• Published 29th Jun 2013
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Fallout Equestria: Tales of Chicacolt - volrathxp

Tales from a broken city told in episodic format.

  • ...

Chapter 4: From Zebrica With Love

Fallout Equestria: Tales of Chicacolt

Chapter 4: From Zebrica With Love

Pipsqueak the pirate! At your service!

Chicacolt is the home of many hidden treasures. The rich history of the city is built on and around a plethora of items that would otherwise have been lost to the sands of time. This is one such treasure, a tale of the city on its final day, the day when Equestria itself perished in a blaze of balefire.

This is the tale of a brave stallion, one who pledged his service to his Princess and country.

This is the tale of Pipsqueak, Agent of Luna.


From a building in the great city of Chicacolt, a pony sat overseeing the operation on the floor below. A grin appeared on his face as two zebras carried a massive device, setting it onto a platform in the center of the room. Workers milled to and fro, hooking strange looking cables up to the device.

“Excellent,” the pony said, stroking the head of a coal black cat lying in his lap. “Zekoshi, are the preparations ready?” An older zebra appeared at the pony's side, nodding and bowing.

“Indeed they are, oh great Fat One,” the elder zebra said. “The device is scheduled to go off as we've discussed.”

“Very good, Zekoshi,” the pony replied. “And our guest? What of him?”

“Our sources say he will show up in the city any day now,” Zekoshi said. The pony sneered.

“Well done. After all is said and done, we will rule this country with an iron hoof,” the pony said. “And not even the Princesses will be able to stop us!!!” The zebras and ponies in the room cheered loudly.


The brown and white paint stallion strode through the streets of Canterlot, keeping an ever watchful eye around him as he made his way down a back-alley on Ministry Lane. Last thing I need is some Morale kook sneaking up on me, he thought as he checked to be sure he wasn't being followed. Secure in his anonymity, he continued down the alley. The Ministry of Morale was watching everypony in the country, and the spotted stallion didn't need the attention. He grinned as he thought about the Ministry's efforts.

If they only knew just how bad some ponies could actually be, he thought as he made his way to the end of the dark alley. Propped up against the corner was a dumpster. Pushing open the lid, the stallion jumped inside, sliding down the tube concealed within. The ride was... pleasant to say the least. At the bottom of the tube a door opened, dropping the stallion into a clean and bright office. The stallion glanced down and brushed at his dusty suit, grumbling at the dust before continuing forward. The hallway before him was brightly lit, ending in a lobby where a red and white striped mane mare sat in front of a terminal. She looked up, acknowledging him.

“Ah, Agent Fuzzy Bunny. So good to see you,” the mare said, her voice crisp and clean. A pair of red glasses adorned the mare's muzzle. The stallion grinned, letting his eyes work down past the mare's flank to her cutie mark: a pair of peppermint sticks intertwined.

“Twist, darling,” the stallion replied. “And how is my favorite receptionist this fine sunny day?”

“Pip, you flatter me,” Twist said, blushing slightly. “Things are quite busy around here. But you know that already.”

“I wasn't asking about the job,” Pip said. “I was asking...” The stallion stepped forward, placing his hoof on the mare's cheek. “About you.” Twist's blush deepened.

“Oh... I'm 'thuper,” Twist breathed. Pip grinned. The cream colored mare always let her lisp get the best of her when she was flustered or excited. Pip delighted in getting Twist to lighten up a little and let loose. Twist coughed, forcing herself to regain her composure. She pointed at the door behind her. “Pip. She's ready to receive you now. Be careful. She's on the warpath today.”

“As always,” Pip replied. “Well then. I guess I shouldn't keep her waiting. Have a lovely day, my dear.” The painted stallion strode past the cream mare's desk and over to the door. Taking a deep breath, he pushed it open and stepped inside. The office was dark, as it always was. At the far end of the inky black depths was a massive oak desk. Behind it sat the most beautiful mare that Pip had ever seen in his entire life. Her navy blue coat shimmered in the darkness, and her mane glowed with the light of a thousand stars. Her wings were folded, and her horn barely visible. Her eyes were closed.

Pipsqueak took a few steps forward into the room, clearing his throat. “Hello, mum. You ah... wanted to see me?” The alicorn behind the desk opened her twinkling blue eyes, piercing the stallion's own from across the room. Princess Luna smiled widely.

“Agent Pipsqueak. We are delighted in your presence here,” Luna said. “Come in. We have much to to discuss with thee.” The Princess of the Night motioned at the front of the desk, where a pillow had appeared for the stallion to sit upon.

“I think I'll stand, mum, if that's alright with you,” Pip replied, taking a few steps forward. “Now then... your message said you had a mission for me?”

“Indeed, young Agent Pip. If you will direct your attention to the screen,” Luna said, igniting her horn and lowering a terminal monitor out of the ceiling. It flared to life, showing a map of Equestria. “We have reason to believe that the zebras are planning an attack on the city of Chicacolt.”

“Chicacolt? Stripes would have to be mad as a hatter to attack that city,” Pip said. Luna scowled.

“Yes... well. Intelligence reports claim strange activity around the perimeter of the city. We've spoken to the Ministry Officials there, and they are quite frankly scared,” the Princess continued. “We believe that the zebras will attempt to infiltrate the city under the guise of a traveling theater show.” Luna's horn flared again, changing the picture on the terminal to that of a beautiful gray unicorn mare. She wore a little red dress and a grin on her face. “This is Dinky Doo. She's an actress, and we believe she's connected to the zebras.”

