This was awkward But not terrible

More!

Will the story continue with the CMC next?

Not bad, but you really need to correct your spelling errors. I'ts kinda difficult to read with them all. but other then that pretty good story! Keep it up.

Here are some examples of the errors. Heheh sorry for not giving any!

Babs Seed gives of a cute giggle and slowly starting to raise her hips and then her smal body from you.

It's small instead of smal and 'you' after gives.

Applebloom turns around and walk out.

walks

"Well girls it seems he like the ide, Applebloom go back and tell your family that the Cutie Mark Crusader will have a sleepover in the clubhouse"

The first mistake is ride, the second is liked instead of like, and after Applebloom add a comma.

Babs looking behind her at you giving you a grin.

Hmm, this one is really confusing. I think you meant to say Babs looked back at you grinning, or something along those lines.
There are more but those are some examples. Just little mishaps along the way. I suggest getting a proof reader.

This was.... Readable. Aside from the numerous grammatical errors I will say that the flow of the action was written pretty well. As long as you improve on your spellchecking I'd say this might turn out good.

Hello readers

After some thinking and a boost of new idees

This one time babs fic will become a story with several chapter

where we will follow "your" adventure

will make the changes for that

I was planing to post the next fic that was to be a romance zecora x human one

but will post it in a new own story fic later

hey, como es que no les gusta a todos?, esto esta marabilloso, embarazo, bodas, potros reciendo, es todo lo que siempre quise leer.... porfavor continuar escribiendo.... saludos y... la historia esta bien como esta.... animo que seguire leyendo

don´t worry, i understand english too, but i like spanish much more, besides i like you story, just keep going please

2795704 SO AWESOME!

need an editor

The more you know~

there is one spelling error that just made me laugh and i wish you would keep it in there it is where it should say she started to bob her head, but instead it says booband i don't know why i just could not stop laughing

2799145

Hmm sorry but it have to go

but thanks for reading my story

hope it was fun

holy shit so many spelling errors, errors as far as the eye can see.

added a little to the story
intro still in the works

You need a proofreader, that much is certain...

And oh my God! What have I done to spark the idea of a Babs Seed x Human rape and mindbreak scenario where the guy is raped? By the time the story is over, I imagine the poor bastard will be a mindless automaton, only there to hump ponies. Well, we will see how this story continues...

um babs will be disappointed when she finds out humans and ponies can't mate.

2821466

Well I'm writing the background story for this

*Spoiler*
And well he get a mare pregnant
will be explained more

Hmm do you readers mind if I change it so that "you" becomes a person with a name
example
Anon

Think it will be easier to write and do it in a general point of view

What do you say?

This is interesting, I am Fav this and Follow it

2822479
you should use "got" or "will get"

Have heard your readers comments about me needing an editor
so have taking it to heart
I have a follow author that will take a look at it
but he is quite busy with Collage so hope he can help

JESUS SHALL DIE FOR THY GRAMMAR SINS

I know this is clop, but...

You really, really need an editor. As it is, this is nearly unreadable due to a large number of issues. Your tense keeps jumping from point to point, sometimes in the same sentence. The story structure is uneven and tends to stumble, mainly from the large number of run-on sentences where you jammed together two sentences that needed to be kept separate. I almost get the impression that English is not your first language.

That was awesome still some grammar but it's way better can't wait to see what happens next.

Trying to sit up but he soon felt that he couldn't move his arms and legs.

She drugged him? Hardcore.

"It is one of the times under the year that us mares enter our Estrous cycle. It will generally start and end in about a week to ten days time."

Did you google that? I like where this is going.

Ah' will have it when ya shoot your seed inside ma womb and impregnating me."

Maybe he should not be impregnating a Blank Flank.

"You sure are bigger than what the books say about stallions, It will be a tight fit but Ah'm sure it will fit."

Every man wants to hear that.

.....So He didn't get to finish the lemonade, danm, that must have been disappointing

"Finally ya decided to wake up, Ah think the knock-out drops Ah put in the lemonade would have been to strong, glad that Ah was wrong."

Finally decided to put some dialogue in, huh?

Do I even need to point out that the entire CMC seems cool raping a bound creature? I wonder what the repercussions are for forcing the creation of a herd... He should have rope burns from struggling, and his system might still have traces of the drug for testing for foul play (in case it's claimed that it was just a really kinky night, and the human is "a terrible creature for trying to ruin the lives of four innocent fillies").

However, I get the feeling that this isn't going to go that logical route, and end up with the human possessing conflicting emotions about the whole thing, or if the Equestrian Law can't do anything about it, because of some ridiculously bullshit technicalities. Now, he's forced into a social standard he is 100% unfamiliar with, and he's going to stumble on these laws by unwittingly breaking them, because no pony is going to bother informing him of these laws (or is so ridiculously vague and roundabout that he doesn't comprehend them in the slightest). Point is, this is going to try and condone his rape and make light of the horrible situation he's been literally forced into (unforgiving douche canoes optional).

In short, this is going to have the plot of several horrible hentai/ecchi, and I'm not sure if I should abandon this story... However, the Trainwreck Law is driving me to continue, with my morbid curiosity as a guide to the gruesome end.

I announce thee royal child molester enjoy the title while you can...... Lol

Ah, there are a few spelling mistakes in my edit of this chapter, because I was in a hurry to finish. My bad

Want me to correct them?