A walk in the forest
Fluttershy was walking through the Everfree forest on a mission. A bird had told her that it spotted a timberwolf in there and she went in to euthanize it. She hated doing it but after trying to take care of one personally, she found that they suffered inside. The best thing to do was to get rid of them whenever they were spotted.
She brought with her a saddle bag full of medical supplies just in case she ran across any animals that survived the timberwolf. Timberwolves had a tendency to attack an animal just enough to bring it near death, then leave it to die. She had seen many instances of this and in many cases; she would be too late to help. They honestly had no reason to harm other critters since they didn't need food to survive. Fluttershy thought they do this as a way to make others suffer as they do inside.
The forest was still quite lively which meant that she was nowhere near the timberwolf yet. Animals ran away or went silent when one was near as to not be attacked by them. With this, she only needed to listen to track where it was. If she happened to hit a section of the forest that was quiet, then she knew that she was close to one and to be on guard.
She had been walking for awhile now and decided to take a little break. She sat down on the forest floor and as she did, various animals came to her. Since she spent most of her time with animals, this tended to happen quite often. She counted a few squirrels, birds, and some deer that decided to approach her this time.
"Hello there my animal friends", said Fluttershy "I'm sorry but I didn't bring any food with me this time. I'll come back with some when I'm done."
The animals seemed a little disappointed but Fluttershy knew better than to give handouts too often. She already had quite a few animals and pets that needed taking care of at her cottage. Feeding all the critters she ran across would be just too much for her to handle. She wished she could though.
The wind began to blow through the forest which made some of the animals shiver. Fluttershy brought the shivering animals closer to her. "There you go. You can use me to keep warm. I won’t let you be cold." She smiled at them and extended her wings to shield them from the breeze.
It was getting close to the cold season in Equestria. Many of the animals with her now will be hibernating or moving soon. Fluttershy spent this time of year helping them find a place to stay or showing them the direction they needed to go. Since no other ponies do this with her, it kept her busy for quite some time. She didn't mind though; every animal she helped made her happy.
She spent her time with them, asking about how they were and if they have seen the timberwolf she had been looking for. Unfortunately, none of them have. She thanked them for telling her this though; it helped limited the area she needed to search a little.
After some time talking with them, they ran off suddenly. Though Fluttershy didn’t hear anything around them, something spooked them. The squirrels and birds went to hide into the trees while the deer ran off further into the forest. Fluttershy stood up and walked to the tree, managing to catch a squirrel that was climbing up it. "What’s wrong little one? What startled you?" It looked at her than behind her before making its way up the tree, disappearing into the leaves.
Fluttershy quickly turned around expecting to see the timberwolf that she had been looking for. She thought that one may have snuck up on her and was going after her or the animals she was with. Looking around, there was nothing in sight. Trusting the animals, she moved cautiously forward thinking that it was trying to catch her off guard. She looked behind every tree as she passed by them. After moving past some, she heard a crunch of a leaf. She immediately looked in the direction it came from. It wasn't a timberwolf. It was a creature she never had seen before. They stared at each other with neither of them making a move.
The creature stood on two legs and had two arms and was a little bit taller than Fluttershy. It had hands which was very odd since only a very few species had them. It had no visible fur besides some brown hair that laid on its head and draped down to its shoulder. The creature's face was similar to other animals she seen with its two eyes, nose, and mouth. Instead of fur, it wore some kind of clothes around its body. The clothes were nothing that Fluttershy had seen in Equestria before. They were in two different pieces with the top half being mostly white besides the flower like design and the bottom being just a light shade of blue. The way it fit the creature made it seem like that it was only tailored to fit only this kind of species. It even wore something around the feet or hooves or whatever it walked on. The skin that wasn't covered was a shade of peach.
Fluttershy noticed that the fabric around its legs was torn but only on its right leg. Some of its skin was exposed there. It was cut and bleeding but nothing that seemed fatal. Being as it was the only mark she could see on it, the creature must have hurt itself somehow.