“Dinky? A zebra sympathizer?” Pip said, a flicker of confusion passing across his face. Luna cocked an eyebrow.

“You know this mare?” Luna asked. Pipsqueak nodded.

“She used to live in Ponyville. We knew each other… well. A long time ago,” the painted stallion replied. “Last I heard, she was doing quite well for herself in Manehattan.”

“Yes... the production she is currently a part of is on their way right now to Chicacolt,” Luna said. “It is our belief that whether Miss Doo knows it or not, she is aiding a group of zebras in their plans to destroy the city.”

“What's the zebra target?” Pipsqueak said. Luna's scowl darkened.

“Where else? Filly's Tower,” Luna said. “It is after all, the center for megaspell research within the city.” Pip nodded mutely.

“So... what's the mission?” Pip said. Luna smiled, a dark and terrible smile but a smile nonetheless.

“I thought you'd never ask, dear Pip,” Luna replied. “You are to report to the Chicacolt Theater under the pretense that you are a local actor joining them for their stay in the city. You will get close to this... Dinky Doo.” Luna's voice was filled with disdain, but Pip paid no attention to it. “Find out what she knows, and try to stop the zebras from carrying out their plan.”

“Aye, Mum,” Pip said, turning to leave. Luna's voice stopped him before he could open up the door.

“Be careful, Pipsqueak. I fear that this war is coming to a head, and the worst is yet to come,” she said. Pip nodded calmly, pushing open the door and exiting the dark office. He glanced sullenly at Twist.

“Well, you were right about one thing, my dear Twist,” he said. “She certainly was in a 'mood.'” Twist tittered in response.

“Joe would like to see you, Pip,” the cream colored mare said. “Before your mission, that is.” Pipsqueak nodded.

“I thought he'd never ask,” the stallion said, sauntering down the hallway past the candy-striped filly. “Twist?”

“Yes'th, Pip?” Twist replied, a twinge of hope accompanying the lisp in her voice.

“When this is all over... would you like to join me for a drink?” The stallion said. Twist nearly fell out of her chair. As she did, she knocked a few of the papers she'd been working on the ground.

“I... Oh, Pip, I'd lovth too,” she said, looking up at the stallion as she collected her papers. Pip nodded, grinning and continued forward, leaving the lovely young mare to collect herself. The elevator at the far end of the next hall had only two modes. Up, or down. Pip chose down, heading to see one of his favorite ponies. The elevator door retracted open, revealing a large open workshop. In the center, hunched over a bench was a beige colored unicorn with a shaggy brown mane, working away at a myriad of devices arrayed out before him. He glanced up, seeing Pip.

“Kiddo! So good of you to stop by,” he said. Pip nodded, stepping into the workshop.

“What have you got for me today, old chap?” Pip replied. Donut Joe grinned widely as he jumped out of his seat.

“Oh, just a few things here and there,” the pegasus stallion said. “Step right up, and we'll get you outfitted for duty.”

“Just the basics this time, Joe. I don't want a repeat of Los Pegasus,” Pipsqueak said, lifting a hoof to his chin. “Actually, on second thought. That one was quite a good time.”

“Pip, focus. Please? For like, one second?” Joe said. Pip nodded, giving the other colt a grin. “Alright then. First off, we're outfitting you with the latest and greatest model of PipBuck.” The unicorn lifted the device from the table with a burst of his horn. It looked like any other standardized PipBuck, except for the fact that it was jet black and sleek in its design.

“I thought Stable-Tec didn't sell its tech to war time companies?” Pip asked.

“They don't. The designs for this were... 'acquired' so to speak,” Joe replied. “It's a standard PipBuck 3000 model, designed for your particular style of dress. It should blend right into your suit, and nopony will even know its there. It's loaded with the most recent PipOS and everything. However, there is one thing it has that only ponies who get into Stables will get.”

“What's that?” Pip said. Despite all their talk about the Stables, that was a lot more ponies than Joe was trying to make it out to be.

“It's called S.A.T.S., or Stable-Tech ArcaneTargeting System. It lets even non-unicorns become better shots, by casting a slow time spell that allows you to pick your targets more effectively,” Joe said. “It should even make you a good shot.” The pegasus grinned coyly.

“Very funny, Joe. Maybe next time I'll use you for target practice, eh?” Pip said. Joe rolled his eyes, moving down the workshop table.

“Moving on, then,” the unicorn replied. He picked up a pack of what appeared to be a pack of chewing gum. “Regular gum, right? Wrong. It's a powerful plastic explosive. MWT design. Simply remove a stick, and mash the two halves together to set off the internal timer. Just... don't chew it.” Pip nodded.

“Explosive flavor, I take it?” The paint stallion said.

“Very. Now,” Joe said, pointing at a piece of cloth attached to two pieces of string. “This may appear to be a normal eye patch, but it's actually a camera.” He turned over the patch, showing a lattice of arcane symbols and circuitry. “All you have to do is slip it on and blink twice to turn it on, blink three times to turn it off.”

“Interesting. You know I love eye patches. They make me look more dashing, after all,” Pip said. “Is that all, then?”

“Ah, no. I've got one more surprise up my sleeves for you, Agent Squeak,” Joe said. He motioned to the air around him.

“The air, Joe? I've breathed it. Not so great,” Pip said. Joe sighed, picking up a tiny remote and pressing a button. A suit shimmered into existence in between the two stallions. It covered a ponyquin from head to hoof. Pip whistled under his breath.

