- Member Since 31st Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 17 hours ago
PeachClover
Harmony, should not be a delusion held only by those who have not suffered, but the knowledge that wrongs can be forgiven and life eventually returned to peace.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- PeachClover · 3.5k words · 33 14 · 1.5k views
- Chatoyance · 86k words · 3.2k views
- pjabrony · 1.4k words · 57 22 · 1.8k views
- Midnightshadow · 19k words · 44 24 · 4.2k views
- AegisExemplar · 7.5k words · 29 7 · 1.4k views
- staryoshi06 · 3.4k words · 15 43 · 1.3k views
- Chatoyance · 31k words · 6.5k views
- Chatoyance · 5.6k words · 13k views
Featured In1
Stats
Page generated in 0.137 seconds
Total duration
1,063 users online
2,254,094 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Silly but fun, I liked it.
Funny! Newfoal names are silly.
A little on the 'other side of the street', but amusing none the less.
ps. if you get that reference you get 10 internet points.
Nice stylistic choice. Seriously, I can tell you knew about talking heads, but did this on purpose, and the effect was fantastic. Reminded me a bit of Monty Python or Groucho Marx.
When telling stories about strangers in strange lands, it's easy to forget that those lands aren't so strange to the natives. Still, you'd think they'd have covered this sort of thing in orientation...
In any case, most amusing.
2786748
Two weeks at a bureau isn't really enough time to adjust to the new body let alone a new culture, especially considering that you wouldn't normally get ponyfied the first day. The classes given there are focused on getting a newfoal comfortable in their pony body and the idea was that the real learning would happen in Equestria taught by natives.
However, pony culture is not based on avoiding social awkwardness or remaining inside of the social norm, so unlike Earth, few would bother telling them that they are acting different, thus stories like this must be pretty common.
The Princesses, on otherhoof, know everything about Earth's culture, which probably gave them hysterical laughing fits for centuries.
2786010
What do you mean by "talking heads"?
I don't know anything about professional comedy. I wrote this story as a radio play because all other details really didn't matter and it allowed the reader's imagination to fill in the gaps. I am very happy about the style because it seems to help the reader get lost in the moment, and instead of reading a story, one is making a memory.
2785024 2785023
I'm glad you liked it. ^^
2785211
Sorry, but I don't get the reference. I'm glad you liked the story though.
2787166 Talking heads is the phenomenon when a scene in a story consists of almost entirely dialogue, with no mention of other actions, such as raised eyebrows, tapping a foot in irritation, or sighing in exasperation. It's normally a sign of weak writing, but you pulled it off to great effect because you knew you were doing it.
This was a funny, well written story, and I loved it!
Gotta love that ending
I'm not really a fan of TCB, what with a lot of the implications it has...
But this is really genuinely amusing and quite funny. Well done.
2785211
Ten whole internet points? I am so lucky!
But yeah, nice reference.
2818795 Huzzah! You win!
Usually not my kind of humor, but this story was really funny.
“Yes, that night, in fact. Crackerjack told me that it wasn't really fair to not let fillies in until after dark.”
“Wait! I got this one it's crackers and pepperjack cheese, right?”
“I think so.”
“Weird syntax, what's with newfoals naming themselves after food?”
“No idea.
Oh nyeah cause applejack being a alcoholic bevereage for a name is weird.
2940969
Well, since you really care to understand: applejack, the alcohol, is apple cider that has been infused with alcohol; the taste of the cider is present enough that one can tell what it used to be, but has become inseparable from its new state. Since crackers and whiskey would make a nasty goop, the ponies here took what they knew of the two words in possible combinations and chose the most likely. It's odd for them because they understand that fused words are supposed to be inseparable and the idea of cheese on top of crackers is not worthy of this syntax leaving the ponies to call their misconception weird.
By the way, since you brought up the name: an applejack is also the name of a hat (my favorite type too) that was commonly worn by the poor of the 19th century. It got it's name from the workers hired during the harvesting of apple farms, who were jokingly called applejacks because, even though the drink had been around much longer, around that time the word "jack" was a not so kind term meaning "forgettable low-life". The name outlasted the joke/insult, so when the original AJ was named such, her name referred to one who picked apples rather than one who drinks them.
