Soarin's Little Secret

by Dashie222

Chapter-Five

Rainbow Dash and Soarin’ had been back together for three months.

Three months. Rainbow Dash remembered what happened the last time she was with Soarin’ for three months.

But this time was different. Soarin’ had changed and she knew that. Plus, everything was already planned. She would be waiting for Soarin’ at the restaurant because he had to stay late at work.

Rainbow Dash had just eaten breakfast with Soarin’ and was making sure he knew what to do, “And don’t forget to come to the restaurant. Oh, but first you need to stop at Carousel Boutique to pick up the tuxedo Rarity made for you.”

“Do I have to wear a tuxedo,” Soarin’ said in a slightly childish way.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, “Yes Soarin’, you have to wear a tuxedo.”

“Oh fine,” Soarin’ said, crossing his legs and pouting jokingly.

“And you’d better not forget,” Rainbow Dash thought back to their last three month anniversary, “Or else.”

“Alright alright Dashie, I get it,” Soarin’ glanced at his watch, “I’ve gotta go, I’m running a little late.”

“Okay then. Just make sure you’re on time Soarin’.”

“I will. I promise.”

“Do you Pinkie promise?”

Soarin’ didn’t know what a Pinkie promise was but he went along with it any ways, “Sure, I Pinkie promise.”

“Good,” Rainbow Dash said, feeling at ease, “Oh and just so you know, if you break a Pinkie promise Pinkie Pie will hunt you down and make you wish you hadn’t.”

Soarin’ began to feel uneasy after hearing that, but Rainbow Dash was already pushing him out of the door so she could get ready.

It wasn’t very often that Rainbow Dash felt she needed to look pretty but this was an exception. She had spent all day getting ready and hadn’t even noticed when it was time to leave.

Rainbow Dash sat at the table waiting for Soarin’. She had arrived early due to her excitement and so she only felt more impatient as time went on. The minutes went by, and then the hours. She watched as other couples left, one-by-one, each enjoying their night until she was the only pony left except the employees.

“Excuse me miss,” one of the waiters said as he was next to Rainbow Dash, “We’re about to close up for the night,” He assessed the situation and realized what happened, “You got stood up,” he said sympathetically.

“Yeah but…I half expected it to happen,” She wanted to believe what she just said, but she didn’t. She was truly surprised. She thought Soarin’ had changed but he let her down.

She got to her cloud castle and locked herself in her room. She was in there for a whole week, trying to see if Soarin’ gave any signs that he didn’t change. She tried to think of possible reasons for him not showing up. She didn’t find any answers. She only came out for a few times, either to get something to eat or to go to the bathroom, and then went back in. She didn’t feel like doing anything. She just wanted to stay there and she would’ve had it not been for her friends.

There was a faint knocking on the door followed by Fluttershy’s voice, “Rainbow Dash...I was wondering if maybe…if maybe you could please come out.”

“No!” Rainbow Dash replied.

Then she heard another familiar voice, “Hey Rainbow Dash, there’s something you need to know.”

Twilight was there. ‘She must have used the spell to walk on clouds.’ Rainbow Dash thought to herself.

“What,” she said, still displeased that she wouldn’t be left alone.

“Well you see, the reason Soarin’ couldn’t make it was because…he got hit by a bus,” Twilight barely managed to say.

At first Rainbow Dash thought that this must have been some kind of joke. Or maybe Twilight was covering for Soarin’. She was wrong, and another voice she heard confirmed it.

“I’m sorry Rainbow but Twilight’s tellin’ the truth.”

Rainbow Dash knew that was Applejack. It was Applejack, the element of honesty. She couldn’t lie, even once.

Rainbow Dash burst out of the door, “Where is he?” she asked in a panicked voice.

Her friends couldn’t believe that she was breaking down. For once she wasn’t being her cool, regular self but who could blame her.

“He’s in the Ponyville hospital but-“ Twilight began but Rainbow Dash bolted off before she could finish.

Rainbow Dash had made it to the hospital and was immediately directed to Soarin’s room, almost as if they knew she would be looking for him. She entered the room to see Soarin’ lying in one of the beds. He was in bad shaped and Rainbow Dash quickly ran to his bedside.

“Oh my gosh, Soarin’ are you alright?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’ll take more than a bus to stop me but…”

“But what?” Rainbow Dash asked, wanting to know what he was trying to say.

“I didn’t make it. I wasn’t on time. I broke my Pinkie promise,” there was a sudden angry booming sound far off in the distance, “Oh no,” Soarin’ said, trying to improve the atmosphere, “Now Pinkie Pie’s going to hunt me down.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure she knows you had a good reason.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Oh, I almost forgot,” Soarin’ said as he reached to grab something. It was a long string with a plastic card attached at the end, ‘It’s a Wonderbolts V.I.P. pass. Now you can come and watch me train any time.”

