Unexpected Results
Written By: Twilightsmlp
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the one and only Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
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You wake up after probably the best sleep you've had in years along with the strangest dream you've ever had. ‘Why the hell did I dream about Luna in that way?’ You think to yourself. Movement to your right reminds you of your bed guest.
“Good morning Mike.” Luna says through sleepy eyes.
“Good morning Luna. Did you sleep well?” You ask.
“I slept fine albeit slightly uncomfortable with cloths on” She replies.
“Ya sorry about that, but I would not feel very comfortable sleeping next to a naked goddess” You say while chuckling.
“It’s fine. It was still nice having someone in bed with me.” She replies
.
“I see you two had fun last night.” A new voice says from behind you.
Startled, you jump out of the bed to face the new voice. It’s Celestia.
“Ready for round two I see!” Celestia says.
Confused about what she says you follow her eyes down to see the bane of every man’s existence, morning wood. Now that your more than embarrassed you do the only thing you can to keep what little dignity you had left and grabbed your cloths and put them on.
“Well that’s no fun.” Celestia says while giving you a pouty face. She then turns to Luna. “So how was he?” She asks.
“We didn't do anything!” You say defensively.
“So you’re telling me that you two were alone in space with nothing but a bed and you did nothing?” She says.
“Yes.” You reply.
“Then why we’re you both half naked?” She asks.
“Well I sleep in my boxers and Luna well she tried sleeping naked, but I made her wear something.” You say.
“But Luna always sleeps in her underwear?” She says.
It was your turn to look confused “But she told me she always slept naked!” Before you could get an answer you hear a *pop* come from behind you. “She just teleported out of here didn't she.” You say with a deadpan look.
“Yup.” Celestia replies.
“I see, well if it’s not too much to ask would you mind bringing me back to the castle I really don’t feel like being stuck in space.” You say.
“Eeeeeh why not, I’m going there anyways.” She replies while smiling at you.
*POP*
You rub your eyes after the sudden assault. “God that hurt!” You say.
“You get used after a while” A new voice says.
After your vision returns you see Twilight standing in front of you.
“Good morning Twilight.” You greet.
“Good morning Mike” She replies. “You never returned to your room last night. I assume yours and Cadence’s date went OK.” She says.
“Yes it went fine, but that’s not the reason I didn't return. After I walked Cadence to her room I sort of got lost and along my aimless wondering I ran into Luna and we decided to have a little date.” You say.
Her eyes grew large with excitement. “So does that mean I’m next?” She says.
“Sure I don’t see why not.” You reply.
What she did next both confused and entertained you. She started bouncing around continuously saying the word yes. A rumble from your stomach reminds you that you haven’t had breakfast yet.
Twilight looks at you and says “Hungry?”
“Very.” You reply.
“They're serving breakfast right now, would you like to go eat?” She says.
“Yes, let’s.” You say.
After a short walk you and Twilight arrive at the dining room. The table has just about everything you could possibly imagine someone would eat for breakfast including cake. That last one confused you ‘Who eats cake for breakfast?’ Your question is shortly answered by the arrival of Celestia. Who immediately grabs a slice.
“Cake for breakfast?” You ask.
“Why can one not eat cake for every meal?” She replies.
“Well it’s not very healthy for one.” You say while chuckling.
“Mike I’m a goddess nothing is unhealthy for me.” She says giving you a deadpan look.
“Point taken.” You say as you continue to look at the buffet of food in front of you. You are saddened to see that there is no bacon or any meat for that matter. “No bacon?” You ask.
Celestia spits out the cake she was eating “You’re a carnivore?” She asks.
“No I’m an omnivore” You reply, It was then that you remembered the incident at the restaurant. “Oh yea you guys are herbivores aren't you.” You say sheepishly.
Seeming to calm down with the realization that you weren't going to eat her or anyone else she says “Yes, well luckily we have the kitchen keep a stock of meat in case a griffon ambassador arrives. If you would like I could have them make you some.” She says.
“No it’s fine I don’t have to eat meat all the time only about once a month to stay healthy and I know it makes you uncomfortable.” You reply.
