will be so boring!!!” groaned the pegasus filly.

“Or it might be interesting,” said the stallion. “I read math books because I’ve always liked math. You might find math interesting…or history, or science, or weather, or any other subject, but you won’t know unless you first try them, Miss Scootaloo.”

“He’s raght, yew know. An’, by knowin’ more about stuff, we maght learn whut we did wrong in all our other crusadin’ attempts, too!”

Imaginary smiled. “The library is open for every pony who wants to learn.”

“Ah’m in!!” Apple Bloom stood tall. “Are ya’ll with me?”

“Yes!!” squeaked the unicorn filly.

Scootaloo sighed with resignation, and replied with little enthusiasm, “Okay, fine, but if I get bored, I’m going home!”

The three fillies then stood on their hind legs and proclaimed, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS—uh…”

They turned to Imaginary.

“Knowledge researchers.”

“—KNOWLEDGE RESEARCHERS, YAY!!!!!!!” And after high-hoofing each other, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle hopped on the wagon that was behind the scooter while Scootaloo took her position in front. The three donned their helmets, and with a hearty whoop, the three dashed toward Golden Oaks Public Library.

As the trio sped off, Twilight told her Number One Assistant, “Follow them, Spike. Since they won’t be trying the librarian cutie mark again, they’ll only need your help in getting books off the shelves. I’ll catch up with you in a bit…somehow I think you’re going to need help anyway.”

“Okay, but don’t take too long. I doubt those three are going to be able to stay still in order to read a whole book.” With that, the young dragon followed the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Imaginary then turned to Rarity and said, “Now then, there’s a spa in Ponyville?”

“You’ve never been to Aloe and Lotus’ Spa? Darling, you’re in for a treat! And I know just what to order for you.”

“I’ll take your word on that, Mi—um—Rarity. I hope they aren’t as expensive as some masseuses I’ve heard about in Canterlot.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about the bottom line, darling. I’ll pick up the tab for you.”

The stallion smiled. Of course: The Element of Generosity. Nopony would have expected less. “If you insist, though I kinda feel weird with a mare paying for me…not that I feel it’s wrong, of course, it’s just…a rather new experience for me.”

“Then we can pick up the tab, instead of Rarity.”

The group stopped when they heard that offer.

In front of them, blocking the path toward the spa, were Dame Rainbow Dash and Dame Pinkie Pie, looking forlornly at the shaggy stallion.

At the back of the rest of the group, Featherweight and Pip Squeak hid behind Bulk Biceps and Dame Fluttershy.

For a moment, Imaginary glared at the two Knights.

The two mares shivered for a moment, because they thought that his eyes glowed white for an instant, but they hoped that it was only a reflection of the sunlight.

After a long while, the brown unicorn simply replied, “You’ll have to speak with Rarity for that. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Imaginary then walked around the two mares to continue on his way, but Pinkie suddenly hopped and blocked him again. “Wait!! Immy, please!! We know you’re still upset with us because of what we did to you and your job and Pip and his parents and your friends…and we know just saying ‘sorry’ isn’t going to be enough for you, but we admit we did you wrong, okay? We…we know that our prank backfired and it was a mistake and…and we just want to make it up to you! We want to make things right!! That’s what friends do!!”

The stallion glared at her again for a moment, and replied as he walked around her, “While it’s commendable that you two want to make amends with me, right now I’m not entirely sure that I am comfortable speaking with either of you at this point in time. Like I said before, if you want to pick up the tab, talk to Rarity.”

“Ugh, what’s WRONG with you????!!!!”

Imaginary stopped.

And he fumed.

Because now, Rainbow Dash was blocking his path, and hovering above him once more.

She continued, “We’re trying to apologise and do you a favour!! Just what will it take for you to understand that we’re trying to do what we can to help??!! I mean, our insurance paid for your hospital stay!! Come on! If you want us to do more, just tell us what to do, and we’ll do it!! No strings attached, okay??”

But again, Imaginary refused to look up.

Instead, all he said was, “Dame Dash, with all due respect, I refuse to discuss this further with you if you’re not willing to land and speak to me eye to eye.”

At that, the pegasus mare darkened with anger, but still refused to land.

