239764 Okay, if Kyra's blocking the door with her dark magic, then you need to show it in the story. And if she's evil, then you need to show that too. Maybe have her do an evil laugh or something.
The scene in the beginning with Spike sick should be longer. Maybe show Twilight discovering that he's sick. And then show her leaving the library.
>When there was no answer Department of Redundancy Department
You say "the door" too much. Just say "it."
>She quickly put a hoof to her mouth to keep from vomiting. Show what she's reacting to first. And Twilight doesn't seem like the type of pony to throw up just from the sight of blood.
And then Twilight finds a pony in The Everfree forest and takes her home just like in Past Sins.
239671 Zecora just has so much faith in her friends that she believes that they'll be able to stop Kyra.
239679 Okay, Zecora isn't talking the way she normally talks. This is why she was the first to die. Not only did it make since but also because I didn't want to keep coming up with rhymes.
240102 Thank you. Pinkie Pie never needed clarification in Cupcakes and that became a meme.
240118 You're just awesome. That's all I have to say.
240180 Not showing what Twilight reacted to first builds up suspense. And anyone would vomit when they see a dead body especially when they're not used to it. Never read Past Sins.
Just want to say that if I were to visit a distant friend of mine that happens to live in a forest full of exotic animals and plants and they don't answer the door right away I would just think they are out getting the exotic ingredients they gather daily for their multiple potions and powders they make a living off ofthats just me of course
this seems like a B movie. i like it even more!!
239764
Okay, if Kyra's blocking the door with her dark magic, then you need to show it in the story. And if she's evil, then you need to show that too. Maybe have her do an evil laugh or something.
>Reading chapter 2
The scene in the beginning with Spike sick should be longer. Maybe show Twilight discovering that he's sick. And then show her leaving the library.
>When there was no answer
Department of Redundancy Department
You say "the door" too much. Just say "it."
>She quickly put a hoof to her mouth to keep from vomiting.
Show what she's reacting to first. And Twilight doesn't seem like the type of pony to throw up just from the sight of blood.
And then Twilight finds a pony in The Everfree forest and takes her home just like in Past Sins.
240127
She DID do an evil laugh. The laughter that Zecora heard was Kyra.
239640
Thanks for the tip
239671
Zecora just has so much faith in her friends that she believes that they'll be able to stop Kyra.
239679
Okay, Zecora isn't talking the way she normally talks.
This is why she was the first to die. Not only did it make since but also because I didn't want to keep coming up with rhymes.
239678
Probably
239751
239911
And you will get more. Soon...
240102
Thank you. Pinkie Pie never needed clarification in Cupcakes and that became a meme.
240118
You're just awesome. That's all I have to say.
240180
Not showing what Twilight reacted to first builds up suspense. And anyone would vomit when they see a dead body especially when they're not used to it.
Never read Past Sins.
i.qkme.me/3ox9d8.jpg
Just want to say that if I were to visit a distant friend of mine that happens to live in a forest full of exotic animals and plants and they don't answer the door right away I would just think they are out getting the exotic ingredients they gather daily for their multiple potions and powders they make a living off ofthats just me of course