• Member Since 26th May, 2012
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Sereg


Sequels1

T

This story is a sequel to More than Forty Blinks


Zecora has warned Star Swirl the 147th not to visit her homeland, but the alure of so many races weilding so many types of magic has made Zebrica too promising a location for Star Swirl's first trip out of Equestria. Why does Zecora fear for this trip? What secrets does the King of the zebras hold? Story three of the Truthseekerverse, but probably possible to read before the others.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 56 )

Couldn't Zecora or ANYONE of told her that 'political instability' and Zebrica go hoof in hoof and is one of the reasons Zecora LEFT in the first place?

She might have come up with a better rhyme, but Star Swirl did not give her time.

a real earth pony

Oh boy, one of those people. :facehoof:

As for Zaka, anyone who uses that many adverbs can't be up to anything good.

2767215 You're very close, but the situation is a bit more complicated than that. Very few in Equestria know what things are like in Zebrica at the moment. Zecora doesn't really want to draw attention to the fact that she's more of a refugee than a visitor, especially seeing as though she's legally only a visitor. She'd have made that sacrifice, but by that time, Star was already in Canterlot (her parents still live there after all). The Princesses know about Zebrica, but while Star Swirl knows them, she doesn't exactly just pop in to chat with them.

2774475 People's reactions to Safety have been fun to watch.:trollestia:

As for Zaka, I though his speech would be easier than Zecora's. I WAS SO WRONG!:fluttershyouch::applecry: Using excessive adverbs was just the easiest way to match his speech quirk (alliteration is HARD).

Of course the real fun begins with Zaida's Haiku talk.:fluttershbad:

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Haiku talk? I have a feeling that you're gonna regret that decision. :twilightoops:

Hmn. Between the timing of the visit and the color scheme of the royal zebras, I'm going to guess that whatever happened with Zaida has something to do with Dash's first rainboom.

Okay, normally prefer getting into a story when it's done, but while it's writing has bonuses too. Plus, I have several avenues to bug you to get it finished.

Ohhh airship travel. but.. Cape of Good Hoof? :facehoof:

Okay like the starting with her arriving, then flashing back to why she's there, it does work well. but.. that flashback. You're told it's not safe, and just say "even more reason to go"? Without even finding out WHY it's dangerous? Same for Zecora, if your vague hen yeah, ponies will have issues believing you, give specifics, WHY is it dangerous.... granted she didn't have much time, but still, Starswirl.. no.. bad pony.

okay.. that entire fashion paragraph.. I'm.. I can barely see straight to type.. with all the laughing... that.. that was EPICALLY hilarious...I... I need a moment to.. calm down after that...

Okay.. better, though still hilarious. Really liked it, first her clear fan-fillying over the Mane 6 is still evident. her "knowledge" of fashion is also great, and, and, the entire bell gag.. just, every entry gets better, and better, and then, that ending.. okay, I, I think maybe I should stop reading now, you, you can't top that, that was freaking BRILLIANT!

Being greeted by armed guards, in battered, obviously used armor.... Nope,no ill boding here.

Yeah, I'm not liking this mayor. Really he's making me think of Stable 101 before Redeye took over. No, not liking him at all. (Asa pony, not as a character.)

And yeah agreeing with her, calling Equestrian ponies "weak" because they don't have access to something that is a natural part of where you are and not anything you actually created... yeah calling bullshit on that.

Not liking the 'dead zone' appellation, I know it'll get explained but, yeah really not liking the implications here is it's more then just him being a stuck up asshole.

Oh look, hostilities between the ponies and Zebra's. damnit it Starswirl this is why you RESEARCH places before going to them, ASK Zecora what the fuck she meant..

Also, that Zebra's speaking is really annoying. I can mostly get what he's saying but, really really hard to parse and just, yeah annoying...

Orange and green!? Wut?

Well then, Yeah, this is your own fault for not freaking listening to Zecora dumbass.

Well overall, looking like a good start. This being me, I'd still say could slow down the pacing, spread things out a bit more, take more time for buildup, scene setting, little details but.. that's just case I prefer slower paced stories overall. Outside that, yeah much MUCH better at the pacing, really no issues I could feel, just, well personal preference. Plenty of set up, plenty of getting us interested in the story and wondering what's going on, while given little clues and hints of possibilities. Great start, now make sure you finish it.

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Okay, normally prefer getting into a story when it's done, but while it's writing has bonuses too.

You're reading uncompleted stories again and you choose one of MINE! :pinkiegasp::twilightblush::yay:

That's a real honour.

Plus, one step closer to getting you to try Harmony Theory (At LEAST try The Archer and the Smith. It's finished at least.)

Plus, I have several avenues to bug you to get it finished.

Of course, there's that too.:twilightblush:

Ohhh airship travel. but.. Cape of Good Hoof?

Can't all be winners.:twilightblush::rainbowwild::trollestia:

Okay like the starting with her arriving, then flashing back to why she's there, it does work well. but.. that flashback. You're told it's not safe, and just say "even more reason to go"? Without even finding out WHY it's dangerous? Same for Zecora, if your vague hen yeah, ponies will have issues believing you, give specifics, WHY is it dangerous.... granted she didn't have much time, but still, Starswirl.. no.. bad pony.

