• Published 17th Jul 2013
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Regular Ponies - asdfghjklsemicolon



Regular Show/Pony cross over: Death sends Mordecai and Rigby into the world of Ponies.

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Poker Faces and Butt Tattoos

"Dude, you're horrible!"

"Shut up!"

I glance at Rigby from my spot on the couch. "You didn't even try! You're supposed to jump over the gap."

"I did, I pressed 'jump'!" Rigby throws up his hands before pointing at me. "I keep telling you this controller is busted." To emphasize his point, he lifts the controller and waves it around, although I'm not exactly sure how that backs up what he claimed in the least.

I cross my arms and smirk at him. "Hmm, hmm."

Rigby narrows his eyes at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I knew you'd try that lame busted controller excuse again," I reach over and grab his controller. "So I switched them."

"What?"

"That's right, dude. I've been playing with the 'busted' controller." I throw his controller back to him and scoff as it hits him in the chest before falling into his hands. "Just admit you suck at this game."

"No! I don't suck, and I'll prove it to you!" He stands up on the couch so that he's eye-level with me. He stares at me for about half of a second before turning back to the screen. I watch as he starts his turn and his little character moves across the screen. Let's face it, Rigby has never been good at video games. I'd thought about that when I bought this game. I was gonna buy that awesome looking new game, King Fighters. When I opened the case and saw the directions in that little pamphlet thing, I knew there was no way Rigby was gonna be able to keep up. I'm not saying he's stupid, but when it comes to memorizing buttons and maneuvers, he is in no way qualified for it. Besides, I just know that if I'd gotten it he would have whined about how hard it was. This game seemed more his speed. All you have to do is jump over spikes and gaps in the ground. I thought he could easily handle that.

"Crap!"

Or not.

"You'd think that as many times as you've done this level, you'd remember where the spikes pop out." I comment. He doesn't say anything, but he gives me an icy glare, which is enough to shut me up. After knowing someone for as long as we have, you learn about boundaries and how far you can push them.

"Hey, you two!" I know who it is without looking up, but I do anyway.

"Oh, hey Benson. What's up?"

Benson crosses his arms. "Did you finish mowing the football field?"

"Uh..." Shoot, I forgot that was even on the list.

"Yeah, we finished it."

Dang it, Rigby.

"Oh, did you?" I can see Benson's face starting to get a bit pink and I sit up. "Then why is the mower still in the GARAGE?"

"Dude, quit lying!" I smack Rigby on the shoulder and get to my feet. "Sorry Benson," I say, glaring at Rigby. "We'll get it done."

"You better! If I catch you two slacking off again YOU'RE FIRED." With his usual threat, Benson turns and walks through the kitchen. I don't move as I listen for the slam of the back door. When it comes, I cross my arms turn to look at Rigby, who raises an eyebrow.

"What?"

Mowing the football field is hard, boring, and lame. Benson banned Rigby and I from using the gas mower after that time we tried to impress him to get plaques, so we had to use those stupid little push mowers. It took a long time, but if it had just been one of us it would have taken a lot longer.

"You sure you wanna try that video game again, dude?"

"Totally, I just need practice." He grunts as he pushes his mower over a rock in his path.

"You got it?" I reach out to move the mower for him, but stop when I see him dislodge it himself.

"Yeah. Anyway, you don't get good at videogames in an hour. At least normal people don't." He says the last sentence with an envious glare in my direction. I'll admit, he has some reason to be spiteful. I don't mean to brag, but I've got mad gaming skills. I'm used to playing more advanced games, and when I sit down and play a video game as easy as the one we'd been playing earlier, it's hard not be good at it.

I let go of my mower to get the garage door, the creaking of it reminding me that I really need to tell Skips about it. Once the door was open I grab my mower and motion for Rigby to bring his through. After doing so, Rigby wipes his forehead with the back of his hand and sighs. "It sucks that we can't use the gas mower."

"Yeah, well maybe if we hadn't tried to impress Benson we'd still be able to use it." I throw the comment over my shoulder as I close the garage door. I leap back quickly and breathe a sigh of relief as the metal door barely misses my fingers.

"Hey, that was your idea." Rigby crosses his arms.

"So? It's not like I forced you to go along with it."

"Whatever."

"Crap!"

"Just give up."

"No!" I sigh and rest my elbow on the arm of the couch before adding my chin to the palm of my hand. He's been going at it for over any hour and, just ten minutes ago, he finally made it to the first checkpoint in the first level. It was funny at first, but now it was just getting repetitive and boring.