She thundered, “Grrr…what will it take for you to accept our apology?? Don’t tell me that you’re one of those snobby Canterlot types who are too stuck up to forgive other ponies who are more than sorry!!”

Hearing that, Imaginary growled.

Suddenly, he bent his knees slightly, lowered his head, and scraped his horn on the ground twice.

Then, he froze, and trembling slightly, blinked and straightened up.

He wished he could wink away right now before this mare made him lose his temper.

Breathing deeply, obviously straining to push back his defensive instincts, he replied, “No, Dame Dash, I’m not one of those snobby Canterlot types, as you’re so quick to accuse me, and in case you have any doubt, you can ask your employee and your ‘friends’, who will corroborate that I’m not.” He walked around her and continued on his way. “But right now, I simply do not wish to speak to Dame Pie, or to you. While it is definitely going to take some time before I can sincerely accept your apologies—I’ll have to speak with my nephew to more or less know when—you’re not exactly helping your case with your blatant tribalist attitude! Now, if you excuse me, I would appreciate if you two didn’t block my path again.”

But block his path she did, again.

Still hovering.

“Ugh!! Why do you insist on accusing me of tribalism??? Four of my best friends are non-pegasi, Faust-damn it!!”

Imaginary said nothing, but instead turned to Dame Sparkle, pointed at the blue mare hovering above him again, and sighed.

Twilight looked at the two for a moment, blinked, and suddenly gasped in realisation. The stallion’s gesture very much meant: “no further questions, the defence rests, Your Honour”.

And Twilight knew that Imaginary was right.

With a sigh of defeat, she rubbed her face with her hoof, and requested, “Rainbow, please land right now.”

The pegasus blinked in surprise, and landed in front of her. “What? Don’t tell me you agree with this jerk!”

Twilight sighed again, and explained, “Rainbow, we’ve been reading the Hearths Warming Eve play, and we’ve been studying the situation of the ponies in the Age of the Three Tribes. By that time, practically all ponies had left behind their animalistic instincts and had more or less established a code of conduct, at least within each tribe. When the Age of Harmony began, our animalistic instincts were pushed even further back, and even more during Discord’s reign, and still even more when the princesses defeated him and began their rule. However, occasionally, in moments of great stress, one or more of our base instincts will surface, momentarily, and mostly out of reflex, like whinnying, and, as you just saw now, unicorns will lean down and sharpen their horns on the ground when faced with an extreme danger.”

“So what’s your point?”

“Rainbow, ever since I met you, I’ve considered you to be a hyperactive pony, one that can’t stay still for long, because you love speed, and you love flying, and you love speed flying.”

“Oh, yeah!” she smiled, “That’s the best thing there is!!!”

“And that is a very integral part of you, and it’s something we all accept, and even enjoy, and consider useful, after all, it was your speed that saved Rarity and the Wonderbolts at the Young Flier’s Competition.”

“And nopony has been able to match my speed!” she boasted, striking a pose.

“And, I’ve noticed, that because you have a hard time staying still, even when you’re simply talking calmly to others, you tend to hover above other non-pegasus ponies when you do.”

“I do that?” she asked, genuinely surprised. “I mean…of course I do! Doesn’t everypony?”

“…um…I don’t…”

“Nor I,” growled the muscular pegasus, stepping up.

“Fluttershy and Bulk are right. Not every pegasus does what you do, Rainbow, and…at first…I just took that as a habit of yours that was simply linked to your hyperactivity and inability to stay still. Not to mention that every unicorn and earth pony also ignores that and just takes it as something you just do…so nopony considers it to mean anything at all.”

“So?”

Twilight sighed again. “Rainbow…apparently, Imaginary knows a little bit more about pegasus instinctive behaviour than the rest of us…and believe me, I just considered it to be something of no importance, precisely because you’re our friend and you’ve proven your loyalty and friendship to us over and over again…but…when you hover above other ponies when you talk to them—”

A yellow hoof interrupted the purple mare.

Twilight blinked in surprise as Fluttershy gently moved her aside to speak to Rainbow face to face.