“How'd you manage that, Joe? Stealth suit?” The paint stallion said.

“Yup. It's something we picked up off a zebra. Invisibility talisman. And the whole thing folds up nicely so that it can fit in your pocket," Joe said. "Just slip it on and tap the rune on the center to activate it."

"That's all well and good, but how do I turn it off?" Pip asked. Joe glanced at him and shrugged.

"Haven't the foggiest, kid! That's the beauty of this new technology! Never know what it's gonna do!" He exclaimed. Pip facehoofed.

"Right then," he said, pointing over at the PipBuck. "Hook me up shall we?" Joe rolled his eyes, picking up the leg mounted computer. He fastened it onto Pip's leg, rolling his suit over the device. Pip's eyes lit up as the Eyes Forward Sparkle function of the PipBuck activated. A large yellow blip appeared in his sensors in the general direction of Joe.

"Everything appears to be in normal working order," Joe said, handing the painted stallion the rest of the gear. Pip nodded, pocketing all of the items.

"Thanks, Joe. How's the donut business going?" He said. Joe grinned.

"Kid, it's going great. When you get back you're gonna have to check out my latest creation. Donutopia 5.0!" The unicorn stallion exclaimed. Pip chuckled. Joe narrowed his gaze back at Pip. "Now then... good luck out there, Agent Squeak. You're gonna need it."


Chicacolt, Pip thought as he scanned the city's skyline. My kind of town. The imposing figure of Filly's Tower loomed off in the distance, sitting above the city proper. Pip knew that was the target. Publicly, the tower was the center of equine arts, but behind the scenes it served as a research and development center for megaspells. Every kind of megaspell ever devised was investigated and researched there. The Tower itself had its own defenses, meant to protect the city in the event of an attack.

Pip turned his attention from the Tower to the city itself. Chicacolt sprawled out in every direction, a shining example of equinity in the world. Pip approached the city with a saunter in his trot. It was starting to get dark, and that was when the city really livened up. Neon lights bathed the streets in soft light while the stallion trotted along. Ponies of every shape, size, and color filled the streets in the Mareway district where the stallion found himself. Two lovely fillies walked past Pip, giving him a considering look followed by a pair of wide smiles. Pip grinned, giving the two girls a wave before continuing.

No time for fun, old chap, he thought. Mission comes first. Eventually the stallion found himself in front of the Chicacolt Theater. Home to many of Equestria's finest plays and musicals, the Chicacolt Theater was the greatest theater in the known world. Making his way to the back-alley behind the theater, Pip stepped up to the door, knocking once. A burly bouncer earth pony popped his head out.

"Good evening, old boy," Pip said. "I'm a bit late for rehearsal."

"Name?" The bouncer asked.

"Squeak. Pip Squeak," the painted stallion replied. The bouncer looked down at his list, and nodded.

"Come on in," he said. "You're late. They've already started." Pip nodded stepping past the bouncer into the backstage area. After giving the bouncer a friendly wave, he continued forward. He slipped on the eye patch, blinking twice to activate it. As he neared closer to the stage, he began to hear the most incredible sound he'd ever heard in his life.

It was a mare. And she was singing.

"For your eyes only, can see me through the night...
For your eyes only, I never need to hide...
You can see so much in me, so much in me that's new...
I never felt until I looked at you...

For your eyes only, only for you...
You'll see what no one else can see, and now I'm breaking free...
For your eyes only... only for you..."

Pip rounded the stage as the mare's voice trailed off. The mare was a lithe gray unicorn, with blonde hair falling off of her neck like a glorious waterfall. She wore a sparkling red dress that accentuated all of the right curves. Her blonde tail swished back and forth as she began the next stanza of the song.

"For your eyes only, the nights are never cold...
You really know me, that's all I need to know...
Maybe I'm an open book because I know you're mine...
But you won't need to read between the lines

For your eyes only! Only for you...
You see what no one else can see, and now I'm breaking free...
For your eyes only... only for you..."

The assembled ponies stomped their hooves loudly as the music began to dim. The mare took a bow, her eyes drifting down to the painted stallion watching from below the stage. Her eyes widened.

"Pip?" She squeaked. Her eyes widened even further when recognition took hold. "Pip! It is you!" The mare made her way down the stairs, grabbing the stallion in a spine crushing hug.

"Dinky, old girl... need... need to breathe a bit..." Pip managed to choke out. Dinky blushed fiercely, pulling away from the stallion.

"I'm sorry, I just... when I saw the name on the list, I couldn't believe it," she said. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, a bit of this, bit of that. I'm to join your little production it seems," Pip replied. Dinky grinned widely, motioning to one of the other equines present to come over. An older zebra appeared next to the gray mare.

"This is Zekoshi," she said. "He's the director of our little show." The zebra bowed. Pip eyed him carefully before bowing himself.

"It is a pleasure to have you aboard, young one," the zebra said.

"Pleasure's all mine," Pip said, his eyes wandering the room. A good number of the cast members and stage hands were zebras. Now then... where's the ring leader? He thought. Is it the director? It would make sense...

"Zekoshi, I'm gonna give Pip the grand tour of the place," Dinky said. The older zebra nodded as Dinky grabbed a hold of Pip's foreleg. The gray mare led the painted stallion through the theater. "Alright so obviously this is the stage. And this leads to the backstage area. We've got makeup, props, and effects back here. They've been so busy with everything." Pip glanced about, noticing more zebras milling about the backstage area. This is quite suspicious for sure, Pip thought. Several of the zebras were tinkering with some sort of large barrel shaped device.