Star Swirl's stubbornness is meant to rival Applejack's. And she's not that into this "caution" thing either.

Zecora is a bit relutant to go into details, but she would have if she had the chance.

okay.. that entire fashion paragraph.. I'm.. I can barely see straight to type.. with all the laughing... that.. that was EPICALLY hilarious...I... I need a moment to.. calm down after that...


Okay.. better, though still hilarious. Really liked it, first her clear fan-fillying over the Mane 6 is still evident. her "knowledge" of fashion is also great, and, and, the entire bell gag.. just, every entry gets better, and better, and then, that ending.. okay, I, I think maybe I should stop reading now, you, you can't top that, that was freaking BRILLIANT!

Thank you. I tried it out at the fanfic thread asking if it was too crude. They replied that it was too funny for them to care.

Yeah, I'm not liking this mayor. Really he's making me think of Stable 101 before Redeye took over. No, not liking him at all. (Asa pony, not as a character.)

I'm enjoying reactions to Safety and how they develop. I'll say that he's better than the Overmare of Stable 101 though.

And yeah agreeing with her, calling Equestrian ponies "weak" because they don't have access to something that is a natural part of where you are and not anything you actually created... yeah calling bullshit on that.

Honestly, it's less that they don't have ACCESS to it and more that they've never USED it and therefore never felt how powerful they truly can be. A small distinction, but one he'd consider important.

Not liking the 'dead zone' appellation, I know it'll get explained but, yeah really not liking the implications here is it's more then just him being a stuck up asshole.

I actually explain this in my group. "Dead zone" just means "place that requires magic for life". In the case of Equestria, their water cycle doesn't work and plants don't grow. At all. Ever. They need magic for such things.

Oh look, hostilities between the ponies and Zebra's. damnit it Starswirl this is why you RESEARCH places before going to them, ASK Zecora what the fuck she meant..

Actually, if you recall, she DID research it. The problem is that her research is more than ten years out of date.

Also, that Zebra's speaking is really annoying. I can mostly get what he's saying but, really really hard to parse and just, yeah annoying...

Sorry. I underestimated how hard that would be to work with.:twilightblush:Hopefully other quirks will be less grating.

Orange and green!? Wut?

I suppose they do clash a bit, Darling.:duck: Still, I SAID that these zebras had multitudes of colours.

Well overall, looking like a good start. This being me, I'd still say could slow down the pacing, spread things out a bit more, take more time for buildup, scene setting, little details but.. that's just case I prefer slower paced stories overall. Outside that, yeah much MUCH better at the pacing, really no issues I could feel, just, well personal preference. Plenty of set up, plenty of getting us interested in the story and wondering what's going on, while given little clues and hints of possibilities. Great start, now make sure you finish it.

Glad that my pacing is improving.

And hopefully you won't have too long to wait for the rest.

Hmmm, gotta hide her... that can't be good. Also, wait you saying all those animals are sentient? That ummm, doesn't quite work. General rule is any hoofed mammal. So deer, antelope, yeah, rhinos hippos and elephants, not so much, though your 'verse. But yeah rules on what animals can talk and which can't are weird.

"Have you tried whining?" ..... not.. enough... :facehoof: in the world.......

Slave labor too. Okay, I really have a hard time seeing Celestia allowing something like that to go on... unless she just doesn't know how bad it is, which just means the ponies here are being stubborn idiots. And given what I've seen, I could believe it. Okay so there is a reason but... yeah.. still doesn't seem right to me. I just don't see her letting it happen, no matter the political BS involved.

Also... Rainbow Zebra..... ooookay :derpyderp1:

Okay and guessing Starswirl will end up figuring out what caused him to change and getting him back to how he used to be. But, that size it's... yeah THAT big? How, how does that even work, and traveling.. NOTHING is made with a creature that size in mind.. getting anywhere... doing.. anything it's.. how? The physics are mind boggling... :twilightoops:

Okay even IF I could accept the political BS and some loophole of how those ponies choose to leave Equestria, choose to live there and so aren't under her authority, yadda yadda.. still don't agree she wouldn't do something.. but... Starswirl is a whole nother issue. She's still a full fledged citizen of Equestria, and a personal friend to the Princesses. Yeah........ go ahead and try to fuck to badly with her Zebras.

Hey, this really is a quest now, Starswirl's party even had their first random encounter.

OKay, some explanation for never seeing Earth Pony guards... also, so going with the Donkey's = ninja's thing? hehe, nice.

Okay, these springbok's sound weird and.. little unsure what the hell just happened that made one of the ponies almost sick.

Also... so, are we sure her virtue isn't curiosity? She nearly gives Li'lpip a run for her money in that department.

Okay if she travels ie impact crater all the time.. that can't be a good way to travel... also, hope she has good aim.

hhhnngg hehehe, 'pronk' :pinkiehappy:

Well, so far liking the antelopes more then the ponies here.

Actual grazing. You know, really do kind of wish we'd see ponies do that in the show.

"despite the major mode of locomotion making it look like a city of Pinkamena Diane Pies" ... that image.. the horror.. the fun.. the chaos... :pinkiecrazy:

More magical animals. Magic everywhere.... hope you brought enough notebooks, ink and quills there Star

Okay, ally in the Zebra court, good to know. Also.. if one tribe could fight back and win.. at least for a time.. then all together...

