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During a large scale battle. Kassadin turns against his fellow members of the void. In an attempt to help stop the void from infecting everything living he is cornered inside the confinements of a small palace. During his final stand-off, he is defeated. However only temporarily, for when he regains his strength, he finds himself in a new land. Now he is faced with a new choice. Should he stay to defend this new land and it's inhabitants, or conquer the land for personal gain.
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HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA
IT'S KASS MOTHERFUCKERS!
EDIT: i.imgur.com/hio3vew.gif
2776932 Eeyup
as long as the Mane 6, or CMC or Luna doesn't die, it's pretty good
Errors in the description... Yeah, no thanks.
2777139 huh?
2777139 ... where?
2777207 HELLO!
2777207
I guess some of these aren't technical errors, but at least one or two of them are.
The first one, for example, includes my old friend the improper ellipsis.
First of all, that ellipsis is unnecessary and out of place. It should be a comma.
That being said, even with the comma this sentence is a run-on, so there's that.
This is weird, because it makes it sound like being pushed back to the palace was part of his attempt.
This could possibly be fixed by simply adding a comma after "living". *shrug*
Don't start sentences with "but"!
When I first looked at this, it said "strengths" (plural), but I see you caught that one. Cool.
Don't start sentences with "but"!!!
Also, this sentence makes no sense whatsoever. Seriously, it has no meaning.
I think you might have meant it to be a question. i.e. "But is it to conquer or defend..."
Two problems with that though:
One, you would need a question mark, not an ellipsis at the end.
Two, don't put questions in your description! I know a lot of people do it, but that doesn't make it any less dumb.
2777266
Fixed! Thanks for the heads up :P
I like it so far man. Cant wait for more
Meh.
I approve. Alcohol and roofs. I demand it.
2780404>>2783150
I'm actually writing another chapter as we speak. I'll be finished in about 15 minutes. maybe 20 if I find a lot of grammar mistakes, which is quite unlikely.
It's okay.... but there's WAY too many sentence fragments, like it distracts me from the story.
I'd suggest getting a pre-reader, things like that make an otherwise enjoyable story a pain to read.
Edit:
Might seem kind of mean to say, but you either need to do a better pre-reading yourself and catch these, or get a pre-reader. The abundance of sentence fragments is keeping me from adding this to my favourites.
I will, however , put it on my Read Later list because aside from what I mentioned before, I'm more or less enjoying it so far.
I like it, i'm not sure if you already were going to, but for those of us who don't know Kassadins' background could the next chapter 'explain' him?
2783805
Yep no problem
This might also help you, I will explain him, but here is his lore.
There is a place between dimensions and between worlds. To some it is known as the Outside, to others it is the Unknown. To most, however, it is called the Void. Despite its name, the Void is not an empty place, but rather the home of unspeakable things, horrors not meant for minds of men. Though such knowledge is lost in modern times, there are those who have unwittingly discovered what lies beyond, and they have been unable to turn away. Kassadin is such a creature. He was once a man forced to look upon the face of the Void and forever changed by what he saw. Once a seeker of forbidden knowledge, he discovered that what he sought was something else entirely. He is one of the few that has found his way to forgotten Icathia and lived to tell the tale, following the scant breadcrumbs hidden in ancient texts.
Within a decaying cyclopean city, Kassadin found secrets of the kind that he will never share - secrets that made him quake with fear at the visions of things to come that were thrust upon him. The power of the place threatened to consume him forever, but Kassadin took the only route available to him in order to survive - he let the Void inside him. Miraculously, he was able to overcome the alien urges that went with it, and he emerged as something more than human. Though a part of him died that day, he knows that he must protect Valoran from the things scratching at the door, waiting to get in and visit their torments upon the world. They are only one step away... something to which the appearance of the abomination known as Cho'Gath attests.
If you look upon the Void, you can't put it behind you. If you look upon Kassadin, he is probably already there.
2783810 Thanks
2784657
Thank you very much!
still looks good, I have a feeling that your fav champion is Kassiden?
but i still like it, keep up the good work
2786009
Nope. Viktor :P
I am pro with viktor, Urgot, and the old karma (will be missed) Never lost a game with them
Also... thanks :P
2786025ah
well either way your welcome
good champs but the new Karma feels better than the old one
2786040
True, but sadly I karma players will never get that satisfaction of saving someone with your heal anymore. Or your shield. Cause to me her shield feels a lot weaker now. Also near full build, being able to use r twice with your q and e would burst a group to dead instantly.
2783494 Also, I worked a bit harder on chapter 2. There should be little to no fragments this time. Sorry for the inconvenience.
2786322well yeah...but we all got to adjust to knew things I guess
2786534 Also, you should check out my latest blog posts. One of them may interest you. It's like a small... minigame
2786539ok then Ill try
why does it feel like it involves Taric?
2786555
Why would you say that?
Ok... the title. "A whole new world to toy with" Is a DIRECT line from one of the champions. k?
2786574Hm...that...doesnt make any sense. All the champs that I played with dont have anything to deal with that. Sorry but im drawing a blank here
2786581
I'll pm u it. But u cant tell anyone, as the game is still on.
Ah know wich champion's "quote" you used in the tittle :D (Or, i think so...
)
2786640 Then tell me in the comments :\
SYNDRA, ITS A SYNDRA WHO SAYS THAT, Took me awhile to figure out, but fukken did it.
Hate that throwing bitch....
Oh and yeah, she says "A whole new world to toy with."
2786804
You sir...... have won......
A coupon.
Not just any coupon. But a coupon to a game. Any time you see me doing a game giveaway. If you say you wanna use your coupon, you win it instantly.But it can only be used once. So use it on a game you want.
2786960 HM... YOU BETTER WRITE THIS DOWN. Cause I'm gonna get mah game
2786966 lol
MUCH BETTER. You delivered on your promise of less sentence fragments, and for that I salute you.
However, I still think you should get a pre-reader, as there are several places that need fixing that could be avoided with the help of a good pre-reader.
Kudos
2788418
I am my own pre reader. I read it over around 5 times before actually posting a chapter, could u possibly point out a couple of the errors so i know what I'm looking for?
Let's do this
Ahh Hell i think kass is a big boy..... he can handle a little bit of shit thrown his way.
is you know wate i meen
The chapter is a bit short, but it came out soon after the last and it's well written. Enjoying it so far - liked :3
8 weeks between updates
wow...thats a long time :(
3110133 Busy busy busy... lol sorry, I'll see if I can start working more in this very soon. My comp is just being a dick. it is 6 years old, and the parts are giving out. not bad as a laptop tho. in a few days, my new gaming computer will get here, and I don't have to worry about random shutdowns. Again... sorry for the waits.
The title sounds familiar...I forgot who says it
3931339 Keep trying, it's just under your nose.
3931342 Does Kassadin say it?
3931350 yep
3931350 yes, he does say that randomly when you play him.
live and die by the blade
3931364 Yay! Do I get a prize?