Fluttershy began to approach it. "You poor thing. Are you hurt?"
It made a sound while backing away from her. She regarded it as the sound that whatever the species this creature is makes.
"Don't be afraid. I want to help”, Fluttershy said while continuing her movement towards it. The creature kept moving back at the same rate that she was approaching it. Every time she managed to get a little closer it made a more angry but fearful sound.
Fluttershy stopped for a moment. The creature was obviously scared of her and wasn't going to let her move closer. Moving too fast towards it would likely make it run off. She decided that using The Stare on it may be a good idea. The Stare put animals she used it on in a hypnotic state in which she can get them to do whatever she wants. She usually only uses it for discipline but in this situation, it might work just to keep the creature calm and still.
She gave the creature The Stare. Its eyes locked with hers which meant that it was working. When she moved closer this time, the creature didn't move and remained staring into her eyes. Fluttershy made sure to not break eye contact with it so it wouldn't try to get away from her. When she was just a few steps away, something unexpected happened. It managed to break eye contact with her. It went into a panic and ran away from her.
Fluttershy was shocked. The Stare had worked on almost all the animals she's tried it on. The only ones that it didn't work on were animals that were smart enough to notice their behavior changing and to look away when it was happening. This creature being able to do this meant that it was no ordinary animal. She didn't have time to think about what this meant now. It was getting away from her.
She broke her chain of thought and chased after it, keeping her distance. She could easily catch up to it and hold it down, but with it in a panicked state, it could end up hurting itself or her. Even though it would mean that its leg would be in worse shape, she matched its speed to wear it out. This way she can help it without any danger and maybe the creature would see that she was trying to help. After some time though, she noticed something off. The patch of forest they were running through was silent.
Fluttershy couldn't wait for the creature to wear out anymore. It was in danger. She picked up her speed to try to catch it. Before she was able to, she found the timberwolf she had been looking for. It appeared from behind a tree and launched at the creature, taking it down.
The timberwolf went to bite the creature but before it could, Fluttershy caught up and slammed into it putting her whole body into it. The timberwolf fell to the ground dazed with Fluttershy holding it down. She wasted no time. While it remained dazed, she bit onto a stick in its neck and yanked it out. The timberwolf fell into a pile of sticks while its spirit left its body.
"You don't need to suffer anymore", Fluttershy said as the spirit dissipated into the air. Even though she has done this many times, it still left her feeling sad. She wished that there was another way.
She turned around to see the creature on its back staring at her. It made different sounds than before; they were much calmer. It finally knew that all she wanted to do was help. Saving its life was just what she needed to gain its trust. She approached it and this time it let her get near.
Fluttershy went to tend to its leg like before. It was worse from all the running but nothing that she couldn't handle. The fabric around it was in the way for her to wrap it however, so she went to tear it off. The creature stopped her and with its hands, pulled the fabric up past the wound.
"Thank you", she replied “this won’t take long”. She went into her saddle bag and pulled out a cloth. She used it to wipe away the blood on its skin. The creature flinched when she crossed over the wound. Placing the cloth down, she then took out some medical wrapping from her bag and wrapped it around the wound to help stop the bleeding and restrict movement. She put the cloth and wrap back into the bag and took a few steps back. The creature then pulled the fabric back down and attempted to get up. It made a pained noise when trying to step on his wounded leg and fell down to its knees.
"No. No. No. You need to rest it." Fluttershy went to its right side and pulled its arm to her back. She then, with quite a lot of effort, managed to get it to sit on her. "There we go. I'll do the walking. You just relax." She went and started on her way to her cottage. It was going to be a long walk from where they were.
She continued talking to it on their way out. Occasionally it would make sounds back but nothing that she could understand. What struck her as odd was that each sound it made was different than any other sounds it made. It was quite fascinating to her and kept on talking hoping to get it to make other sounds. They continued with this back and forth until the creature started to get quiet and stopped.
