Chaos and Canterlot
We arrive to pandemonium in Ponyville.
It’s just like I remember it, the sun and moon swapping places every few minutes like somepony had accelerated the music to their eternal dance across the sky by a millionfold. Freakish hybrid animals stampeding through the streets, which are themselves slick with a layer of soapy, viscous fluid. It’s a lot to take in even if I’ve seen it before. Star Swirl doesn’t have that advantage.
“Yikes,” he says, and it’s all that needs saying. In the distance, a spire assembled from rubble, junk, and colorful bric-a-brac sits in the center of town. A throne of chaos for its avatar. If I did the spell Star Swirl showed me correctly we’ve passed the divergence point when the six of us would have otherwise successfully re-sealed Discord with the Regalia, and done who knows what else to him in the process? He was awfully different when Princess Celestia asked us to unseal him again to attempt a reformation. Maybe she knew something we didn’t, or had it whispered into her ear by something that we’d succeed.
“Yeah, this is pretty much the way I remember it,” I tell him. Remembering how quickly everything went bad in the other timeline is enough to spur me on. At least this time we don’t seem to have anything that could hold another stowaway, but who can say for sure? The multiverse seems to make a game out of proving me wrong about that sort of thing. “We should go, just stay alert.”
He nods to me and we walk towards the center of town. We’re about to round the corner when I hear the laughter that haunted my nightmares for months. I shudder but turn the corner, only to see... me. Me, wearing the Element of Magic which is letting out weak purple sparks rather than the rainbow of power that sealed Discord away again in my timeline, and the other me is talking to all five of my friends, wearing their own pieces of the set.
“Girls, what happened?” she asks.
“Ah dunno, Twilight,” says Applejack. “Ah feel like my old self, not all dishonest or nothin’. Thought for sure right up until the end there we’d pull it off.”
“Yeah! How could it not have worked? I'm actually here this time!” says Rainbow Dash.
From up on his throne Discord just looks down on the six of them, grinning like the madpony he is. “Come now my little ponies,” he says. They look up just in time to catch a highly localized hailstorm of gumdrops to their faces. Well, except for Pinkie, who instead looks to be trying to catch as many of them in her mouth as possible. As the others try to cover their heads or brush the candy out of their manes, she chews away happily.
“Mmm! Theth ‘umdrops ‘re thorta funny tathting, but they thure are gummy!” she says through a mouthful of candy.
“Why my dear, what a refined palate you possess. You’re exactly right, they are made from alligator,” says Discord with a smirk.
Pinkie’s smile persists for a few seconds longer, then her eyes go wide and her ears perk straight up before slowly beginning to droop. She suddenly stops chewing as her smile falls away. Hesitantly, she sticks her tongue out.
The sugary mush is entirely green. It twitches.
Pinkie starts hacking and choking as she tries to spit the candy out, while Discord doubles over with whoops of laughter, slapping one of his knees. He wipes a tear from his eye with his paw and stands up from the throne, striding down towards the mare gathered up in front of him taking steps in thin air along an angle that bears no resemblance to the slope beneath him. “Oh, Twilight Sparkle. Trying the same thing over and over expecting different results each time? Don’t you know the definition of insanity?” He lands on the ground and leans over until they’re face to face. To her, uh, our credit, the other Twilight doesn’t flinch away. “Turns out it’s me.”
“I know you had something to do with this, Discord,” she says, although I can tell it’s false bravado, and so can he. “What did you do to the real Elements of Harmony?”
Discord draws back and places his talons over his chest, and presses his paw to his forehead as he gasps. “What? Little ol’ me? Why I’m offended! You’ve only used the Elements of Harmony once before, isn’t that right? Well what makes you so sure that they do the same thing every time?”
Twilight looks entirely confounded by that. “What? Do they not? What do you mean? What are you saying they did?”
“Well, this is just random speculation but let’s say, oh I don’t know...” He taps his chin. “Maybe they failed and created an alternate timeline where the point of divergence is the success or failure of their use in banishing me, and in the other timeline you were successful and continued your life until you miscast a spell and got stuck in a lime loop during an invasion of shapeshifting bug monsters until you used the Elements again to create another divergence and escape only to realize that you would need the assistance of an archmage from the distant past to repair the damage the spell did to the universe and so you summoned him and accidentally ended up creating the Elements of Harmony, well, the Regalia that channels them anyway, out of nothing but an ontological paradox only to then discover that they were planning to wipe out the entire world which, really, you can hardly blame them for when you’re all so boring so now you’re jumping through various timelines and after getting advice from the other you from the second divergence who never left the loop you’re picking up the greatest villains who were ever taken out by the Regalia, and even though I’m offended that you went for Nightmare Moon first when I’m clearly the superior bad guy the you from that divergence is here to ask me for help and screw the rest of you over completely.” Discord shrugs “Or, you know, something else.”
My friends stare up at him for a little while trying to parse that, until finally Rarity speaks. “Really, Discord, there’s random and then there’s just completely idiotic.”
“Oh? Certain of that, are you? Why don’t you ask those two what they think?” he says. And then he turns and looks straight at Star Swirl and me for the first time. “Well, Twilight? Aren’t you going to explain it to them?”
Other Twilight comes running over to me, pushing her face in obnoxiously close, eyes darting around examining every inch of me. “Who are you? I mean, you’re me but I’m me too! How can there be two mes? It’s not scientifically possible. You’re not-”
She’s stopped when I shove a hoof into her mouth. I’ve been through this twice already, I know the general thrust this conversation takes. “Twilight, I am not having a good day. Yes, I’m from the future. My universe’s version of these,” and I tap a hoof against the crown atop her head, still giving off a flurry of magical sparks, for emphasis, “are trying to kill us, followed at some future date by all life in Equestria. Also? That over there is Star Swirl. Yes, Star Swirl the Bearded.” My double’s eyes grow wide and start to shimmer with the first glimmers of hero worship, which I am not going to tolerate right at the moment. “Focus, Twilight. Fawning goes at the bottom of the checklist. Or down around item eighteen, at best. Do you understand?” She nods, and I pull my hoof away.
“Okay, right, okay, wow, okay,” she says, pacing back and forth. Discord is watching from back on the throne, with a bag of popcorn he pulled from wherever. When he reaches into the bag for a clawful, it quacks. Suddenly Twilight spins to the other five. “Alright girls! With the help of my future self and Star Swirl the Bearded, we’re going to fix the Elements and then we’re going to stop Discord and save Equestria! With the eight of us working together, we can’t possibly fail!”