Awww cut out right before the good part..... :pinkiesad2:

Anyway, really nice so far. Still have issues with Celestia not doing anything. I get the reasons but.. just doesn't sit well with me. Even without directly fighting the Zebras over it, she should still be helping them as best she could... The whole deal is jsut.. wrong.. hurry up and write the rest of it so we know WTF is going on. :rainbowwild:

The Zebra king seems to big to be believable, i know magical talking equines, and THAT is the unbelievable part but, well from the WSD page.

"You can ask an audience to believe the impossible, but not the improbable."

Might just be me but, trying to work out how something like that works.. one creature THAT much bigger then the rest, with NOTHING built to accommodate someone his size.. and traveling the world..... sorry, I'm just over-thinking it. Still a great story, really well done, just, really want to know wha the hell is going on so I can understand it better... another issue with reading incomplete stories.. (Also why I prefer to do the full liveblog/reviews to finished stories I've read already, have better understanding of the whole thing.)

Pacing remains good. Other then the random lion encounter bit that felt a bit rushed and out of nowhere. And my previous statements about personal pacing preferences aside, really really good job on it. Now hurry up with the next chapter, plus the next stories after that. :twilightsmile:

Hmmm, gotta hide her... that can't be good. Also, wait you saying all those animals are sentient? That ummm, doesn't quite work. General rule is any hoofed mammal. So deer, antelope, yeah, rhinos hippos and elephants, not so much, though your 'verse. But yeah rules on what animals can talk and which can't are weird.

Yeah, I know. But I'm going "hoofed and their close relatives". Whuich results in the odd situatuan of including whales and hyraxes (or dasies as we call them here). Also, as the myth is believed to have devoloped with the arrival of cattle, bunyips as well. They're the only things hardcore enogh to be native to Oxtralia.

Slave labor too. Okay, I really have a hard time seeing Celestia allowing something like that to go on... unless she just doesn't know how bad it is, which just means the ponies here are being stubborn idiots. And given what I've seen, I could believe it. Okay so there is a reason but... yeah.. still doesn't seem right to me. I just don't see her letting it happen, no matter the political BS involved.

Well, she's defied the Cosmic Council before. With Sombra.

But A: That caused MASSIVE headaches.

B: The Crystal Empire was much more significant in its influence on her own realm.

C: What's she suposed to do? Swoop in and rescue them? Zaida would then be allowed to retaliate and he might WIN. (Okay, so she could bring backup, which would basically make that unlikely, but then she'd have multiple members of the Council against her, some of which are FAR more powerful than she is. And she does NOT want to cause another Cosmic War. She's participated in three of them (more than anyone else excluding Luna) if you count Nightmare Moon (four if you count Chrysalis, but that was a bit short to count) and she knows that not only were they all BAD, they were all still better than the ones before.

Also... Rainbow Zebra..... ooookay

You saw the cover picture, right? I'm not very good, but that's a rough impression of him.

Okay and guessing Starswirl will end up figuring out what caused him to change and getting him back to how he used to be. But, that size it's... yeah THAT big? How, how does that even work, and traveling.. NOTHING is made with a creature that size in mind.. getting anywhere... doing.. anything it's.. how? The physics are mind boggling...

*cough*elephants*cough*dragons*cough*

Okay even IF I could accept the political BS and some loophole of how those ponies choose to leave Equestria, choose to live there and so aren't under her authority, yadda yadda.. still don't agree she wouldn't do something.. but... Starswirl is a whole nother issue. She's still a full fledged citizen of Equestria, and a personal friend to the Princesses. Yeah........ go ahead and try to fuck to badly with her Zebras.

Well, yeah. THAT might be more of a problem for them.

Hey, this really is a quest now, Starswirl's party even had their first random encounter.

I'll be honest. "Random encounter" was exactly what I had in mind.

OKay, some explanation for never seeing Earth Pony guards... also, so going with the Donkey's = ninja's thing? hehe, nice.

Basically. They're also mostly diplomats, but that's irrelevant here.

Okay, these springbok's sound weird and.. little unsure what the hell just happened that made one of the ponies almost sick.

A significant portion of springbok magic involves changing the size, shape, position and consistency of their muscles, bones and internal organs. It looks WEIRD to the squeamish.

Also... so, are we sure her virtue isn't curiosity? She nearly gives Li'lpip a run for her money in that department.

Curiosity was decidedly NOT a virtue in FOE, though yes. Star Swirl is certainly similar. Ironically more so since the start of the series. I've always said that if Star bore an Element, it would be Honesty.

Okay if she travels ie impact crater all the time.. that can't be a good way to travel... also, hope she has good aim.

Only when she's in "leaping tall buildings in a single bound" mode.

Well, so far liking the antelopes more then the ponies here.

Well, glad you like THEM at least. Zebrica's meant to be a bit less idealistic than Equestria, but still idealistic enough to look like part of the same world.

Okay, ally in the Zebra court, good to know. Also.. if one tribe could fight back and win.. at least for a time.. then all together...

They have their reasons to fear the zebras.

Anyway, really nice so far. Still have issues with Celestia not doing anything. I get the reasons but.. just doesn't sit well with me. Even without directly fighting the Zebras over it, she should still be helping them as best she could...