"Dinky... what is that?" He asked under his breath, motioning at them. The zebras drew the curtains around the thing closed.

"Oh that? It's one of those new weather machines. They're gonna make it rain during my big number, you know the one I was practicing when you came in," Dinky replied. Pip nodded.

Dinky obviously isn't a part of this... She wouldn't be this friendly towards me if that were the case. She'd be hesitant to my sudden appearance. I need to get her away from the situation so I can investigate this properly. "Dinky? Perhaps you would care to join me for dinner? We can discuss our... roles together."

"That sounds quite lovely, Pip," Dinky replied, smiling and turning to the director, who had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. "Zekoshi? Do you need me for anything else tonight?"

"No, dear," the zebra said. "You may go. Have a wonderful evening." Dinky grinned, motioning to Pip. The painted stallion tipped an invisible hat to the zebra, following behind the gray mare. Tonight is going to be a good night, after all, Pip thought, blinking three times to turn off the camera in the eyepatch. The stallion accessed his PipBuck, sending off the video to Chicacolt's central command. Perhaps something would be analyzed from it.

Outside of the theater, the two ponies made their down the crowded streets of Chicacolt. They soon found themselves in a nearby restaurant. Scooting into a table, the two ponies ordered their food and began to talk.

"It's so good to see you, Pip," Dinky said, smiling softly as she took a sip of her glass of wine.

"It's quite lovely to see you too, Dinky," Pip said. "How's your mum doing?"

"Mom? Oh she's alright," Dinky said. "We don't talk as often as I'd like. She's in the courier business now. She was supposed to come see our show, but she got scheduled for a big delivery out of Cloudsdale tomorrow."

"I see. And what about you? How did you get into this whole... acting business?" Pip said. The waiter appeared, dropping off two plates of food. The two began to eat, smiling at each other. By Celestia, she's gorgeous, Pip thought.

"Well, I got my big break about a few months ago. It's just something I've always been really interested in doing," she said, levitating up a bite of her salad. "What about you? This is the first I've ever heard of you being in the business." Pip's mind went into overdrive. Oh. Ponyfeathers, he thought. Of course she'd be suspicious of that.

"Oh... well, you see I'm relatively new to this kind of gig. You might even say its my first show," the secret agent replied, grinning.

"Excellent! It's going to be a lot of fun, then!" Dinky said. Pip breathed a sigh of relief. He took a sidelong glance at his PipBuck. It was getting late. A message bleeped in the corner of his vision. It was a message from Central Command.

"Dinky, darling. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut things a might short," he said. "How about you go back to the hotel? I'll come by in a bit and we'll have a drink. I've got some... business to take care of." Dinky grinned widely, nodding.

"Sure, Pip. I'll see you later then?" She said. Pip smiled, tossing enough bits onto the table to cover the meal. The stallion left the restaurant, bringing up his Eyes-Forward-Sparkle and his PipBuck's broadcaster. He flipped his earbud into his left ear as he walked.

"This is Fuzzy Bunny," he said, grimacing at the use of his code name. "Go ahead."

"Agent, this is Central Command. We've reviewed the footage from your camera," the voice on the other end said. "The device that you witnessed is an electro-magnetic pulse generator. At that size and proximity to Filly’s Tower, it will most likely disrupt the Tower’s defenses."

"Orders?" Pip said.

"Your orders are to destroy the device, Agent Bunny. Use whatever force necessary," the voice said. "Princess Luna commands."

"I shall defend my Princess," Pip replied, clicking off the connection. He grimaced, heading in the direction of the theater. The stallion prowled around the alley, glancing about to make sure he wasn't being followed before heading down it. The theater backstage area was bare, not even the bouncer from before was present. Pip tried the door. Locked. The painted stallion lifted out his bobby pins and lockpick out of his suit and set to work. Within moments the door creaked open, and the stallion crept inside. He made his way through the dark backstage, working by memory to where the device had been. He came across an empty section behind the stage area, grimacing.

The device was gone. Had the zebras caught on to him? Pip grimaced, turning around and nearly taking a hoof to his face. The painted stallion dropped to the ground as the hoof strike soared over his head.

"You're a real piece of work, I tell ya," a voice said. "Boss is gonna be real happy with me when I bring him your head, Agent Pipsqueak." Pipsqueak looked up, seeing the bouncer from before. He wore a different outfit, brandishing large iron horseshoes. His mane was slicked back.

"Well then, old boy. I'm afraid you're gonna have to work pretty hard to do that," he said, grinning. "Who is this boss of yours, anyways? A traitor, or do you work directly for the zebras?"

"Shut up," the bouncer said. "I'm gonna turn you into paste." Pip continued to grin widely.

"I'd really like to see you try," he said, circling to the side of the monstrously large earth pony. "However, it's bad taste to kill a pony whose name I don't even know."

"Surprised you don't remember me, but then again I don't exactly look the same," the stallion said. "My name was once Caramel, but you can call me by my new name: Rocky. Rocky Road."

"Caramel? From Ponyville? My word, this is a small world after all," Pip quipped. Rocky snarled, charging at the painted stallion with wild abandon. Pip rolled to the side out of the massive earth pony's way, letting Rocky continue forward into a support beam. The stage itself shuddered under the force of the blow. Pip breathed a sigh of relief.

