The Changing Lives of the Changeling Hive: A Documentary

by Grazy Polomare

Healers and Conspiracy Theorists...

The first thing Raindrops saw was green light. Lots of it. So much so that it flooded her eyes. The next thing her senses picked up was a slight sting in her wing, followed by a smooth, gelatinous substance poured over her wound. Finally, she could hear muffled voices, but it was as if she was hearing them through a thin wall. Her eyelids grew heavy, her mind rattled off in some distant, dream-like trance. And darkness consumed her once more.

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"None of this would have happened if you just warned her," Larvas shouted, his piercing blue eyes finally working their magic into piercing his brother's soul. "Honestly you call yourself Overseer of Agriculture for this?"

"Hey hey," Spiracles raised his hooves innocently. "I wasn't the one who invited her to start jumping without reading the safety guidelines! That was you!"

"And you wanted to hide body!" Larvas pointed his hoof accusingly. It was true that not ten seconds after Raindrops had apparently plopped "dead" before him, Spiracles had volunteered to hide the body. If it wasn't for Larvas managing to convince him otherwise, the pegasus may have been hidden under ten tons of mulch.

"Well excuse me for trying to help a brother out!" Spiracles grumbled, plopping onto a boulder. He was probably one of the few changelings Larvas had remembered, but clearly his sibling had let Equestria get into his brain. Now it was pony-this and pony-that, with no room for the good old times. Larvas had changed, and Spiracles wasn't too certain if he liked what his eyes were glazed upon.

Larvas, however, seemed oblivious to his brother's inner dilemma. "Oh like you would-"

"Will you two be quiet!" A third changeling yelled. Both changelings fell silent, their ears flopping down at the nurse drone's reprimanding stare. "You're friend is waking up."

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The next thing Raindrops saw was four distinct black shapes huddled over her. Rubbing her eyes, she recognized the one in the back to be Derpy -who was still recording- along with Larvas and Spiracles, who happened to still be wearing his stupid straw hat. As for the fourth stranger, a changeling drone by the looks of it, Raindrops could only guess her status in this jumbled social pyramid.

"You alright pony?" the stranger asked in a gentle, meaningful tone. Now Raindrops was a 100% sure where she was. The memory flooded back into her mind like a tidal wave, sending out a million thoughts at once, but all concentrated on the exact moment she felt a stinging sensation race down her spine.

She managed a slight nod. "Just a little shocked."

The changeling chuckled, "Well I'm sure you already know where you are."

"Ponyville General?" Raindrops asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not," the changeling sighed. "You're in the Nursing Chambers, Hive H. I'm gonna fathom a guess that they didn't warn you about the dangers of fungi?"

Raindrops cast a lethal glare at Spiracles, who gave a sheepish smile before backing a few steps.

"But we brought you here right?" Larvas gestured to the cave. "We knew what to do-"

"And we totally didn't try to hide you in the compost," Spiracles interjected. If changelings could sweat, Spiracles would be soaking wet by now. Raindrops didn't seem to blink as she regarded him dismissively. It was as if the electric shock had torn away her amiable attitude and replaced it with something...sinister.

But little did he, or any other changeling for that matter, know that this was the real Raindrops. A pegasus whose temper rivaled manticores, with a fury on par with dragons, and was about as formidable as a cockatrice army.

Larvas felt a cold chill pass over his shell, the feeling leaving him shivering in place. It was true that Raindrops had a temper on her, and that even a full course in anger management had done little to change it. But they had both agreed to watch their tempers. They were going into this together, for better or worse. And it looked like Raindrops might have just bucked the bucket back to Ponyville.

"Really?" Raindrops narrowed her eyelids. "Cause I'm pretty sure if I go through that footage-."

"Okthengottago BYE!" Spiracles flew off, vanishing behind another cave entrance.

"On with the tour!" Larvas heaved his friend to her hooves, ignoring the menacing glances she directed at the fleeing Spiracles. This would be the last time he ever let the changelings narrate their own jobs, although he figured it would all be in vain. And it wasn't like he could explain it any better then they could.

"I've just noticed something," Raindrops was already looking from her right to her left. "Where's Someone?"

