(Cancelled) A Death Knight's Ramblings

by Nox Drachen

Chapter 2: Day 14-15 Noon

Day 14: Vegetarians are sadists. I approve.

Word. Sentence. Fizzleberg-the-professional-gnome-ball-says-what. IT WORKS! I'll save a fortune in ink! Not to mention holding the quills as long as I usually did left a terrible aftertaste. No wonder they remove the feathers before they eat birds. Magic can be useful, I suppose. Yes, I did thank the mages for making this for me while I was... hiking.

Alright Xia will save a fortune in quills and ink, seeing as I was actually using hers. Don't judge me.

Two weeks. We've been here for a whole two weeks, and still no sight of a way back. At first Xia thought that this world didn't have visible ley lines that could lead us home, as they are what mages use to "guide" their portals. So I had this incredible and awesome idea: What if the reason she can't see any, is because they're stupidly huge?

Turns out this world is completely covered not in ley "lines", but a ley "blanket". Xia and Twilight are still nuts about each others magic, and oh dear she's learned Mirror Image I'm out of here WHY ARE THERE DOZENS OF TWILIGHTS? The spell is supposed to create only three copies, four on special occasions. SIXTY IS NOT THE SAME AS THREE.

At least most of the clones appeared outside the tree. Luckily it's late and other ponies are inside, although the fact that Xia also cast it didn't help as another sixty clones appeared outside. Of course, she only started rambling on about theories involving magic and I don't really care I'm talking a walk. The spells have run out, so I can finally get out.

---

Wow. I've always appreciated the beauty of the night, but this... this is simply breathtaking. Sorry Elune, you've been replaced. They have a goddess of the Night here, whose power is not only limited to the moon, but the entire night sky as well as the realm of dreams.

Her name is Luna. I want to meet her someday, preferably without repeating what I did when I met her sister. It's not my fault I haven't killed anything! Actually, I don't quite understand what's going on. I haven't been able to kill anything here, not even the... "specimen" I met at the edge of the forest. Or the manticore I met after I chased it deep into the woods, which I didn't even hurt much. I'm not sure if it left me alone due to fear or confusion, but I was flabbergasted. Why is it that whenever I so much as think of killing another being here, it feels... wrong?

What if Lorn didn't stop me from assaulting Celestia? Would I have stopped? Why do I not feel the same thing when thinking about killing either Lorn or Xia? Which, I must add, I would not do without a proper reason. The action would do me more harm than good in more ways than one, and such sheer STUPIDITY is stupid. It's... human.

Technically it's not limited just to them, but since someone in the past decided to make humans the most important race in the history books, I will class it as such. I'm an elf, not a bucking humanoid. Oh wait I forgot, I'm currently a small quadruped. An equine. Fine, a small pony with a tattoo on my flank. And I look AWESOME.

There is one more thing, which I haven't told the others yet. I don't really want to go back. Something about this place just feels... right. Like when you launch gnomes at a mountainside to promote the Feast of Winter Veil, only better. Could it be? Is the reason why I like it here, why I can't just kill anything, why I'm currently gazing at the stars as this book writes my thoughts, that this world contains something my old one does not?

Is this world... innocent?

My lungs hurt due to the absurdity of the previous statement. Not even our children are innocent in Azeroth, how could an entire world be that pure? What's next, selfless friendships? Selflessness does not exist, every action provides a benefit in the eyes of the actor. Like my crusade against the only true evil in Azeroth, which went smoothly until I ended up here and found one that wasn't like the ones back there. And while evil is mostly just another word for stupid, they are an exception. Controlling a world without its inhabitants even caring is simply diabolic. Diabolical. What a weird word.

Wait, a noise. There's something here. Or rather, there is something that is not here.

That makes no sense.

Well it's gone now, better catch up on what happened the last three days. Whatever it was, it's probably nothing to worry about.

So there I was, sneaking towards the forest like a rogue. Which proved quite hard, seeing as I can't actually call upon the Shadow like they do. "We can turn invisible and you can't, MYEEEEH." Bucking rogues. So I just walked like a normal pony instead. And then I reached the edge of the forest.

One of them were there. So obviously, I chased it. That was a bad idea. As we ran deeper into the forest, past trees that I actually put some effort into avoiding, I finally caught up with it. The first one of them I've seen here, which might explain why Lorn told me to stay out of Fluttershy's house. She cares for animals, she was bound to have some of those in there!

It was a squirrel. As I held it down with one of my hooves, I drew Arvenrarth. I could hear her wail, calling out for blood. Then I swung her.