“Thanks but…I don’t think I need to keep my eye on you any more,” Rainbow Dash said.

“After all the trouble I did to get it for you too,” Soarin’ muttered to himself.

“Well, I guess I might as well make good use of it,” she said to cheer Soarin’ up from his pouting.

“Yay,” Soarin’ said in a childish manner.

“Oh and Soarin’,” Rainbow Dash began to say, “Don’t get hit by a bus again.”

“Well,” he stopped to pretend like he was thinking about it, “Okay.”

The End

Comments

[The Fuckest Duck]

First
He broke a pinkie promise!

[FlutterStar]

273480 dun dun ddddduuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn...>=O

[kladdos]

poor soarin'. First hit by a bus and in a few moments hit by a scary pink mare...

[Dashie222]

279210

Well Rainbow Dash did say she would reason with Pinkie Pie but then again...she can be unreasonable at times so maybe he will be.

[Zombiekitty1235]

omg that was great!!!

[Professor Piggy]

Well, commenting and critiqueing as promised.

I like the story. I think it's interesting and I think the brevity of it is an interesting choice that keeps it from getting stale or redundant. At the same time I think the way we never see any of the characters thoughts is a rare element. I like the way it leaves everything more open to interpretation, but at the same time I think it would help to have the writing be a little bit more emotive.

The lack of thoughts combined with the lack of emotive words leads to some of the scenes feeling a little bit flat - which is a shame, because as I said your writing isn't at all bad. I think you do dialogue better than anything else - the conversations flow well, but the lines in between could stand to be a little bit more expressive.

There's really only one scene I had an issue with - I can't personally see Dash seducing the room service pony to get the key. She seems more like the type to try and kick the door in, to me. But it doesn't take away from the story and i'm not telling you to change it - if you see her that way awesome. That said? I wish Soarin hadn't gotten a happy ending. I mean SURE he was hit by a bus and suffered horribly but really, he deserved so much worse.

I might be a little bias against cheaters. Maybe.

On the whole? I enjoyed it. I think it's well done and it made me want to know what happened, so what more can you ask for in a story?

Watch for typos, though! They're your worst enemy when it comes to this sort of thing. Well, they're mine. I make a lot of typos.

Good job.

[Dashie222]

300948

I know I'm lacking in the emotion part and I try my best to improve with each story.

Honestly I had a lot of trouble writing this stor (Edit: SEE look I just put "stor" instead of "story") because there were so many out of character moments for Rainbow Dash and I had to make up what she would do. And also I figured that breaking down the door would have led the story in a different direction because she would just be kicked out of the hotel right then and there.

As for Soarin', I was originally going to have him die after getting hit by the bus but that just seemed bad for Rainbow Dash more than it would be bad for Soarin'.

And as for typos, I do all of my stories in a word document first so it catches most of them. However one mistake I've made a few time that it doesn't catch is when I use "barley" instead of "barely" Right now I really need to use it because my "Y" key is having trouble working and I need the red line underneath it or else I wouldn't catch it because I pressed the key.

Well I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Hey you changed your avatar The other one was better.

Oh and don't forget to try a muffin.

[Professor Piggy]

301830

Hey, don't feel bad - it's still a good story, and that really is the only way to improve at anything.

And yes, I see - I do it all the time. And it's true it would have been quite a different story that way - sounds like fun, though.

I suppose I can forgive you for not catering to my brutal anti-Soarin whims. BUT! I'm going to pretend your ending to TGWP is actually the ending to this just so he suffers a bit more. I know - i'm a nice piggy.

And yes, I did. Something about this one makes me laugh every time I see it, so i'll use it for a bit. Though the other one did the same, so never know when i'll go back.

And I will try a muffin, but it shan't be for a few days at least I fear.

Edit: I'm still seeing my old avatar, anyways. Sigh. It's so hard being me. :'(

[Dashie222]

302605

Why a few day? Why not now? Oh and you have to make sure you try one of each kind of muffin.

You know this isn't the best place to chat.

If you reply could you please do it at The Games We Play:Supplementary Materials

I like it there better.

Plus I'd rather have someone else's story artificially be more popular and not mine.

[Swagg]

Wait, what happened to Spitfire?? Feels kinda incomplete without having heard anything from her Not that it was a bad story, I just think you could have wrapped it up by tying all the knots of the story together? Plus, I kinda doubt Rainbow Dash would have spent a week in her room without having heard anything about Soarin's bus incident...
Sorry if I sound like I'm trying to flame you or something, really I'm just pointing out a few things that slightly bugged me.

[SolidFire]

I thought that this was a good story. Yeah, it could have used a bit more descriptive filler between the dialogue, but, it did not deter that much. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep up the great writing.

[Hash1996]

I liked this story, only thing is in some places it felt like it was lacking emotion or tone, particularly when it came to dialogue, apart from that really nice story

[Aurora Steel]

All I have to say is that this story is EPIC!!!!!