"Oh," the mysterious drone giggled, "He was transferred to guard duty with Haze, but we'll see him again later!"

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"Cover my arse!" Haze bellowed, before another black object leeched onto his face, causing the sentry to yelp out in shock. "OH MOTH BALLS HE'S GOT ME!"

The changeling sank in a dog pile of black fuzz balls while Someone gripped his spear tightly in his hooves, holding his breath less he make a sound.

The hatchling chamber was the worst punishment that could ever be bestowed on a guard, and only the bravest did it daily. Failing to protect the film crew had its repercussions, and the Queen was in no mood to hear reason. Apparently, Morpheus was running about, trying to consolidate power as usual.

Risking a peek, he leaned his head over the wall. "Oh lob me in a crevice..."

The legion of tiny little hatchlings from Tartarus were giggling with sadistic delight as Haze let out a few whimpers, no longer giving out his agonized screams from earlier. Immediately, Someone arched back, his heart pounding against his chest.

"Oh please oh please don't come..." the changeling closed his eyes. Carefully, Someone peered over the corner, and saw to his horror around 40 pairs of tiny, blue, adorable eyes staring right into his soul.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" But his screams were drowned out in a tidal wave of cuteness.

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"Three...two...one...action!"

"Hello," the drone waved excitedly, "my name is Appendage, and I run the Nursing Chambers in Hive H!" With a careful nod, she led the trio towards a rather odd setting. Instead of beds, there were cocoons, and instead of uniformed nurses, there were drones who just bore a tiny blue fungi leaf around their carapace. It looked like a green meadow, with the cocoons hanging upside down, on the side, or upright. Most of them were empty, but here and there, Derpy could make out a few comatose drones suspended in some green, gelatinous liquid.

"This is the Cocoon Chamber," Appendage explained, "whenever a changeling get's injured, we put them here with a special mix of royal jelly, herbs, and other medicinal products."

"Interesting," Raindrops nodded, "and they just...heal over time?"

"Well sometimes," Appendage admitted. "Usually if the injury is serious, we have to heal them with our own hooves. Or tentacles...or claws...or even paws now that I think about it."

The nurse then motioned them to follower her out of the chamber and into another, much larger room. In this room, they could see what appeared to be chandeliers of crystal hanging over the ceiling, shining light on a plethora of various fauna that ranged from common herbs to poison joke.

"You grow herbs here?" Raindrops exclaimed, looking around the entire cavern. Suddenly, the green aura that had initially emanated from the crystal was replaced with a yellowish hue that made it feel like they were outside, under the hot western sun.

"WOW!"

"Indeed," Appendage chuckled. "These are mood stones, They alter their chemical composition to provide different types of light to each herb, in order to simulate the ideal conditions. We only grow herbs in high demand, or ones that we seem to miss a lot of."

"Amazing," Raindrops pointed to a rather depressing light-grey pair bushes at the far end. "What's that?" Plant itself was composed primarily of leaves, connected to a think stock with a large, bumpy bottom.

"Oh," Appendage went over to snip a tiny leaf off the plant, carefully placing it on the film maker's hooves. "That's called Dunder'mifflin."

"Dunder'mifflin?" Raindrops repeated. The surface felt course and rough with her, as if it was somehow irritated to be touching her skin cells. For some reason, the leaf felt like it had been somehow mismanaged in its growth, although Roseluck or even Daisy would have probably had a better opinion on the specimen.

"You see," Appendage chuckled, "we use Dunder'mifflin, sometimes we just call them dundies, for our scrolls and reports."

"Really?" Raindrops marveled at the idea.

"Trees need too much sunlight for our tastes," Appendage explained, "but dundies only require a minimal amount and the leaves themselves are a great replacement to the tablets we utilized."

"But why is it grown here?" Raindrops held out the leaf, which was now fading to a light brown, "wouldn't this be up Spiracles' alley?"

"Not really," Appendage smiled, "Chrysalis Tuten can be grown in large patches, as long as you supply it with love and mulch. But dundies only grow successfully in small groups, cause they like to hog the few nutrients they have available. So we entitle every changeling with growing it in their chambers."

