• Member Since 11th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 21st, 2016

Derpylicious


E
Source

when rainbow dash moves schools and makes friends with two amazing filly's, she feels right at home and thinks that her life is perfect, but what will happen when one of the filly's wants to be more than friends?

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 16 )

Wow. :facehoof:

This has Self Insert written all over it.

Things do jump a little bit, it is hard to understand what is happening because u do not deskribe the moments enough

I would give this a 4/5 for this story, thank you for giving me something to read for the next ten minuets. :twilightsmile:
:yay:
Have a plushey :derpytongue2:

I agree with "TheaterCritic", especially knowing that Orchid is your fillyfriend's OC. Otherwise, describe things a little more, this can become a great fiction.:twilightblush:
The name can be "Rainbow's Year With Orchid"; or something along that line... :moustache:

2769649 (also my Ex-girlfriends OC is called white sand...I just got the name from her username, I think it is pretty)

2770408 wait..sorry, I am a little ditzy I dont really know what you are trying to say.

please start describing the moment more, I feel like i never know what's going on.:facehoof:

Plus please check your spelling, maybe get an editor.

What? Ah don't get it. this is so confusing... :facehoof:

2775222 what do you not get? (I am sorry if I rush to much in writing)

2775295
It makes sense but you should practice describing the moment more, where were they? what were they doing? give elaborate detail when writing and you'll notice that your chapters get longer and more people want to read. Hope i helped!

2776248 ok! thanks for the advice!

2780473 Yeah if you'll just start making longer chapters this'll be great! but 200 word chapters just aren't long enough.

2780810 to be fair to me that one was just a explanation chapter and I didn't know how to get it into another chapter.

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