“Yeah!”
“Woohoo...”
“Spectacular!”
Star Swirl and I share a look. That... wasn’t exactly part of the plan.
“Yes, Twilight, please tell your friends how you’re going to save their families, and friends, and town, and kingdom, and world from the Regalia by using all your magic and knowledge of the future,” says Discord. I glare at him. “Assuming you are, in fact, going to save them.”
“Of course she is!” shouts my duplicate. “I’d never give up on Equestria, and neither would my future self!”
“Twilight? I can’t help you,” I say, so softly it’s barely more than a whisper.
It’s enough. She spins around with a strange look in her eye and gives a nervous laugh. “Speak up, Twilight, for a second there I thought you said that you can’t help us. But you beat Discord when you fought him, so obviously you can if you want to. And why wouldn’t you want to?”
“We need him around to save my timeline. Yours was doomed the second the Elements didn’t work when you tried to use them again. I’m sorry.”
“But... but... I did everything right! Celestia sent me the friendship reports, and I restored all my friends by reminding them of our bond with one another! What did you do differently?”
I wince. I know how I’d react to someone telling me I failed something this important. “I didn’t do anything differently. It’s just a coin flip you lost and I won. The power of friendship just... it isn’t going to work this time.”
Slowly but surely, the lavender tone of her coat begins to fade to a darker shade. “But... but that’s not fair. The Princess trusted me to save everypony from Discord, and now you’re saying that because I used the Elements, I made everything even worse?”
I open my mouth to deny that, but then close it again without saying anything. There’s nothing that will make this right for her. If it were me, which I guess it more or less is, I’d want the truth. "Yeah. In this timeline, I guess we did."
"But... But our parents! Shiney! The Princesses! Our friends! You can't tell me that we're all going to... going to..." Other Twilight's head droops, and the color is leeched out of her until she's faded to grey. "I guess... I guess I'll tell the girls and... say goodbye."
Watching her go, I don't feel so colorful myself. It's worse for her of course, but she's right. Everypony I love is going to die, just like they did in each of the loops. They all die eventually. What's the point? I look around at the chaotic Ponyville around us. It's a duller, blander shade than it used to be. Is it changing, or is that just my perspective on it? Is it really worth saving? Shouldn't I just lie down and give up? It would be so much easier. Just close my eyes and... and...
Going up against Discord, I thought I had prepared myself for everything. I wasn’t prepared for what happens next, though. I wasn’t prepared for Star Swirl to pull me into a hug and give me a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Don’t tell me you’re quitting on me now, Twilight,” he chides. “I know it’s hard, but there’s a whole universe out there that needs you.”
I shrug, weakly. “I just make everything worse. All the time. It’s never enough. It’ll never be enough. They don’t need me.”
“I need you,” he says. “There, I said it. I need you. And if you can’t see that the rest of us need you too along with all the ways you make Equestria an incalculably better place then you’re the dumbest super-genius I know.”
I sniffle. “It probably wouldn’t actually be incalculable.”
“Oh, just shut up and feel better.”
I can’t help but do exactly that. The color is slipping back into me, and hope rising up again. How did I almost give up on my entire world? With the aura of despair cleared away, I become aware of all the weird sights and sounds around me that had been dulled as they get sharp and crisp again. Particularly, I become aware of the booing coming from the throne.
“Boooooo! Boo, old guy! I was about to sweep the board!” says Discord. He glances over to where the other me is struggling to explain what’s happening to our friends, and the color begins to drain from them too. “Ugh. I abhor reruns,” says Discord. He snaps his fingers and in an instant my friends vanish, replaced instead by... pieces of fruit?
“What did you do to them?” I cry out, as I rush over. The Regalia is still there, and only getting angrier as I lift Generosity from the watermelon it’s now draped over. “Wait, could you have just done that any time?”
“But of course!” says Discord, “Where would the fun be in that, though? I don’t need them any more, you two seem much more interesting.” An upside-down drinking glass appears in mid-air, and the orange that used to be Applejack is yanked off the ground by some invisible force. It comes to rest below the the glass, and Discord reaches over and wrings it like a damp washcloth, pouring a stream of thick red fluid upwards into the glass. “Huh, guess I made her a blood orange.”
Discord pulls the glass full of I-don’t-want-to-know out of the air and sticks the bottom of it between his lips. He drags a claw over his own chest and with a scraping sound a small flame ignites on the end of it, which he then holds up to the glass’ other end. The fluid starts to glow a ruby red, and Discord takes a long pull of the... cigar... glass... thing. He holds it for a moment then exhales, blowing out a stream of bubbles. He gives a very satisfied sigh, and turns to us. “So are we at the part where you beg me to help you yet?”
“Fix them! Put my friends back like they were!” I demand.
Discord taps his paw against his chin. “Hmm... How about... no. I did them a favor. Or did you want them at ground zero when the Regalia blows up? Besides...” he pulls out a carving knife and the rest of the fruit floats up to him, “...I’m still feeling a bit peckish.” He swings the knife back and forth through the air, too fast to see anything except quick flashes of steel as it moves.
As the blade slices into it, the fruit starts to scream. Something fleshy and pulpy spatters onto my face, slipping into my mouth before I can stop it. It tastes sweet, with just a hint of something else I can’t identify. The chunks of fruit fall into a bowl that wasn’t there a second ago, and Discord pops a piece into his mouth as he watches us. “Oh, where are my manners. Did you want a piece? The Rainbow Kiwi is delicious.” I slowly shake my head. “Your loss. So, are we having fun or what?”
“Stop this, we’re wasting time. You clearly know what’s going on, so will you help us or not?” asks Star Swirl. I’m still staring at the fruitbowl, trying to wrap my head around what I just saw.
“Booooooooring,” says Discord. “All work and no play makes Star Swirl a dull pony. You need to lighten up. How about a joke? So this pony walks into a bar-”
Before he can get any farther Star Swirl’s amulet flashes. His eyes bulge and he clutches at it, falling to his knees and trembling. He’s so shaken it takes him a minute to collect himself, then look up at Discord in horror. “That... wasn’t funny.”