Oh, she's DECIDEDLY not neutral in this conflict. Zaida is well aware of what she thinks of him. Aid, sanctions, yelling in council meetings, political passive-agressiveness, etc. is all going on.

The whole deal is jsut.. wrong.. hurry up and write the rest of it so we know WTF is going on.

Confused readers are such fun! :trollestia: You'll get your explanation. I wonder how many accurate and inaccurate guesses there will be first.

The Zebra king seems to big to be believable, i know magical talking equines, and THAT is the unbelievable part but, well from the WSD page.

"You can ask an audience to believe the impossible, but not the improbable."

Might just be me but, trying to work out how something like that works.. one creature THAT much bigger then the rest, with NOTHING built to accommodate someone his size.. and traveling the world..... sorry, I'm just over-thinking it.

Zaida is considered to be more magically diverse than CELESTIA (she's stronger, faster and tougher, so she edges out a bit, but still), do you really think that Celestia will have a problem going somewhere too small for her if she REALLY wants to?

Still a great story, really well done, just, really want to know wha the hell is going on so I can understand it better... another issue with reading incomplete stories.. (Also why I prefer to do the full liveblog/reviews to finished stories I've read already, have better understanding of the whole thing.)

I get that. But live reactions are fun to watch too.

Pacing remains good.

Good.

Other then the random lion encounter bit that felt a bit rushed and out of nowhere.

:twilightblush:Point.

And my previous statements about personal pacing preferences aside, really really good job on it. Now hurry up with the next chapter, plus the next stories after that.

Next chapter shouldn't be too much longer. Doing the finicky final editting.

Chapter after that is probably a little under halfway written. Thinking seven chapters is most likely.

Story after this is nearing the end of its first chapter too.

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Well, few things. On the springbok's, I did get the general idea of what you were going for with the squik-ness just, it wasn't really well conveyed IMO. Sometimes it is better to leave things to the readers imagination, but you gotta give them at least a basic framework to work with. Just, could have used a bit more detail in that scene to really convey how... wrong...squiky... whatever word... it looked to them.

Well, given she's got Luna, Cadance, and the Elements on her side at least... yeah I'd bet on her. Though I think half the issue with her not doing anything, is all the reasons you have for her not doing so do make sense, but they aren't made clear in story. Granted odds are nopony involved knows about these things, but without the in story knowledge of all this behind the scenes stuff, it just doesn't feel right for her to not be doing anything, for seemingly no good reason.

As to the king's size.. I know it's a minor nitpik just, something that really stood out to me, as to the dragons and elephants.. well we haven't seen those yet, and doubt they'd really be able to live in a non-elephant area just due to size issues. Dragons, all live in huge ass caves of on their own.. going to be interesting for Spike when he gets older.... I mean, using magic to shrink, works fine. Though still leaves the question of why the hell is he so much bigger then average in the first place... I know I know, just some random thing that I got hung up on.

I don't really dis-like the ponies, just, don't really like them all that much either. Mostly the bad mouthing and condescending attitude towards the rest of the ponies. And again, that's in story dislike, not out of story.

As to complete versus incomplete.. another thing for reading bfeore the are done, and really the main reason I wanted to start reading this now. Is to help the author out, give feedback and what not about things that do/don't work to try and help them improve the story as they go, address plot holes they may have missed earlier, see when something might not have come across right etc...

But once again this story is overall really really good, and your biggest issue with the last two, pacing, you have made HUGE improvements on. Pretty much any griping, complaint etc.. is just constructive criticism to point out little things that maybe could be done a bit better etc... but overall, really REALLY great job so far.

Also.. wait the Zebra in the header image s the King... he's wearing a really really weird hat.... HE'S BEING CONTROLLED BY A BRAIN SLUG! THE HAT IS JUST TO CONCEAL IT! HA, figured it out!

Well, few things. On the springbok's, I did get the general idea of what you were going for with the squik-ness just, it wasn't really well conveyed IMO. Sometimes it is better to leave things to the readers imagination, but you gotta give them at least a basic framework to work with. Just, could have used a bit more detail in that scene to really convey how... wrong...squiky... whatever word... it looked to them.

Hmmmm... Okay. I'll bear that in mind for chapter ... sixish?

Well, given she's got Luna, Cadance, and the Elements on her side at least... yeah I'd bet on her.

Yeah, THAT would likely be a bit of a stomp.

A really UGLY one though and THAT is part of the problem. It's likely to encourage escalatory retaliation.

Though I think half the issue with her not doing anything, is all the reasons you have for her not doing so do make sense, but they aren't made clear in story. Granted odds are nopony involved knows about these things, but without the in story knowledge of all this behind the scenes stuff, it just doesn't feel right for her to not be doing anything, for seemingly no good reason.

Maybe I can fix that a bit in chapter five.

As to the king's size.. I know it's a minor nitpik just, something that really stood out to me, as to the dragons and elephants.. well we haven't seen those yet, and doubt they'd really be able to live in a non-elephant area just due to size issues. Dragons, all live in huge ass caves of on their own.. going to be interesting for Spike when he gets older.... I mean, using magic to shrink, works fine. Though still leaves the question of why the hell is he so much bigger then average in the first place... I know I know, just some random thing that I got hung up on.

