Chapter 30- Finale
The Spring
Spring break was upon Canterlot High and all of the girls were chatting about what the activities they were all going to do were. Sunset suggested they go to the beach first thing which they all agreed. Upon exiting school they all froze when they noticed two things. Twilight was leaning against the statue smiling and Cryptic Scribe was sitting on the pedestal itself. Seeing both of their friends brought smiles to their faces. In Sunset’s case it brought a smile and tears to her eyes. Scribe jumped down as she ran to meet him and they embraced in a hug.
*
She stared at my smiling face, “How did…why did.”
I shushed her, “Protector of The Algorithm remember? I can do a lot of things, with Celestia’s say so of course.”
Twilight nodded, “The portal can now only open on the first of a new month, then once more at the end.”
Sunset thought on this, “That actually is a pretty good decision. But what if-“
Twilight placed a hand on my shoulder, “Myself and the Princesses can contact him in the event something goes wrong.”
I grinned as I examined my finger nails, “Plus I might have added an extra feature to the portal for people that go onto the Equestrian side.”
Sunset was alight with glee, “You mean?”
I nodded, “I make a damn good looking pegasus.”
She thought for a second, “Twilight what time was it when you both came through just now?”
Twilight thought on the question, “Almost sunrise, why?”
Sunset grabbed my arm, “Come on you!”
I yelled over my shoulder, “Don’t wait up!”
Rarity yelled after us, “Show her a good time!”
Pinkie Pie yelled, “Come back quick!”
Rainbow nodded, “Enjoy!”
Fluttershy grinned, “I’m so happy that their together again.”
Applejack waved to me, “GO get her lover boy!”
We then entered the portal.
*
The park in the crystal empire was darkened but was steadily getting brighter. Two ponies sat on a bench and watched the horizon. One was a unicorn, the other a pegasus. Nearby a pony sketch artist decided to use the two as his models. He then sketched the happy scene that followed when the sun cast it's light upon both of them.
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Man this was a LOOOOONG one. Started it on the 6th of June no less
But it's finally done, enjoy!!
Shizz, uploaded and complete.
Well, into the abyss!
Wheeeeee-
Aaagghhhhh!
Help me, I'm falling!
Aaaghhh
*lands on first chapter*
Hmm, not bad
question, where exactly is the story placed?
Equestria or wherever the Equestria girls movie is?
or both?
2923594
Movie verse
Let the reading commence!
Uproaring standing ovation
When i saw the picture at the end i was i wat
Then i laughed my ass off
*lick*
2927845
Yep, Doctor was math teacher. PLus Sombra can PROJECT his voice!!
2927889
Know dat feel
2927962
Your gonna read this all in one sitting aren't you?
2927964 Oh look, notifications are broken again.
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw787_tumblr_lqatnybhEg1qjmjvko1_400.gif
And yes, I am. May have to take a short break in a while to go get a new car, but rest assured I will resume once I am back!
For those who have finished the story. I found an image that best shows what Umbra Glare would have looked like as a pony when he was reformed.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/133/1/3/sunset_glare_by_jaquelindreamz-d657oeg.png
*Warning Spoiler of a big plot point to those who have not yet discovered his identity^^^^^*
Well, that surely was a fun ride. So what are my final thoughts?
What I liked:
I liked the tone of the story. It was a good balance of happy, dark, and mysterious. Most of the characters were also portrayed well, and you showed potential traits they may have, apart from what's been shown in the show and movie. An example is Sunset Shimmer: Sure, she was a threatening individual, but deep inside, she's desperate and needs help. You portrayed that part of her, and how she grows out of it, pretty well. Finally, I like how 4 villains were written without taking away too much from the story. Most stories I've read with that many villains tend to fall apart, but this is an exception.
What needed improvement:
Some characters seemed out of character to me, like Rainbow Dash during the chapters in the middle to the end. She came off as someone calmer than what she'd usually be.
Another flaw this story has are the transitions between scenes and character's points of view. Some of the transitions did not feel smooth; they needed a wee bit more detail in order for the transition to flow better. And the changes to character's points of view felt confusing around the beginning of the story until the middle to the end, where I can tell who is speaking next.
In a nutshell:
It was a well written story and characters were handled nicely. But there are some parts that needed more detail.
2928839
Thank you my good sir!
It that was me... screw my old world, I'm moving!
The description confuses me.
So he's a barony that was age reverted in order to do something for Celestia? What?
2938071
He blames her, but it's the portal's fault
This was a really good story man the ending was really good!
2954724
Thanks dude
This is the First Fanfic that I have read all the way through, Welcome to the 10%.
This fics is really good. Will there be a sequel, cause that would be awesome. But if not then keep up the good work with Sunset Shimmer related fics. She needs love.
3125231
Well, actually i am working on a sequel
3636178
thx
Great fic really enjoyed it.
great stuff
*Sigh* My biggest shame...
5817458
What? This fic is your bigest shame? But how? In my opinion it's one of the best made fics in here, gladly waiting for the sequel
This was the first MLP fan fiction I've ever read, and I have to tell you, this was a hell of a way to be introduced! The pacing was perfect, the writing phenomenal, and the characters believable. This is what paved the way to get me to start reading fanfictions. This was my third time reading this, and it still holds up. I love this story, and everything about it, and I would love to see it continue.
Signed,
Derp McShirk
6222727
no his biggest shame was ending it duh