“That’s quite nice of you Mike. Thank you.” She says.
You grab a plate and fill it with some pancakes, eggs, and toast and begin eating. At this point Twilight decides to chime in to the conversation.
“So Mike tell us about your people?” She asks.
“Sure, but let’s wait till the others get here so I don’t have to repeat myself.” You reply.
“That’s understandable.” Celestia says. Twilight looks sad, but agrees.
Luna arrived just after your little conversation ended she refused to look you in the eye as she sat down. Twilight and Celestia greeted her as did you, but when you spoke she blushed and the room drifted into an awkward silence which was luckily broken by the arrival of Cadence shortly after.
“Good morning all” Cadence says.
“Good morning” Everyone replied simultaneously.
“Now that everypony is here will you tell us about your people?” Twilight asks.
“I do believe that was the deal” You reply. You take a minute to figure out where to begin. “The human race is an evolved form of monkey to my understanding. In the beginning of our existence we would group into small clans because as you can see we have little to no natural defenses, but what we did have is intelligence. If we ever ran into a problem we couldn’t fix with our own two hands we would build a tool to help us complete our task be it a stick with a rock tied onto it ask a makeshift hatchet or a sharpened stick as a makeshift spear. After many years of this cave man lifestyle we got more adventurous and began to leave our shelters in order to find either a warmer climate or better hunting grounds which in turn gave us more problems which we were forced to solve. Using our ingenuity we solved said problems, but our wanderlust still remain so we continued to expand and explore eventually some of us reached non frozen fertile ground and we began to plant our food in order to no longer have the need to hunt always this is how the first civilizations arose people would group into community’s where everyone had a specific job be it a farmer, a hunter, or leader. This basic idea of civilization is still what we use in modern civilization although the professions have slightly changed, but I digress. After many years of the hunter/gatherer stage humans began to invent to try and improve the overall life quality of themselves and those around them. We started trying to understand how things worked and in turn we discovered many things, but there were still many things unknown to us, things like the weather, the day night cycle, or just about anything that could not be easily explained. These things were just chocked up as acts of whatever god they worshiped. This brings up the topic of religion, we humans have always had trouble dealing with the unknown and it scared us, so to help us deal with the unknown we created gods as an excuse for all of the things we couldn't understand. Some cultures had gods for everything from the sun to wine. Now after many years of technological and cultural advancement we as a race evolved, got smarter, and eventually took over the planet as its only sentient race.” You say while skipping the topic of war.
“That’s amazing!” Twilight says.
“Indeed to think something that started as a primal species solely based off instinct could evolve into what we see in front of us.” Celestia adds.
After you finish your meal you ask Twilight what time she would like to have her date she says that you’ll leave the castle at about 5, so you had about seven hours to get ready. Not wanting to get lost again you ask Celestia for directions to your room, which she gives you. You then walk to you room to get ready for the days events.
They're serving breakfast btw
should explaned more on the civs. like the romeans, the british, and the others.
2971416
fixed
2971454
I was just giving an overview of humanity as a whole.
2971553
when will that be? i wanna see the ponies reactions to our history. but dont do it in one go. at the end one intro let the ponies speak there mind and then go on. but cant wait for that chapter.
im a history nut.
i wanna see what you can do.
Edit: wait nvm lol
i just wanned to see if there was gonna be any history oh well.
...keep a stalk of meat....
Should be stock, not stalk.
Sorry. But I don't believe in evolution. #CREATIONISM/\CHRISTIANITY
Great chapter.
2971798
You're just fishing for arguments, aren't you?
2971798
To each their own I guess.
2971774
fixed
2971946 this isn't anything compared to my freshman in high school earth/space science. I have my teacher such a hard time because of my opposing beliefs to what the book is (evolution).
2971979
So much hate.
Why can't we all agree that God caused the big bang, a bunch of sciencey mumbo-jumbo happened, and then we evolved from monkeys?
It's the perfect blend of the two theories.