"Why don't you take a break, it might help. You've been staring at the screen for a long time." I suggest as I turn to look at Rigby. He opens his mouth to speak, but whatever look I have on my face makes him reconsider it.

"Ugh, fine." He puts the controller on the coffee table and hops off the couch. "I need food."

Happy to have something else to do, I get up and follow him into the kitchen. When I get to the kitchen doorway, I'm pretty surprised to see Skips sitting at the table with someone I thought he hated. "Death?"

"Why, if it isn't Mordecai!" Death leans back in his chair and links his hands together behind his head. "I forgot that you and Rigby worked here with ol' Skips."

I chuckle and rub the back of my neck awkwardly. "Yeah..."

Skips turns around in his chair and looks at me. "How do you guys know Death?"

Rigby speaks before I can answer the question. "Me and Mordecai babysat his son to save Muscle Man."

"What??" Skips glares at Rigby with a mixture of annoyance and worry on his face. "Do you have any idea just how bad that could have turned out?"

"Relax, Skips. It's not like we failed or anything." Rigby opens up the fridge and peers inside, throwing the last sentence over his shoulder.

"Yeah, Muscle Man's still here, isn't he?" I walk over to the counter beside the fridge and lean against it as I defend ourselves. We hadn't failed, but we'd come pretty dang close. I'm just glad that Death hadn't called us up to babysit his little monster again since.

"You guys still shoulda come to me." Skips grumbles.

"Oye, Skips! Are we playin' cards or aren't we?"

"Whaddaya playin'?" Rigby asks with a sandwich in hand. He makes his way over to Death's side of the table and looks down at his hand. "Aw, what? Death, you-"

Luckily, I'm able to slap my hand over his mouth before he can finish talking. "Rigby, keep your mouth shut!" Even though Rigby's strength is near to being nonexistent, his size makes holding him still a challenge.

"But, dude look at his hand, he could totally bluff right now!"

At that, Death jumps up from his seat and throws his cards on the table. "What is wrong with you? Do you have any idea what I'm playing for here?"

"Sorry, Death! Rigby doesn't understand poker, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Right, dude?" The sentence tumbles out faster than my lips can move, making the sentence seem a bit garbled.

Rigby finally catches on and laughs, but the sweat breaking out on his forehead betrays his uneasiness. "Aha, yeah! No idea! I've never even played poker!"

Death will have none of it, though. His eyes (or where his eyes should be) glows bright and grow to about three times their size. "So, you like ruining things, eh? Let's see how you like it getting your lives ruined!"

"What?" Crap, I hate it when my voice cracks. It takes a lot of the firmness out of whatever I say.

"Death, stop!" Skips gets up from the table quickly, making his chair fall to the ground.

If Death had heard Skips, he didn't show it. His hands glow as he raises them above our heads, and I feel a sick yellow aura wrap around Rigby and I, so tight that I can't move. With a wicked smile, he snaps his fingers and my world went black, and the last thing I see is Skips being too late to save us.


My head and back are killing me. I can hear Rigby groan beside me and I can tell that he's probably experiencing the same thing. Whatever is in front of me is bright; I know that without even opening my eyes. I sigh and open them slowly, only to have them snap open at what I see. Everything looks normal, except that it doesn't. The trees are too green. The sky is too clear. "What the heck..." I groan as I look around through a narrowed gaze. Everything looks... really bright and cheerful. I sit up and close my eyes, resting my forehead into my hooves and...

Wait... hooves?

I open my eyes and look at where my arms were supposed to be, only to see two black hooves, which were attached to long blue legs. "Wha... what..." I hear Rigby struggling to sit up and turn to look at him. He has a patch of curly brown hair on his head that travels down the back of his neck. His muzzle, neck, and chest are a lighter shade of brown, his tail is ringed. He looks the same.

Except for the fact that he has a weird looking tattoo on his back leg and that he's a horse now.

Rigby looks back at me and opens his mouth, but whatever he's about to say stops when he looks at me. I have no idea what I look like, but if Rigby still looks mostly the same, then I guess I do too. His mouth moves to form words. No sound comes out, so I figure I should help him out by stating the obvious.

"We're horses, dude."

Rigby looks down at his hooves and stares at them, mouth agape. He slowly turns to look back at me before sucking in a breath. "WHY ARE WE HORSES?"

"I don't know!" I put a han-hoof to my forehead. "I guess this is our punishment from Death."

"Ugh, this sucks! I dunwanna be a horse!"

"Well, neither do I! This never would have happened if you had shut up when I told you to!"

"How was I supposed to know that Death took poker so seriously?"