And with a volume in her voice that allowed everypony to hear:

“Rainbow, I’ve always considered you one of my best friends, and I never thought anything of this habit of yours to mean anything bad, either…until now…because Mr. Imaginary is right, and with good reason. The reason he has taken offence of that gesture, and has accused you of tribalism…” she winced, “…is because when you hover above other ponies to talk to them, you’re forcing them to look up at you. You’re…displaying dominance above others…even above Twilight. You…are showing that you think you are higher ranked than other ponies, or at the very least, you’re considering yourself better than other ponies. You’re…proclaiming yourself to be the Alpha Mare.”

The blue mare blinked.

“Wha—? But I am higher ranked!! I’m the bucking Captain of the Ponyville Weather Team!!”

“That may be true, boss,” said Bulk, stepping alongside the yellow pegasus, his gruff voice was calm, but it clearly conveyed an annoyance that Rainbow Dash had never encountered before. “But we’ve noticed that you do this to me and all of your subordinates as well. Whenever you give us the day’s plan, you always hover several heads above us. And the reasons none of us ever called you up on that were, well, firstly, you’re our boss, and secondly, it just seemed practical to rise above others to make sure your instructions can be heard clearly. And for a long time, we all thought we were the only ones you did that to…until today, though if anypony of the team noticed anything else, we didn’t say anything until now because we value our jobs. Perhaps you may not be openly tribalist, but from what everypony is saying here, you are showing tribalist tendencies.”

Fluttershy continued, “And it’s not just with us, Rainbow. Even when you are in front of Princess Celestia, you don’t bow down all the way…or worse, you hover in front of her to look at her in the eye…and with Princess Luna—”

“You didn’t bow down at all,” snorted Imaginary, glaring at the blue pegasus. “Instead, you deliberately stayed floating on your pretty little thunder cloud and downright refused to land, bow, or even bucking GREET the co-ruler OF ALL EQUESTRIA!!! And worst of all, you thought it was a JOKE to physically assault her! Did you know that Assault on a Princess, whether it’s with malicious intent or not, is considered High Treason, and punishable by death or life in prison? Or do you think that as a Knight of Harmony you are automatically above the law as well as above everypony else, and thusly you have Celestia’s blessing to treat her sister as if she were not only a commoner, but as your own personal target for practicing bucking bolts???”

Rainbow backed up a bit and began sweating nervously.

She had never considered that.

“Tell me, Dame Dash, do you consider yourself an equal to Princess Celestia? Do you consider yourself to be better and more important than Princess Luna? Do you have any hidden illusions of grandeur that you would like to share with all your ‘friends’, besides the very high opinions you have about yourself? And even if you aren’t tribalist or want all pegasi to rule over every other pony, you still proclaim to the whole world that you think you’re better than everypony else! So, no, Dame Dash, I’m not going to bother to look up at you. I’m not going to join in the ego worship that you’re demanding from everypony else.”

“And that,” said Twilight suddenly, “is very likely the source of the conflict, Imaginary. Because nopony else thought anything of Rainbow’s ‘displays of dominance’, not to mention that both princesses chose to overlook that and are very forgiving,” she glared at Rainbow Dash, “she just took in the ‘ego worship’, and very much just basked in it. When you, however,” she turned to the stallion, “refused to look up at her, or even speak to her eye-to-eye, her ancient pegasi instincts kicked in and considered your actions to be a display of a challenge to her dominant status.” She sighed and shook her head. “And Rainbow Dash, being as brash as she is—”

“HEY!!!”

“—let herself be carried away by her instinctive response and thus became extremely hostile to you, Imaginary. She, or at least her instincts, considered you a threat to her ‘Alpha status’, and while she was considerate enough to remain civilised and didn’t deliberately attack you directly, she became aggressive to you by other means: by wanting to buy you at the auction, she would then ‘own’ you, at least for that night. There was also her ‘crashing’ on you, raining on you, and very much trying to provoke you into a physical confrontation.”

She turned to her brash friend, “Rainbow, I know you’re my friend, but you have to realise that not everypony is going to think that you’re Faust’s gift to stallions…or two percent of the mares. And for Faust’s sake, do try to show more reverence to the princesses, please.”

“Oh, I don’t mind her ‘attacking’ me, Dame Sparkle,” his habit kicked in again. “I’ve faced worse, not from pegasi, but from other unicorns. But this is why I’ve been rather…reluctant to accept your offers of friendship…even if they are technically an extension of the friendship I have with Dame Apple, because being friends with you, Dame Belle, and Dame Fluttershy, would mean that I would also be friends with Dame Pie—who still scares me—”

He turned to multicolour mare.