He's huge for EXACTLY the same reason that Celestia is huge. Except the average zebra is much bigger than the average pony. (Zecora is a plains zebra, which is their smallest tribe.)

I don't really dis-like the ponies, just, don't really like them all that much either. Mostly the bad mouthing and condescending attitude towards the rest of the ponies. And again, that's in story dislike, not out of story.

Fair enough.

As to complete versus incomplete.. another thing for reading bfeore the are done, and really the main reason I wanted to start reading this now. Is to help the author out, give feedback and what not about things that do/don't work to try and help them improve the story as they go, address plot holes they may have missed earlier, see when something might not have come across right etc...

Oh, and I really appreciate it. I KNOW that my fics are all better than they would have been without feedback.

But once again this story is overall really really good, and your biggest issue with the last two, pacing, you have made HUGE improvements on. Pretty much any griping, complaint etc.. is just constructive criticism to point out little things that maybe could be done a bit better etc... but overall, really REALLY great job so far.

So... keep up the good work and this might earn a higher rating than AEPGTM?:duck:

Also.. wait the Zebra in the header image s the King... he's wearing a really really weird hat.... HE'S BEING CONTROLLED BY A BRAIN SLUG! THE HAT IS JUST TO CONCEAL IT! HA, figured it out!

I will neither confirm nor deny that that completely awesome thing is happening.

(Seriously. I'm being really tight-lipped about this one. Some of the spoilers are a much bigger deal than in the previous two.)

I'd just like to say that the mental image of Star Swirl geeking out about her new doll is absolutely adorable. :twilightsmile:

OHHH Sweet new chapter already:twilightsmile:

Well so far the performance seems interesting. Decent job describing it, though, didn't really feel it. IDK, good job though. Oh till this line

Star Swirl’s skin tingled and her nostrils filled with the scent of a busy weather patrol.

That, that was pretty damn amazing. Really, took me a second to reread it and really get it. That, that is such a perfect way to describe how a pony would think about that sort of thing. So simple yet, so great.

her head dared about to take in the entire scene.

typo?

So, they can control the weather, and are afraid of the Zebra's... granted odds are they don't have quite the control a pegasus does, so no precision guided thunderclouds, but still. Anyway, yeah great scene.

Wow, getting descriptive. though, "whitewashed walls of mud." If the building are made of mud/dirt then.. shouldn't they like, melt everytime it rains?

“I’ve heard about a bit about what

Nother typo, one to many abouts

So is the Cosmic Council just something everypony knows about and so doesn't need explained to them? You've added plenty of hints in before, decent set ups, done a good job of building it up in the background but, this story it's a lot more important and up front, would be nice to get some better in story explanation of exactly what it is and how it works and all now hat it's a major deal.

I mean, how it's been til now, the occasional reference by Celestia or Luna, the stuff in the backstory of Conformity, that was all great and you really got a feel for kind of the idea of the council. And the didn't really need it explained more, or wasn't really a reason TO explain more at the time. But now, having her just casually mention it to Starswirl like it's nothing special, while the reader is still left with only a vague idea, and the characters are treating as something that doesn't need any explanation. Could really use some definitive in story info on it soon.

But, the descriptions of how magic works, always good. Though, feels a bit brief. Gives a good overview but, would really love more details.But long as this is just the summary and she gets much much more detail before actually writing that book, it works for the story.

“That’s a lot of Star Swirls!”

I chuckled

Besides, if Safety really thought one of his ponies could take me on, don’t you think he’d rather send them after Zaida? I’m actually enjoying the fact that I’m getting some decent attention from a member of another tribe for the first time in a decade.”

Implying she considers herself nearly on par with him, if somepony able to be a threat to her might be a threat to him. Also, nice to have a really believable and just understandable reason for her to be so open and friendly so quickly.

...............................................

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Okay, that... that was to damn funny... yes she is so damn adorable when she's in full geek out mode....

Grogar? Hmmm, Not sure if Noodle Incident, or foreshadowing....

Ohhhh time to talk about Plutonia :raritystarry: though, is she really that well known in verse? Also, more about that damn noodle incident where she messed up. Hmmm, going to explain eventually, to leave it vague?

Okay.. that color scheme... that hat... Rarity would have a fit if she ever saw him... :raritydespair:There's a solution, just ship her to meet him, sure she'll beat him into submission in no time, just to force him to wear something different. :raritywink:

Hmmm, not a fan of nomral-ish cutie marks for the Zebra's. Like the way FOE did them, Glyphmarks, just, felt more unique. Different from ponies, yet still similar enough, this... just seems to identical, doesn't really give them there own thing.

Oh... this is not good.... :twilightoops: Damnit you *(&^)^&(^) cliffhangers. Granted, ot QUITE big enough for cliffhanger but, still.... Now the second biggest reason I don't like reading fics in progress.. the waiting. (First being the chance of them never being finished.)

Anyway, really nothing more to say. Stories still going just as strong, pacing remains good, if anything it's even slowed down a bit. Personally would have liked more detail on how the magic works, but that's cause I love getting all the details on stuff like that. Story did give enough as it was. So.. yeah Nothing new beyond what I've already said. Great job still, can't wait for more.