I glare at him for a second longer before sighing and shaking my head. "Let's just try and see where we are." I stand up shakily and swallow as I look back to see as much of me as I can. It looks like Rigby isn't the only one with a new tattoo. While his tattoo is a game controller with a red aura, mine is a game controller with a dark blue aura. This might sound weird, but it looks really natural on my new body. I also have wings. Well, okay, I've always had wings but they were my arms. Now my arms are legs and my wings are wings. They're blue with black stripes going across each feather, just like how my hands had looked. My legs are black about half way up, and went to being blue the rest of the way up. I still look the same, mostly. I just have a different body structure.

I look back at Rigby, only to see him staring at me with a dumbfounded look on his face. "What?"

"I didn't know your eyes were blue."

"Yeah, well I didn't know your's were brown."

Walking on hooves is really hard. They're heavy, clunky, and the sounds they make when walking is really distracting. I don't recognize the place that we're in at all, then again it was just a grassy plain with a few trees and some flowers.

"Any idea where we are?" Rigby asks from behind me.

I sigh and shake my head. "No, all I can see is grass, grass, and more grass."

"Why don't you fly up and see if you can see anything else?"

That actually isn't a bad idea; I forgot I had wings now. How do I use them, though? I take a deep breath and unfurl my wings for the first time. I don't really get how, but unfurling them feels really natural. I mean, it feels weird having two extra limbs, but I guess my instincts read the manual on them before my mind had. Unfurling them is easy, but the actual getting off the ground is gonna be hard.

"How do I use these things?" I murmur to myself.

"You don't know how to use wings?!"

I look up at a new voice. It's kinda scratchy, and it definitely belongs to a girl. "Who said that? Where are you?" I frown and look around, but I don't see anyone.

"Up there!" Rigby shouts, pointing a hoof toward the sky. I follow the direction of his hoof to see a blue pony sitting on a cloud, staring at me with a condescending magenta gaze.

She smirks as she flips her prismatic mane. "Sup?"

"'Sup'? What do you mean 'sup'?" Rigby raises an eyebrow at her

"By 'sup', I mean 'sup'. Not very quick at catchin' on, huh?"

"Who are you?" I repeat my previous question.

With a confident smile, the pony unfurls her own wings and drifts down to us. "Name's Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow Dash? Well, the name definitely fits her. Both parts of her mane have the colors of a rainbow, while her tail is decked out in every color. Even her butt tattoo has rainbow colors in it.

I'm so busy thinking about her name that I don't notice the impatient tapping of her hoof and her narrowed eyes. "Oh, uh. Did you say something?"

"Yeah, I asked for your names."

"Oh, well I'm Mordecai." I point at Rigby. "That's Rigby."

"Cool," Her warm gaze turns critical as she stares at me. "So, I heard you say you didn't know how to use your wings?"

"How did you hear me, I barely even whispered it!"

"Pegasi have keen hearing; surely you understand that?"

I guess I can see the logic in that. Flying around with wind going through your ears must make it hard to listen for other things.

"Anyway, why don't you know how to use your wings?" Rainbow Dash presses on, leaning forward to where our muzzles are only an inch apart.

Aw, crap. What can I tell her? I exchange a glance with Rigby, who sucks in enough breath for a quick lie. "He's afraid of heights!"

Yeah, Rigby. She'll totally believe that a Pegasus will be afraid of heights. I'm about to contradict my numskull friend, but to my surprise, Rainbow Dash is nodding.

"Yeah, one of my best friends are too. I didn't think it was possible for a Pegasus to be scared of heights, but I guess both of you proved me wrong." She grins.

"Ye-yeah." I stutter. That one had been close. If I tell her I that I come from another world, she'll probably just leave us here to wander around this field.

"Where are you from?" Rigby asks. "I mean, you would have had to fly really fast to get way out here; unless wherever you came from isn't far."

"Hey," Rainbow interjects, her voice cracking. That makes me feel better about my own voice cracks, it's good to know that I'm not the only one it happens to. "I'm the greatest flyer in Equestria!" She flicks her tail and rolls her eyes. "But yeah, Ponyville isn't even a mile from here. That where you guys are heading?"

Ponyville and Equestria. Clever. "Uh, yeah." It's not The Park, but any civilization is better than aimlessly wandering this field.

"Well, we could walk there but it'd be faster if I pushed you on this cloud." She flaps her wings and flies back up to the cloud. As she brings it down, she darts her eyes between Rigby and I. "You're gonna have to carry him on your back or something."

"What, why?" Rigby asks, his eyes wide.

"Um, hello?" Rainbow rolls her eyes again. "Only Pegasi can stay on clouds. Were you two sheltered growing up or something?"