"Gonna have to do better than that, my friend," he taunted. "So tell me, Caramel. How's a nice pony like you end up sympathizing with the zebra, eh?" Rocky roared as he recovered from his fall, galloping up and rearing to smack at Pipsqueak with his powerful ironshod hooves. Pip dodged the strike, responding with a hoof strike at Rocky's midsection. The heavily built earth pony grunted and leaped back, glaring at Pip.

"That's none of your fucking business," Rocky said. "But you're too late, Squeak. Boss has got big plans for this city, and tomorrow they're --" His voice cut off with a hoof up to his mouth. Rocky grumbled. "Wasn't supposed to say that." Pip raised an eyebrow.

"What about tomorrow?" Pip said. "What's happening tomorrow?"

"Nothin' you need to concern yourself with," Rocky said. "Now... come along quietly so I can kill you."

"Not my style, Caramel. Not today, not ever," Pipsqueak said with a wry grin. Rocky's face contorted into an angy expression.

"I told you already... my name is ROCKY!!!!" The stallion roared, leaping into the air forward with a furious snarl. Pip stepped to the side as the other stallion missed, sliding the packet of chewing gum out of his pocket. The painted stallion grimaced, jumping backwards to underneath the stage. The stick of gum slid out of its packet and Pip folded it in half, tossing back towards the nearest beam. It stuck like glue. Rocky roared again, charging at Pip as the painted pony leaped out from beneath the stage. He began to gallop hard as the other pony tried to figure out what was causing his opponent to run. His eyes fell on the wad of gum stuck to the support beam, glowing red and sizzling.

"Oh, fuck m-"


The building behind the painted stallion went up in a blaze of glory as he leaped into the alleyway. Pip grunted as he hit the ground. He heard sirens in the background as he pushed himself up.

"I think that's my queue to exit," he said as he began to strut forward. "Wouldn't want to deal with the locals." He flipped on his broadcaster, turning down the next alley. "Central Command, this is Agent Squeak. My identity has been compromised. I repeat, my identity has been compromised. They know I'm here. The device has been moved as well."

"This is Central Command, Agent Squeak. Proceed with caution. Secure the infiltrator Dinky Doo and locate the device. Your Princess commands it," the voice on the other end said. Pip frowned. Dinky didn't have anything to do with this. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I will do what I must, Central Command. Luna defend me," he said, clicking off the broadcaster. The sirens continued as the stallion watched from the shadows. The fire ponies were dousing the blaze surrounding the theater. He grimaced, making his way out into the busy night streets towards the Chicacolt Esquire Hotel. The hotel was packed, ponies of every creed and shape were bustling about the lobby. Pip made his way to the front desk, where a lovely little earth mare waited.

"Can I help you, sir?" She asked, smiling brightly. Pip grinned.

"Yes, I'm looking for a friend. Dinky Doo," he said. "Would you be so kind to direct me to her room?" He flashed a wink to the earth mare, who giggled and handed Pip a piece of paper with a room number listed on it. Pipsqueak grinned wider and gave his thanks, trotting to the elevator. As he walked, his eyes shifted back and forth to make sure he wasn't being followed. He had to get Dinky out of here, and then find that electromagnetic pulse device before it did any harm.

The painted stallion casually made his way out of the elevator on Dinky's floor, finding her room number with ease. He knocked at the door softly. The locks on the other side slid aside, and the door opened, revealing the unicorn mare. She was still wearing her red dress from earlier. Her eyes widened.

"Pip? What are you...?" She said before Pipsqueak put a hoof up to his mouth. He entered into her suite, checking his PipBuck for any sign of a hidden microphone or camera that might give them away. When he was certain there was nothing, he turned back to the bewildered mare.

"Dinky. I'm so sorry about all of this, but we've got to get you out of here. Your life might be in danger," he said.

"Pip... what do you mean?" Dinky asked Pip grimaced.

"Dinky, the ponies you're working for. They're zebra sympathizers. They're planning on something big. Something that is supposed to take place tomorrow, at Filly's Tower," he said. Dinky sighed, narrowing her gaze at Pip.

"I know," she said, grimacing. "Celestia dammit, Pip. I should have known they'd send somepony from her Majesty's Service." Pip looked taken aback.

"What?" He said. Dinky sighed, producing a badge from her dress. It was a simple badge with a hoof print and the symbol of three balloons on it.

"Ministry of Morale agent, codename ‘Muffin’, identify Bravo Zeta thirty,” Dinky said, scowling at Pipsqueak. Taken aback, he nevertheless managed to stammer out his reply.

“Er… ah, Luna’s Secret Service agent. Codename ‘Fluffy Bunny’, I authenticate, ah, Busy Bee seventeen.”

“Pleased to meet you, Agent Bunny,” Dinky giggled. Pipsqueak blushed, looking away. "I was sent here to investigate the situation by Ministry Mare Pinkie Pie herself."

"And the acting career?" Pip asked. Dinky smiled.

"Oh that's all me. It's what makes me the perfect spy. I'm a natural actress," she said. "For months now, we've been tracking this group. Their boss is somezebra they keep calling 'The Fat One'. We've never seen him. He could be one of Caesar's right hooves for all we know."

"Well, that's just lovely," Pipsqueak said. "You know... I could go for that drink right about now. Seeing as how I just blew up the backstage area of that theater." Dinky's eyes widened.

"You did what?!" She said. Pip grimaced. "Ugh. And here I thought you Majesty's Service ponies were all about subtlety."

