It started as an ordinary day for Twilight Sparkle and her friends. But when a multiverse traveling human and his faithful life-partner Blizzarddramon travel to Canterlot to search for a fugitive Agumon, a new adventure awaits for this group of friends.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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FIRST COMMENT GET!
why did u make them soooooooooooooooo short?
3972567 I made them short on account of my creative mojo. I just couldn't get the ideas I wanted out and onto the story in a longer way.
3972567 ikr?
lol. Really? "I'll go to the forest and empty my bladder." Blizzarddramon said. That's what you chose as an ending?
4599096 How would you end it?
nice that a good chapter a littel short but good
.
*Clears Throat*
What exactly did I read?
Alright, maybe not the best way to start a review. Okay, let's start good... You're grammar is decent enough to make it somewhat readable. However you forget to space between different paragraphs and dialogue moments. Seriously, you only have to press the ENTER key one more time.
Talking about paragraph, where are my descriptions? Like, seriously, there are barely any, or none at all of any sort of descriptive narrative. You just shout out attack names and names of characters like you expect to reader to know all about it.
Considering Digimon attacks, it is a very good idea to describe them. Look at Icedevimon's Ice Claw attack. Sounds cool right? A claw glowing with icicle magic threating to freeze its opponents? Nope! Ice Claw is just oversized scratch attack! (Pokémon reference aside)
But the reader wouldn't know that if you don't describe it! They will think of the most imaginative things in order to find the gap you keep placing for them. What if a person never saw season 1? They wouldn't know what a Terra Force is, nor a Nova Blast, not even a Pepper Breath! You have to describe! Your writing a story, and it's the author/narrator's job to guide the readers along.
Joshua? Okay, good human name. Joshuamon? Okay really, that's kind of disappointing in lack of originality. Not to mention confusing. And also pretty much inviting flamers to your story. I know that digimon can go from the most awesome names, to the dumbest ones. But naming a digimon's name of your main character's name, of your name?
Self-insertception much?
Also, you rushed this way too fast. I barely understood the story. Also your explanations of crucial story points are very lacking. You basically just shoved Multi-dimensional shiz into the readers face and expected that to explain everything.
For a average reader, this is a good story to past the time. A crossover negating the below average quality for them. However for a reader who's also a writer, this is just a big insult to the potential of authorship and your story.
I could go on, but I see no point in pressing matters like this on someone. I'm not that kind of guy to be negative to much, and I'm quite tolerant of a lot of people. Compared to other stories, this is decent, average, and at least not a giant wall of text or a attempt to jump at the current strand of interest bandwagon.
For that, I give kudos for trying to bring to light some originality, it just wasn't executed too well.
Btw, Chapters WAY to short. You should at least make it 1,000 words before uploading a new chapter. What can help you is paying attention to your grammar classes, and try studying and reading the writing content of professional authors for some good examples on how to improve.
Wish you luck on both improving your stories, and with your sequel!
4845106 I get your point, and with that in mind, I ask that you take note on the fact that I'm not the best writer in the world. I wrote this story on the implication that the reader would have seen the Digimon Legends Fan Series that I haven't gotten around to producing yet in terms of attacks of my self-insert's Digimon. As for the Agumon and Greymon Species Digimon and BlackImperialdramon, I would assume that by the point one would read the chapters featuring the battles that they've already seen the Adventures and Adventures 2 episodes with Agumon, Greymon Species Digimon, and Imperialdramon. And as for chapter length, I'm kind of a lazy writer. If you knew the original plot, which I wrote for the first two chapters before the first Equestria Girls movie, this would come off as lazy. I appreciate the feedback, but unless you wish to improve this story, I won't pay it any mind.
That's a lot of assumption you have placed on the reader, but I'm not one to judge. I'm simply saying that more description and better spacing would improve the appearance and quality of your story overall.
I've only read the first chapter, but This. Story. Is. Epic!!!!
nice work on story