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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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............................DIS IS SUM GUOOD SHIEET
MOAR
I love this!
you want some constructive criticism hows this for constructive criticism this story is good wright faster so i can read more of your awesome work
With all this discussion of meteors, I think that they would be an excellent way to kill a pony.
Holy shit, dude is fucking strong! He broke a door and a wall in one charge...with a busted leg!
Remind me not to mess with this guy.
2978297I got that idea from a childhood memory of mine.
My dad's friend got really drunk one night at our house. The man was a big guy; he weighed about 220lbs. From what I remember, he got his foot caught on something on the floor, tripped and slammed into the door and breaking it. The wall faired better than door though; there was only a small hole from the man's head. Till this day, I still don't know how he managed to demolished the door so easily.
2978848 He should play football.
2978848
Breaking down doors isn't as hard as people think, when you know what you're doing. One well-placed kick on the door's weak spot, and it'll open easily. Of course, this all depends on the kind of door, which way it opens, how strong the frame is and a few other factors.
Two examples of how not to breach a door:
[youtube=DBex3WWHWbw]
[youtube=ET9SNXpeORY]
And when he (Isaiah) breached the door, I saw this:
[youtube=K6WVMfmMse0]
2999224
I'm assuming that your name is Isaiah?
Wow....what the hell happened. The previous chapters were written pretty well, the English was correct for the most part. This chapter...wow. The pacing seemed off and the sentence structure was awkward. Wat happened?!
This is good but I detected few errors and something caught my attetion
when twilight welcomed celestia she said only celestia not princess celestia, you should know twilight always talk to her mentor with respect so she would never say only celestia instead she will say princess celestia
"Yup, her talent is overreacting"
You don't know how much that cracked me up XD
Criticism I am not great at so i'll keep it short and sweet.
1:You have minor to moderate grammar issues, i'd suggest editing them, as some people REALLY don't like grammar issues (On some chapters it is at a moderate level so an editor or proofreader wouldn't be the greatest choice, it'd be better to do it yourself then let someone else do it)
2: I find the conversations in the story well placed, mixed with a decently built character. Well done. 8/10
3: You may have inspired me to make my own post apocolyptic story mixing himans and pones, hope you dont mind if I use certain things in my own story (I'll give credit dont worry)
Yeah so I rate this story 7/10, mainly for grammar issues. Keep it up! ^_^
I don't like your 3rd person writing at all. Other than that good stuff.
one shakes their head if they disagrees with a person. one nods if they agree with a person. fix this matter, please, it quite annoys me when thoroughly enjoying this story. also, get all dem proofreaders dam syun so many very hidden typos. <-- ignore spelling and grammar there.
This is awesome and I think Isiah is a tank. He broke down a door easily
YOUR AND YOU'RE
You made the same mistake as last chapter it seems, reading the comments. Right at the top:
Should be AM, not PM. 69+ weeks and not corrected once. No one noticed it?
alright am I the only one who didn't get this?:
He took a deep breath. "I- I'm from Earth."
Celestia was the next one. "And is Earth the planet you are from?" She asked with a soothing voice.
He slowly shook his head to confirm the white alicorn's comment.
In the first sentence he states that he is from Earth. Then in the second, Celestia for some weird reason wants to confirm that he is in fact from Earth... even though he just told her he is. Then the most confusing thing of all is the third where he shakes his heard, to CONFIRM Celestias comment... What? He just stated he was from Earth then he denies it, and somehow this confirms he is from Earth... I'm confus
5366875
I'm pretty sure he meant nod instead of shake, thus confirming his statement that he is from Earth.
On that note, I've seen a lot of people complaining about poorly phrased sentences and grammatical errors. Lay off the guy, would ya people? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say English isn't his first language, and while this isn't a really solid argument, I think it warrants cutting the author some slack. Besides, even with all the errors, I've been able to understand what he wanted to say without a hitch. Sure, it can get slightly confusing at times, but the gist of it is carried through to the reader so he can understand what is actually happening. Still, it wouldn't hurt to either get an editor, or simply make the revisions yourself.
Apart from that, I've found myself oddly drawn to the story, even though it lacks in the explanation department (so far of course). The characters are likable, the plot is intriguing and it's interesting to see how Isaiah copes with his current situation. I like your descriptions in general, as well as proper military terminology of weapons and gear (they are quite easy to look up and get a definite representation of what they look like for people like me who suck at visualizing). There is only one thing I'm confused about: is Isaiah a soldier or just a civilian that was hardened through survival? 'Cause he is pretty dang tough, to tell the truth.
Keep up the good work,
- Bloody Buddy
Must be American housing, made of plasterboard and weak wood.
Fuck that door
7244419 go koolaid man on that door but its isaiah instead
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I feel like all of your scenes are in a queue, and the current scene is always being bullied by the other scenes to conclude before its business is finished.
Ahora es el capitán América pero más relajado
Based on what previous information or agreement, exactly?
I don't even...
+1 for that one, actually ;]
*facepalm*
WINDOW.
Idiot.
Because of the broken door, the dent in the wall and the fast regeneration I’m assuming he has some sort powers, maybe like capitan America and his super soldier abilities right ?