Third Time's the Charm
Pinkie's hair blew in front of her eyes again, temporarily blinding her in a haze of pink as she struggled to secure the flapping picnic blanket with rocks. This high up I-Spy - one of the many large mountains between Ponyville and Canterlot - the breeze was brisk, chilly and making her work very difficult.
Tossing the curls aside, Pinkie lay a fourth rock on a corner of the cloth and rubbed at the fabric to smooth out any wrinkles. Satisfied, she sat back for a breather and admired the view. I-Spy, though not the highest mountain around, afforded one of the best views of Ponyville and the surrounding countryside she had ever seen. The scenery stretched for miles in all directions, domed by the vast, blue expanse of the sky and was unmarred by clouds.
This must be how Dash sees the world all the time, she thought. With a view like this, it's no wonder she doesn't spend much time on the ground.
On cue, Rainbow Dash appeared over the curve of the viewing point. Her wings were beating a rapid tempo against the steep incline, but her athletic body betrayed no sign of tiredness. She caught sight of Pinkie and broke into a grin, landing softly beside the earth pony and nuzzling her forehead against the side of Pinkie's neck in an uncharacteristic show of affection. Pinkie smiled contentedly and shivered as she felt a bead of Dash's warm sweat trickle down her chest.
"So how're the preparations going?" asked Rainbow Dash, pulling away to stretch her wings with some cool-down exercises.
"All set! There's no point in opening the picnic basket until Applejack and Fluttershy get here or the food will just blow away."
"And the bugs might get at them, I suppose."
"Nope. I made them their own picnic. It's over there."
Dash followed Pinkie's pointing hoof to a small handkerchief that had been pinned down in the grass a few feet away. It was piled high with crumbs which some insects were happily chowing down.
"Uh... right. Good idea. Then we'd better go get the lovebirds."
Pinkie looked confused. "I didn't pack anything for the birds. Should I have?"
"I meant AJ and Fluttershy, you doofus," replied Dash, laughing. "But this time I'll get Fluttershy and you get AJ or they'll be suspicious. And we need to get our stories straight first. So I'm going to tell Fluttershy that she needs to rescue AJ from a cockatrice and you tell AJ that she needs to rescue 'Shy from a..."
"... rampaging apple tree," finished Pinkie, nodding in agreement.
"What? No. A stampede."
"That's silly. Why would there be a stampede up here?"
"Why would there be a rampaging apple tree ANYWHERE?!"
"It could be a crab apple tree."
Dash buried her face in her hooves. "You can't tell AJ that it's a rampaging apple tree."
"But I don't think she'll come if I say it's a pear tree."
"Pinkie Pie! Make up something sensible!"
"A big nasty dragon, then."
"She hates dragons. I'm sure she'd come anyway, but we don't want to scare her."
"What if she was being attacked by..." Pinkie glanced around for inspiration, turning a full circle in place and ending up where she started. "... a rampaging Rainbow Dash?"
"I wouldn't!"
"I know, silly. I'm just kidding!"
Pinkie broke into a fit of giggles. After a moment, Dash began to laugh, too. She raised her front hooves above her head and loomed threateningly over Pinkie Pie.
"Graaar!" she roared. "I'm Dashzilla and I'm going to gobble you up!"
Pinkie smiled. "Nuh-uh! I know your weakness! Tackle hug!"
Dash felt the wind being driven out of her lungs as Pinkie slammed into her midriff and sent them both to the ground. She found herself flat on her back in the grass with Pinkie sitting on top of her, their noses scant inches apart. Their eyes met and Pinkie's mischievous grin faded into a soft smile as they gazed at one another. Dash could feel Pinkie's breath against her face and the intoxicating smell of...
... smoke?
Rainbow Dash turned her head to the right and saw two slitted, golden eyes looking back. A scaly green head rose from the grass, closely followed by a long, thick neck and a powerful winged body. The dragon had been perfectly camouflaged in the dark grass until it was disturbed.
The creature snarled and lashed out at the two with a clawed hand. Rainbow Dash was left flat on the ground, but Pinkie found herself snatched in a vicelike grip and drawn closer to the dragon's face and its bared fangs. Rather than screaming in fear, she was shocked by how sudden the situation had gone bad and her expression seemed confused that this could possibly be happening to her at all.