“—and Dame Rainbow Dash. And I certainly don’t want to be friends with an egotist or participate in your ego worship in any way whatsoever. You may not be openly tribalist, but you certainly have a very unhealthily high opinion of yourself. Tell me, Dame Dash, would you want to be friends with that unicorn mare who came by and claimed she was somepony important? That…Great And Powerful Whatshername?”

“Trixie?”

“Yes, her, I think.”

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment, and replied, “No!!! She was incredibly annoying!! She never stopped proclaiming that she was great and powerful and that she was the most magically gifted unicorn in Equestria, even when Twilight showed her up!!!”

“Then you’ve just answered your own question, Dame Dash. The only difference between YOU and that unicorn showmare is that at least SHE didn’t bother hiding behind any instinctive display of dominance and OPENLY declared herself to be an egotistical jerk, but she was no bigot or tribalist: she annoyed all three pony types just the same. YOU, however…sadly…are an egotistical AND BIGOTED jerk and only now are you discovering that about yourself…and even now you refuse to admit that you are, despite the fact that your friends and one of your employees—this includes two pegasi, mind you—have called you up on it. Do you need the princesses to call you up on it as well?” Imaginary snorted, “So, no, you don’t want to be friends with that showmare; that’s all fine and dandy. I simply choose to not be friends with you for that exact same reason, and much less with somepony who has allowed such bigoted and animalistic instincts to surface they way you have.” He chuckled, “You know, right now would be the perfect moment for me to make a very offensive joke about your parents and/or immediate ancestors that would explain why those ancient instincts appeared on you, Dame Dash, but just to prove that I’m the better pony here, I’ll deliberately choose not to say it, much less in front of my true friends and family. And that is all I have to say to you on this matter, Dame Dash.”

The blue mare fumed, almost thundered in anger, and hovered again, “You know, with an attitude like that, it’s no wonder that you don’t have a Very Special Somepony, you jerk!!”

“I HAD A VERY SPECIAL SOMEPONY, YOU ANNOYING PRANKSTER!!!”

Silence.

“Dang, Ah knew there was more t’this,” said Applejack.

The stallion turned around, eyes closed, hung his head, and repeated, “I…once had…a very special somepony…somepony I cared deeply about.”

“Eeyup,” confirmed Macintosh, eyeing with disappointment at his sister’s friends.

“You…you did? But…why aren’t you together anymore?” asked Pinkie, quite sullen at the revelation.

Imaginary sighed.

“We…we were still foals when we met at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Her name…was Abstract. She was the prettiest filly of them all…she a dark coat with a silvery mane and tail…we…played together…studied together…we even hid together when a rainbow exploded in the sky west of Canterlot and then we saw the giant green dragon head burst out of the roof of one of the towers…we thought that the world was going to end right there and then, and decided to spend our last moments huddled together inside a bush while we waited for the end. Of course, when nothing happened, and the dragon head disappeared, we came out and tried to find out what had happened. It took a few days for our parents to get the official news of Dame Sparkle’s exam results, but that’s another story. We felt so…so right together…despite our young age; we both knew that we were meant for each other. We made each other laugh, we shared jokes, knowledge…and…yes…even magic. I was never very good with telekinesis, but was proficient with teleporting, while she had the precision of a surgeon, but couldn’t teleport a pebble one inch. So, we complemented each other. We even tried to teach each other, and it was working great…until…”

The unicorn stallion looked up to Mount Canter.

“…until her tenth birthday. Her parents set up a huge party in their home, and they invited every foal in school, it seemed. Even…” he shuddered, “…the bullies and pranksters. I begged her not to let them in, but…her heart of gold was very forgiving. After all, who would dare play a prank or even bully a foal right in her own home, in full view of her parents?”

Imaginary turned and looked at an old and rusty horseshoe that was on the ground. “Or, if they did, it would be something…simple…laid back…harmless…” he glared at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, “And dare I say…non-lethal?”

The mares instinctively stepped back when they saw the expression on his face.

“Or at least that was their intention, according to the official report. One of those idiot pranksters had a knack for working with electric devices, so he had the hilarious idea of taking an average joy buzzer and tinkering with the discharge mechanism and channelled the magic from his horn to it so that it would deliver an extra kick when it shocked its victim. And his little invention worked.”

