• Member Since 10th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

flawlessvictory20


T

Snails and Twist were your average, everyday ponies. They were schoolmates. They were friends. But each one had a secret that they kept from each other. They both loved each other. However they didn't want to ruin their friendship, so each kept it to themselves.

But, when Twist moved away, Snails found it hard to fight his feeling anymore (though he could never speak them aloud). After being apart for four years, the two reunite at the prestigious Canterlot High. Will these two ponies be able to share their feelings that they kept hidden so long ago?

Many thanks to Telepony for editing. And The Notebook for being my co-writer. :yay: :pinkiehappy:

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 40 )
Comment posted by The Notebook deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by The Notebook deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by flawlessvictory20 deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by flawlessvictory20 deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by The Notebook deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by The Notebook deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by The Notebook deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by flawlessvictory20 deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by flawlessvictory20 deleted Aug 30th, 2013

I like this story, even though it had some minor errors.

Have a link to a song.

Comment posted by The Notebook deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by flawlessvictory20 deleted Aug 30th, 2013
Comment posted by The Notebook deleted Aug 30th, 2013

*sees all the deleted comments* ...What in the hay happened here? :rainbowhuh:

3128318 :derpyderp2:oh it just me and my editor. We thought it best to not clutter the comments with our back and forth.:derpytongue2:

An interesting, though rough, start. Some errors here and there, but the only thing that really irked me was all the 'eh's' Snails and his mother put into their speech.

I'll stick around and see where this goes.

3128862

What's wrong with it, eh?

(The eh's, a steriotypically Canadian, but I say it and I'm in Texas.)

313124 There's using stereotype, and then there's abusing a stereotype.

3131936

For snails I think it fits well in this.

What a sweet read! I got to be comin' around to be lookin at this, pardner. Looks mighty interesting

3153102:ajsmug: Thank ya kindly for the read.

a actual Twist X Snails?
plesedontbecrappleasedontbecrappleasedontbecrap

3153970
Scanning... Scanning...
kinda blah but much better then the crap ive had to sort though the last few days.

3154044
grade wise id's give it a C+
its okay, just a little bland and more cheesy-dramady then I like.
still good though.

3154060:pinkiehappy: I'll take it. C+ is still passing

3152270 At that, I suppose, we're going to have to agree to disagree then. Personally, all those eh's make me cringe, but to each their own.


Love and tolerate is suppose to be our thing, after all.

For the love of Luna PICK A TENSE!

I got whiplash with how often you switched between present and past.

There were also problems with spelling throughout.

Why did Snails parents not call either child out when they were openly insulting the other right in front of them?

Other than those things, this was alright. I like the premise but the final result isn't as good as it could be.

I have hit favorite so that I may track this story. I am going to wait until it's done, read it and decide what I think about it. The comments make me think that I'll hate it, but I'm giving this story a chance. There were a few errors in your description.

After being apart for four years, the to reunited at the prestigious Canterlot High.

The "to" should actually be "two" and if in the story they start out not being in the school yet, shouldn't it just be "reunite" instead of "reunited" since it hasn't happened yet?

3336930 thanks for at least giving it a chance. The comments were when I didn't have an editor:twilightsheepish:. But now that I got an awesome editor, the story should be a lot better.

Not bad, but you kept switching between past tense and present tense, and it was a little rushed.

“No problem, Snails. I was an accident,”

yep, like half the people i know :pinkiehappy:

algo, i like it, keep the chapters coming

4160533 Thanks for that catch. I'm glad you like it:pinkiehappy:

“No, I'm fine,” she emphasized by moving her limbs. “See...nothings broken,”

you know? that reminds me of a friend, he got a prosthetic arm starting from the midde of the bisep, so this girl, i dont remember her name, crashed into him on a hall of my old school, and he said the same line " see.... nothing broken" and then, his prosthetic arm fell off.

her face was priceless :pinkiehappy:

4162968
"...I stand corrected!"
Oh boy, that must have been a hilarious occurrence.

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