“Dang, now you already know the punchline,” says Discord. “Something else then.” He gets up and slides down from the throne, past us onto the slick streets. “How about a classic?” Reaching down, he somehow slips a claw underneath the cobblestone streets, and with a dramatic flourish yanks the top level of the street like a throw rug to reveal glowing orange magma underneath a long section of it, before it abruptly becomes the normal ground again down the road. “Let’s play ‘The Floor Is Made Of Lava.’”
“What?” I ask.
“You’ve never played that before? Did you even have a childhood, or did you just emerge fully grown from a card catalogue somewhere? Get all the way to the other end of the street and I’ll help you. Oh, and no teleporting. If you try to cheat I’ll turn the convection back on, and you do not want to be standing here when I do.”
Star Swirl and I glance at one another. We shrug. We’re operating under a pretty tight deadline here, with an emphasis on dead, and I don’t see any other choice. In my experience, Discord’s usually kept his word, in his own twisted way. “Fine, so if teleporting is out I guess we make a bridge?”
Discord claps, and does a little backflip in the air. “Oh, you have played this before! Wonderful! Doesn’t raising the stakes like this make it so much more interesting?”
Rather than responding, Star Swirl levitates a nearby mailbox off the ground and tosses it out into the pool. The instant it comes into contact with the lava it glows white hot and the metal bursts into flames, reduced to nothing in less than the blink of an eye.
Discord makes a disappointed ‘tsk’ and shakes his head. “Do I have to do everything for you? I thought you said you’ve played this game before.” He walks over to us and turns both of our heads in the direction he wants us looking. We’re facing a store, jutting out from the ground at an odd angle with a sign in the window that advertises a sale on checkerboard-patterned paint. Discord holds the thumb of his paw up and squints, an artist studying his canvas. He reaches out and rubs the air in a circular motion. There’s the squeaking sound of cloth on glass, and when he stops a round portion of Ponyville has been restored to normal; good old Sofas and Quills. Discord lets loose a sharp whistle, and three sofas bark as they crash out through the front window before running over to where we’re standing. The cushions flap as they bounce and yap at us, and a particularly affectionate one sidles up to me and nuzzles me with an armrest.
Quick as lightning, Discord’s claw darts out and rips the cushions off of them. They give out high pitched cries of pain and scamper away into the distance. “I thought the lava-resistant properties of couch cushions were common knowledge,” he explains, gesturing at the pile of cushions at the edge of the lava. He kicks one and it lands in the lava with a splash, bobbing there completely unharmed. He picks up several more, and tosses one much closer to our edge of the lava pool. “The Regalia doesn’t look too happy, better start jumping.”
I gulp, but step out onto the wobbly cushion. It feels like it’s floating in water, which is so not fair given that magma has a way higher specific density. The platforms should at least be stable. Star Swirl steps out onto the cushion with me and we cling to one another as close to the center as we can get. A throw pillow comes flying out and smacks Star Swirl in the side of his head, nearly sending him teetering off the side of the pillow before I hook my own foreleg around one of his and pull him back. “Oops,” says Discord with a grin.
The next cushion goes soaring over our heads and plops into the pool. I pull my hoof away just in time to avoid a few droplets that are splashed up onto the cushion we’re on now. Star Swirl and I nod to one another and leap at the same time. The cushion we were standing on dunks itself beneath the surface, never to emerge again. We both land on the next cushion and I let out a relieved breath. Halfway there.
Another cushion flies past and lands farther away than the last one was. "I don't know if I can jump that far," says Star Swirl.
"I'll try first, maybe I can maneuver it closer once I'm on top of it." I crouch, take a deep breath, and push off as hard as I can.
I don't make it.
"Twilight!" Star Swirl calls out when it becomes clear that my trajectory isn't the one I want. Disregarding whether or not it's against the rules, his horn glows and magic wraps around my tail, but just an instant too late. My head and face are dunked into the lava.
I burned to death a few times in the time loop, and it wasn't a fun experience. I briefly wonder before I hit the surface if it will be hot enough to burn me up before I have time to feel it. If I had to guess, I'd have given an eighty percent chance it would be at least that hot.
I would have given a zero percent chance that lava would be tangy and delicious. And I would have been wrong.
Star Swirl lifts me out of the 'lava,' the thick, syrupy liquid clinging to my face. "Discord," I say with a bizarre sense of calm that can only be attained by totally abandoning the idea that I could make sense of any of this, "is this orange juice?"
"More of an orange smoothie. Isn't it good?" I'll give him that, at least. Star Swirl's magic deposits me on the far side of the lake and a series of cushions rises out of the liquid for him to follow.
"So what was the point of any of that?" asks Star Swirl as he joins me and Discord on the shore.
Discord shakes his head. "I forgot you're new at this. If you're looking for the point, you've already missed it. But I'll help you anyway. After all, getting rid of the Elements of Harmony permanently is too good an offer to pass up. Once they're out of the way, I'll show you ponies some real fun." I shudder at the idea. "Let's go pawn some jewelry."
"Pawn some jewelry? That's what you're going with?" asks Star Swirl.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to make picking a fight with some necklaces and a tiara sound cool? I'm working with what I've got here. Now let's go, unless you want to stall until they explode, then leap away at the last possible second."
“That sounds fairly dangerous and impractical,” I say. “Let’s just go.” Star Swirl looks a little disappointed, but he eventually agrees to leave before they explode on us. With the last member of our little adventuring band in tow, we return to the cave.
-----------------------
“-and of course you’ll want a servant with a mop and a stepladder for the cleanup, but even so that’s definitely the best way of interrogating an uncooperative member of a rebellion and... Oh, you’re back,” says Nightmare Moon as we reappear in the cave. Shooting Star and Morning Glow are seated across a fire pit from her, looking nauseous.
“How long were we gone?” I ask.
“From *urp* our perspective it was about half a day. Not that that means anything to Queen Forever Nighttime over here,” says Morning Glow as he fights to keep his last meal from coming back up.
“Hmph. You are lucky my daughter favors you, or I would rend you apart for such disrespectful words,” says Nightmare Moon.
“Luna! Great to see you again!” says Discord. “Something’s different about you, though. New manecut? No, wait, it’s the evil. It’s really working for you.”
Nightmare Moon scoffs. “Ugh. I’d forgotten what a pest you were. Hold no illusions, this is an alliance of convenience alone. Once we’ve destroyed the Regalia I fully intend to destroy you as well.”
