Twilight Sparkle - Fluttershy's Daughter?

by Rar1tyfan

Twilight Sparkle, 1 year old Part 2

Twilight poked her head out from under the sheets. As she noticed all the ponies around her she got upset as she did not recognise the ponies.

Tears started building up in the filly's eyes. Fluttershy saw that Twilight was upset and she went next to the filly who started to take an interest in Fluttershy's Mane. Twilight lifted her hoof as best she could and started playing with Fluttershy's mane.

The tears in the filly's eyes disappered quickly and a smile came on her face, Fluttershy started humming Hush Now, Quiet Now.
"There you go, no need to cry" Fluttershy said.
"Wow Fluttershy i never knew you were good with the young'uns" exclaimed Applejack.
"Well they are not much different from small animals" Fluttershy replied while stroking Twilight's mane "oh you are just a cutie aren't you".

"How old do you think she is?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Well she looks about the same size as Pumpkin Cake" Said Rarity
"And the Cake twins first birthday was yesterday" said Pinkie Pie
"oh that dress i made for little Pumpkin Cake ooh i can not wait for next year I have so many ideas". Rarity said while envisioning a new dress.
"Calm down Rarity let's find out what is wrong with Twilight first" Applejack said.

Nurse Redheart then came through the door and walked to the base of Twilight's bed "could you all please leave while i look at little Twilight".
Fluttershy started to walk away from Twilight who became upset and she took a big breath then she started crying.
"I think she wants you to stay Fluttershy" Nurse Redheart said after she heard Twilight's cries.
Everypony agreed that it would be best if Fluttershy stayed with Twilight. Since the filly had taken a liking to the Yellow Pegasus.
"It's ok i'm not going anywhere" Fluttershy said as she sat down on the chair next to Twilight who proceeded to play with Fluttershy's mane again.
"Well young filly lets have a listen to your lungs" Nurse Redheart who had put on a stethoscope but Twilight was not going to keep still for the Nurse "Fluttershy could you distract her please?" Nurse Redheart asked.
"Twilight look" Fluttershy said as she blew a gentle breeze towards Twilight. The filly was so mesmerised by Fluttershy's wings that she did not notice Nurse Redheart checking her lungs.
"well everything seems fine there" Nurse Redheart said as she grabbed a thermometer "now Twilight just let me put this in your mouth".
But Twilight would not open her mouth for Nurse Redheart so Fluttershy tickled the little filly and when her mouth opened
Nurse Redheart took her chance and stuck the thermometer in Twilight's mouth
"A normal 38 degrees centigrade" Nurse Redheart stated "I think that Twilight is a perfectly healthy one year old filly"

Princess Celestia walked into the hospital and walked up to the front desk.
"Could you please tell me where i might find Twilight Sparkle?"
"Of course your majesty" Nurse Sweetheart said and went to the computer.
Nurse Sweetheart returned to the front of the desk "She is in the Children's ward on Floor 2"
Children's ward oh no Celestia thought to herself
"Thank you Nurse Sweetheart" Celestia said then she rushed off up the stairs to the children's ward.
She walked through the door into Twilight's room
"Princess Celestia! " everypony shouted upseting Twilight who started crying.
"Oh its ok come on shh" said Fluttershy who was trying to calm the filly down.
"How did this happen?" Princess Celestia asked
Rainbow Dash then told Celestia what had happened
"oh no a magic tampered potion" Celestia said with a grim look on her face.
"Why what is so bad about a magic tampered potion?" Applejack asked.
"Their effects can only be countered by Natural means" Celestia replied.
"Meaning?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"We can not get our Twilight Sparkle back, She has to grow up normally" Celestia said before she burst into tears.
"I can't believe it our Twilight's gone" Applejack said through her tears
Everypony started crying exept Rainbow Dash who tried not to cry but then she burst out in tears.