"Self-sustaining aren't we?" Raindrops nudged the nurse drone. She had to admit the changeling empire had been quite successful in managing themselves under a desert. Subterranean farming, a community-oriented maintenance service, and a qualified team of medical professionals who had the ability to take the form of anything to handle any situation.

"Quite," Appendage smiled, "well...if you'll just follow me, Queen Chrysalis wanted me to take you down the hall for supper."

"SUPPER!" Larvas shoved past Derpy, his mouth salivating. "I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER-"

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"...ask." Larvas sighed solemnly as a disheveled Someone plopped another glob of gabbagoo. The dish was made out of Tuten mixed with various cacti, tumbleweed, and finished with a hint of royal jelly. Traditionally, it was served on a plate of changeling resin, and the Queen had spared no expense on their current meal.

Their table was a rather flat boulder with slightly smaller stones serving as seats. Although Someone had apparently only been gone for an hour or so, he looked like he'd been through Tartarus and back. The changeling's armor was hanging off his ear, with a variety of new dents to accompany him.

Raindrops was also eyeing the dish with a dismissive eye, the very image reminding her of changeling mulch. "Is...this...even..."

"Gabbagoo," Someone answered passionately, "none of that pony hayseed from earlier. This is real food!"

"Mmmmmm," Derpy smacked her lips, before diving into her own plate. The pegasus had never witnessed changelings eating, but simply assumed that with the lack of utensils, she had to eat with her head. In Derpy's mind, this made practical sense as it showed that your stomach and mind worked in perfect harmony to enjoy fine food.

After treating each member with their fair share of gabbagoo, Someone proceeded to sit down and gobble up his own plate with renewed vigor. It almost helped Larvas to see his brethren devouring such cuisine before him, especially considering the fact he had almost forgotten what changeling cuisine tasted like. Without a second thought, he shoved a mouthful down his throat.

Initially, he detected a high amount of sweetness in his tastebuds. That was soon replaced with the sour flavor of lime replaced with a stinging pain as his tastebuds were set on fire. Larvas nearly spat his food out, but managed to hold it in, less he make a fool of himself at the table.

Larvas had never been a fan of this changeling dish, but as much as he hated to admit it, he did find the taste to be reassuring. After so much fear of ridicule for forgetting his culture, the changeling was happy that he still remembered his own distaste for local cuisine.

"You know-" Someone swallowed "-this is a tradition in changeling culture. Most of the hive is filled with pointless caves and chambers. And then all we have after that is more patches, more nursing chambers, and more...well...you know..."

"What?" Raindrops had pushed her plate back, deciding she didn't have much of an appetite to begin with. "What else could there possibly be to piss me off?"

"Well," Someone chuckled, "the Queen-"

"You were saying Sentry 777?"

Someone cringed at the voice of his mother and ruler. Standing right in the entrance, was the very Queen of Changelings herself. Her face appeared flustered, and her mane was no-longer neatly groomed. In only a couple of hours, it seemed the Queen had taken on three hydras.

"I must apologize," Chrysalis bowed before Raindrops, "you can't grow fungi without it having some nasty side-effects to it."

"Believe me," Raindrops scoffed, "fungi was the least of my concerns."

"You're not mad about our resin are you?" the Queen cackled. "It really isn't that bad."

Raindrops merely continued to stare down at her plate, occasionally observing Derpy dig into her own glob of gabbagoo. "Well at least I'll be with you-"

"I actually was meaning to get to you about that," the Queen pawed at the dirt anxiously. "You see, a problem has arisen and I...being the biological mother of over 800 of the most annoying, most trained, and most devious children this side of Equestria...have had to take matters in my own hooves."

Raindrops' face grew pale, the realization hitting her as hard as the shock from the fungus. "You mean-"

"I'm afraid the Throne Room will have to wait," Chrysalis bowed once more, "but after lunch, I've talked with Drone 777 here and he has agreed to take you to...well...a rather interesting place."

"What's it called?" Raindrops inquired.

"Well," the Queen distractedly darted her eyes to the ceiling, "it's an...intelligence center so to speak."

Larvas nearly spit out his own food, falling into a fit of coughing.

