In this world life seamed normal. For most people, apart from one girl's or should I say Princess Cadence.
Teen just to be safe, so far.
Chapters (7)
Ramboom
Joined 15th Jul, 2012 ·
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9 Thumbs down and not one word of advise? Tisk!
So far read the first chapter and it seems really rushed. I write like this in the first pass when I need to get the idea out before I forget s it's noting unusual. You might want to flesh it out a bit more sometime.
Meanwhile, is this for the "Five Score, Divided by Four" universe? if s you might want to put that in the description.
The story's description needs some work.
First: In this world life seamed normal.
Seamed is wrong. The word you need to use is seemed.
Second: For most people, apart from one girl's or should I say Princess Cadence.
The way this is worded simply doesn't make any sense.
Perhaps something like the following would be better: Life seemed normal for most people in this world. But one girl wasn't like most people. She was Princess Cadence. She just didn't know it yet.
If you can't think of a good way to say something, just say it plainly. Something like: A girl turns into Princess Cadence.
It's short, it's concise, and potential readers know exactly what to expect. It's a little plain, but that's better than being unreadable.