A smirking grey unicorn colt approached a naïve black unicorn filly, holding out his hoof, as a gesture of momentary truce, in honour of the filly’s birthday.

“Oh yes, it worked just like he planned.”

The filly smiled, extended her hoof, and took the colt’s hoof.

“In fact, it worked perfectly.”

Both foals’ manes and tails stood on end as a VERY loud buzz interrupted every conversation in the room.

“So perfectly…”

The colt smiled cruelly as his victim spasmed.

“In fact, it worked too perfectly…”

The colt and several of his friends laughed when the filly dropped on her right side, still convulsing.

“And they just stood there, enjoying the fruit of their labour…”

Not only was she convulsing, but her eyes were rolled up into their sockets.

“Until they saw that something went very, very, very wrong…”

They continued laughing, but their mockery began to taper off when they saw that she didn’t stop convulsing. Suddenly, a lanky brown colt teleported next to the fallen filly, bucking away the instigator and crying out her name.

Moments later, several fillies screamed in terror.

Then, the mother and father screamed in terror.

Pandemonium followed after that, and the bullies and pranksters took advantage of that to sneak out of the house…

“Abstract never opened her eyes again—”

“Now wait just a minute!!” interrupted Pinkie. “I know my joy buzzers, and I KNOW that even IF some foal tampered with it, the voltage overload wouldn’t be enough to cause permanent damage without connecting it to a VERY large generator!!” The pink mare was face-to-face with Imaginary, pressing her forehead against his, and eyeing him very angrily. “And that unicorn colt couldn’t have channelled THAT much magic without draining all of his magic and passing out himself!”

Imaginary didn’t flinch.

“You’re absolutely right, Dame Pie. The voltage wouldn’t have been high enough…for a normal foal. What those idiot pranksters—whom you are so [gritting his teeth] lovingly defending right now—didn’t know…”

The stallion trembled with rage.

Suddenly, both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were on the ground, flat on their backs, surrounded by a gold-earth aura, and Imaginary scowled down at them.

“…THEY DIDN’T BUCKING KNOW THAT SHE HAD A WEAK HEART CONDITION!!!”

Imaginary closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath, releasing them from his magic before he exhausted himself.

“We rushed her to the hospital as fast as we could without winking her…it was just too risky to use teleportation magic with her condition…and the doctors worked triple overtime that night, but…nothing could be done.”

The broken stallion looked up.

“Abstract’s funeral was the next day. I don’t think I have ever cried so much since then…or in front of so many ponies. And to add insult to injury…”

The lanky unicorn colt sobbed as he stared at the headstone.

Though it declared her name, it did not display any symbol of any kind.

“…she never got her cutie mark. She died a blank flank. And she never saw me get mine, either,” he glanced at the symbol of the square root of minus one that adorned his own flanks.

“I thought I heard of an unfortunate event back then…I wish I hadn’t been so caught up in my books to find out more about what happened. Were…” Twilight’s voice cracked for a moment, as she tried to hold back her tears. “…were the foals responsible…punished?”

Imaginary looked away.

“Oh yes, they were punished. They received a punishment worthy of their actions.”

“What…what was the punishment?”

The stallion turned to Twilight, “Let’s just say that I personally made sure that those jerks never played another prank on anypony else…ever again.”

Suddenly, he turned to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, “Are you two jerks still wondering why I don’t want to be your friend? Did you really think it was all about correcting your bigoted attitude or your annoying nosiness and questionings?? IT’S PRANKSTERS LIKE YOU WHO KILLED ABSTRACT!!!” he screamed. “And you nearly left me a vegetable, or worse, you nearly left my sister without a brother, and Pip without an uncle!!! So forgive me if I can’t help but think that you two aren’t exactly mares whom I want to associate with! Forgive me for worrying that any of your pranks has the possibility of backfiring catastrophically!!!”

He stepped closer, making them back away once more.

He growled.

“And forgive me for thinking that you two are the WORST mares that the Elements of Harmony could have chosen for Laughter and Loyalty, because of what you did to Her Highness Princess Luna. Were you two ever aware that because of your ‘innocent pranks’ on Nightmare Night, Her Highness almost postponed indefinitely the re-opening of Equestria’s Royal Night Court?? Were you aware of how much counselling Her Highness Princess Celestia had to give her in order to convince her to not postpone it???”