"Like the E.I.O.?" Raindrops offered. The E.I.O. was about as close as Equestria got to spies. Based in Canterlot, the Equestrian Intelligence Organization was profound in the art of espionage, primarily dealing with coupes and anarchists. Although Equestria was relatively peaceful, Raindrops knew for a fact that the changeling invasion wasn't the first attempt to seize power from Celestia. Therefore, the E.I.O. served as a warning system, alerting the Princesses of any potential threat that could occur outside or inside Equestria's borders. Every kingdom had some version of an intelligence agency, especially after the War with Discord, which some still called the Hot War after the mad god melted the southern polar ice caps.

"You could say that," the Queen really seemed to regret even mentioning the subject. "I wouldn't recommend you venture too far into this...but seeing as most of my overseers are now congregating to my office, I've had no choice."

"Well," Raindrops grinned, "espionage sounds fun! I mean...who wouldn't want to film that?"

"You're absolutely sure?" The Queen confirmed.

"Sure?" Raindrops guffawed, "I didn't even know you had an intelligence agency! What's it called?"

"The C.I.A." Chrysalis sighed. "Changeling Intelligence Agency."

Raindrops practically jumped in the air, as if the name itself brought her joy. Finally, she wouldn't be filming boring fungal patches or adhesive mixers. This was where the real scat happened. This was where spies thrived under complete pressure, and she was sure the CIA was probably one of the best. After all...changelings are probably one of the best spies a ruler could ask for.

"You going to eat that?" Derpy pointed at the cold dish of gabbagoo. Raindrops shoved it to the eager pegasus, who began to gorger herself once more.

This is going to be so AWESOME!

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"You alright Larvas?" Raindrops gave a worried glance at her guide, who looked absolutely petrified as he propelled his frozen body on two beating wings.

They were going down a rather obsolete tunnel, although now there seemed to be a lot more chatter and buzzing coming through the walls.

"What's that noise?" Raindrops poked Larvas, hoping to add some animation in her guide's odd posture.

"We're traveling next to the Main Corridor," Larvas explained, "the center plaza for the black market and the CIA."

Sure enough, Raindrops could see the green light grow stronger as they headed deeper and deeper down the passage. And out of nowehere, the tunnel opened up into a spacious ravine, with walls as tall as Manehattan's skyscrapers. The group was stunned into silence, their jaws gaping as they took it all in. Here and there, changelings were flying from twisted corridors, although they appeared like tiny moths fluttering in the great beam of green light that flooded the plaza.

Below, tiny black ants seemed to scatter in disorganized chaos, their voices muffled by the sheer depth of the cave.

"Follow me," Larvas hesitantly motioned to a tiny ledge on the side. He had anticipated this for quite some time, but in his mind, he had secretly hoped his Queen wouldn't even entertain the tour of a former intelligence installation. Well, technically it was still active. But with one participant, the branch was dangling on a thread.

As the party continued down the ledge, they had to hug against the wall as two drones lugged an empty cauldron towards some unknown destination. Derpy was still trying to get a good shot of the entire chasm, using her wings for balance.

"So," Raindrops mused, "where is this...hidden-"

But the pegasus was muffled as a slimy black hoof materialized over her snout.

"Who are you working for slimeball?" a sinister voice hissed.

However, if Raindrops even had the ability to answer, she still would have gutted the assailant in the stomach. With a quick thrust of her hooves, she felt the hard surface of chitin as her would-be attacker fell from the wall.

"ARRRGGH," the creature cried out, rolling over floor like a wounded sheep. "I'll get you for that!"

The creature, or changeling, in question was only a bit larger then Larvas. He displayed the similar features common with all changelings, and in actuality...was no different then any other changeling. In fact, he was so normal in appearance that his words came as a surprise.

"Who are you?" Raindrops pointed her hoof accusingly, "and why did you just try to strangle me?"

The changeling stopped in his spasm of pain to regard the mare with an odd stare. "Strangle you? Please who do you think I am? The secret police?"

Raindrops felt a tug at her aorta her muscles slowly beginning to tense up. She still had some remaining adrenaline from the ambush, and the smartypants routine wasn't helping.