"Never a dull moment, love. That's the way I like it. Suffice to say, the stallion that tried to off me had a bit of an explosive quality to him," Pip said, stepping past the mare towards the bar in the kitchen. "Now then, maretini?"

"Pip..." Dinky groaned. "I should turn you in to the Ministry. You're compromising a very large sting operation, one that extends out of this city all the way down to Manehattan."

"Manehattan? Really?" Pip said. Dinky grimaced.

"Shit... I could probably get fired for this... Alright, look. Ministry Mare Pinkie believes that this 'Fat One' has connections to Four Stars. She's planning a raid tomorrow morning on the Four Stars building in Manehattan," she said. "Similar raids are scheduled to take place all around Equestria."

"And one of the benefactors of Filly's Tower is none other than..." Pip said. Dinky rolled her eyes.

"Four Stars," she said. Pip grinned.

"Right. So, tell me... Miss Doo, how were you expecting to put a stop to this 'Fat One'?" He replied, pulling a bottle of vodka from the refrigerator. "Rainbow stickers and unicorn kisses?"

"I..." Dinky started to say before flushing red. "Dammit, Pip. This isn't some game! Ponies lives could be at stake here!" Pip's gaze narrowed at the mare.

"Exactly. And that's why we're going to get the drop on them," he said. "You're in luck, Dinky. I'm not just one of Luna's best. I'm the best. I happen to have a fair clue where to start, too."

"Filly's Tower?" Dinky replied. Pipsqueak nodded as he poured the contents of the vodka bottle into a shaker.

"Right you are," he said. "Now... join me for a drink. If my intuition is correct, this 'Fat One' is going to keep to his guns and be on time tomorrow. Which gives us time to come up with a plan." Dinky sighed as Pip lifted the maretini glass, offering it to the mare.

"Alright," she finally said, taking the glass and taking a swig of the liquor. "So... you're with her Majesty's Service then?" Pip nodded.

"For several years, in fact," he said as he began shaking up his own drink. Dinky rested a hoof on the table.

"And in all that time, ever been somepony... special in your life?" The mare said, flashing her eyebrows at the stallion.

"Dinky..." Pip said. "If this is about Ponyville... I can explain." Dinky snorted.

"You left me, remember? I just wanted to know... if you were happy, that's all," she said. Pip sighed, shaking his head.

"Nopony. Nopony quite as special as you ever were," he said softly. Dinky grinned, lifting his sullen face with a hoof and pecking him on the cheek.

"I missed you," she said. "Even after you left... I wanted to see you, but then the war... and everything else... It was hard."

"I... I missed you too, Dinky," Pip replied. Dinky stood, moving away from him. "Where...?"

"Pip... if something should happen tomorrow. If we fail in our duties... I don't want this... I want it to be where you and me end," she said. She winked, waggling her eyebrows. "So... are you coming?" Pip nodded, following the mare as she headed towards the bedroom. Dinky stopped at the foot of the bed and turned around.

"Dinky, I..." Pip started to say. Dinky put a hoof up to his mouth.

"Shh," she said as she reached back with her magic and pulled a string on her dress. It fell to the floor in a pile as Dinky leaned in and kissed Pip.


Pip sighed, waking up to the soft sounds of the mare lying next to him. He glanced over at Dinky's slumbering form, smiling. The subtle rays of the early morning sun peeked out of the window in the bedroom. The stallion shuffled off the bed, glancing out the window at the city beneath them. Chicacolt was bustling, even in the early morning. He glanced over at the clock. Six A.M., he thought. He looked back down at Dinky, opting to let the mare sleep for a few more minutes. It had been a rather tiring evening, after all.

Pip grinned at that. Sure, in his time he'd been with plenty of mares, but none of them were as special as Dinky was. The painted stallion stepped into the bathroom, turning on the water. He hummed as he washed his face, slipping on his gear. He stopped for a moment when he heard something... loud coming from beyond. He pushed open the door, hearing a crunching noise and a mare screaming.

"Dinky?!" He shouted as he made his to the bedroom. Just outside the bedroom window was what appeared to be some sort of flying craft. He couldn't see who was piloting it. A giant claw had extended from it, ripping a hole through the window and wall to grasp Dinky, holding her in its metallic embrace.

"Pip!!" She shouted as the claw retracted. Pip roared, running towards the opening in the wall.

"Dinky!" He yelled, leaping out into open sky. The stallion reached out, managing to latch his hoof around a support beam on the craft, which immediately turned and began to fly erratically, attempting to shake off its uninvited passenger. Pip struggled to stay on as the craft zigged and zagged and the streets of Chicacolt flew by beneath him. Dinky's cries had been cut off by the wind and he could no longer hear her. He glanced down from his predicament to see where the craft was headed. Filly's Tower, of course, he thought with a grimace. The stallion finally managed to get his rear leg over the support beam and swing up.

The craft responded by shaking to the left and right, causing Pip to lose his hoofing again. He scowled as he spotted an upcoming building that was close enough to jump. The stallion grunted, leaping off the craft towards the roof. As he fell, he tucked into a roll, hitting the hard cement with a *crack*. Pip groaned as he pushed himself up, his Eyes-Forward-Sparkle going crazy over the state of his body. He didn't have time for it. Yanking out a healing potion out of his pack and downing it, Pip used the surge of magic provided by the purple potion to gallop forward. He looked up at the skies, keeping the craft in his sights. He grimaced, flipping up his comm radio.

"Central Command, this is Agent Squeak. I need assistance!" He shouted as he kicked open the door on the roof and began hoofing it down flights of stairs.