He glared at them.

“Because of your ‘innocent pranks’, one of the most noble establishments of Equestria was almost shelved indefinitely, after one thousand years of preparations to reinstate it. Not to mention that you two single-hoofedly undid nearly fifteen months of healing and painstaking work Her Highness Princess Luna did to distance herself from Nightmare Moon, not to mention fifteen months of efforts to remove fear, apprehension, terror, and ostracism, from herself as well.”

He turned away once more, and concluded, “And that is all I have to say to you two.”

With a loud pop and a burst of magic, Imaginary disappeared.

He reappeared not very far from there, of course, but it was clear he was heading back to his house.

Twilight rubbed her face with her hoof again. “And now, thanks to you two, we’re all back to square one. Again.”

Pinkie was crying openly, but not quite sobbing loudly. She sniffed, “We…we didn’t know he had something so deep and painful buried inside.”

Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, was trotting back and forth, trying not to cry. “Grr…I’m SO glad I wasn’t there! I would have shown those pranksters a thing or two!! I…I…” she stopped, and looked at her fellow Knights. “I…we messed up big time, didn’t we? Not only does Imaginary not want to be our friend…he downright hates us? Because of all the pranks we’ve done??”

Here, Big Macintosh stepped up, and since he was upset, he was more talkative than normal. “Yew two gals muss’ unnerstand that, eeyup, there are plenty o’ pranks that can be done that won’t hurt anypony. Or even if’n they do, the pony is quick t’forgive. Imaginary told us ‘bout Abstract shortly after we became friends, an’ he asked us not t’mention that t’others, cuz…well, yew can see why. Pranksters killed his VSSP, an’ scarred him f’r life, an’ he’s been tryin’ t’put that behind him, but with all th’ pain he went through, he never tried lookin’ f’r another VSSP, or even date anypony at all. That’s why we asked him t’sign up f’r th’ auction. We…thought he was ready t’move on.”

“And it might have worked, too,” added Bulk, sadly. “You see, after Abstract died, and he…retaliated against the pranksters, he was still bullied at school, but that stopped shortly after he joined a gym and he bulked up, but even then, he never thought any mare would want anything to do with him because of his ‘plain looks’. But we thought things would change for the better if he saw mares, you know, desiring him, and placing an actual value on him. Even now he still can’t believe that the committee thought he was one of the most handsome stallions around…and everything was going well…until you two cast the winning bid. Then…everything spun out of control.”

Twilight sighed, “And knowing what you two did to everypony, and to Princess Luna on Nightmare Night—wait, Applejack, neither you nor Pip Squeak were there when Rainbow Dash pranked Luna—”

“Nope,” said Macintosh, glaring at Rainbow Dash. “Imaginary himself was there. After he had helped his sister an’ brother-in-law get settled in that night, he went t’town lookin’ f’r Pip. As he was searchin’ f’r him…he saw what happen’d in that alley.”

Twilight trembled with frustration, and then turned to the pranksters. “You…you two are lucky Princess Luna is so forgiving! But…nearly cancelling forever her Night Court?? Girls, I know Princess Celestia enjoys—and even gives—a minor prank or two, but did you two really think that Princess Luna was going to be just the same?? She had been locked away for one thousand years!!! And her visit to Ponyville was her first trip outside Canterlot after she came back!!! Pinkie, it’s okay to have fun, but you have to realise that there are times when you have to be serious!! And Rainbow, was pranking so important that you didn’t think it was necessary to greet your princess??” She snorted. “You know, I don’t fault Imaginary for refusing to be friends with you both. The rest of us are quick to forgive you because we’ve known each other for a long time now…but Imaginary…he only knows you from the stories Applejack and Big Macintosh have told him. And because of what he’s been through, he doesn’t like what he has heard. And now it’s going to be a very long time before that changes.”

She turned to the others, and asked, “Do you think he went home?”

The red stallion nodded. “He pro’lly winked several times. If’n we follow him now, we maght catch up with him in ‘bout thirty minutes.”