Typically, I detest TCB stories because they have the newfoals become smiling zombie, but your story is how a TCB story should be written. The newfoals can still do bad things and act human. Congratulations, I hope you write more in the future. I already think you're better than Chatoyance story wise
3554238 You obviously haven't read any decent length of a Conversion Bureau novel, otherwise you would know that ponies, newfoals included, can do bad things, however, they are unable to do bad things and feel anything less than absolutely horrible about it. Because you are still a child, and a sheltered one at that, it is understandable that you would not understand the depth and power of Chatoyance's writing. I'm glad you liked my story, but this lighthearted comedy would not be here if it were not for everything that Chat wrote up until it was posted.
So many users on this site pop up and end up saying that Chatoyance's stories are disliked and always include the top ten buzz words for Chat hate. The truth is, I don't think you or the other users have actually read Chat's stories; I think you all have read some hate filled review and regurgitated it without realizing how much these replies sound like robots. Sometimes it's almost so funny I expect them to start yelling out other prerecorded catchphrases like “it could save you 15% or more on car insurance”.... This is off topic, but it is my page, so prove me wrong here; please present a full review and critique of all Chatoyance's stories that you have read.
I am presuming that since you are not old enough to join the army, that you are still in school, so I want you to know that I am expecting an A+ level review and critique written as assuming the reader has no prior knowledge of the subject. For anyone else reading this, this offer is only good for lazerbem; if anyone else wants me to see their review and critique, please send it via PM.
3554838 Woah, that escalated quickly. I compliment you and you insult me. You're being incredibly condescending and crude with the way you treat me, irony. I set up a friendly discussion and you attack me for no reason? Shame on you. I'd like to mention that child is typically dropped once they've passed the age of ten, which went by a while ago. Even if I was 10, so as long as I'm debating peacefully, why do you spray venom at unrelated things? It'd be like if I called you an old geezer. I doubt you are, but you get my point.
As for the critique, well, let's see. Hmm, I'll point out "Ten Minutes: Aftermath" as that is the one that irritated me the most. I also am not going to let you patronize me so just to spite you, I'll use a C+ or D- essay. You treat me like a child, I'll act like a child
Now, my issue with you stems from the fact that you are, pardon my French, being a huge douche and insulting me for little reason. Calm down before writing
3555474
You've got it a little bit backwards: you acted like a child first, therefore, I started treating you like one. Writing a "C+ or D-" review and critique does not inspire me to respect you. Knowing that you haven't taken this seriously, I'm not even going to read what you wrote for that review, but you can try again if you like.
However, I will agree with you that Ten Minutes: Aftermath is Chatoyance's worst story, and that is because it was written in a writing competition for changing the ending of some other writer's story. If you are going to judge an author, judge them for what they create for themselves, not what they create for competitions.
3559938 Well, let's see. I give you a mature argument, you insult me. I wonder who acted childish first? As for something she wrote herself, how about the "Friendship Virus"?
1. Over the top sexism towards men and women in such a way that it is portrayed as a good thing
2. Weak plot
3. Barely having anything to do with MLP
4. Lack of general science knowledge
Then again, I think you like that story so do tell, why is Friendship Virus good?
3560202 “The Friendship Virus” is one chapter in a collection of alternate universe starting points. If you are going to judge a novel writer, you should really judge them on a novel not a short story. A novel, by the way, has over 40,000 words.
The theme for all of the stories in Brand New Universe is the hope for enlightenment. “The Friendship Virus” expresses this hope as a chemical and consequently, social change. The son in the story is frustrated that his budding breasts are irritating him, and wants an explanation from his scientist father. The father explains that a constructed virus has changed all of humanity to be less aggressive, but on a chemical level this has effectively blurred the line between men and women.
There are many examples of how these changes effect society, but not all of these examples are stated explicitly. Understanding all of these changes is essential to feel the emotional impact that gives this story value. For your benefit, I shall explain the importance of the non-explicitly stated changes. The son in the story looks down at his polished toe nails and recalls that he and his sister painted them recently. In itself, this seems like nothing, but culturally, painting toe nails in the USA is considered a feminine act that many families would not accept for boys entering puberty, because the act itself represents harmlessness where traditionally, males in the USA are expected to have a constant potentially threatening appearance.