After about five minutes of crying, Fluttershy said "Who will look after Twilight while she is growing up?"
"She seems comfortable with you, Fluttershy maybe you should look after the little darling" Rarity said.
"Really" Fluttershy replied.
"And ya already look after small animals so i don't think a filly will be that hard for ya" Applejack said to Fluttershy.
"We can have a Birthday party for the little one" Pinkie Pie said after pulling her Party Cannon out from under Twilight's bed.
"Okay I will look after Twilight as if she was my own Foal" Fluttershy said with a seirous look on her face.
"Very well then I shall check in regularly to see how she is doing? OK Fluttershy" Princess Celestia said as she walked out of the door.
After Celestia left all of Fluttershy's friends started congratulating her.
"Did you hear that Twily you get to be my foal?" Fluttershy exclaimed at her new pride and joy.
Twilight's stomach grumbled and she became upset and started crying.
"Fluttershy i think Twilight might be hungry" Applejack said.
"Nurse Redheart is there anywhere i can get Twily a bottle?" Fluttershy asked the pony in the corner.
Then a brilliant yellow light shone in the center of the room Fluttershy covered Twilight's eyes so they did not get hurt.
When the light faded in the center where everything a new Mother would need to care for a one year old foal. Diapers, Bottles, A carrying harness for Fluttershy to wear, Clothes which Rarity took a bit of an offense at, food and a note which read dear Fluttershy these should help you with Twilight for now and there is a nursery set up at your cottage for her, all the best, Celestia
"So Flutters are you really going through with this" Rainbow Dash asked
"Yes I am" Fluttershy replied while giving Twilight her bottle.
Twilight saw the bottle and she tried to grab it herself but Fluttershy kept a hold of it and watched her new filly drink from it.
"Good Girl, now drink up so you can grow big and strong" Fluttershy said in a motherly tone.
"Aww" said everypony except Rainbow Dash.
"Come on can we get out of here I need to practise for the Wonderbolts" Rainbow announced quite loudly.
"Rainbow could you please calm down? you are upseting Twilight" Fluttershy said hiding her foal underneath her wing.
"Oh come on Fluttershy you can not wrap her up in clouds" Rainbow said to Fluttershy who was burping Twilight.
"I am not wrapping her up in clouds i just don't want her hearing shouting at an early age" Fluttershy said
Twilight yawned quite loudly.
"Oh come on baby we need to get you home for your nap" Fluttershy said in her motherly tone.
"I will get the stuff for you Fluttershy" Applejack said while Fluttershy was putting Twilight in the Harness
"And i would be more than happy to design some lovely clothes for the little foal" Rarity said while rubbing noses with Twilight
"Ooh ooh ooh I could throw a big party for Twilight tomorrow at Sugarcube Corner" Pinkie Pie said while jumping up and down
"Thank you everypony" Fluttershy said as she lead her friends out of the hospital.
"Pinkie what time is the party going to be tomorrow?" Rarity asked the pink pony
"I don't know when is good for you and Twilight, Fluttershy" Pinkie asked Fluttershy who was preparing to take off.
"Oh sometime in the afternoon please" she said as she started to get her wings flapping
"Well i will bake you a great Apple Pie with Sweet Apple Acres Apples for the occasion" Applejack said
"why thank you AJ now i am sorry but we really must go" Fluttershy said and she took off with Apple Jack following her.
"see y'all tomorrow at the party" Applejack shouted back to her friends.

Author's Note:

Please forgive any Grammar Errors

Comments

[Rar1tyfan]

Sorry about any Grammar errors

[Rar1tyfan]

2781058

I know but Grammar is not my strong suit.

Thank you for the Compliment though

[Rar1tyfan]

Thank you for adding this story to other groups but to whoever added to the Twilight and Spike group i appreciate the jesture but i am not sure as to wheter or not i am even going to include Spike

[Mrchibivampire]

After reading the two chapter you have up at the time, all i can say is you need an editor.
Everything is happening so fast and you seem to be struggling to make the chapter as long as you want it to be.
Also everyone on this website already knows the characters main traits, so all the over specification on things like their cutie-marks seems a little bit overkill.
Then again I do like the story but it do need a bit of polishing, if you want some help just send me a message. I'll preread it and edit it for you to the best of my abilities.