"Uhh Raindrops," Larvas buzzed in front of the two. "I'd like you to meet our Head of Intelligence...Reflect Fury."

"That's General Reflect Fury for you," the changeling barked as he slowly got to his hooves. "And just what in the name of Chrysalis is this?"

"We're a documentary crew," Raindrops stated flatly, "you know, the group that your Queen told you about?"

It was as if she had just insinuated setting off a bomb in the building as Reflect tacked the pegasus to the ground. "SHOW ME YOUR HOOVES! SHOW IT TERRORIST!"

Raindrops responded with another kick in the gut, which sent the changeling rebounding off a resin-secreted wall. Stumbling to his hooves with renewed vigor, the intelligence general was just about to attempt another lunge when Larvas blocked his trajectory.

"Reflect stop!"

Whether it was his amiable features or the fact he was a fellow changeling, Reflect halted to a stop, his eyes still giving suspicious glances to the documenter. "Larvas?"

The drone gave a timid smile. "Hiya Fury..."

In a matter of seconds, a wide smile encompassed the general's lips.

"LARVAS!" Reflect threw his hooves over the changeling in a bear hug, the look of primal rage momentarily wiped clean. "What a surprise! What a surprise! What a...wait..."

The general's scowl returned, his eyes darting between the two. "Why are you with her?"

"I'm a tour guide now," Larvas chirped eagerly, "so I am just giving these mares a tour of-"

"WHAT?!" It was as if Larvas had just pulled some reeking bag of puke for Reflect to feast his eyes upon. "Larvas, you're...you're with them now?"

"Yes," Raindrops stepped forward. "Larvas is no longer the Queen's scout drone. He's with-"

"Scout drone," Reflect chuckled, "you expect me to believe that hunk of mulch? Talent like that would be wasted."

Raindrops shook her head, confused as to what the general was blabbering about. Larvas had told her he was a scout drone, and while she did have her suspicions, this general looked like a wackjob.

Larvas, on the other hoof, was nervously twiddling his hooves, waiting for the bomb to go off. Reflect was still looking back and forth, as if he hadn't totally understood the awkward silence that had taken over the chamber.

"Uhhh Raindrops," Larvas finally spoke up, "can we talk in private-"

"NO WAY!" Reflect held his hooves out, darting a lethal glare at Raindrops. "I know this game! It's called Brainwash! And you miss think I would be so stupid as to let you take my best agent in the field and use him against me!"

"What?" Raindrops turned to give Larvas an incredulous stare. "Someone better start talking right now!"

Someone raised his hoof, but then let it slide when he realized he wasn't being ordered to talk.

"It's not what you think," Larvas knelt down, "honestly I didn't-"

"Nonsense," Reflect was now bent over the drone, shaking him with the force of a dozen stallions. "Larvas snap out of it! You're not a tour guide! You're an agent! A CIA agent! My best! SNAP OUT OF IT!"

For added measure, the changeling proceeded to snap his hooves, hoping that it would somehow cure the changeling of the dazed look in his eyes.

"Hey," Derpy came over the corner, a grin of pure bliss on her face." You should really see my latest foot-"

"SSSSSSPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY!!!" Reflect tackled the grey pegasus.

Author's Note:

Larvas works for the CIA?

The CIA exists?

A message from our Queen:
The CIA is an intelligence agency that thrives on providing semi-accurate information. And well...sometimes it doesn't always swing that way.

Let me know of any errors, and please comment as we here at RDM love to hear feedback.

Like really, we thrive on it.

Once again, how many references can you find?

Comments

[Iamsorry]

i cant stop laughing at the CIA bit that is so much better than the actual CIA XD
great chapter and i actually want to see them go into the nursery now and film all the cuteness! >:D

[Luna Secret Stallion]

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" But his screams were drowned out in a tidal wave of cuteness. OH god that got me!

[BronyBlazeFire]

poor derpy being tackled like that. XD great story.

[erictheblue]

one of my favorite scenes:

[Twisted Code]

Whelp, I guess this and a similar work by (retiring) Overlord Obsolescence are officially noncanonical as of the S6 finale. That's okay though, fanfiction is all about deferring from the official canon, am I right?