The storys great I like it it has great humor too
2972002 the idea of God creating everything through the big bang seems logical. But the idea of man coming from monkeys is false. We were created God's image (read Genesis from the Bible). the first human (Adam) was created from dust ny God and the first woman (Eve) was vested ny God putting Adam to sleep and taking a run from him and created her
2972057
But; the concept of evolution is a proven concept, and whose to say that God didn't guide the evolution process? Another thing is that, the Bible was not written by God, but rather by a group of men so there is no proof that what is written in it actually happened.
2972117 you have your beliefs, I have mine. I still respect you opinion do long as you respect mine. The only part in evolution I believe is survival of the fittest.
2972153
The only time I don't respect a persons beliefs is if that person pisses me off, and you haven't pissed me off; therefore I respect your beliefs.
2972176 thank you. I appreciate that
2972208
Hey, too many wars have been started because of people not respecting each others beliefs; I wouldn't want to start another one.
2972270 instead of Islam and Christianity is evolution and creationism! We will wage ALL CAPS RAGE WAR with trolling ambush tactics. Son of will escalate into sending viruses to each other and stuff
2972309
HEY! Cut it out.
I am Agnostic, so I will no help in any religion flame war.
2972336 I see you are a neutral party. Very well, I shall respect you terms.
2972396
But I can be a ref. lol
well im glad that's over both of you fighting basically I believe in anything supernatural to actual realism but lets face the fact that we can not win the ongoing war of creation or evolve because all reasons from both of them win against each other in ever way there is no simple winner because we don't have proof we have the bible and the book of science for reasons so whoever our creator or technical evolutionist to believe in what we want to believe in
we are APES not monkeys we do not have tails
we are higher primates therefore SUPERIOR!
2973581 Still, having a tail would be nice (so long as it is fluffy, anyway)
2973713 AND HANDS FOR FEET
im starting to question our evolutionary path
2973721 Let's not sulk about the past, future is here for us with all the possibilities
2973727
stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/4118620/future-squidward-o.gif
You avatar pic is just so cute. Sorry, I just had to get that out there.
2973581 You are wrong my good sir, for the first human did not come form an ape or monkey.
2992763 watchutalkinaboutwillis
2994800 Well, I don't know what Willis is talking about but, I'm saying that man came form God, not apes. (Now before everybody go off on me, Let me say one thing, "I don't want to hear it.") I grow up believing that God made the first man. (Adam and Eve) He made man first and then the ape. You have the right to believe in what you want to, but I just had to get that out there.
2990261 try 200...it is intense...
2996011
well damn
2996724 I know...
2995040 you are bringing flame bait my friend
don't even try
2996873 Well, fuck you too.
2996969 hmm well yes
now...
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmm8k4t6571qii6tmo1_250.gif
Mr. twilightsmlp, I have a question: If you already have a defined character, why the use of the second person narration?
3002387
Because everyone uses second or third person narration and i wanted to be different also I felt this allowed readers to understand Mike thought process better.
Edit: the story is in First person.
when is the next part supposedly coming out?
3004071
Not to be a dick, but....
The use of 'you' indicating speech is second person narrative.
"Hi!" You said. <-- 2nd person.
"Hi!" I said. <-- 1st person.
Sorry dude. I'm a grammar nazi. It's actually taken all my strength not to re-write this entire thing PURELY for the punctuation errors. .
unexpected results is genuinely hilarious and even though the author may not like this sort of thing I think it would be cool and funny if there was a clop version of this story in which who ever is allowed to write can branch it out with sexually and comically explicit twists to the story.so what does everyone else think?
one more thing, when is the next update?
3025575 I am pretty sure Canterlot is not more than 1-1.5 km above sea level.
And remember the change in pressure is instantaneous.
Was he purposely trying to avoid details like war ,and our uh...developments into weapons?
While I am enjoying it, it appears that we have some cross-religion problems here. Perhaps putting something into the author's notes about not being partial to beliefs or stating your own beliefs and respecting those of others would be a good plan in future (has just learned from reading all of these comments and will apply it myself). This will probably be the best way to avoid mini religious wars in your comment section. You do need a little more punctuation, but other than that, a good read. Awkwardness is the spice of comedy and you capture that particularly well. Looking forward to the next chapter.