That gets some embarrassment from me. "C'mon, dude. Let's just get this over with." I'm still considerably taller than him, so to make things easier, I bend down. I hear him sigh as he makes his way toward me and I finally feel his weight on my back. Usually he's never this heavy, but his new horse body must have really given him some extra weight. I take a deep breath and shakily straighten up.

I hear Rainbow Dash chuckle from behind me. "Yeah, sorry about that. Earth Ponies are pretty heavy; even the fittest looking one can give you some sore muscles."

Well, since Rigby is already out of shape, it practically guarantees me some sore muscles. I make my way to the cloud and stand on it. Rainbow immediately begins lifting the cloud, making me wobble a bit. Next thing I know, we're speeding through the air, and soon enough I can see buildings ahead of us. I grunt as Rigby shifts around on my back. "Dude, what are you doing up there?"

"Your wings are in the way!"

"Deal with it!"

"Can you guys shut up?"

Okay, I'll admit: being pushed around on a cloud in the sky is really fun. Rainbow Dash must be stronger than she looks since she was able to push both me and Rigby around at the kind of speed she was doing. I feel kind of bad, though, because when we got Ponyville I saw that she looked kind of tired.

Speaking of Ponyville, the town looks really nice. There's a lot of pink, yeah, but in general it just looks really cheerful and welcoming. Every horse that walks by Rigby and I gives us warm looks and nods, some even shout a greeting our way.

"Wow, everyone's so nice here." Rigby echos my thoughts out loud.

"Ha, you think they're nice, wait til you meet another pony I've got in mind." Rainbow Dash chuckles as she gives the cloud a quick buck and it disappears before my eyes. On our way here, I'd see Rainbow looking up at the sky and talking about how good her team had done with the clouds. From what little context that gave me, I'm gonna guess that somehow Pegasi can manipulate weather. I mean, no other type of ponies can fly up there, so it has to be Pegasi, right?

"Hey, Mordecai, see that pink pony over there?" Rainbow Dash interrupts my thoughts. She points near a really, really pink building. At first I can't see what pony she's referring to, but I'm able to see it when it detaches itself from the building. The pony is a really light bubblegum pink with a darker pink mane and really bright blue eyes. "That's Pinkie Pie, she's the pony I was telling you about."

I guess Pinkie Pie must have heard her name, because when Rainbow says it, her head immediately turns toward us. I see her over by the building and next thing I know, Rigby and I are getting the life squeezed out of us by her.

"Ohmygoshnewponies!" She says in quick breath. I'm beginning to run out of oxygen, and I can see Rigby trying to pull away.

"Relax, Pinks! They need to breathe." Rainbow laughs as she pulls the pink pony off of us.

"Sorry, Dashie! You know how I get around new ponies! I know everypony in town and when I saw them I knew that they were new, I mean I think I would recognize a super tall blue and black pony and super short brown one!"

This pony is talking so fast I can barely keep up with her, Rainbow and Rigby seem to be a bit lost too. When Rainbow had said that this pony was gonna be even nicer than the rest, she hadn't been lying. She even looks like a ball of energy. Her mane is curly and full of bounce, and her eyes are bright.

"What're your names, huh huh huh?" Pinkie bounces in front of Rigby and I.

"Uh, Mordecai and Rigby." I answer, pointing to ourselves in turn.

"Woah, those are some strange names. I've never heard of those kinds of names, a lot of names here have two parts, but a lot of ponies just have one part to their names, like my friend Rarity! But then again..."

I give up on trying to keep up with her. I don't know what kind of medicine she's on (or should be on), but she'd obviously forgotten to take it. Rainbow exchanges an amused glance with me and rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

Pinkie Pie brings me back to reality by letting out a huge gasp, like she'd just been horribly injured. I back up and look her over, trying to see where she was hurt.

Rigby takes a step back, too. "What's wrong?"

"If I've never seen you guys before then it must mean you're both new! Like really, really new! Which means that the only ponies you know in town so far are me and Dashie, which means that you don't have any other friends! You know what this calls for?"

Before I can answer, she springs upward and hangs in the air for way longer than gravity should allow. "A PARTY!" When she finally lands, she reaches behind her a pulls out a blue and pink cannon, which I swear wasn't there before. "Dashie! You, Mordecai, and Rigby need to come to Sugarcube Corner later tonight, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, she and her cannon race off, leaving only a dust outline of them hanging in the air.

"What is she on?" Rigby asks, scratching his head.

"She's not on anything," Rainbow Dash glares at Rigby. "She's just really happy and energetic."

"If you ask me, I'd say she's more than energetic."