Discord’s mouth changes into an exaggerated frown, “Aww, don’t be like that. We can get along, especially if you’ve loosened up a bit since I last saw you and that stodgy older sister of yours. I’ll give you your own little fiefdom in my masterpiece of chaos that you can keep as dark as you want. Maybe the inside of a broom closet, or a basement somewhere if you’re a good little pony.”
She snarls at him, and lowers herself like she’s about to charge. “Uh, everypony? How about we save it for the Regalia?” I suggest. Bad idea, it just means they both turn their attention to me.
“Sure thing, hero mare,” says Discord. “Just settle this for us first. Once we take out the Elements, do you prefer eternal darkness, or eternal chaos?”
Neither. I’m currently planning to stab both of you in the back with Princess Sparkle’s spell before you can turn on each other, but for some reason I don’t think telling you that is the smart answer. “Maybe, er, we’ll work it out once we get there? No sense putting the cart before the pony, right?”
I try to hold my smile as best I can as Discord gives me a funny look. “Oh dear, you think you have a plan, don’t you?” he asks.
“A plan? Me? What? No, of course not,” I lie.
He shrugs. “It’s so cute when you good guys think you’re pulling one over on us. I’m going to go along with this just to see how spectacularly it all blows up in your face.”
Nightmare Moon glares between Discord and me, before she finally huffs and walks to the back of the cave. I breath a sigh of relief as Discord’s mercurial attention span shifts to somepony else. Sorry, Morning Glow, better you than me.
Star Swirl pulls me aside. “As soon as my amulet’s ready, we head for Canterlot. I don’t want to keep these two powderkegs near one another for a second longer than we absolutely have to.”
My head is spinning. Everything is happening too fast. I can’t focus or think about what’s going on. I feel like I’m just being pulled forward. Along for the ride instead of steering it. “Do we have to? It’s only been, what, eight hours since I found you here? I need to stop and think. There’s still too much about this situation that doesn’t make any sense.”
“Do you not get what we’re up against here, Twilight? This is how I’ve been living for nearly six months. There aren’t timeouts, or days off, or anything except moving from reality to reality, barely a half a step ahead of the Regalia. Even so, I’d be dead a couple dozen times over if not for this amulet.”
“See, that’s another thing I don’t get,” I say. “If the Regalia knows as much as you say it does, how has it not realized you have that thing and found a way to work around it? I mean, since you told me about it I’ve come up with at least eight different ways to kill you for good. No offense.”
“None taken.”
“So why are you still alive?”
Star Swirl takes a moment to think about this. “Well, they almost did get around it one time. I would have bled to death if I hadn’t been able to send you that message through my note, so it seems to me that they’re trying.”
That explanation feels thoroughly unsatisfying, but I’m too tired right now to figure out why. “Maybe if we sleep on it, take a couple of days? Doesn’t that sound like the smarter play? You’re the one who told me I was an idiot for running in half-prepared. We should at least practice casting Princess Sparkle’s spell before we have to use it for real.”
Star Swirl just shakes his head. “Twilight, this reality has two, maybe three more days tops. I’m running out of safe places to hide us from the Regalia. Maybe you’re right that this isn’t the smart way to go about this, but it’s all I’ve got. Besides, what do you think starts to happen when Discord can’t entertain himself any more?”
The two of us look over to where Discord and Shooting Star are engaged in an animated discussion. Shooting Star looks the only way that could be worse than completely horrified: engaged. “Do you know what’s especially fun?” asks Discord. “Acid.”
“The chemical substance, or the hallucinogenic?” she asks.
Discord considers this. “Yes. Provided you don’t mix them up. Actually, especially when you mix them up.”
Star Swirl sighs. “I have to go deal with that. Just be ready to leave in about twenty minutes or so.”
I settle down to collect my thoughts, and grab a snack out of the trunk. If I’m going to my death at least I won’t go hungry. I also skim Princess Sparkle’s spell a few more times trying to familiarize myself with it. I cast it once just to practice, and I can feel it surrounding me. Like she said, without the presence of the Elements it’s just opaque and inactive. A few minutes later, I feel it dissipate away. I’ll have to either use it during or right before the showdown with the Regalia. I hope my friends got my message to come and meet me in Canterlot. And that they’re still on my side.
I’m roused from my thoughts by Star Swirl digging through the trunk next to me and pulling out a scroll.
“What’s that for?”
“To get Shooting Star back home after we leave. She’ll be able to trace a route home with this after we leave.”
“You aren’t taking her back yourself?”
“And risk Discord or Nightmare Moon tagging along? No thanks.”
“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” says Shooting Star. I guess it isn’t that big of a cave. “I want to come with you.”
“Absolutely not. You’ve put yourself in too much danger as it is. Take the scroll and use it to get home, then take Morning Glow to wherever he wants to go.”
“But Father... Twilight said you don’t come back. Is this... is this going to be the last time I ever see you? How can you just abandon Mother and me like this?” asks Shooting Star. Her voice begins to waver and tears well up in her eyes.
Star Swirl stops, and kneels down with his daughter. He levitates his bell-adorned cloak from the trunk and drapes it over her, a jangly blanket. “It isn’t because I want to, sweetie, but I have to do this. Even if I don’t come back, if Twilight and I pull this off our universe will be safe for your foals, and their foals, and their foals, and all the ponies that come after them. If that means that I don’t get to watch my little filly grow up into the amazing mare I know she’s going to be it’s a price I’m willing to pay.”
“It’s not just you paying it! Maybe I don’t care about any of those other ponies. I’m never even going to meet any of them beyond maybe my own grandfoals. Why would they be worth losing you?” she asks.
“You already have met one of them,” I say, with a small, hidden smile.
“Yeah, whatever, Twilight.”
“I’m serious,” I say as I settle down on the other side of her. She flinches as I run a hoof through her mane, but I’m willing to endure her contempt. “Me.”
Both Stars turn to gape at me, and I just grin back. “What, I didn’t mention that before? In our timeline, a version of you was one of my fifty-something times great grandmothers. And probably for millions upon millions of other ponies too.” I lean over and kiss her cheek. “So thanks, grandma.”
“Don’t... don’t call me that. It just sounds weird. Technically she’s a different pony than I am, right? Just similar,” she says, but most of the venom behind the barb is missing.
“What are the three of you babbling about over here?” asks Nightmare Moon as she strides over, still suspicious after Discord’s entirely-accurate accusation.
Shooting Star gives me a long, evaluating look. “Nothing, Mother. These two want me to go back home to my original timeline.”