Oh and on the Author's note. SQUEE I got mentioned :pinkiehappy:

Yeah translation convention is MORE then fine. No need to do it otherwise. Though, noted no odd speech patterns with the Zebras now that I think about it. Turning out to be to big an issue, or is it some quirk that only pops up when they speak Equestrian? Or, did they HAVE the quirks, they just didn't translate over, but would have been there if we were listening to them without the translation?

3100501 Thank you! I was hoping that'd be liked!

3101615

Well so far the performance seems interesting. Decent job describing it, though, didn't really feel it. IDK, good job though.

Writing dance is hard.

That, that was pretty damn amazing. Really, took me a second to reread it and really get it. That, that is such a perfect way to describe how a pony would think about that sort of thing. So simple yet, so great.

It was hard work coming up with that line, so I'm glad it was worth it.

typo?

Yes. "darted". Fixed.

[quot]So, they can control the weather, and are afraid of the Zebra's... granted odds are they don't have quite the control a pegasus does, so no precision guided thunderclouds, but still. Anyway, yeah great scene.Yeah, pegasi are better at it. As for the zebras ... JT has seen what they can do and has actually told me to tone down how powerful they are. (He has a point. That was a little too Worf Effect. I'll fix that.)

Wow, getting descriptive. though, "whitewashed walls of mud." If the building are made of mud/dirt then.. shouldn't they like, melt everytime it rains?

Yeah. That had to be dragged out of me. I had to be reminded that most of my audience doesn't think "home" when they think "Africa" and so need some decent description.

As for the mud, not once it's been treated.

Nother typo, one to many abouts

Aaaaand fixed.

So is the Cosmic Council just something everypony knows about and so doesn't need explained to them? You've added plenty of hints in before, decent set ups, done a good job of building it up in the background but, this story it's a lot more important and up front, would be nice to get some better in story explanation of exactly what it is and how it works and all now hat it's a major deal.

I mean, how it's been til now, the occasional reference by Celestia or Luna, the stuff in the backstory of Conformity, that was all great and you really got a feel for kind of the idea of the council. And the didn't really need it explained more, or wasn't really a reason TO explain more at the time. But now, having her just casually mention it to Starswirl like it's nothing special, while the reader is still left with only a vague idea, and the characters are treating as something that doesn't need any explanation. Could really use some definitive in story info on it soon.

... Should I have a council scene? ... Might be worth it. Could probably fit it in near the end of chapter six. Just before [SPOILAZ REDACTED].

Anyway, the Cosmic Council are basically a rough equivalent to a pantheon/the UN/the collected world leaders.

That they EXIST is common knowledge. But, just as the real world average joe can only name a few world presidents, most only know a few members. All alicorns, draconequii, rainbow zebras, glimmering springboks, evergreen deer, golden-hooved cattle, precious-coated sheep, greater dragons, luvlions, diamond wolves, acromantulas, hive monarchs, great white buffalo, white elephants, dons, etc. are members.

They are NOT cohesive though.

But, the descriptions of how magic works, always good. Though, feels a bit brief. Gives a good overview but, would really love more details.But long as this is just the summary and she gets much much more detail before actually writing that book, it works for the story.

Yeah. Star Swirl's writing a textbook, but I'm not. I'm writing about th adventures she had while doing so.

Implying she considers herself nearly on par with him,

Well, close enough. Very roughly about Luna-level.

Okay, that... that was to damn funny... yes she is so damn adorable when she's in full geek out mode....

Was hoping that'd be appreciated.

Grogar? Hmmm, Not sure if Noodle Incident, or foreshadowing....

G1 villian. Look him up. Though, I MAY bring him back at some point. It could be pretty cool.

Ohhhh time to talk about Plutonia though, is she really that well known in verse?

Depends what you mean by that. It's common knowledge that an alicorn of death exists, but beyond that, not really.

Also, more about that damn noodle incident where she messed up. Hmmm, going to explain eventually, to leave it vague?

Undecided. Could be worth getting into in the A Debt to the Stars as Pluto is a far more important character there and that incident will have a major effect on her reactions in the fic.

Okay.. that color scheme... that hat... Rarity would have a fit if she ever saw him... There's a solution, just ship her to meet him, sure she'll beat him into submission in no time, just to force him to wear something different.

:rainbowlaugh:

This fic was heavily inspired by the parody German comic about King Zebra. The hat was brought in for that reason. Te dea was that the comic was the vague instructions given by Hasbro and the writers made two stories out of it. One of which was A Canterlot Wedding. The other was this.

Hmmm, not a fan of nomral-ish cutie marks for the Zebra's. Like the way FOE did them, Glyphmarks, just, felt more unique. Different from ponies, yet still similar enough, this... just seems to identical, doesn't really give them there own thing.

And FOE was another source of inspiration. I would have called them glyphmarks if it weren't for the official cards calling what Zecora has a cutie mark. Yes, they've been wrong before, but they're the closest thing we have to canon on this at this point.

Oh... this is not good.... Damnit you *(&^)^&(^) cliffhangers. Granted, ot QUITE big enough for cliffhanger but, still.... Now the second biggest reason I don't like reading fics in progress.. the waiting. (First being the chance of them never being finished.)

