Shepard
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We were taken to ‘Cracked Hoof Cause’ by the drill instructor. In front of us was an obstacle cause which looked like it was pulled right out of the N7 training program.
At the start was a climbing wall which went around twenty-five feet up with only a few ropes dangling on it. Next was a tight rope walk which went for about fifty feet at the top of the wall to a platform built in a tree. Next was a rope swing which had four different ropes which I presume that you have to swing from one to another with a ten foot gap between them, all of the high up parts had a deep looking mud pit which would hopefully stop any serious injuries if you fell. After that is leap of faith from the fifty feet into a small artificial lake at the bottom. Next it looks like you swim about seventy feet till you reach a platform which you climb onto. Next you hop from small platform to small platform which are held above the water by wooden poles. Next you jump back onto dry land and crawl under a wire net suspended about twenty inches high with mud under it. Next is just a mud pit which I guess you have to run through. And to finish it all off there’s a hundred metre run to the end.
A sense of nostalgia hit me, reminding me of my time as a greeny, training to fight for my race. I felt a small smile cross my face.
“Is he really going to make us do that?” I heard Dark whisper from behind me.
I turn to look at him. “Why else would he bring us here?” I whispered back.
“THE PONY FROM YESTERDAY WITH THE STUPID ARMOR COME FORWARD!” The instructor yelled into the crowd.
“I think he means you Shepard.” Night said nudging me in the side.
I walked forward so that I was in front of the crowd and stood at attention and put hoof to my forehead in a salute like I used to do while I was in N7.
The instructor looked infuriated by this. “I WANT YOU TO GO AND SHOW EVERYPONY HOW NOT TO DO THIS! ONLY COME BACK ONCE YOU’RE DONE!” He yelled into my face.
“Sir yes sir.” I said running off to the start.
I took my position at a line painted into the ground.
“READY!”
I took a deep breath.
“SET!”
I lowered down my upper half.
“GO!”
And with that I took off to the climbing wall.
When I arrived the first thing that was in my head was how will I get up the wall? When I was a human I could just grab the rope and climb up but now that I don’t have hands that’s going to be near impossible now. Then an idea hit me.
I made my front hoofs into hook shapes then slipped the rope into my hooves. And once I knew I had a good grip I put my back hooves up ageist the wooden climbing wall and started to walk and pull myself up. After about twenty seconds I was finally at the top.
Now it’s time for the tight rope. The wire was made from metal twisted up like rope. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach when I looked down. If I were to fall I wouldn’t be able to use Biotic Charge without breaking most of my limbs with all the armor on. I start to cross it carefully by putting one hoof in front of the other. Once I was about a third of the way across a gust of wind blew past and made the wire wobble making my slip and fall chest first into the wire. But just before I fell into the mud below I hooked my front hooves catching me. I hear a few gasp from behind me as I hang there, daggling by a wire. I start to move my hooves down the wire, it won’t be as fast as walking across it but it’s better than falling all the way down. Once I was at the platform I climbed up.
The rope swing was made out of a thick rope with knots at the bottom. I took a small run up and jumped off the platform with my front hooves hooked. When I hit the rope I made sure that my bottom hooves land on the knot while my front ones hook onto the rope. I swing forward from the momentum of the jump but I wait until I swing back over before I jump to know that I was ready. I jump off the rope when it came back from the swing and land the same way I did with the other rope on this one. Once I land on the last rope I start swinging up higher for the final jump into the water. I need to get as much air as I can unless I want to land in the mud and no the water. On one final swing I jump off the rope and sail off in the air towards the water.
I land in the water with one large splash. I open my eyes once I land in the water to see the surface was a fair bit up. I start pushing downwards in the water, propelling me up. With my now water clogged armor it was a fair bit difficult. Once I break the surface I take a deep breath of fresh air. Once I got my bearings I started swimming to the platform.
I swim up to the side of the platform to see a small ladder. I climb up the ladder and that’s when I start to feel the burn of all of today’s training.
Once I’m upon the platform I look at the small platforms suspended by wooden poles and the thing that struck me about them was that they looked bigger up close.
