• Member Since 9th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 11th, 2012


I have decided to register after reading My little Dashie, I am crying while making this Bio, and I just want to register to stay on this website...


Remember when Tank saved Rainbow Dash when her wing was stuck in a boulder? What if Tank was unable to save her that quickly? We will see....

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 4 )

Well this was... interesting.:eeyup:

I confess I didn't read it fully, but I read enough to see that there are a few issues with the writing.

You might well have a very good and interesting story idea, but the trouble is if the writing style reads awkwardly then very few people are likely to actually read the whole thing.

I think one of your main issues is with speech - always put a new speaker on a new line. Speech needs to end with punctuation, like "Help me!" Rainbow cried, instead of "Help me" Rainbow cried. Also try to avoid using too many different words for "said" - if in doubt just use that word, rather than constantly going for yelled, shouted, answered, cried, etc.

I recommend you send this to the reviewers over at ponychan's /fic/ board. As you say, it's your first fic, so don't be discouraged by some bad reception - with some help from the reviewers, you could make this great. Good luck! :twilightsmile:

235252 Thanks for the feedback :raritywink: Well, It was my FIRST Fanfiction, So it was not my best piece :derpytongue2: Thanks anyways :twilightsmile: -:flutterrage: Fluttershy Assassin

Love it.:trollestia:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!