Go and read The Archer and the Smith (it's finished) while you are waiting. Then come back and tell me how awesome I am for introducing you to it.

Also, chapter 4 is about two thirds of the way through the first draft. So hopefully you won't have to wait forever.

Anyway, really nothing more to say. Stories still going just as strong, pacing remains good, if anything it's even slowed down a bit. Personally would have liked more detail on how the magic works, but that's cause I love getting all the details on stuff like that. Story did give enough as it was. So.. yeah Nothing new beyond what I've already said. Great job still, can't wait for more.

Good. But as much as I love worldbuilding, the plot comes first and it's time for it to get moving.

3101654 Well, quirks don't cross translation, but yes, they don't use quirks when speaking Zebrish. And they often have sepperate quirks for different languages as some don't work in combination with certain languages. English is actually one of the easier languages to speak in quirks with due to its ENORMOUS lexicon and the fact that their are a few legal word orders for each sentence. Lojban might be the easiest though.

Still, yes. The quirks are REALLY difficult and yes, they are making me mmake decisions based on what would be easier to write. Next chapter has Zembea speaking a lot more than Zaka largely because his quirk is much easier to write.

I really love the non-pony magical race world building, especially the cattle and bells. Can't wait to see what you have the zebras being capable of.

I'd love to see a council scene.

3120740 Honestly, I drew a lot from Titanomarchy for the bells. Of course, Titanomarchy is otherwise very different, but still.

As for a Council scene, I believe that I can arrange that.

New varieties of magic everywhere! I'm right there with Star Swirl and her drooling.

Heh great chapter, nice set up, and plenty of hits and teases about what's going on. Kind of wish I wasn't reading these as you wrote them and helping with editing, just so I could go through and do one of the point by point liveblog type things of it.

But, great chapter, great worldbuilding, and can't wait for more.

Let this situation escalate too much and, well, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have defied the Council to overthrow a slaver before and as much as that was a headache for all involved, even Princess Celestia’s legendary patience is not limitless.

Sombra, I assume?

I love the solar system model. So below, so above, eh?

3320286 Yes on both counts.

Glad that you liked it.

Huh, didn't see that coming.

Okay, something bugs me about the Cosmic Council. Their purpose is to prevent war or interference between the various territories. I get that. But then Zaida holds one of Celestia's citizens hostage and they come down on Celestia for trying to get her citizen back. Are these people stupid? :ajbemused:

Who are you planning on recruiting to your little alliance next, Celestia!? Tell us! Who!?

Discord,” replied Celestia.

Hah!

Love the Council meeting, so many deities! :twilightsmile: (Watch out, Twilight, you are going to get to become more familiar with them than you ever expected. :twilightoops:)

Changeling ooze? Uh oh. Looks like Canterlot wasn't Chrysalis' first foreign adventure.

I smell a setup. A changling has taken over the Zebra kingdom and is using it to create the setup for conflict between them and Equestria, drawing everyone else in.

Maybe these changlings live off general emotions, such as hate, fear etc.

So, we got their scared of Discord, certainly, no mention of Pinkie, Twilicorn, or The Doctor is sitting out on this one?

Dont mind me, Ill just be over here working on upgrading the wizards disk, to not needing the disk. :pinkiecrazy:

3379565 This is the logic: Star Swirl was in Zaida's territory. What he does in his terriory is HIS business. If Celestia wants to get her citizen back, that's fine, as long as she doesn't actually start a war.

But the Council doesn't actually work perfectly anyway. Everyone has their own agendas.

And Noa is far from unbiased (and she does NOT like Celestia).

3379585

Hah!

I hoped that that would be liked.

Love the Council meeting,

Yay!

so many deities!

About 140 at the moment. It fluctuates. But they don't all consider themselves deities.

(Watch out, Twilight, you are going to get to become more familiar with them than you ever expected. )

Yeah. That'll be fun.:trollestia:

Changeling ooze? Uh oh. Looks like Canterlot wasn't Chrysalis' first foreign adventure.

:eeyup:

3379679 Twilicorn hasn't happened yet.

As for the rest, well, you'll see.

3379565 See the league of nations just before WWII

“Pandemonium of Pandora”

Can't help but Imagine there might be three more.
"Confusion"
"Disagreement"
and Pinkies patron "Looney Tunes"

“Oh, Star Swirl,” said Cadance as she lowered her head. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

Star Swirl is like a living monkey wrench, she is one of my favorite O.C.'s.

And I see what you did there with Pinocchio.

3380688

Can't help but Imagine there might be three more.

"Confusion"

"Disagreement"

Sure, why not?

and Pinkies patron "Looney Tunes"

:rainbowlaugh:

“Oh, Star Swirl,” said Cadance as she lowered her head. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

Star Swirl is like a living monkey wrench, she is one of my favorite O.C.'s.

:yay:

And I see what you did there with Pinocchio.

:rainbowhuh: I didn't make an INTENTIONAL reff to Pinocchio. (Probably put it there unconciously.) Where is it?

3379805 The Cosmic Council is actually an even bigger failure than the League of Nations. There have been FOUR world wars since its inception.

3382023
Oh shoot. I should've read that more carefully before I posted.
I meant Rudolph. That will teach me to post while I'm watching TV.