When the son is about to cry, the author mentions his mascara threatening to run. Mascara is meant to attract positive attention which is again a form of harmlessness, the polar opposite of aggression. If the society expected potential aggression in males, the father could have, and most likely would have, ordered the son to remove the mascara before they left their house. The fact that the father didn't and the mention that other boys get upset when their make up is ruined, solidifies the change in the culture to no longer want any member of humanity to be harmful, and inversely, this change invites and encourages everyone to be friendly and loving toward one another.
The fact that the boy is about to cry so openly over what would currently be considered a minor matter, shows that no member of humanity is trained to hold back crying. This is a freedom of expression that adults are not expected to be granted, and in American culture, is portrayed as particularly taboo for males. This freedom is shown again by the background characters who are playing harmless games and when one is hurt, he is comforted rather than insulted for crying out his pain. Psychologically, one reason for crying is a non-verbal form of asking for help. In this story's society, it is not only culturally acceptable to non-verbally ask for help through crying, but that call is answered swiftly both intellectually by the children teaching the child how to play the game correctly without getting hurt again and emotionally by comforting the child through physical contact. In current society, there are many individuals who would see these both the action of crying and the helping of others a weakness, but through all of these events in the story, no one implies in anyway that any of these events are unacceptable.
The father's internal thoughts show the contrast between the past where men were expected to lash out at anything that threatened even the thought of their potential for causing harm and the present where the highest purpose of life is to love and be loved by all. Part of the father's thoughts are telling him that everything going on is different than anything he grew up with and that is scary, but when he sees the peace of children playing without fighting and when he thinks about the peace of humanity helping each other to live rather than killing each other over pointless matters, he accepts the change with courage knowing that the future with all of its uncertainty, will be happy for himself and his loved ones.
“The Friendship Virus” is an interesting work because as you said, it has very little to do with My Little Pony, but has everything to do with Friendship is Magic. The story is debatably a purer form of transformation fiction as the people of the story go through very little physical change, but go through massive social and emotional growth. For the adult who has lived their life being shoved into society's unloving boundaries, the fact that this story shows how accepting this new society is by not even mentioning all of the ways it wasn't accepting before when those things come up in the story, can feel deeply relieving and gives hope for the future. As a final thought, I have always related this story to the song A Long Way from Equestria.
3563053 I'm not even going to respond anymore, you can delete my comments on this story (not on the blog) because it is quite clear that you are not going to change your mind. The irony, a compliment leads to a flame war
3563359 Please do not say that you are going to not respond anymore only to go to another forum to continue responding.
3566236 Sorry, I wasn't thinking clearly. I might have overreacted a bit. I apologize for my behavior
Quite a fun short story. I really enjoyed it and it has made a so-so day much better.
Thanks!
3856420 I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^^ I'm sorry to say that comedy is a very rare happening for me, so there isn't likely to be another like it any time soon.
Before having to sleep, I figured a short story wouldn't hurt. This one made me smile and chuckle a good bit!
6724160 I'm glad my story is still getting read. I read it myself before writing this reply; it still makes me giggle too. ^^
...Huh. I remember reading this ages ago, and liking it, and I appear to have upvoted it, but not favourited it.
Having reread it just now after stumbling across it again, I'm not all that sure why. Well, fixing that now.
Omg I just got through lmao for like the past few minutes.....and I am not even done w the story. I love that 'network of carriers" joke....but what really got my sides split was the reboot joke roflmao
Omg this story has had me laughing for idk how long.....i just finished like 2 or 3 min ago. Which my last comment was 37 mib ago from what the time stamp says. Shows how long I was laughing so much it was hard to if not impossible to read lol
10116934
I'm really glad you liked it ^^
10117331
I just followed you.....at some point i might check out other stories of yours.....i normally read long stories (100k+ words) but i needed to decompress and found your newfoals story.....i cant write to save my life but i love reading
10117409
I would love to be able to write such long stories. I've tried but I have yet so far run out of gas before reaching the end.
10117433
Thats kewl....a nice short story is great to decompress w. And at least you can write so youve already got me there lol