Rainbow Dash looks as if she's gonna blow her top, so I quickly change the subject. "So, what do these butt tattoos mean?"

Rainbow Dash goes from being angry to being genuinely dumbfounded in a time span of two seconds. "'Butt tattoos'? You mean 'cutie marks'?"

Cutie marks? Aw man, this world is getting girlier and girlier by the second. "Um, yeah those."

"Wow, you really must have been sheltered." She shakes her head before answering. "Cutie marks represent a pony's special talent. Did you see Pinkie's..." she snickers before continuing. "...butt tattoo?" Rigby snorts as he holds in his laughter.

"Ow! Dude, what was that for?" He glares at me, rubbing the back of his neck.

I love having wings; it's so much easier to reach back and slap him every time he does or says something stupid.

Rainbow Dash smirks. "Anyway, I'm gonna take off."

"What? Why?" I ask. I don't like the idea of walking around this town with nowhere to go.

"Don't worry, I've got four other friends in this town you'll most likely run into. You probably won't see Pinkie, since she's setting up your party. Anyway over there," She points her hoof at what looks like a farm in the distance. "Is where my friend Applejack lives. If you feel hungry before the party, go there. She and her family will stuff you so full you won't be able to move. Then over there," She points in the opposite direction at a treehouse. "Is where my friend Twilight lives. I wouldn't hang around there long though, unless you speak egghead. And if you wanna be dressed up against your will, head on over there," I follow her gaze as she stared at fancy-looking blue building. "Then again, once Rarity pulls some of her 'pony charm' on you, you'll probably be dying to do it for her. Oh, and remember my friend I told you about? The one scared of heights? Yeah, she's that-a way." She points her wing near a forest. "The only building out there, ya can't miss it." She smirks and gives us a salute before dashing into the sky.

Heh, "dashing".

Rigby takes a few steps forward and looks around before looking back at me. "I dunno about you, dude, but I'm starving. I'm off to that farm."

"That place is like, two miles away!"

"Yeah, well maybe we could get there fast if you could fly."

"Just shut up."

"Seriously, dude. We don't know how long we're gonna be here, so you might as well learn how to use them. Maybe Rainbow Dash can teach you or something."

I guess that isn't a bad idea, and Rigby has a good point. We could be here forever, and being able to fly would definitely come in handy. Asking Rainbow Dash to teach me, though, doesn't appeal to me. Don't get me wrong, she's cool and funny, but she doesn't seem very patient or sympathetic.

"Nah, I don't think having Rainbow Dash teach me would be a very good idea."

Rigby seems to ponder that for a moment, the focused look looks out of place; it's often I see him do some actual thinking. He looks up at me as we continue walking in the direction of the farm. "What about that friend she talked about, the one who's scare of heights?"

"Seriously? What makes you think she can even fly?"

"Well if Rainbow Dash is friends with her, then she's gotta be able to do some flying."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I wonder what she'll- Ah!" I'm interrupted when a cloud of grey and vanilla zooms about an inch away from my face.

"What the heck was that?" Rigby asks as he quickly bounds in the direction it had gone.

It's only about a yard away, and on closer inspection, it turns out to be a pony. A Pegasus, to be more precise. She has a messy, vanilla color mane and tail, a grey coat, and yellow eyes that never seem to agree on which direction they should go in. The owner of the stand she's crashed into is frowning as he noses her to her hooves. "You okay, Ditzy?"

The Pegasus grins sheepishly. "Yeah, I'm okay." Her smile disappears when she looks at the stand, or what's left of it. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!"

"Ah, think none of it, Ditzy." The stand owner smiles, but it looks forced.

Ditzy doesn't seem to notice as she smiles and turns away, only to bump into Rigby. "Oops, sorry!"

"Um, it's fine." Rigby looks pretty uncomfortable as the mare looks at him.

She looks between the two of us and puts on smile. "Hi! I've never seen you two before. You must be the two stallions that Pinkie's throwing the party for, right?"

"Uh, ye-yeah. We are." I stutter out.

She smiles at me. "I'm Ditzy Doo, or 'Derpy' as most call me."

Derpy? That sounds kind of mean, but she doesn't seem bothered by it.

"Are you going to the party?"

"Yup! Anyway, Mrs. Cake wanted me to help her bake muffins for the party. See you guys later!" With that, she flaps her wings and flies off in the direction where that pink building had been.

"Well she was..." I honestly don't know how to finish that sentence. She seems alright. A little clutzy, but cool.

Rigby shakes his head. "She just was, dude."

Author's Note:

Last Edited: 9/27/12