• Member Since 17th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Jacoboby1


T

Following the events of Magical Mystery Cure, Private sees his beloved become an alicorn before his very eyes. Private however is against Twilight becoming a princess. Twilight is determined to see it through to become what Equestria needs. A fight ensues threatening to tear the pair apart forever. During the ceremony, a mysterious spell is cast on Twilight, causing the alicorn to fall into a deep slumber. Private confronts the very familiar saboteur, but a mysterious portal sends Private years into the future. There, Twilight is now the sole Princess of Equestria, but she is no longer the benevolent seeker of knowledge that Private remembers her by. Instead she is now a cruel Princess ruling the land with an iron hoof. The worst part? She doesn't remember her friends or Private at all. Private is determined to return to his own time, and stop Twilight from conducting the ceremony in the first place. But will he be able to escape from the empire that Twilight has forged?

(Part 1 of Equestria Noir's Season Finale)

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 149 )

2761237Sometimes things need to get worse before they get better...

2761239 And yet, the worst has not yet come.

Great start to the chapter cant wait for the next one. :eeyup::twilightsmile::yay:

2761297 haha sorry, got excited. Great start, there is a repetition of me when private is talking about how twilight used to throw up. Can't wait for the rest.

I don't like where this is going...

Daaaaamn...I really feel sorry for Private, not to mention this hit me hard in the feels, as i can in a way relate all too well.

Good job again on hittin the feels Jaco. You never cease to succeed in this.

wow! This sounds really good! can't wait for the next chapter! :derpytongue2:

"Twilight…had wings…"
Yes Private, that's what happens when a pony drinks too much Red Bull.

It's such a shame, I'll be gone on holidays for most of this story, but at least when I come back I'll be able to read it all in one go!

2762042Guess that means you editing is out of the question...

Oh wow, I've been waiting to see this story. Good so far, waiting for the next chapter.

Well then... This is Insanity already.

“Don’t just say that like it’s a good thing!” I yelled, I don’t know what was wrong with me.

So Private is a Twilicorn hater? :ajbemused: Spike, slap him.

But, after last night would she still even consider it? Wanting to be with a unicorn like me?

Cadence made it work.

No of course not, because apparently I’m an arrogant stuck up jerk.

Yeah, you kind of are with what you did back there.

I looked at the crown, and watched as it was placed on Twilight's head. Then before my very eyes a blue mist came out of the crown. MIASMA!!!

Well shit.

2762059 If you need an editor I don't mind taking a crack at it.

I do not like this OC of yours.

Mary Sue is my opinion. He can't just randomly pop out of nowhere and into Twilight's life. Needs more explanation. Also, I hate how he judges her because she's royalty! :twilightangry2:

DUNGEON!!! :flutterrage:

Lol, otherwise, great story. I suck at writing. I know that some haters are going to pop up and dislike this comment, but I don't care. Meh. No hard feelings... right? :fluttershysad:

2764825Um...you haven't read the whole series...

2762059 Oh yes, that's what I forgot to add. From 27 June to July 10 I will be unable to edit. Psycho Me will still be here, in his cage, but I really wouldn't trust him to edit...

2764660Let's give you a trial run, edit case 1 after chapter 3

2765067 so copy it to word and edit it and send it you back? Just chapter three or the whole thing after three.

2765501Chapter 3 and then onward from there. Just copy it onto word, email it to me at spiderguy14@msn.com. You're mainly correcting spelling and grammer, but wording wouldn't be bad either.

2765507 OK. Expect it soonish. Lol need to be on the laptop not the tablet.

2764825 This is the 24th story. 24 main stories prior to this one establish Private's character and his relationship to Twilight and his place in this continuity, not to mention the near-thirty side stories. Yeah, there's approximately 50 Equestria Noir stories to read so trust me, Private is no Mary Sue, and he certainly isn't out of nowhere. He's properly established in a well-constructed, properly presented fanwork series that is, quite frankly, genius. If you require more explanation, I suggest starting with the first case. You'll be glad you did.

2764825 BTW, I do not say that as a hater. I'm simply trying to provide you with more information than you have had access to. :twilightsmile: No anger.

2766256 You know I'm a big supporter of yours. *brohoof*

2766337*Returns it* That's for sure. Thanks :twilightsmile:

My hair is falling cuz of the anxiety!

In the words of a dear friend, "Well, Shiet,"

It's cool to see that the author actually does listen to our comments when we post them. I can tell that (tooting my own horn here) the person has taken one of my ideas and decided to run with it....I only thought about this about a week ago with a potential break-up of Private and Twilight.......maybe I need to purchase some lotto tickets for the next week......:twilightsmile:

2768078Actually, this story was concieved long before you commented. But, good to see you approve. :twilightsmile:

2768086

Guess it means great minds think alike!!!!........mine's not as great as yours though....

I just reilised that privet forgit about the mesma ( or what ever it's called)... So I'm going to presume that he spaced it out after being thrown into a portal that leads to the future... Joy

2766188 Ok, thanks. Sorry about before, really. :facehoof: I get a bit overreactional sometimes. lol. (Is that even a word? :rainbowlaugh: )

2769948I don't think so, but you are forgiven. :twilightsmile:

2769948 I figured as much. It's no big deal. :twilightsmile:

Very nice chapter nice cliff hanger cant wait for the next one please hurry.:eeyup::twilightsmile::yay:

"I still can’t believe she fell for Blueballs."
Did he...did he just make a sex joke?
HE MADE A SEX JOKE!
Holy shit, that's awesome!
HELL YEAH!

"Dear Private Eye,
Whatever you do, do not pick #47"
"“Heads?”
The mare spoke in turn, “or tails?”"
Look Psycho Me, Bioshock Infinite references!
SHOULDN'T THAT BE #77?
Eh, copyright infringement issues maybe?

2771413Sour Grapes actually invented the nickname, but boy does it fit. :twilightangry2:

Bioshock infinite references everywhere....

2771494 so I'm going to guess this is sortof going a little like Bioshock Infinint. We're going to see the 'siblings' more. Then I'm also going I guess that the portal didn't only send Private into the future, did it. But I'll probably never know... (At least untilll the end of the story)

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