You repeated star Swirl's big reveal and why you suck speech to the villain almost verbatim when zuri showed up. That should probably be fixed since it reads so clumsily. Add some variety or maybe save most of the explanation and especially that part about the tyrant for zuri.

3537288 You know what? You're right. It was clumsy. That's what happens when you decide to move something and don't properly fix what's left behind. Forgive me. I was tired of not releasing anything for so long. I'll have to go back and fix it once I've recovered. Needs to be toned down to a sympathetic explanation. But I need a break from zebra speech. :raritycry: I hope the rest was less dissapointing and you enjoy the next in the series (it's up).

3537349 Never said it was disappointing. It's not. I'm patient so I don't mind that it took so long (not that it did, others don't update for half a year and I have to reread the story to get what's going on)and thanks for telling me your next story's up.

Alright, chapter first. Pretty good. A few places that might have been better served by being expanded on. Mostly the scene where Star convinces Zuri to go look, the she's telling the truth. And the Council scene. Though that last one might just be because I freaking love those scenes and just plain want to see more of them.

Nice twist at the end. it's one that anyone could have seen coming, without being completely blatant. It makes perfect sense, but isn't so heavily foreshadowed that it gives it away.

As to 3537288 Meh, I get what you are saying but, it works. It makes sense for it to be that way, first one is her learning it, figuring it out, second is her telling Zuri. Both are needed, only other thing you could do is just replace it with "Starswirl told Zuri about his plans" As long as there is a legitimate, in story reason for something, I'm far more likely to let it pass if it makes less sense out of story.

Story overall, really really good. Would have to re-read it all beginning to end to really give a detailed idea but, overall, pacing wad still a tad rushed, still could have used slowing down to simply explore the setting and characters more, but it wasn't horrible either. About on par with Earth Pony's Guide. At least on a technical aspect.

As to the actual story itself, DAMN that was really good. Plenty of suspense, build up, mystery, and really really well done. Enough hints that everything makes sense and works well together. After the end, you look back and all the pieces fit in. Yet like the ending, not enough to make it completely obvious what was going on. So yeah another great story, can't wait to get to the next one.

Oh and, helping with the pre reading and editing makes going over the latte chapters weird for me, knowing what I helped with, seeing every draft of it, giving my ideas while it's still in production, then reading it and trying to just look a it normal, really new thing.

And one last bit

Still, if she kills anyone else, let us know, Plutonia, and we’ll ambush her.

I love the line so much, I don't know why but, it's just so hilarious to me.

Illusionist, manipulation, changelings. Always fun to try and work things out to try and deal with them.

And so the saga of Starswirl continues.

“But know this: Zebrica will belong to my Queen of Lies and her changelings and I will rule it as King.”
Zaka punched him in the eye. He skidded along the floor while Zaka continued to shake and grit his teeth.

I very nearly stood up and cheered at that.

“I heard that she sought a title for herself, like that of her ancestor, ‘the Bearded’. My response, in gratitude, is that among the zebras, she shall be known as ‘Star Swirl the Truthseeker’, as it would be wrong of us to forget what she has done.”

Nice.

“I don’t think that we need to have long–term concerns,” said Celestia. “I have a candidate in mind for his seat.”

Hahaha! :twilightblush::trollestia:

3537982

I very nearly stood up and cheered at that.

Oooh! Guess that you were a bit dissapointed by the epilogue?

3539800 Slightly, but it's not a big surprise to see someone in bed with shapeshifters be able to escape like that.

so, I finally came around to read ths and i noticed something that got me a little curious: Umoya.
A little while back i came across a photoset of the n3k studios, featuring a few of the african orishas (gods and goddesses) and i read a little into it. one of them was called Oya, sadly she's the only one i really remember, but she was among other things described as the warrior goddess of the wind and as a strong sorcerres. is it mere coincidence that Umoya has such similair name and characteristics or was ithat planned? I'm kinda curious.

(Sorry if you've answered that already. I'm on my phone and can't really read the comments, sry^^)

3555174 Ha! Thanks for that! That brings back memories. I once played Orunmila in a play, but thought he was a woman!:rainbowlaugh: There may have been some subconcious influence, but I just translated the names I wanted in most cases. Though there were complications of course, like restrictions on zebra names and the fct that many Cosmics are reffs to other things. Umoya is Zulu for "air". Makes sense though. A bit of a happy coincidence.

An elephant.

Who uses a magic feather.

To fly.

:trollestia::moustache::rainbowlaugh:

“My kittens are beings of love. Her kind feeds on love. It is only natural for them to feed on us. It is the circle of life.” He lifted his paws into the air.

The Disney is strong with this one. :ajsmug:

4283976 Technically the feather isn't magic except when being held by an elephant. It's still the elephant's magic. They just need a focus.

4311623 :rainbowlaugh: Yeah. That was the inspiration, but they actually do need a feather. It's just a focus though.

a pink, bipedal lion with a heart on his stomach

Oh God...

img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121013033924/carebears/images/2/27/Brave_Heart_1.png

:facehoof:

Braveheart had a name change on ascension, then? :trollestia:

I never seem to have anything to say about this series...

But I thought I'd throw out this half-assed comment to say that I enjoyed the ride once more, even if I can't think up anything much to comment proper on. :twilightsmile:

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