“That would be a waste. Once I’ve removed the threat the Regalia poses and taken Equestria again you could have a very powerful place at my right hoof. Consider it carefully.”
“Don’t consider it at all, Starry,” says Star Swirl, glaring up at Nightmare Moon. “Hon, get ready. We’re going to be leaving any minute.”
“Very well, the sooner we’ve left this hovel the better.”
I look over to where Morning Glow is sitting all alone by the fire, just staring into it. I decide to keep him company for a few minutes, since I’ll probably never see him again after this. I leave Star Swirl and Shooting Star alone to make their final goodbyes, and trot over to him. “Hi there,” I say. Morning Glow looks over in acknowledgement of my presence, then grows quiet again. “You know, I’m Princess Celestia’s student back in my time. I grew up learning from her. She’s like a mother to me, too. So I get-”
“No you don’t. But thanks anyway,” he interjects.
For a minute there’s nothing but the crackling fire to watch. “Well, I think she’d be proud of you for trying to get over what happened and coexist with Nightmare Moon.”
“I forgot to tell her I loved her.”
“Huh?”
“At the end. I was so busy telling her to stop trying to save me, I forgot to ever say goodbye properly,” he says without ever looking away from the fire. One of his hooves is limply hanging from his side, so I reach out and take it with mine. It’s the least I can do. “She’s going to try to stop you, you know. When you show up with those two and try to tell her what the Regalia can do, you’ll have to fight her. Then either you’ll all die for nothing or you’ll kill her. Again. And I won’t get to say goodbye to her either.”
I bite my lip. I can’t give away the plan we’re formulating. “We’ll... figure something out.” I conclude rather lamely.
“Yeah, right.” He finally turns to me, still holding my hoof. “If you do have to fight her, and things look like they’re getting bad? Do me a favor and tell her that I love her for me. Even if she isn’t exactly the same pony, tell her that... that...” Morning Glow starts to gasp for breath and throws himself into my forelegs, hugging me tightly as he sobs quietly on my shoulder. After the shock wears off in the first moment, I return the hug until he’s calmed down enough to loosen his grip.
“Twilight, it’s time to go,” says Star Swirl.
I walk over to where Nightmare Moon, Star Swirl, and Discord are waiting for me. Shooting Star is hesitant, but after giving her father one last hug, she backs away and joins Morning Glow by the fire, pain filling her eyes. Star Swirl prepares the dimensional shift spell, the one he’s cast so many times already, and uses it for one final jaunt. With that, we’re off to the final battle.
-----------------------------
We pop into Canterlot in the palace courtyard. It’s an almost offensively quiet and normal day, although it won’t stay that way for long.
Surrounding the courtyard, pointing spears upwards from the ground and crossbows down from atop the walls around us, are hundreds of the royal guard. They were ready and waiting for us, somehow knowing exactly where we’d arrive.
“Enemies of Equestria!” shouts a Captain from atop the wall, thankfully not Shining Armor which would have broken my heart right there, “throw down any weapons you may be carrying and surrender, and you will be unharmed!”
I can’t process what’s happening quickly enough to voice a response, and I’m not sure what I would say if I could. Our odds just got a whole lot worse. Discord, however, is unfazed by the development. “Now why would we do a silly thing like that?”
“This is your final warning! Surrender or be fired upon!”
“Ugh, guard types. Always following orders like the mindless sheep you are. So why not give you a shape that better reflects that, hmm?” Discord holds up a claw and snaps it, and with burst after burst of chaos magic the guards transform into wooly, mindless animals. One manages to get a crossbow bolt off, but an instant before it would strike Star Swirl in the head it’s transformed into a banana cream pie that splatters harmlessly in his face. Discord sighs. “Is that the best Celestia’s got? How very disappointing.”
“Not exactly,” says an identical voice from up on the palace ramparts. A second Discord, the one native to this timeline, leaps off the wall and plummets towards the ground. Right before he lands he thrusts his heels downward and comes to a stop with a loud screeching sound, gently depositing himself on the lawn. “Not bad. I would have made a ‘call upon the sheeponies’ quip myself, but that’s some good chaos.”
“Thank you. It’s so nice to be appreciated at last,” replies the first. “How about I ditch these losers and we go tag-team the order out of this entire continent?”
“Tempting offer, but I’m afraid I can’t. Celestia asked me to help stop you four, you see.” He looks down at me. “You are getting the detention of your life when this is all over. Not that I don’t appreciate the craziness of me turning friendly right before you go evil. We never can seem to find ourselves on the same side, can we?”
Our Discord bursts out laughing. “Oh that is rich. You work for Celestia now? That would be even funnier if it weren’t so pathetic,” he snarls. “This goody four shoes? Evil? Please. The Regalia must have scrambled you up but good. Here, I’ll prove it.” He points upwards and a cloud overhead poofs as it turns into an anvil, hovering right over the sheepified guards. I try to grab it in my magic, but it slides right through as it plunges downwards towards the oblivious creatures.
The other Discord sighs and snaps his paw, turning the sheep in harms way to a trampoline angled towards us. The anvil lands on the trampoline, stretches and distorts it, before snapping back and flinging the anvil directly into our Discord’s face. The force of the impact causes his head to stretch back until a moment later it’s followed by the rest of his body, slamming into and through a nearby wall leaving a perfectly Discord-shaped hole behind.
“Now then, where were-” but he can’t finish the sentence before a spot next to the hole tears open like paper and Discord charges back out onto the field, dressed in full-contact hoofball gear. The air is suddenly filled with the cheers of an adoring crowd, even if there’s no crowd anywhere to be seen.
“Looks like I need to teach myself some manners,” says Discord. “You three go after the Regalia, I’ll catch up.” He claps twice and we suddenly disappear from the courtyard, and reappear in the throne room. That’s certainly the direct approach. Sitting on their thrones are Luna and Celestia, and next to them are my five friends, already wearing their necklaces. It’s hard to say whether the three of us or the seven of them are more surprised. The room's empty of guards, and the windows around the hall are open, allowing the gentle singing of birds to waft in. At least until they're interrupted by what sounds like a fugelhorn being played with a bowling ball coming from the direction where the two Discords are fighting.
Celestia breaks the silence. “When the Elements told me that two of my students were going to lead an assault against the palace, and do so with a pair of the greatest threats Equestria has ever faced, I didn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it unless I saw it with my own eyes. Twilight, what have you done?”
