I'm a 19-year-old brony from a backwater welfare nation known as Finland. I study history at Oulu University.
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Scootaloo's already a full-grown mare, but her cutie mark is still missing. Even though she can't fly with her undergrown wings, she's been unable to shake her obsession with the sky. And against all the odds, she hasn't given up on her one dream.
A dream to fly.
Huge thanks to MasterFrasca99 for editing!
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Sounds Promising. I'll put it in "Read Later", and once I read it will give you the full Brickguy213 package if you want.
Flying machine, cool
moar pls
Wow. So much feels.
Fighter jets, eh? Cool. Some good feels in this story.
I enjoyed the entire story and it feels like there needs to be a sequel.
Please create a sequel to this story.
2761447
I had the idea that Apple Bloom was waiting for appilications for the next batch of pilots to open up. Thanks for the feedback!
2761533
Might write a sequel, though I'm not sure yet.
I can't believe I forgot to fav this when I read it...
Anywho, the reading will be up today. I guess I should have probably mentioned that Monday is part of my weekend (weird work schedules are weird).
Ok, even if I had finished my story in time for the prompt, it would not have beat this.
Congratulations my good man, you have certainly earned it.
You're too kind. Congrats on the audio reading. This was a wonderful one-shot!
This story was absolutely amazing. Honestly, a story has never had this kind of effect on me.
At the end my mouth was just agape. Really, just wonderful. Looking forward to a possible sequel.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: A Hole In The Sky
Grammar score out of 10: 9. Flawless for the most part. There are only a few errors, including
Should be fewer ponies. Use "less" for something that can't be counted, such as sand or fog. Use "fewer" for things that can be counted, like ponies.
You don't need the word "a."
Pros
-You did a great job characterizing Scootaloo.
-I liked the ending, for the most part (I will get to what I didn't like about it later)
-Points for originality.
Cons
-I was left wondering exactly what had caused Scootaloo and her parents to drift apart. This was never explained ,and for such a bombshell like that, you didn't give it much clarification.
- Sometimes, you simply forgot to write Apple Bloom's accent. You don't have to overdo it, but just make it stand out a bit more. For instance, in words ending in -ing, you can drop the g.
Example "I was wonderin' where Scootaloo was"
-There are several plot holes in the ending, which I will get to in the notes section.
Notes Section:
Several plot holes which strained credibility.
1. There wouldn't be jet planes in Equestria, given the level of technology we've seen elsewhere. We're talking about a society which still uses plows pulled by hoof rather than tractors. Locomotives are still steam instead of diesel. But maybe I can forgive this one seeing as how in the show, technology is simply there when it needs to be there.
2. Even if there were planes, they wouldn't be testing them right in the middle of the city, or even in the suburbs. They'd test them in some secluded desert like Area 51 miles away from civilization where nobody can hear or see them take off. Also, the security was WAY too lax. Look at Area 51 for instance. You can't get within a mile of it without them knowing
3. Nobody ever told Scootaloo that if she wanted to fly, she could just go in a plane? Or pilot hot air balloons?
Despite those plot holes, this is still a solid fic.
4/5 stars.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Our Pony Past Life
I really should have read this earlier. The endless rain was a bit cliché, and CartsBeforeHorses has a point about the hot air balloons, but It was still quite good. Also, aged up Twilight would probably have a better version of that wing spell cooked up. Eh.