Dash, however, took wing, let out a warlike cry and threw herself at the dragon's head, driving her front hooves painfully against its jaw. It roared and blew a gout of smoke at the cyan pegasus, sending her reeling onto the grass, then turned back to its captive. Dash rolled to a takeoff stance and rose into the air again, blasting the smoke away with a gust.
Again she hurled herself at the dragon, which swatted her away with its free hand. Stunned, she barely kept herself aloft and watched helplessly as the creature held Pinkie high and opened its colossal mouth...
"NO!"" she cried. "PLEASE!"
The dragon turned its gaze back to Dash.
"Please," she repeated. "Please don't hurt her."
"Now see here..." the dragon started in a rumbling voice.
"You can eat me instead. Just let her go."
The creature's narrow eyes widened in surprise. "You want me to kill you so she can live? Why?"
"Because I love her!" yelled Rainbow Dash. Tears stained her cheeks.
Pinkie Pie stopped her struggling and stared at Dash. "You... love me?"
The dragon cleared its throat loudly. "If you'd let me get a word in edgeways, I'm not going to hurt either of you. I just had a few choice words to say to this one about big nasty dragons."
Pinkie looked embarrassed and apologised, which seemed to satisfy her captor, who set her down gently.
"Now, please take your picnic somewhere else so I can get some sleep."
The two ponies rapidly gathered up the blanket and basket and set off at a run down the mountain until they judged themselves to be a safe distance away. They collapsed on the grass, panting as the adrenaline wore off. Pinkie turned her head to face Dash.
"Did you mean that, when you said you loved me?"
Dash flushed and stammered out an incoherent response.
Pinkie smiled, then pulled herself close. "I love you, too."
She placed a kiss on Dash's lips, brief and tentative, then pulled back and looked into the pegasus's eyes for any sign of reciprocation. Dash looked back into the earth pony's sky-blue irises in shock. She licked her lips, savouring the sugary aftertaste, then wrapped her hooves around Pinkie's neck and pulled her close, locking them both in a long tender kiss.
Pinkie opened her eyes and pressed her forehead against Dash's.
"It's not too late for that picnic."
Dash smiled warmly. "I can't think of anywhere else I'd want to be."
---
Applejack paced nervously in front of the door to Fluttershy's cottage, struggling with an internal conflict. Anxiety wasn't a common trait for her, but she had never made a confession of love before.
"Come on Applejack. Nopony else is going to do this for you."
She knocked on the door.
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Aw, that was so cute.
Nice job with the story, not bad at all.
PINKIE SWARM
oh and here's my likes
Awwwwwww. Pinkie Dash is best shipping. ^_^
really... its over already.. why do half of the romance stories stop after the first confession..
And then they all fucked.
P.S. 232912 - because getting to that confession is the bigger part of romance. After that, it`s Kirche, Kinder, Küche.
232912
see
232921
232926
Maybe you should just write a clopfic sequel. Then stare on it despondently, exclaim - "What had science done!?" and promptly go mad from revelation. Oh, and post it immediately thereafter.
232934
I don't think I could manage a good clopfic. "Insert tab A into slot B" comes to mind.
Joking aside, is there an actual interest in a sequel to this? I certainly don't have anything planned for a continuation, but quite a few people have added it to their tracking lists. I finished it where I did to imply a "happily ever after" ending. If I did do a sequel, it would have to have to put the relationship in jeopardy somehow and potentially spoil the feel-good ending.
...I`ve been in the same spot as you with Horn Care, actually. Had no intention to make it more then first paragraph, but then... and this... and after that... and now I have a second chapter and third in works and what is that I don`t even...
Meh. That`s just how things end sometimes.
___
As for sequel, you have to remember that just saying "I love you." does not guarantee immediate and complete compatibility. Simply writing a one-two chapter followup that would showcase how their relationship works, what boundaries they have to establish, how do they share time and reconstruct their lives to allow for romance - that works. With a side order of painfully shy romance between Applejack and Fluttershy.
Wow, that was great! I did feel it went a little quickly, but i guess thats fine. The story was full of DA'WWWWW!!!
hehe, great job Moabite!
232956 I don't think I could manage a good clopfic. "Insert tab A into slot B" comes to mind.
On the contrary, that sounds like the perfect start to an inexperienced-Twilight humorous clopfic!
Edit: or a Pia Ikea clopfic, I suppose.
So. Much. Cute.