“What have I done? I’m not the one doing this! It’s the Regalia! They’re manipulating you so that... something... but we have to stop them!” I shout.
“The Regalia are our greatest protection against the darkness and chaos you brought back,” she says. “If you had concerns, why didn’t you voice them to me? Why did you take such drastic measures? And why are the three of you dressed like a mariachi band?”
I become aware of the wide brimmed hat sitting on my head, and turn to see that Star Swirl and Nightmare Moon are similarly adorned. Nightmare Moon even has a trumpet stuck between her lips, and looks very confused. Damn it, Discord. “That... that isn’t important!” I shout as I rip the costume away. “And I didn’t tell you because Star Swirl’s letter said I shouldn’t, you might be compromised.”
“No it didn’t.”
Star Swirl’s voice cuts through my tirade like a knife. Now it’s my turn to look confused. “Yeah, it did. Twice.”
“That’s not what I wrote. Why wouldn’t you tell the Princesses? I mean, I couldn’t in the past because it might interfere with keeping the time loop stable, but they’re the only ones who can tap into the Elements without the Regalia. You didn’t think it was worth mentioning that you hadn’t told them?”
There hasn’t exactly been time for us to compare notes. Uh, literally, I guess. I’m just about to suggest a tactical withdrawal when Nightmare Moon steps forward, blotting out the sunlight that had been shining down on us from one of the windows above.
“Hello, sister,” she says. Celestia’s eyes narrow. “Who’s that pathetic little wretch seated besides you?”
Luna stands. She’s not as large as Nightmare Moon, or her past self. “Demon. Parasite. Leave this world, it is spoken for.”
“I’ve always known it was Celestia’s desire to rule as the greater sister, and shunt us aside. What better proof could I ask for? You’re just a husk compared to your former glory.” She flicks her smokey tail across Star Swirl’s face. “Is it any wonder that your husband would trade you in for the younger, sleeker version?”
Luna charges. This is all spiraling out of control, and I realize that I don’t have Princess Sparkle’s spell up yet. I’d meant to prepare it outside the throne room before Discord sent us straight inside. The notes, where are the notes?
While I’m looking, Star Swirl leaps between Nightmare Moon and Luna, holding out his forelegs to separate them from each other. “Stop it, you two. Just turn over the Regalia and nopony has to get hurt. Twilight and her friends can destroy it.”
“And then what? Equestria falls to Nightmare Moon? I think not. I will end her threat right here and now, and nopony will stop me from doing so. Not even you, love.”
“Luna, it doesn’t have to end this-”
Star Swirl’s amulet flashes. He slumps down to a seated position and stares at Luna, betrayal written all over his face. She’s shaking her head like she can’t accept what his face is telling her, but she knows what the amulet does.
I just got put on a very tight clock.
I turn to my friends. “Girls! I need you to use the Elements of Harmony. Celestia can use Magic if you won’t trust me with it.”
“Uh, I dunno that we’ve got a clear shot on Nightmare Moon, Twilight,” says Rainbow Dash. I glance over at the melee that’s about to start. For all I know, that’s what kills Star Swirl in... four and a half minutes. Sure enough, Luna rushes Nightmare Moon, and a bolt of magic lances from Star Swirl’s horn to stop her. He might last a bit longer than five minutes if he knows what’s coming, but not a lot longer and I don’t want to count on it. I close my eyes. “Use them on me.”
“Absolutely not, Twilight, it’s despicable of you to even ask that of us,” says Rarity. I finally find Princess Sparkle’s notes in the folds of the mariachi costume. How did it go again? I should have practiced this, but I don’t have time to get it straight before I start provoking the Bearers.
“Princess, use the Elements on me. It’ll help Equestria, I swear, I just can’t explain how right now.” Celestia studies the crown before her with a grim expression on her face. Off to one side, Nightmare Moon gets a lucky hit in on Luna and sends her flying, darting up into the air before crashing down on her where she lands. The impact throws chunks of marble up from the floor, striking the thrones. “Do it, or Luna dies the same way Morning Glow did.”
Celestia’s head snaps up and she looks at me wide eyed. I knew that would get her attention. I fumble with the notes, trying to remember how I cast the spell earlier. It was a lot easier in a nice quiet cave. She brings the crown to her head. "You're putting me in an impossible situation, Twilight," she says. My friends look back and forth between us, unsure of who to side with. The necklaces around their throats have lost their glow without the support of their convictions. Celestia looks at the five of them, understanding yet disappointed, and pulls the regalia away from them with her magic. "There is no need to burden you with what must be done. I will bear the guilt myself." The five necklaces begin to glimmer and spark, and the crown glows. No, no, no, too soon I haven’t gotten the spell right yet, I need more time, I need-
That's exactly when Azalea darts out from where she's been hiding behind a nearby pillar. With a scream, she brings the baseball bat she's holding in her forelegs down with all her strength, clobbering the back of Celestia's head. The Element of Magic is knocked askew and the light from the other five sputters out.
Celestia blinks several times, more surprised than hurt, and looks down at her. "Do I know you?"
Azalea, clearly expecting that her blow would do more, loses her earlier confidence. "Oh, um, my name is Azalea. I'm Twilight's... well we were dating, but we just had this big fight so now I don't know if I can really call us-"
"She's my fillyfriend," I interrupt with absolute certainty. Azalea looks back at me, a smile beaming on her face before she turns to Celestia again.
"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Princess. I'm so honored. When this is all over I'd love to introduce myself under more normal circumstances. You're so important to Twilight. She goes on about you all the time. If you would give me your blessing to be with her it would absolutely mean the world to me. Right now though," she shifts Home Run back up over a shoulder, "if you try to harm a single hair in her mane, I will fight you as long as there is breath in my body."
Celestia smiles sadly and glances over at me. "You certainly do surround yourself with the most spirited of companions, Twilight." Back to Azalea now. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my little pony. However, now isn't really the best time." Celestia's horn glows and Azalea is lifted up in her magic. She just has time to cry out before Celestia throws her out of an open window.
"Azalea!" I cry.
"She will be fine, Twilight, provided she remembers that she has wings." The Regalia rises up again.
"Hold it!" The voice behind me startles both of us, and I turn to see Rainbow Dash and my other friends have moved to take their place behind me during Azalea's distraction. "I have no idea what's going on, or why Twilight would bring Discord and Nightmare Moon back and then ask you to use the Regalia on her. But if you're going to zap her, you'll have to zap all of us."