“Then let’s go. It’s obvious that he needs his friends right now,” said Rarity, and she suddenly turned to the pranksters, “Which, unfortunately, does not include you two. I’m sorry, Dash and Pinkie, but…you’re going to have to sit this one out. Don’t worry, though, we’ll be sure to talk with you two later.”

With that, Applejack, Rarity and Twilight trotted north, while Fluttershy took Pip Squeak home.

Macintosh and Bulk looked at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash with suppressed anger for a long moment, and then they trotted off as well, with the pegasus carrying his foal on his back.

One unicorn mare, however, stayed behind for a moment.

“G…Grapesy?” stuttered Pinkie Pie, as the spectacled unicorn glared at the two.

“You know you two were complete and utter idiots, right?” she began. “Seriously, you two have acted in such a retarded manner, you should really be sent back through school, because apparently they did not cover manners, or inter-tribal relations. That, or you should move back to Cloudsdale, so you won’t be such a bad influence on Pinkie here, DAME Rainbow Dash…” Sour Grapes trembled with rage for a moment, and then stomped at the pegasus, “…you worthless, cloud-jockeying, shiftless, lay-abouting…chicken,” she growled.

Then she turned to the party mare, huffed for a second, and continued, “And you, Pinkie, obviously, despite saying you had, did not learn a single solitary THING from your encounter with Cranky Doodle Donkey.”

“Wait, wha—”

“Cranky Doodle Donkey. Remember him? Went to outrageous lengths to avoid you, because he did not wish to be your friend, and you ended up destroying his most precious memento?” She trembled with rage, “Do you not even RECALL that particular event?”

Pinkie panicked, “Y—yes—b—but—but Immy was already friends with you and Applejack and Big Macintosh and Twilight and Apple Bloom and Bulk Biceps—”

“That doesn’t mean he wants to be your friend. Seriously, you can be a little overwhelming. And just forcing yourself upon anypony is the wrong way to make friends,” she almost pressed her forehead against Pinkie’s, “and you know it.”

Sour Grapes sighed, trying to calm herself down, and then turned around to follow the rest of Imaginary’s friends.

A few steps later, she stopped, and turned, “One more thing, Pinkie. Some ponies don’t appreciate having a nickname just forced upon them. It’s not polite.”

Polite.

That which Imaginary had been to her, and to everypony, right from the start.

“Now if you two imbeciles don’t mind, I will be taking my leave of you. My friend needs me. And you two will be lucky to have any, after this little fiasco.”

Sour Grapes left.

Yet once more, the two remaining Knights of Harmony were left standing in complete despondence.

Alone…

Author's Note:

One reason why reading books just MIGHT help Scootaloo: http://fav.me/d5xeuc1

Comments

[Darkheretic]

*looks on flabbergasted*

[i_am_the_jam]

3271424

It's true. Look at all the episodes where RD "bows" to Celestia, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Two more chapters to go.

[Darkheretic]

3271745 dude when the caption to the story said he didn't like 2 of the elements I was expecting the usual "pinkie talks too fast and is very in your face" or "raritys voice is very grating and she acts to posh", I am just completely blown away how well thought out this is and to see such hate from protagonist level at rainbow dash.

[i_am_the_jam]

3272539

I'm surprised no one else has caught on to how RD behaves around Celestia. But as you can see from Chapter 9, it really all stems from both a traumatic experience on his part, and from their pranking habits.

[Undaku]

3271745 Damn. Just damn. I'm glad i'm not the only one who noticed the problems with RD and Pinkie through the series and this is a story I have been looking for, where they realize that they shouldn't act like that and show respect to other ponies. Good show!

[i_am_the_jam]

3272652

Thanks for the thumbs up! Hopefully we can turn that rating around!

[Darkheretic]

3272560 the traumatic experience thing is completely understandable cause for his hate against pranksters and I guess I never gave dashs negative traits/actions much thought outside of "man that mare needs a big slice of humble pie" I guess its just one of those things that until you have it pointed out to you you don't notice it.

[i_am_the_jam]

3273233

Also, their prank didn't exactly help in their attempts to get him to be their friend.

I also wonder if any other prank they have done has backfired catastrophically.

[Darkheretic]

3273488 true. Hmmm probably not as bad but some people can be allergic to stuff like itching and sneezing powder. I'm not much of a prankster myself so idk