Fluttershy stopped. “Is something wrong?” She looked behind her to see the creature shivering on her back. It was getting colder outside and must have been too cold for it. She pulled its hands with her mouth and put them around her neck. The creature repositioned itself to lie on her back. Its head was right next to hers. “It’s not too much farther. Once we get home I’ll get you warm.”
The sun had long since set when they reached the edge of the forest. Even with the creature lying on her back, it was shivering quite badly. Her cottage was in sight now and it wasn’t going to be much longer before she could help it. When she got to the cottage, she opened door and went inside. Angel, her pet rabbit, was waiting for her. He greeted her and was quite confused on what was on her back. He hopped around checking it out.
Fluttershy went to walk up to her room. "Don't worry Angel. The poor thing was cold and hurt and I just couldn't just leave it out there." Angel went and stared at the creature quite suspiciously before heading off while Fluttershy went upstairs. She placed the creature in her bed and pulled the covers over it. “You’ve been through a lot today. You can have my bed tonight.”
She stood there watching it shiver hoping that it would slow down. After some time she decided that the blanket wasn't enough. Fluttershy took off her saddle bag and climbed into the bed. She scooted close to the creature and held it against her. It very much welcomed this and in response, placed its arms around her. The shivering slowly stopped and replaced with long slow breathing. It fell asleep against her. She smiled knowing that she saved another creature. It would have died out there without help.
She went thinking about what this creature was. Many things seemed just off about it. How did it get in the forest? Where did it come from? Who or what made the clothes it was wearing? Being that it was scared of her, has it never met a pony before?
More questions came to mind that she could not answer. She would need to talk to Twilight about this tomorrow. If anyone could answer these questions, it was her. Even if she didn't know, Fluttershy knew that she would do her best to find out. She also needed to find a way to keep it warm through the cold season. She could keep it warm at night but during the day she had work to do. Since it had no fur, it would need clothes that could keep it warm which meant a trip to Rarity’s as well.
She watched it for a little longer sleeping against her before closing her eyes to join it.
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moooar :D i like it
This is very well written
I demand MOAR
You have a solid story here, but the flow is a little clunky and your descriptions are a bit lacking. Keep it up and you're sure to improve, though!
this is very good, please continue
I love it, and seeing that this is tagged with romance I'm curious how their relationship work with the language situation and all. Have a fave!
I look forward to seeing how this plays out.
As someone said, it's a bit clunky. And mind you tenses. If everything is in past tense don't suddenly throw in "Fluttershy thinks", instead say "Fluttershy thought". Otherwise it's jarring. (I think that was somewhere near the beginning)
Also, don't be afraid to combine some of your sentences. It's fairly choppy with as many short sentences as you have. Re-read it and you should be able to tell where the flow is a bit 'off'.
I'm liking the idea, Fluttershy is kind of dense to think it was just another animal though; it was wearing clothes after all.
i.imgur.com/tXjgL.gif
2805385
Not to mention that it seemed to realize that she was trying to help it, and made efforts to make doing so easier. (Moving the clothes out of the way of the wound.)
Wish I knew what gender they are, so I don't have to just call it an it. Also, I think this may be a child. Fluttershy made no mention of height, and also managed to get the human to ride her. Humans are much taller than ponies, even in those fics that make the ponies the size of regular ponies.
Seems interesting enough, this fic i shall keep my small beady Eyes on!
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I didn't expect this to go by so well
Thanks all of you
2805385
She may seem dense but keep in mind that people sometimes dress their pets as well. Clothes alone really isn't enough to determine that it isn't just another animal. It could have simply have just ran from its owner (though this isn't really the case).
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This is the first time I have done something like this. I've written things before but I'm fairly new in story writing. Seeing as this is doing well I'll grab a few friends to proof read to catch some of these issues before publishing more.
doublewbrothers.deviantart.com/art/Be-stared-374362663
Great start, I can tell already this is going to be an excellent story
I'm intrigued. I'll keep an eye on this.
Wonderful first chapter! I can't wait for more
finally someone made a story about Fluttershy thinking a human is just another animal!