"Agent Squeak, this is Central Command," a voice on the other line said. "How can we assist?"

"They've got Miss Doo," he said. "She's not the problem. They knew we were both in town, and they knew where we'd be. They were waiting for us." The stallion panted hard as he pushed past several confused looking ponies in the lobby of the building he'd entered. He pounded hooves out onto the streets.

"Agent Squeak, unfortunately, all other agents are... busy," Central Command's voice said on the other line. Pip blinked.

"What do you bloody mean, busy?!" He shouted as he galloped towards Filly's Tower. The sky at the top of the black edifice was beginning to darken, and storm clouds gathered. Ponies in the street stopped, pointing up at the weather anomaly. A burst of static cut through his earbloom, rendering it lifeless. Pip growled, ripping the earbloom from his ear.

"Looks like its all up to you, old chap," he said as he made his way onto the plaza that held his destination. There was no sign of the craft, and Pip had to push past a massive crowd of ponies that had built up around the area in front of the Tower. Pip charged past the police ponies who could only blink at the painted stallion and into the main lobby of the Tower, yanking out his pistol. As he entered the sounds of guns cocking stopped him cold in his tracks. Surrounding Pip on all sides was a mish-mash of earth ponies and zebra. Each one of them had an assault rifle trained on him. Lying on the ground were numerous hostages, quivering under the imposing visages of their captors. Pip grimaced, dropping his pistol to the ground as he raised his hooves.

"I don't suppose you'd take me to your leader," he said. One of the zebras stepped up to the stallion, nudging him with the barrel of his rifle. He said something in a language Pip didn't quite know. "Alright, alright. I'm moving. Don't get your stripes in a twist." The zebra motioned to the elevator at the end of the lobby, shoving the stallion inside and pushing the button for the top floor.

The elevator door dinged softly and Pip was thrown into a massive open space that was sitting just below the spire of the roof. In the center of the room was a giant obelisk with numerous gems embedded into it. The gems were glowing brightly. Equipment and cables littered the space around it, which Pip recognized as the E.M.P. device. Zebra guards stood on each side of the equipment. Across on the other side of the room was two tables, with Dinky strapped to one of them.

"Pip!!" She shouted. "Get out of here! It's a trap!" Pip grimaced, about to make his move when the tapping of a hoof stopped him.

"Tut, tut. Quiet her," a voice said. One of the zebra stepped up to the mare, tying a gag around her mouth. Pip looked to where the voice came from, seeing a rather large earth pony in an oversized chair. His gray coat clashed with the white cat that lay in his lap. A savage grin graced the massive stallion's face. His black mane was slicked back into a glossy solid. "Ah, Agent Squeak... so good of you to join us."

"That... that voice," Pip said "I know you... Chowder? Is that... you? You're the 'Fat One'?" The blobbish pony chortled loudly and motioned for the guards. Pip was pushed over to the other table and forcefully strapped to it, while the chair the pony was sitting in floated over in front of the painted stallion.

"I haven't gone by that name in ages," the oversized earth pony said. "I'm quite surprised you remember me, Agent Squeak."

"I remember a colt who was good, and honest," Pipsqueak spat. "Not somepony who'd throw their lot in with the zebra."

"I remember things quite differently, Agent Squeak. I remember heartache, and pain. I remember a pony whose talent was eating. I remember the ridicule, oh yes... I remember that part most of all," he said, stroking the cat in his lap with a hoof. "They all laughed at me, Agent Squeak. Even you. Back in our... younger days."

"Why...?" Pip breathed as he struggled with the straps.

"Because revenge is a dish often served... cold," Chowder said. "Because the ponies of Equestria sorely need a wakeup call. This war is ending today, Agent Squeak. Whether you want it to or not."

"And what do you expect me to do about it? Just sit here and do nothing?" Pip said angrily. Chowder's eyes widened, and he started cackling.

"No Agent Squeak... I expect you to die!" He said. "You of all ponies will witness my ultimate plan. Once we are through, there will be nothing left of Equestria. Nothing!"

"You're insane," Pip said. "You're off your rocker, Chowder."

"Maybe, but I'm the one who will live like a king after all is said and done," Chowder replied. "Did you know, Agent Squeak, that in Zebrican culture a pony of my considerable... girth... is actually worshipped, rather than shunned? Among the zebra, I can be a god."

"And Dinky? What about her? She's innocent of this, you can let her go," Pip said.

"And allow an agent of the Ministry of Morale go free? I think not. Now, I wish I could stay longer and chat, but I have a destiny to meet," Chowder said. He glanced at the guards. "Please make sure my guests have a front row seat for the end of the world. And if they try anything funny, kill them." The portly overlord hit a button on the console of his floating chair, hovering away and up a shaft to the roof above. The equipment surrounding the obelisk rose as well. Pip grimaced.

"Dinky, don't you worry... I'm gonna get us out of here," he said, struggling to slip his hoof through the restraints holding him down. The guards snarled, starting forward to stop him. Just as the guards reached him the stallion managed to free his hoof and tapped the rune on his jacket. The painted earth pony disappeared instantly, causing the zebra surrounding him to stop. One of the nearby zebra went flying through the air as the rest of the restraints on the table went limp.

"He's invisible! Get him" One of the zebra shouted. His assault rifle came up, but failed to do anything as something hard slammed into his side, knocking him to the ground. A painted earth pony appeared out of nowhere, grinning widely. He stared down the remaining two guards.