"Please do not make this harder for me than it already is," says Celestia. Her face is full of regret, and her usually billowing mane is limp and flat under the weight of the crown.
"Um, I'm very sorry Princess, but we all feel that way," says Fluttershy. "We would really prefer it if you didn't use the Elements on us, though."
She looks like she won't, which would ruin everything. I send a bolt of magic at her, aiming it so it bursts on the floor right in front of her hooves. I could never bring myself to actually strike her. "Come on! What are you waiting for?" I ask.
I finally manage to cast Princess Sparkle’s spell over the six of us, feeling it settle into the air. Now that we’re prepared I face down Princess Celestia, ready for what she’s about to do. She adjusts the crown on her head, and the five necklaces of the regalia float around her, ready to be used. “Twilight, please don’t make me do this. Surrender yourself and help me contain Nightmare Moon and Discord once again, then we can talk this over.”
“I’m sorry, Princess, this is the way it has to be.”
“I’ll do everything in my power to convince them to be gentle to you,” she says. Still she hesitates. Luna cries out from across the room under a blow from Nightmare Moon, and the noise spurs her back into action.
My friends look from one to another. Despite their declarations of faith in my decision, this must feel wrong to them. I only hope that once I’ve redirected the Element’s power back from them and at Nightmare Moon they’ll hear me out as I explain myself. “Either hoof over the regalia, or use it to stop me,” I say.
“Then you leave me no choice,” says Celestia. “I love you, Twilight. I’m so sorry I failed you like this.” She lowers her head and tears stream from her eyes as she closes them for a moment. When she reopens them they glow with the might of the Elements. The necklaces ring out in response, and I hold my ground as light starts to pour out of them. I’ve never seen this from the outside before. There’s a moment of stillness before a rainbow wave bursts from them, arcs upward, and then pours down over us. There’s nothing in my world but that light, in all its horrible intensity.
Time stops.
I blink and try to move. While I can look around, my body won’t respond to my commands. My friends are locked in place as well, staring blankly out at the light that’s all around us. Is this what Princess Sparkle’s spell does? She said it would make sense when I cast it, but I can’t feel any way to control or redirect the Elements' attack. My efforts to find one are interrupted by the sound of shod hooves on stone, approaching slowly from in front of me. I squint against the overwhelming brightness and I can just make out a blurry silhouette somewhere in there. “Hello?” I call out. “Is somepony there?” The shape gets closer, but the light is too intense to make out any details.
“Well, well, well,” says an all-too-familiar voice, “that didn’t work.”
Oh no.
“Stop me if you’ve heard this one before,” says Princess Sparkle, “Twilight Sparkle tells another version of herself about a wonderful spell. It’s exactly what she wants to hear. She says there’s a spell which, when it’s cast, will resolve all the worries and troubles she’s been struggling against. But it doesn’t work quite as advertised.” She walks right up to me and puts a hoof under my chin, forcing me to crane my neck back to look up at her. “Does that sound at all familiar to you?”
“Twilight, please...” I beg.
“You promised me, Twilight,” says Princess Sparkle. “And we all know that losing a friend’s trust is the fastest way to lose a friend.” We both look over at Pinkie Pie, who’s still frozen there.
“Huh. I kind of thought she was going to-”
“Yes, so did I,” says Princess Sparkle. “But my point is that forever is a very, very long time. I am millions upon millions of years old, and have far longer to go before I finally get to rest. I remember thousands of lifetimes. Thousands of wives, even the occasional husband for variety’s sake. Scores upon scores of foals. All nothing more than memories, undone as if I dreamed all of them up out of whole cloth. Of the many, many ponies I’ve loved, almost none of them have ever existed. I don’t have a future, Twilight, and soon neither will you. You brought what’s coming onto yourself and onto Star Swirl as well. You always have been your own worst enemy.”
“What are the Elements going to do to us?” I ask. If my knees could move, they’d be shaking.
“Oh, I have no idea,” she admits. “They just promised me it would be thorough. I wish they had told me more when they gave me the idea for this spell, or that I could stick around to see. Once it ends and time starts up for you again I’ll be gone. Still, I’ll always have the look that’s on your face right now.”
“We can talk about this. I understand what you went through better than anypony else.”
“Yes. So you understand exactly why the false hope you gave me was so despicable. I’m doing to you exactly what you did to me. It’s why I took the pony you love away from you first, just like you did with Luna.”
Wait, what? “You didn’t take Azalea away from me, what are you talking about?”
Up until now, Princess Sparkle has been making a show of how in control of the situation she is, but my question stops her in my tracks. “Well, I couldn’t murder her like you did to Luna, but I could at least drive you two apart. That’s why I told you she was a changeling.”
“But we didn’t break up over that. We talked it over and I forgave her for lying to me,” I say.
“You forgave her?” asks Princess Sparkle. “Why would you? She’s a changeling.” She frowns at me, like she’s somehow disappointed that we’re the same pony. “Well, I’ll just have to settle for wiping you out of existence. I knew I’d only get one shot at this. Even if my information wasn’t perfect, the Elements told me more than enough to pretend I’d seen you in hundreds of other loops. I told you that you were a good liar.” Princess Sparkle begins to fade away and the light somehow grows even more intense. With the protection of the time stop spell waning, the sheer amount of magic flying around is making the hairs of my coat stand on end. “Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle.”
She vanishes. I don’t even have time to blink before the full power of the Elements of Harmony comes crashing down on our heads.
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So for all of you guys wondering why the Regalia let Star Swirl's notes go through, or how all the different loops Star Swirl and Twilight supposedly affected the multiverse, you have your answers. And a bit of a cliffhanger.
As I mentioned in my blog I'm planning to post the rest of this story as a single, five chapter update. As soon as I finish chapter six, the Time Loop Trilogy will be complete.
Tsk.
Someone get me Starswirl on the horn. I need to hop forward to when the next bit's posted.
Holy wow.
What happens next?! Update again ASAP!
2894380 Chapter Five: Twilight wakes up as a human, about to start her first day of high school...
2894324
I really want to encourage you to take your time and get it right, but I really, really want to keep reading. Please don't take too long on chapter 6. please?
2894386
......
Why do I get the feeling I'll be getting the mind fuck to end all mind fucks the next time you update this story?
