• Member Since 19th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 14th, 2017

Darkryt Orbinautz


Still slowly trying to disentangle from MLP. It is ... slow going.

Sequels1

Comments ( 28 )

The writing in this story is pretty good...

I think those dislikes are coming from the fact that this is based on EqG.

I think you chose a really bad topic

Liked and fav'd~

It's weird, but there are much worse things on fimfiction, particularly in terms of grammar.

Twilight had a nightmare about Sunset's snake tail while under the influence and then went on a spiral of depression, becoming an alcohol addict. We did manage to get her better, though, after a long while. I, uh, I think. Her brother died, then she came to a grieving Cadence and somehow got themselves engaged in each other. Then Applejack pointed out to Twilight that using your dead brother's spouse's grief to win her over is a little amoral, so she took up necromancy to get Shining back with the idea being she and Shining could 'share' Cadence and instead accidentally caused a zombie apocalypse with Shining Armor as the zombies' military general.

Oh well. At least she managed to stop drinking!

ah hahahahaha!

2794169

I knoooooow! :fluttershysad: But this features a headcanon I'm going to use! And the story I wanted to tell didn't work without Sunset Shimmer in it!

I figured this would be kind of awful. Like in the so bad it's good territory.
Well now I think it's probabally the best and most cute semi-consenual rapefic I've ever read. Some parts were honestly arousing, other things a little cringeworthy. That epilogue was a bit of a dissapointment.
Molestation on the Friendship Express is the only odball sex comedy in my headcannon. This is probably a close second.
What else can I say... um are you into this kind of stuff? It is written really well compared to 'those sites' I go to to read stories. Or are you just that good at teasing/trolling? Then I fell like a perfert. What's your inspiration?

Something else I wanted to add was well I really like Fluttershy as a power-bottom, as they say. A submissive pony who is tough enough to fight for what she wants.

2794453
if you hadn't said that, I never would've realized how disappointing the epilogue is. So ... brief and off-topic.

What was cringeworthy exactly? I can't remember off the top of my head what would be...

...Well, I was hoping to keep this a secret, but I suppose there's no point in hiding; yes, I'm into this stuff, and that relates to the next thing.

My inspiration, in this case, is another story by the name of 'Snakity'...a story with a cursed Rarity as a snake hypnotizing a willing Twilight, but in that fic, they never get to the naughty stuff. Now, I like the whole Mind-Control thing, but it's very rarely is the victim a willing participant, which kind of kills it for me. This story is supposed to have both; the ...arousing MC material and a willing participant.

2794479

That's how she's portrayed in the show!

Seeing your comment, I tried to figure how to explain the difference, and I think I got it;
Lack of willpower is the inability to fight.

Submissive is not exercising the ability to fight.

What the actual fuck did i just read?

2794736 If I had to guess, an actual fuck.

not bad, it's good

Tease. Fucking tease.

Yet. I favorite this in lieu of the rather interesting story beneath it all. I can say for sure that I definitely enjoy this much more than the usual bad end fic. That said. The sex was copped out on, so hard. Damn you. Good fic. Peace.

2794532
"There is - nothing - to life anymore without her touch."
I found lines like that to be a bit cringeworthy.

And with that epilogue, I really think they are better to complement the story rather than, well what did happen. But it's your story so...
Can I expect more of these from you? I really like how Fluttershy's POV was written.

2795535

Okay...okay.

Why don't you PM me all of the more cringeworthy lines? Because if I know what they are, specifically, rather just 'some lines are cringeworthy' I can look at each individually and analyze them, and ask "Is there a similar or better way to write that?"

Rather than just skimming through the story, wondering which lines are the cringing ones and hoping I edit the correct ones...

2795535

Okay! I've edited that line, and have written a new epilogue! Give it a look-through,

:fluttershysad: please?

2795817

I'm really no expert myself. So don't worry yourself over what I have to say too much. Actually I feel a lot more confident to write my own naughty comedy because of yours. I'll read it over again and pm you soon!

This is by far the most random story I've ever read. What compelled you to write this?

2805849

I wanted a qoute-unqoute 'semi-consensual' mind control erotica.

Most of them, either it's completely consensual, but not at all erotic, or totally erotic, but not consensual at all.

And since the latter is usually very grimdark, I made this lighthearted instead.

2806030
I can say that you hit the "semi-consensual" and "mind control" points well enough, but the descriptions were a tad too short.

2806473

All around, or just on the love-making scenes? The love-making scenes, I wanted to do more, but couldn't bring myself to.

I find doing a first-person logically challenging, as people -at least people I know- don't talk in a way that makes satisfactory prose. So why would a first-person, which is portraying the thoughts of someone, as they're forming, be all prose-y and poetic?

2794778 not even discord, celestial, and Luna could do this, it is perfectly heartwarming and a complete and utter mind-f:yay:k rolled into one

Sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel pretty please :twilightsheepish: :yay:

5494803

Look for my story, "Buffin Up For "Sinnytars."

I also wrote "With Honeyed Claws," which is similar, but not connected to this story.

I had planned to skim this story. Just pick up slight things.
But uh.
I read the whole thing.
I liked it.
It was kinda confusing, especially how and what soul-sucking is, which I still don't know what it meant.
But otherwise... I feel like this is a good story to read, but only for those without a care in the world.
Well done.

7485190

I may have mentioned this elsewhere already, but the soul-sucking was supposed to be, ah ... oral sex between Sunset and Fluttershy, and I ... lost my nerve writing it and abruptly hammered it into soul-sucking to, for lack of a better word, 'censor' it.

I hope that clears things up somewhat.

"Oooh..." I moan, delirious, "Squeeze me, Sunset Shimmer! Squeeze me hard!"

Uhhhhhh...

Does Fluttershy have a dick?

"Please?" Sunset begs, putting her hands together. "I promise I'm not poisonous!"

venomous

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