They never connected. I simply couldn't do it. For the first time in my unlife, I shed a tear. I've never let any of these creatures escape me before, even going as far as infiltrating the headquarters of the Feat Recognition Society to add them to the Pest Control feat. Venera was incredibly helpful, even though her reasons were different from mine. I'll give her that, linking the School of Hard Knocks feat to a meta feat was absolutely brilliant. It still wasn't fixed before the three of us ended up in this weird world. As annoying as she can be, we've had a lot of fun practicing genocide in the past in every squirrel nest we've stumbled upon.

And now I couldn't kill this one, for reasons I did not know. So I let it go. And I must have gotten a whole lot of somethings in my eyes, because I could feel more tears flowing. A Death Knight, trapped in a world with creatures he does not want to kill, seemingly crying like a child in the middle of a forest. Because of all the stuff in his eyes. Venera would never have let me forget it, but I didn't care. I must've had a lot of stuff in my eyes, because it just wouldn't stop. And it certainly was not because I was sick of being tired, trapped and suffering from life force withdrawal. I had lots of stuff in my eyes. Let's go with that.

FINE. I actually cried, but I'm not sure why. HAPPY NOW?

And then the manticore showed up. Manticores are not wyverns. Their tails are more flexible, their front legs separate from their wings and quite powerful, and their wings are ridiculously small. At least pegasus wings are of a decent size, manticore wings looks like what the lovechild of a gnome and a bat would have. Wait, a gnome ball with wings... if the ball can fly, the sport could be done in the air on flying mounts. Perhaps some rather small ones which are easy to produce, like the flying brooms from the Hallow's End celebrations. Add a few rabid versions of the ball that must be hit with maces, preferably by assigned players who knock them into the opposite team. Maybe even a midget version of the normal ball shrunken by voodoo magic that causes the game to end when caught!

Wait, this sounds like a mage sport. Screw that.

Right, manticore. As it roared at me, I decided I've had enough. So I roared back. Then it had the audacity to hit me in the face with a paw. YOU DO NOT HIT THE FACE OF A SIN'DOREI. So I stabbed him.

With my face. I'm such a hypocrite. Hey, at least it worked! Partly. It just looked at me with its face painted by confusion, and walked away. Rather than ponder on what had just happened, I simply disappeared in a different direction instead. Time simply flew by and I made no effort to count it. Counting time is boring and only makes it pass slower. No wonder Nozdormu will one day snap, being the warden of time itself must suck.

Then earlier today, they found me somewhere. Somewhere with lots of trees, this being a forest and all that. I'm so observant. Both Xia and Lorn were there, followed by Twilight and two other ponies I had not seen yet. One orange coated with blond hair, wearing a oddly suitable hat. Name's Applejack, she's an apple farmer. The other pony is light blue, with... seriously, how is it even possible for her hair to be the six clearest colours of a rainbow? That makes about as much sense as- actually, nevermind. MAGIC. Her mane/tail are naturally coloured in such a fashion it resembles a rainbow. And she's a pegasus obsessed with speed, named Rainbow Dash. Talk about creative parents.

Applejack's an earth pony, which means no wings or horn. Like me. I learned a few hours after this that earth ponies actually have magic, but it's focused around their bond with the earth and nature itself. How fitting that I am one.

From the looks on their faces, they were prepared to fight me if need be. I guess they were told of my... condition. But I doubt they were prepared for what actually happened, because I certainly wasn't. Applejack was carrying two saddlebags, which caught my interest. There was something inside them, something that caused me to walk slowly towards her. I don't even know what they said next, all I know is that something was emitting tremendous life force from within those bags. Then she drew two of the items they contained and bucked them at me.

I caught both easily, instantly swallowing both in one bite.That was the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. No, not tasted. Felt. More fulfilling than killing ignorant minions, more delicious than despair from all those I have slaughtered over years.

I love Applejack. Apples. Her apples. I can't erase this can I.

Apples. Azerothian apples are simple plants, but these... just one contains more life than a dozen cultists, and it's SO DELICIOUS. Eating one of these apples is like chewing down several screaming souls at once, slowly grinding their essence down as the very fabric of their being is being torn apart in a glorious volcano of pain. Even Arvenrarth can absorb these, thus eliminating the "Thirst for Death" problem I've had here. AJ even offered me another batch if I helped her on the farm with some work tomorrow, which I agreed to. I just hope it isn’t “collect ten of this”, those quests are boring.

I'm still not sure why AJ trusts me, maybe she knows something I don't. Dash does not trust me just yet, and considering how I kind of attempted regicide a few days ago I think she has a good reason.