So intense!
I think someone's been listening to Wag Fang lately.
im calling it now that star swirl sacrifices his life to save her
I'm not a big fan of Manipulative Invisible Evil Force in fiction but this is the best I have ever seen. A high stakes chess game though time and space? Fucking Win.
Well fuck.
2894386
That's it. I'm done. Going to the hospital to become the first live organ donor. Don't wanna live on this planet anymore.
2894418 AAAAAAAAAAH!!! CLIFFHANGER
Its ok. I'll just wait for the next chaper
Poor Twilight. She's going to be so messed up after this, maybe even more than after the first story. I just want to hug her right now.
I had a feeling Princess Twilight will buck them up. Now to see how they can save everyone from this shitstorm.
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/12875849/reactions/whatno.gif
Well, that didn't work.
2894386
I... But.. I...
Huh?
2894324 this is fairly short for you, Eakin. still, it's an excellent story.
F@cking speechless right now.... Thank you... F@cking amazing.
Poor Twilight Sparkle... almost smart enough to keep from going through with the plan. Well, I said last time I was able to comment that the whole adventure seemed designed to keep her off-balance and not give her time to think things through, and now we clearly see that was by design... But whose design? Are the elements really the force working against them? Every single character seems to have been surprised and lied to by now, in ways either large or small...
I feel if I could only take my time and think about it, I would piece it together... How familiar. Unfortunately, life is very hectic right now (I'm actually avoiding a house full of visiting relatives for a little break right this moment), and right now my most fervent wish is to see the story completed before I leave for an Internet free vacation. I don't want to spoil myself though...
Ouch. It doesn't look good for Twilight and the others now I have to admit. I'm a bit surprised that I didn't see this coming though.
So, let me see if I understand right. Princess Twilight made a deal with the regalia to kill "real" Twilight. She( Princess) is still stuck in her time loop, and now all timelines everywhere will be destroyed by the regalia, but she has her revenge.
Wow. What a bitch.
...huh
So princess Twilight cut a deal just so she can finally die... but how did the note get changed? Some key things was removed from it, so I'm sensing some sorta important lynch-pin psycho reason behind whoever did it. Now big a mind-fuck are we in for?
DAYMN!
Another excellent chapter! Looking forward and both saddened by the end of what is one of my favorite stories.
Still don't like azalea being with twilight, but the again I don't like anyone being shipped with her beyond the alicorns or other elements. Just a personal thing, so don't take it as a sleight against you or how you portrayed azalea.
So when is the reign of queen twilight sparkle going to next update? I need a little crazy in my day
Though nauseous is commonly used in this context, it is also incorrect. And I'm fairly certain Twilight would say nauseated.
In any case... well done. Somehow, you made it so we didn't see this coming, yet it was not at all unexpected.
Ah, there we go. Princess Twi bled off the insanity by converting it into a grudge capable of spanning eons.
Take it away, EoH!
[youtube=qoSb8H5C1F0]
I'm still shocked by the whole fruit bowl thing.
*The following comment contains spoilers.*
Wow. I guess that could constitute the end of the story. It won't obviously, but "Twilight and all her friends become eternally imprisoned and the night lasts forever in a world filled with utter chaos" would be a valid conclusion. I guess the next chapter won't be told from Twilight's perspective, as Twilight will be completely incapacitated. I can't wait for the coming climactic chapter. This has been a brilliant story thus far. I expect something awesome.
Woah.
That was something.
Great chapter, though! I really enjoyed the part where Discord, ya know, spoke to Discord, haha! It was very entertaining, and once again, the writing was absolutely gorgeous. Talk about one hell of a cliffhanger, though! Ahhhh.
hmmmm.......
Maintaining harmony can be a pain in the A from time to time......
I just hope they don't end up going to a garden party all stoned out......
*SWEARS LOUDLY AND PROFUSELY*
totally called it on Discord knowing what was going down
Anyone want some watermelon?
2894780
Well, the next chapter is 10,000 words and then chapter six is probably going to be about 5000-6000, so 50,000 words all told. Puts it right between Hard Reset and Stitch in terms of length. Plus then there's the Pinkie narrated chapter (you knew there had to be one) an author's notes/deleted scenes chapter, and an epilogue for Queen Sparkle. So let's call it 60,000 words total.
2894934
Well, nobody ever said the Regalia was going to kill her...
But yeah, she made a deal to get revenge on Main!Twilight.
2894978
The letter would have been easy enough to alter since it sat unguarded for 1600 years. All I envisioned them adding was the "don't trust the Princesses with this information" part.
Princess Sparkle doesn't get to die. She's right back in her time loop after she got to gloat to Twilight.
2895103
I honestly haven't written a word of Reign since the last update, but it's next after this story on my list.
Dude, I'm about to freaking cry. I don't even know.
Well...
shit.
Damn it, damn it, damn it! What a cliffhanger!!! >.<
Now what am I supposed to do until the next chapter?! T______T
2895462
Hey Eakin, I have a huge theory about the ending that I think is quite brilliant, but I do not want to psyche myself for that ending and then be disappointed if you do not, and I also do not want to just post the whole thing here in case it is what you have planned, so is there a way I can shoot you the theory without everyone being able to see it?
2895595
Shoot me a Private Message. Click 'mail' under my profile in the top right corner of the story page.
Was wondering when the other horseshoe was going to drop,
I'm a little disappointed that Twilight didn't see this coming. She knew that anything 'touched' by the Regalia's power would be under their influence, and should thus be untrustworthy, and yet when Princess Sparkle said she convinced the elements to accept her (back in chapter 2), that didn't set off any warning bells in Twilight's head? Not even a little one?
Hopefully Starswirl was paying more attention and just hasn't let Twi in on it for some reason; otherwise this could get messy,
Fantastic!
Oh poor Twilight, I just knew trusting Princess Sparkle was a mistake.
Dang, seeing Twilight discord herself after failing to stop Discord was straight up depressing.
And then I got too pulled into the chapter and forgot to make any notes.
Huh. That was something. The mariachi band was a nice touch.
Oy. The most likely way I can see this ending up ok involves whatever differences there are between the Regalia, and the actual Elements themselves. Going by the comic (and to some extent, the movie), the mane 6 can call upon the power of the Elements without the Regalia, which could factor in to however this plays out.
2895462 oh, wow. that many words. i WAS talking about the chapter count but...
hot dayum.