Not trying to sound like an asshole, I'm only trying to help. With Love Asabrasa.

[Brother Roga]

2781181
I second this statement.
Everything is happening WAYYYY too quickly.

[Darkentrophy]

2780422
Saved me the trouble.

[Rar1tyfan]

2781207

noted and i have PM'ed Asabrasa and i am waiting for him to get back to me

[Normal]

Your story needs polishing for one thing the dialogue is as stale as your mom and on top of that you don't even bother starting a new line everytime some one new speaks. If you can't be bothered to put in the most minimal of efforts in to this why should I or anyone else read it?

Also unless the Purple Unicorn is the local tavern don't capitalize it. Only proper nouns are capitalized; meaning people and places. And capitalize every I

Not to mention the extreme amount of missing punctuation. Makes very difficult to read and in areas needing a question mark, exclamation mark or a period it makes the characters' voices sound like robots in my head.

[Daxn]

Well, seems decent, problem is...

Puntuaction. Und pacing.

[Rar1tyfan]

I have taken everything that has been said into consideration and one of my friends has offered to be my editor so hopefully Chapter Three will be a bit cleaner and not feel as rushed.

[Glamer Mist]

I've read worse, that said I've also read better. I'll watch this for a bit

[Rar1tyfan]

2795837
thanks

[guilmon21]

i like this

[Rar1tyfan]

2823340

Thank you.

[Rainbowdashrocks]

awwwwww

[Gigamunch]

I warned myself not to read it. but goddammit, now I've done it. now I have yet ANOTHER story to keep track of, because 207 wasn't enough, as well as writing my own. great. just fantastic.

[Sunny Smile]

MOAR.

[Rar1tyfan]

2925639
I will have more uploaded soon but I have been moving house and I don't have internet at my new house yet.

[hawthornbunny]

I love stories like this, so they always get a free pass from me, but it certainly needs improvement. Punctuation in speech is absolutely vital - your audience cannot hear tone, so you have to provide it. It's not all that difficult - there's actually not a lot of punctuation to know - but it has to be there, or your characters sound like emotionless automata. At the least, end spoken sentences in a period - if you don't, then every character sounds like they've just stopped talking mid-sentence!

[Aunt Celestia]

Can you upload more? I have been waiting for like forever and I'm getting board waiting and I have been checking EVERYDAY for updates so when are you going to? I hope you answer me back please.

[Rar1tyfan]

4145667
Yeah sorry my computer is away for repairs and I have hit a creative slump but I will be getting a new one soon.

[Princess Elytra]

D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW

[Princess Elytra]

4217707 When's the next chapter?

[Autum Breeze]

since you asked, i will overlook the grammar errors... though i can only just do so.

howver, i must point out other things that felt a little off or just not quite right here.

celestia's reaction wasn't deep enough. by that i mean the others should have questioned it or it should have had a little longer to settle in for them all that the twilight they knew is gone. plus, that may not be true. there's no guaranty that twi won't somewhat remember them all, especially celestia. that alicorn had a bigger impact in twi's life than anypony else, so she should somewhat be able to remember her.

maybe, as she grows up, she'll ask about dreams she has, that are actually her old memories leaking back into her subconscious.

also, shouldn't they have all worried about how twi's parents would react to learning that their daughter not only has been turned back into a foal, but now thinks of somepony else as her mother. celestia should have at least mentioned that she'd have the take on the taste of trying to explain the delicate situation to them.

other than that, i like the way this is going, but i will withhold my favorite until later.

[Princess Elytra]

"We can have a Birthday party for the little one" Pinkie Pie said after pulling her PARTY CANNON out from UNDER Twilight's bed.

DAMN PINKIE YOU SCARE ME

[Shadowheart332]

Ok that was cute, I look forward to more chapters to come.

[Ace Pony Stories]

ANOTHER!? Story that I want to see more of!? And is not complete yet come on please continue this story

[ValNitak Choas]

found this story and read it, so cute but wish for more

[sinewystatue382]

do more