2805704
Thats been done more then a few times.
2805756
...I mean she isn't shy to a human
Oh wow, I've had an idea like this for quite a while. No one seems to touch on the fact that if someone were to accidentally wind up there, they probably won't just magically end up in an English- or any Earth-born language for that matter -speaking Equestria... Glad to see that you're writing this!
Should be a capital letter...
Missing a word there, and "ed".
...Besides that, I didn't notice any mistakes, though I'm not the best at noticing that sort of thing.
Now, the story itself seems good so far, I'm interested to see how this turns out!
I like, bring on the next one, pardner!
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/151/9/3/applejack_clopplauding_by_mihaaaa-d3hohmg.gif
2803704
Grammatically speaking, there's also run-on sentence and fragments within this fic, but it's not detrimental to the message. The paragraphs are self-contained and I think it's reasonably comprehensible.
This was rather amazing. I look forward to more.
2805776
Got those fixed. Thanks for catching them. I must have been reading it the correct way when I was going through it.
2805810
I write with the intent of using no pronouns since the gender isn't known yet but a pesky one made it through anyways. Fixed now though.
I derped out there
More please!
2805761
Yeah seen it a few times before.
I am intrigued. Let's continue!
is good. you go, i follow. yes following.
this is really interesting.
you have my interest. i need more to gain my attention. fav for now
This has potential... I shall delay any real judgement until the story has progressed more. Definitely shows potential though.
2806761
We are one and the same, my recently-met friend. I hold the same opinion as you here.
So the human is either a barbarian, a child or scared out of their mind, at least those are my guess's. Anyway MOAR!
Quite good. I'm honestly hoping at this point that the human is just a young child instead of your typical neckbearded 20-something-year-old HiE character, and the descriptions may have left me a bit confused in that regard. Of course, but I can't pretend to know what you have in store. Please continue with all haste.
Hm! Not bad! I'll keep track of this :D
Please good sir or madam, may I have another chapter?
"She could easily catch up to it and hold it down" - it's cute that fluttershy thinks she can do that. naive but cute
"Saving its life" - implying human would not beat the ever-loving shit out of a timberwolf
Fluttershy stopped. “Is something wrong?” She looked behind her to see the creature shivering on her back. It was getting colder outside and must have been too cold for it. She pulled its hands with her mouth and put them around her neck. The creature repositioned itself to lie on her back. Its head was right next to hers.
i don't wanna rip on you (the story will most likely be good) but i just wanna say some things on this. 1) how the hell does she pull his arms around her neck? she couldn't have used her hooves, maybe if she used her mouth or wings but still. 2) how big is a pony suppose to be in this story? you gonna make them huge or are you sticking to a smaller size?
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/533/757/4d4.png
Not bad, but needs serious grammatical help.
Revised:
For example. Let me know if you want a hand.
ΔΓ
More pretty pretty -pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty please?pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/136936519621.jpg
This story has promise, I shall watch it to see if it lives up to it.
A lot of people are confused about the description of the creature. I will update that part of it to make it not as hard to tell what it is which may give some insight to how old it is.
2807132
Thanks for the help. I'm quite new to this. If you happen to have any other suggestions, let me know.
2807007
That chart will come in handy later. Thanks for sharing that.
2806893
Its one of the three, that's for sure
>After tending to it's wound
its
2807449 oh wow, i need to stop commenting and drinking at the same time. sorry if you find any/all of what i said offensive or otherwise disheartening. you have a good idea hear and seem to have the writing talent to make this into something awesome. im glad i at least did something that was useful so consider it my apology gift for the rant
So I'm a little confused is it speaking in sentences, a few scattered words, or just grunts and moans?
2806123
SHOW ME THIS.
I like this
mainly couse I like HiE fic
2807941
That would involve looking back at the freak tons of Fic's I have read no thanks.
sorry!
Thus far you've got yourself a decent HiE fic, which is pretty uncommon, to say the least. Keep it up, because I'm favoriting this shit.