Still, she didn't have to kick me. WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE FACE? I was only trying to give AJ a hu- I mean, a thank you! Certainly not a hug. Maybe. Actually yes I honestly did. I was high on apples, don't hold me responsible for things that I may or may not have wanted to do. I've only given two hugs in my life, one I will not tell you about and one for the Lich King's remains. Best. Revenge. Ever. All the other hugs do not count, as they were given to me without my approval.

The last thing I remember was that before I could even respond to being kicked, something very hard hit me on the head. A certain somepony's shield to be precise. I'm starting to see a pattern here. Didn't wake up until later, back in the library. Xia told me how they had carried me back, unsure of what to do next. At least I wasn't made of stone this time, and my face seemed to be in good shape. Better yet, my colours were strong again. In fact I was in better shape than the day we arrived here. Lorn must've hit me harder than usual, because the sun was already setting. Another pattern. Maybe I'll start wearing a helm again. all these blackouts are getting on my nerves. Speaking of helmets, why isn't there any out there that'll let my ears stay free? It's as if they were all created for humans and then simply changed in size to fit all the other races, and I'm NOT shortening my eyebrows just so I can wear a Night damn helmet!

Wait... I just tried my helmet. IT HAS HOLES FOR MY EARS. I LOVE THIS WORLD. And my eyebrows are short. I love this world less.

AJ came in shortly, probably to check up on Twilight. I remained calm, mostly, gave her a sincere apology for my behavior and complimented her apples. Withdrawal or not, I'm still responsible for my actions. I KNOW WHAT I SAID EARLIER, SHUT UP. Like my colours, my mind is also back in good shape. Mostly. Which is why I asked her exactly what she wanted me to do in exchange for more of her absolutely amazing apples.

So I'm supposed to meet her at her farm tomorrow... wait, when did the morning arrive? Today then. Guess I better get going, supposedly they're early birds. Just like Lorn who just now tried sneaking up on me. It didn’t work.

---

Day 15: Bashing nature with the power of math!

First thing I noticed was his hair. It was as if Lorn had just taken a dip in an ocean, collided with ALL the wildlife, forgotten to dry it afterwards and then been hit by a thunderstorm. Instead of the split in front falling to each side like my own, it was now merged with the rest of the mane leaving only the spikes pointing backwards. It looked absolutely terrible.

... It suits him and I might want to try it too. However, seems he got it by free falling which complicates things. See, I don't have wings. And I've fallen to my death enough times to know how unpleasant it is. Even been to Dalaran? Almost two years ago flying under the floating city was a death hazard, with different races falling off all the time. What kind of a moron makes a flying city without fences? Taller fences. Fine, walls. MORE WALLS!

It's not like most of these morons that fall off don't come back to life later, and before you ask: I fell off once. ONCE. That's all you'll ever know. Spirit Healers must get paid a fortune for dealing with the kind of customers they get daily. With death being so easily avoided it's no wonder every moron and their brain dead dog never stay dead for long. And they don't even question it when an actual death happens and the dead can't be resurrected by any means. Just look at Cairne, why didn't anyone notice how he should've been resurrected yet didn't?

I know why. Because of the ones really in charge of what goes on in Azeroth. And I swear, the Empire will fall one day. It will be glorious and covered in onions. They’ll never expect an onion invasion.

Seems Lorn just wanted to talk, mostly about some meetup we were supposed to have later today. The farm wasn't too far away, so I wouldn't have to listen to that much. It's called Sweet Apple Acres, which is... nice. I know this because I do actually listen to what others say. Most of the time. When it's not boring. Or about magic. Two themes which are not mutually exclusive. Mainly mage magic.

And while I was out in the woods, both he and Xia have gotten themselves a place to stay. Xia's staying over at the library, while Lorn's staying with this "Rarity" pony I haven't met yet. By the sound of it she's fascinated by his jewelcrafting and the fact that he can stand still. There's supposedly a sixth pony that will attend this meeting, but the only information I got on her was "expect the unexpected." Really, is she going to be normal?

Before he left he gave me an advice I didn't really need. "Mind your wording." That incident during Children's Week only happened once and it didn't scar the children that much! How was I supposed to know that my description of how to make a salad would cause so much vomiting? No I'm not telling you, the last thing I need is another book that retches. Why someone would even make create such a useless thing is beyond me. Yes, I was on the receiving end of the first dose. The mage who made it didn't find it funny once I showed it down his throat.

---

We shall never mention this again.

While working, I tried to converse by asking a bit about the farm in general. This place is HUGE, with several hundred apple trees as far as the eye can see. And they're usually only two or three doing the work, which is absurd. Just two ponies taking care of several hundred apple trees alone is impressive, especially considering the lack of thumbs. But it's not just apples, I can see corn acres as well. They must have immense amounts of stamina to be able to pull this off.