Ha! Clever story. Very nice.
232956 I don't think I could manage a good clopfic. "Insert tab A into slot B" comes to mind.
I lol´d
As others have said, this was rather cute. It's also a nice change from the usual form of shipfic. And of course, it is the best ship. I very much enjoyed this
233499
I'm Irish.
233528
Not a bad idea. Shift the focus to the other couple with RD/PP taking a back seat. Might be good for a long epilogue or a different story entirely. I'll think about it.
233573
Ah! I was close. It's hard to tell them apart in writing.
OMG THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL
dammit you brilliant writer! now you make me wish equestria was real so i could date a pony.
take this like and get out of my face
i'm going to read this whitin 10 hours
so i'm dating Dashie here??
I'm thinking a sequel based around Applejack and Fluttershy, and also some Twilight and Rarity, just so you can drag it out for another few chapters.
Ship fics like this make me read Moar ship fics. Well done.
I would love for a sequel to reveal that Rainbow and Pinkie knew the whole time.
The awkwardness would be doubled, of course.
It's a great fic.
This story is an excellent argument against the misconception that stories need to be long to be good.
Looking forward to seeing more great stories from you.
This story was a little short, but I loved it all the same.
This is why I love PinkieDash stories, every one is different, different purpose, different conflict, there's a lot of variety in these stories compared to most of the mane cast shipping.
Appleshy isn't really my thing but I have no issues with it so I like this.
I dunno, I mean I gues it is cute, but it seems a little wierd as the ponies start going lesbian for each other. Left me kinda like
This story was so cute, adorible, and sweet it gave me diabeties. Read it with a huge smile on my face.
It was really good! 5/5
233573 Jailbot is ABSOLUTELY right! This is the perfect start for more AJ/FS storyline, and Big Mac has a crush on Carrot top? You could even let us see how pinkie and Dash are managing
Lawfish didn't you see the lack of decent stallions in the hearts and hooves day episode? Plus I happen to love this mane 6 shipping stuff as I get jealous every time I read a f/m ship.
I honestly like the taste of RainbowPie. Good show, my friend. Thumbs up
I was robbed of an epic dragon fight, yet rewarded with a satisfying end. I think it came out better this way.
Here's how many likes I would give if I could give infinite amounts...
the likes.. ARE OVER NINE THOUSAND!!
There are a lot of things I like here. First, I like the swapped ship plot, even though it's been done before (though, the times I've seen it, it tends to be Applejack and Rarity playing matchmaker, for some reason). I really like the conversations between Pinkie and Dash, their entire dynamic. They're playful, Pinkie's random, Dash is exasperated. I also like that the two of them argue in a friendly kind of way, about dinner preparations and other things.
I LOVE Pinkie Pie's love letter written for Applejack. That was the highlight of the story for me. How she totally ended up with her heart on her sleeve and Dash's reaction to it.
My main suggestion for improvement would be regarding the story's pacing. Everything felt a bit too fast. I kept wanting more detail, more development. In particular, I felt that Dash travelled from "I think I might like Pinkie Pie to "Because I love her!" without we the readers seeing enough pit stops along that road. I also would have liked to have seen more Applejack and Fluttershy, even though the story wasn't really about them, such as Pinkie's apology to Fluttershy and Applejack's confession to Fluttershy at the end.
Overall, this was a very lovely read. Thanks for writing and for sharing!
238855
Thank you for taking the time to critique. I submitted this to EqD a while ago and it was rejected for, like you say, pacing. In particular, the leap from friendship to love was a stretch and should have been explored much further. I didn't rewrite it and resubmit it to EqD because the prereader also wanted the love letters changed and I stubbornly (perhaps too much so) refused to back down on that point.
I am regularly accused of making my stories too short or fast-paced and I would be inclined to agree. I can even tell you why my stories are too fast-paced: because I work to a plan. I write the story plan first and define points that are essential to the plot, then write the story using the plan as a guide. It's a huge source of motivation because I know where I'm coming from, the bare minimum I need to narrate this scene and what I need for the next scene. And so, I tend to narrate exactly what's necessary for a scene to make sense, but I don't explore them in any great depth.
I was confronted with this recently while writing another story: a mystery with a protagonist whose personality I want to examine in detail. I have the plan complete and ready for narration, but the very first word isn't a scene; it's a motif. Because it isn't something that can be defined with scene directions, it completely messes up my system. I've been looking at a blank page for a month now.
