A new pony has moved to Ponyville. Mellow Note has had little time to acquaint herself with the other ponies around town. A chance encounter with Rainbow Dash reveals a very embarrassing secret. Will the new pony in town finally be able to overcome her problem? How will the rest of the mane six be able to help her? There is one way to find out.
I've made several updates to improve the flow and make it read a lot easier from the previous version.
Once again I ask that that those of you who read it to please comment when you are done. I would like to know if my updates have improved the readability and flow any better and to see what still needs work.
Chapters (1)
Sweet Celestia this is great! I could really see this being a legit episode! Also, was the song supposed to be like the song Reflections from Mulan?
This fic, I like it. *Smashes the laptop on the ground* Another!
Some thoughts.
1)The transition from just-met-RD to knows Rarity and everypony else is rather startlingly sudden. It threw me for a moment.
2)
It's 'poni-pedi,' A pun on 'mani-pedi' which is short for manicure and pedicure
3)
Nothing wrong with this, I just wanted you to know that at this point I was having a panic attack right along with Mellow. Well done.
4)
*and flashed...
Now I'm having to get nit-picky to find flaws. That's a good sign. This has obviously been combed over.
5)
Just kidding. ...Or am I?
6)
*hung. 'Hanged' would imply a noose.
7)
Spike nudged Twilight, but the conversation continued.
Blah blah blah...
"AHEM" Spike coughed...
"You alright, Spike?
"I could write the letter." Spike mumbled.
"What?"
"I could write the letter. Are you seriously gonna let her write the letter? SHE DOESN'T HAVE FINGERS!" Spike's face twisted in rage and betrayal, and wailing, he shot off into the night.
(Just a thought. Seriously, how come everypony else gets to use her stenographer?)
8)...That last one is just a smiley-face with googly eyes, not the number eight.
I liked it. This felt very episode-y to me, and the characters felt true, even the OC, which is impressive.
Oh, and lastly, there were about six places I was waiting for a reference to the claymation Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer movie where it would have been perfect. If you're into homage, you might check that out. (eg. I'm cute, I'm cute!...Why am I such a misfit...&c.)
It's a wall of text, try to space and indent it more.
A nice feel good kind of story. Sad that it's over.
Mellow Note was an interesting character and this seemed episodic. I'd say 7 or 8 out of ten, some editing would make it better. I'm going to follow you.