"Alright. chaps. Here's how this is going to go. You're going to scamper off, and I'm gonna save my lady love there. Got it?" He said. The two guards trembled and ran away, disappearing down the hall. Pip smiled and trotted over to Dinky, untying her and removing her gag. The gray mare leaped off the table, throwing herself into a loving embrace with the stallion.

"Pip! You're alright!" She shouted.

"I told you I was the best, didn't I?" Pip replied, narrowing his gaze at the mare. An explosion rocked the sky outside of the tower. Three more guards entered the room, breaking Pip's attention as they aimed their assault rifles at the stallion. Pip made his move forward to attack them, only to be surprised by three succinct gunshots that dropped the zebra warriors where they stood. The stallion looked back wide-eyed, seeing a smoking .22 Ironshod pistol floating in midair, encased in golden magic. Dinky grinned.

"What? You really think I was going to let you have all the fun?" She said.

"Where did you get that?" Pip asked. Dinky rolled her eyes.

"You really don't want to know," she said. "Now, let's get after Chowder. We don't have much time." Pip grimaced. He shook his head.

"Dinky. I need you to do something for me. If what Chowder said is true, they'll be calling for ponies to the Stables. You need to get to the one below this Tower," Pip said.

"What about you?" Dinky said, her eyes beginning to water.

"I'll join you. But I need to stop Chowder. He's insane, love. And I can't let what he's planning come to pass. If you were to be in harm's way..." Pip said.

"I can't leave you... I only just found you again!" Dinky cried. "I love you Pip... I always have."

"I love you too, my dear Dinky Doo," Pip replied simply. "But there's no time. You have to go now!" Dinky grimaced but finally nodded. Pip turned as the mare started down the hall. The painted stallion charged down the hallway and up the stairs onto the roof. The spire of the tower was surrounded by the electromagnetic equipment, the very air charged with energy that spat bolts of fire and lightning to the ground below. Even from high above the stallion could hear the cries of ponies below. Chicacolt was being torn to pieces. And sitting high atop his vantage point was Chowder, cackling wildly.

"Yes! Run, my little ponies, run! I am the end of you! No longer shall you laugh at me! I shall be worshipped! I shall become a god!" He roared. Pipsqueak tapped his hoof on the metal roof, getting the portulent pony's attention.

"Are you going to keep monologuing? Or am I going to have to stop you myself?" The painted stallion called out. Chowder laughed heartily.

"You're far too late, Agent Squeak! The beginning of the end has begun! Even I can't stop the megaspell now that it's started! Nopony can!" He shouted. Pip grimaced, looking up at the obelisk. It was glowing brilliantly, fueling the massive storm surrounding the Tower. He narrowed his gaze at the oversized earth pony.

"What have you done, Chowder? Why? Why would you do something to our great country?" He whispered to himself. "What must I do to save you, my Princess?" The stallion roared, charging across the roof and leaping into the air, slamming into Chowder's chair. The pudgy pony was rocked out of the air, landing with an *oomph* and sliding across the roof until he tipped off the edge. Chowder cried out as he held onto the corner of the roof. Pip galloped over, grabbing onto the stallion's hoof.

"Chowder!" Pip shouted. "Tell me how to disable the device! Please!" Chowder cracked a grin, bloody teeth showing through.

"I told you before Agent Squeak. You can't stop it. It's too late!" He sputtered. "This country is doomed! I will be revered as a god!"

"Dammit, colt! Don't you see? The zebra used you! We won't be escaping from here! The storm won't let us!" Pip shouted, trying to pull the portly stallion back up onto the roof. Chowder snarled, fighting against the painted pony's efforts.

"I don't care! I'm getting my revenge! All of you! Those who laughed at me for my weight! I am the victor here, Agent Squeak!" He said, struggling and losing his grip. Pip reached forward as Chowder slipped out of his grasp, falling from the roof and towards the ground below. The oversized earth pony's eyes widened and he finally disappeared from sight in the clouds of the storm. Pip stood, glancing back at the machine powering the megaspell. He charged over, his eyes scanning the device for some sort of interface. There wasn't one. The storm outside churned and roiled, striking every inch of the city with bolts of pure energy.

Pip grimaced and looked out upon the dark storm and back at the glowing obelisk.

"Luna... I'm sorry... Dinky... I love you... so much..."

He turned and leaped into the heart of the equipment, before everything faded to white.

Author's Note:

Woo!  Another chapter of "Tales of Chicacolt" finished.  This chapter was dedicated to telling a story about Pipsqueak, gallant agent of Luna in her Majesty's Service.  On the Last Day, this brave young stallion gave his life to save his beloved.  It was also a loving tribute to the Bond universe and it's various tropes.

Whatever became of Dinky?  We may yet find out in a future ToC chapter.  As for Pip, well... I've considered delving outside of FoE and coming up with a series unrelated to this timeline using Pip in his Bond-esque role.  It would be a lot of fun, I think to see where we could take it.

As for the cast of characters in this, myself, Wire, and McMesser decided very early on before the first words ever got put to screen who would be who.  So in true film credit style...

- Pipsqueak (James Bond)
- Luna (M)
- Twist (Moneypenny)
- Donut Joe (Q)
- Dinky Doo (The Bond Girl)
- Chowder (The Maniacal Bad Guy)

This was a ton of fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed it.  Also, the song sung by Dinky is appropriately "For Your Eyes Only" as sung by Sheena Easton for the Bond film of the same name.

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