I think that I will try to write a freeform (or at least very loosely planned) Applejack/Fluttershy Matchmakers sequel as practice, with a bit more focus on character development than actions. It may not be very good - or soon in coming - but I really need to step out of my current boundaries.
A nice read. As Donny's Boy suggested, the story itself could stand a little more development and pacing, but otherwise it was most pleasant.
239241
Sorry to hear that it didn't make EqD. Interesting that they wanted the love letters changed. Not sure what changes they wanted or why, but I did like Pinkie's letter as-is. (No disrespect intended toward the prereaders.)
If you do write an AppleShy sequel, I will happily read it! And pushing boundaries is always good.
this is what i would expect from the show good work man you made my day
232912 Well, they could continue. Just toggle the mature button.
Love the story! You made the right choice not changing the love letters -- that's my favorite part of this story. As with others, I'd have liked to see the relationship develop more, but it's not unbelievable as written (it could be read as Rainbow subconsciously denying her own feelings about Pinkie until she realizes the Pinkie feels the same way about her).
Yay, Rainbow Pie, very good job btw.
sweet
The dialogue there at the beginning was well done, but the ant picnic was brilliant. Little things like that should not go unnoticed.
A very lovely fanfic and really enjoyable. I must applaud how well it was written, it really surprised me. Normally there are some kind of spelling mistakes or grammatical issue (there’s always one), but yours actual didn't. It was written plainly and honestly although I noticed very clever use of language, especially in chapter 2. I feel you got rainbows and pinkies personality down to a tee, which is usually a problem for these kinds of pairings or any fan fic in general about anything.
Speaking of pairings this would be the first fic I’ve read for this particular pair and I am impressed all the more. there isn’t any ship I downright hate the thought of as I truly think any kind of paring could work with the write author behind it(except maybe spike and discord but now that I think about it I can imagine a few ways on how that would play out). But I digress.
There is only one real criticism to be found in this and it really is the only one. Pacing. You clearly have a lot of talent for this and I’m going to have to check out your other stuff later but the pacing, while not terrible was a little bit fast. It made the whole thing seem a bit rushed which is a crime because everything else was grade A writing, and I also realise that it has already been mentioned in the comments but I just wanted to have my say too.
In the end I think another chapter would have done the story a world of good and if you ever re-write this I wouldn't change anything that actually happens, I would just elaborate is all. Go into more detail or simply write more scenes and interactions. Good idea, well utilised but as with even the best of them, room for improvement although it kills me to say as it really was very good
I feel I can’t stress that enough.
A rampaging apple tree.... God only knows how hard i laughed
Start out with AppleShy only to switch to the OTP after a single chapter? Excellent! A lot of cute and very funny moments here. "Pinkie's terrifyingly recursive confectionary" is a brilliant phrase. My only complaint is that it felt rather rushed. There was barely any time at all between Dash thinking that she might perhaps like Pinkie and screaming that she loves her, after which the story ends very abruptly.
Any chance u can write an epilogue? :D
561710
I've been busy with other responsibilities. I have down-time soon, so let's hope the writing bug returns.
DAT ENDING.
Killing my to-read list~
This was well worth it! Pinkie's recursive baking stands out especially.
Ohwowgosh. This is absolutely beautiful. I had two points that gave me pause, one being Dash's realization that she desired Pinkie's affection (and Pinkie, for that matter) and the other being the dragon's appearance. I think some others have commented on it before me here, but basically, I feel that if you'd just slowed down a bit with those, it would be a great improvement.
Still though? This made my evening, easily. The language is lovely, and each passage reads as lovingly crafted and beautiful and and- I don't even know what. I sit here in the aftermath feeling good about myself, about ponies and the world. I think that's a good thing.
And AppleShy. See, I don't mind fics that ditch the epilogue when you have a strong and impactful end. The PinkieDash ending is conclusive enough, honestly, but at the very end, you added four little lines that alone win my heart.
I am critically weak to AppleShy, and letting the reader (me!) have that there at the end, that's what takes me from "I liked this fic" to "Fave, gush to my friends about". I hope you'll write something similarly painless, fun and elegant for AppleShy one day. So few fics ever focus on AppleShy. It's the eternal secondary ship.
Thanks for writing this!