• Member Since 9th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Sleepyted


A game loving Australian brony if you couldn't tell from the stories

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What if Commander Shepard didn't die on the Citadel?
Commander Shepard wakes up on an alien world of colorful pony's, how will the Commander cope with her new environment?

This is a 1st person story in Shepard's point of view (Edit: later on in the story it switch between people.). Give me any ideas or if theirs any mistakes that I can fix.

Chapters (28)
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Comments ( 175 )

This is actually really good, grammar could use some touch up here and there and correct spelling of words, but other then that this is a really good and great story can't wait for more chapters!!!

Uh, save for grammatical issues, it's pretty good.

Lol the other geust is rainbow dash sleeping in twon after a wonderbolt show.... or maybe lightingdust down on her luck

Lol awsome sheperd X dash i wounder when dash will notice the teeth.

Lol, oh Shepard, you're so cool :)

let shepard "Taste the rainbow" (it means yes.)

yes she should
unless she had a romance before the citadel then you should bring that romance to equestria

One thing I want to say is...... THANK YOU!!!
He story has 160 views, that's more than all my other story's put together.
I also wanted to say is that I'll try and make the 'pick what happens next' thing on most of my chapters. Also when there is a choice it will last till the next day till I tally it up and write the chapter.

Needs more spacing between paragraphs. The huge blocks of text aren't reader friendly.

Hells yeah rainbow X shepered was my idea back at the start and besides every one plasy femshep to see girl on girl.

2794859 I concur...Have shepard go out with rainbow.

2795602
Do you have Pinkie's 4th wall powers?

2796906 Rofl No im a pegasus pony... with lots of weapons and a mech and my oun ship.... but no only (as far as i know) twilight luna surprise and pinkie have that power. But i am a new type and can prdict 5he futur to some exstent. Hail Zeon! any way that and its Rainbow Dash one of the top 5 hotest ponies
1) trixie
2) Rainbow Dash
3) Applejack
4) Nightmare Moon (you know im right)
5) Poudered Rouge (the asain pony that works for Photo Finsh)

i say do it pair em up mon

you have chosen wisely

wow and that last part dark, like, really dark

Comment posted by bocaj518 deleted Jun 30th, 2013

I'm happy the darkness came through, it was kind of hard to write that part.

Shepard wants to TASTE THE RAINBOW!

i have to err go with the former (totally not creepy or anything)
will Shepard meet the other elements

2799229
Eventually, it's just I wanted to introduce the setting.

2799570 that's good to hear
so what great evil will Shepard face here not MORE reapers is it

2799573
No, she killed them all with 'shoot random pipe win war'

2799664 like at the end where she dies in one of three disappointing ways.
GOOD JOB BIOWARE YOU DISCOVERED CELLOPHANE!

2799668
Or you have her stand there and let the reapers kill everyone

2799676 that's just TOO evil even for full renegade Shepard
and don't call Shepard poor she will kick your ass

2799677
I was planning on having Shepard on the half-half with the renigade and paliden
(Please forgive bad spelling)

2799687 that's renegade and paragon.

2799693
As I said forgive the spell, there's little to no spell check on the iPod

2799703 yea yea don't call Shepard poor or insult her
also i am eating cheese
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq9TnI7ssTU

:rainbowdetermined2: oh yeah tast the rainbow.

yet
WUAHAHAHAHAHAAAaaaa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsTcf9IpKSM <---- its funny trust me

Commander Shepard lifts bro :P

Yet key ward there.

Wounder how long before shepered is caught in her guard lie and has to come clean to her mare friend?

30bits say its Applejack that catches the lie befor twight dose!

2804685
I fell tempted to make the story different just to make you wrong, but I won't, I'm nice like that.

I thought this chapter was published 5 hours ago, sorry for the delay

2804816 lol im sorry im a newtype i can just prdict tings some times.... if its any consaltion the car i was in yesterday was rear endded with me in the back seat and by the inpact i was about 5 inches from dieing rofl so karmas a bitch in return for the gift of prcgontion of awsome story events.... well its ether im psyic or reading yoru mind :trixieshiftright:

Shiny is a captian cpatian are basicly mid rang and are just bearly above a comander my guess each small town has a caption most cities have 2 or 3 canterlot probaly had 5 or 6 and the princesss body guards probally highly out rank shing armor as magers or even lt genrals with about 30 years of combat traing and real under there belts.

2808249
Just remember Shepard was a spectur, and is in the N7 program, getting to be a commander in N7 is a reeeeeeealy hard.

it can only go UP from here.
(lol)

2808556 it also gives her a excuse if twilight prys again she was secops black missions she can just say that it was classified or in a difrent brach ie night guard cluds dale ligon appleslua milta the everfree watch are all out side of shining armors control cause hes not in charge of those units he was a royal guard caption that means he protected the catle and did crod control and was is key there when her became epmor of the cristal empire with his wife the new empris he tecknecly lost his old posting and is now genralinchife of the cristal empires forces andpolitcaly can not hold his old rank any longer.

This is prity good keep it up

comic-con huh HAVE FUN!

well, it will be interesting seeing the other members of the mane 6 interact with Sherpad, after all Twilight must have told them that something was off...
:trixieshiftleft:
even if she may have a wrong theory about what's Sherpad hidding
:trixieshiftright:
or maybe the fact that is almost imposible for them to imagine something close to the truth,
is what makes this interesting?


anyway, Keep up the good work!:pinkiehappy:

And thus starts the skizophrenia :yay:

Comment posted by adamdwarf deleted Jul 7th, 2013

Dude you need a beta. Though the actual story telling expects are decent. Continue the good work.

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