I take a few deep breaths and then took a run up. With a large bound I jump onto the first platform. I land with all my hooves on the platform and with the momentum I already have I jumped to the next one, and then the next one, then the next one and before I knew it I landed on solid ground.
With the momentum I have I dive forwards and land on my stomach just in front of the next and slid about five feet. I start to commando crawl under the net and through the mud as fast as I could. Once I finished the net crawl my entire front was covered in my. I stood up and started to run my way through the mud after the net but it was about as fast as the crawl with how deep the mud was. It came up to my neck.
Before I could wipe any mud off myself I started the hundred metre sprint. Along the way a lot of the mud fell off but it didn’t do anything for my speed.
I cross the finish line to see an infuriated drill instructor. By this point I was breathing quite heavily. I look to the rest of the recruits to see most of them look either scared of what was to come or jealous of what I was able to do.
“NOW YOU SHALL STAY HERE UNTIL EVERYPONY ELSE HAS FINISHED!” He yelled right into my face.
I walk back over to my team and stand next to them.
“How hard was it?” I looked over to Night.
“The instructor was right about the run being a warm up.” I said heaving.
And now I get to see all the others try and do the obstacle course.
Damn, that explains why you were gone for so long.
Both of my grandfathers died around my 3rd and 4th birthday, so at least you had some good years with your grandfather
i have also lost both my grandfathers sad huh but of old age so that makes it better in a way
too be fair the obstacle course didn't involve mag boot walking through a vacuum, avoiding motion sensing lazer cannons, fighting mechs, or my favorite tackleling a krogun so really i can't even see this giving shepard a challenge.
Now the ponies can sing
and when she recalled his ship may be this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfelfyV8LwA
I hope you keep writing this. You have an interesting concept going and you are clearly improving. I would recommend getting an editor or at least a pre-reader to check your work. Especially the early chapters as the grammar mistakes can really turn people away from this. Its a real shame as your story has some serious potential.
I'm going to follow this for now.
I do hope this story isn't dead, it's amazing, really
Please keep it up
5005251
I've spent some time away from the story recently, working on my writing and grammar in personal stories for friends and family and I think I have improve a fair amount from since I first started this one. The reason a chapter hasn't come out in ages is because I just feel like this story itself is poorly written and I'll be going through and re-writing the entire thing to make it flow more smoothly and so I don't write myself into corners like I already have.
Certainly a decent fic. Hopefully more chaptesr continue to come out and it continues to improve. Since it's been stated enough times here, I won't start pointing out errors when I simply suggest that you should find an editor to help you out. Or at least some pre-readers to point out errors and maybe give ideas on how to write a certain section a bit better.
No one TRULY likes to be told how to write their own work, but so long as it's CONSTRUCTIVE and not just "you're bad", "you're horrible", "this is crap", "etc, etc, etc" then it can only help to not only make the author a better writer, but to help make the story as best as it can be. It is good to know that you're planning on (or already working on) rewriting it.
Anyway, I'll change my dislike to a like since this story shows promise.
By the time this chapter was posted (about 4 weeks ago) I feel that next one is coming soon! As I said in first chapter you have a nice story with a decent plot, and basically only thing keeping it a tad away from Awesome category is grammar and vocabulary. You often misuse words. My advice is to try and find an editor and may be even do a rewrite of chapters to bolster it's word count and overall quality.
hope to see another chapter soon
Yup that's boot camp for you. I can't wait to see how the others do.
6105038
*sigh*
I'll get the shovel.
Yea know, if I was Shepherd I would had asked to do the course again after everypony else does it, an this time she goes through it faster now that she got a feel for it.
From what I had seen so far She is a Vanguard class right?
one who can do biotics and has skills as a soldier? I never really played that class, Iam an engineer I love me my Drones.
I named one Harry! my Turret is Jane an later my defense drone a power from a friend in Mass effect three David.
hmm sorry I ramble sometimes.
eh will you go back to this on it is quite good of course grammar but no one is perfect
9903178
That post was made back in 2014. My Engrish wasn't that good back then.