So I asked her if she was a tank. SMOOTH. Then I explained what it meant, and the topic of what I do came up. Buck.

One thing lead to another and suddenly I have two ponies staring at me like I just came out of a squirrel nest, which usually means I'm completely red. Telling them about how death works in Azeroth these days didn't really help. They still stared.

AJ was the first to break the ice, seemingly unsure of how to deal with it. I swore on my grave that I would not cause her or any she cared about harm, which might have made things worse. Me and my big mouth. Her brother frowned at me. I don't like frowning, it gives off the impression they consider me a thre- oh. Smart fellow. That's also when I learned that his vocabulary contains more than just the words “eeyup” and “nope”.He was rather large, red coat with an orange mane. Large green apple flank mark, compared to AJ's mark consisting of three smaller red ones. And I can't recall ever having heard their accent anywhere else, I wonder where it's based? It's certainly... exotic.

... I like her apples, that's all. And how she moves with ease, showing off a well disciplined mind and body. Not to forget- NO NO NO STOP YOU ARE A SIN'DOREI BAD THOUGHTS!

Both showed way better reactions than I thought they would, then again not much can top being chased by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks. Unless the mob are the torches and dual wield pitchforks.

I wonder how long my zombie army can last while on fire.

Not much were said after that, other than the occasional instructions on how to do the things I shall not mention. At the end she gave me a bag containing about twenty apples, one which I ate immediately. These are so very good, I'll have to ask her later about how she grows them. Probably a family secret, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Often. Sometimes. Actually usually the act of asking ends up with me being either chased out or covered in blood, or both. Mostly covered. And chased. So both.

As we were about to leave AJ stayed behind to reassure Big Macintosh before heading off. I guess I can expect similar reactions from the others.

This is going to be "fun."

---

AJ didn't say much on the way to the library, seemingly deep in thought. Good, less questions for me to accidentally answer. The silence is good though, now I can prepare for what comes next.

I'll have to say, this self-writing spell is pretty neat. I might not know much about magic due to a lack of interest, but it does what Xia said quite well. But where does the ink come from? The explanation will probably be something boring. And I swear it looks like it contains more pages than it should.

... I guess I'll ask.

Comments

[Violet Droplet]

Hmm's at the part where the death knight backs down from Fluttershy's stare.

Called it!

[Nox Drachen]

9959
There is no such thing as a being capable of resisting... THE STARE.

"Ponies" . "Journal"

I just gotta ask, why all the inverted commas? Are you not sure that they've become ponies, or that he's writing a journal?

I'm just saying, they're not an experimental fact. Both of those things exist, so they don't need anything around them.

[Nox Drachen]

9970
Hmm, you bring up a good point. It made sense to me when i wrote it, but not now.
'Tis been fixed.

[Raven]

Haha! This is all freaking brilliant! Look forward to more!

[Meta Knight]

fantastic

[iFiredone]

Wow...wow.... I toatly agree with the squirrel thing they all must be purged....and I started throwing up my breakfest after reading the part about hitting the unstoppable force against the inmoveable object

[catrianheir]

Wunderbar, I love how he hates squirrels, kinda like how I feel about rabbits 'cept he has a reason. I'm surprised Fluttershy isn't afraid of him or his party.

PS. That word in paragraph 2 of day 10: imporrislbe was that some word I'm unfamiliar with from WoW, or was it impossible.

[Feren]

Usually a "comedy" story gets me to grin at most... sadly that's how it is with me.
But while reading this story I was grinning non-stop and giggling at some parts. Your humor pushes all the right buttons for me and I can't stress enough how much joy I get from reading it.

A solid 5/5 and a big -thank you- for the story!

[CDR]

CDR looks into the window for a few minutes before knocking on the glass.
"HEY IN THERE! THIS STORY AIN'T GONNA WRITE ITSELF YOU KNOW!"
CDR continutes to stare at the dumbfounded brony sitting in a chair with a controller in his hands.

Blood Elf, Death Knight, Pony. You should find someone to make some decent pictures of them, cutie mark and all, (I really wanna see the DK's, sounds f***ing awesome!).

[Nox Drachen]

But but but SKYRIM!
And then there's Skyward sword, and the Eragon / Game of Thrones books I just got, and ARGH PATCH 4.3 WITH not that much actually.

I'll get to it, ideas are already there. The notebook is screaming them at me.

[Vinetion]

9964 to that i reply MIRROR only fluttershy herself can withsand the stare! ...or maybe she cant?

[Bromonn]

"NO NO NO STOP YOU ARE A SIN'DOREI BAD THOUGHTS!"

bahahahaha! awesome.

[Vates Despero]

Yep, he is DEFINITELY insane.