Silas Epista

by Maneiac

Meeting the Maples [Rewritten]

I dig cemetaries, not graves.

The living room of this farmhouse was rather dapper and well-kept. It reminded me of Ol’ Sam’s farmhouse living room, too. It was basically a square room, with a long table in between two couches, which also served to flank a cozy fireplace. Because it was autumn here, their fireplace was crackling happily.

And when I say their, I mean-

“Martha, it’s good to see you again,” Sunset exclaimed happily as she sat next to me on the couch opposite to the three minotaurs. White plates containing pieces of fresh apple pie with cool whip topping sat below us all on the table. Sunset had taken a dainty bite out of hers, before pushing her slice over to me with a smile; and the gesture was welcomed with great amounts of satisfaction on The Fester’s behalf as I practically shoveled the sweet morsel down.

“Oh, stop it, Shimmer,” Martha, the dark-brown sow with a braided black ponytail tied off with a red ribbon around the knot, sat next to her husband, holding a white mug against her tan full-body evening blouse. Her blue-green eyes radiated a southern comfort that reminded me too much of Ol’ Sam, but if he was a female. “I’ve been told you to call me Mable, sugah! And who’s your friend?” Martha was now looking at me with a smile... which seemed a little... hungry.

“Why hungry, you jackass!? That makes it sound like she’s plotting to eat you up... in a cougar/MILF sense! Being the gentleman that you are, such thoughts are utterly against the Code of Sophistication!” I took one of my left arm off the back of the couch and rested my chin on it, hoping to conceal that line of disrespectful thinking with a laid back attitude.

“It’s nice to meet you, Maple family. I’m Silas Epista, an alien from another world.” I tilted my head towards them; a notion only Lumber seemed interested in returning. Martha just smiled sweetly and sipped her tea, while Jack continued playing with a- I swear to God -rubix cube. “I can’t really tell you too much about myself, seeing as how I woke up with amnesia. I’ve remembered snippets and whatnot; trivial things and the like, you see.”

Lumber scratched his neck with a monstrous hand. The bull was built like a ussuri bear, which meant that every muscle bulged with obscene amounts of power as he did even the most mundane of actions... like talking, for example. “So Jack wasn’t tellin’ fibs?” Lumber shrugged his shoulders as he said this while lifting a cup of tea to his mouth, making me feel sorry for the teacup pinched between his large thumb and index finger.

“You’re taller than that bloke, and possibly just as strong,” I thought with a little glance his way, going unnoticed by the others. “If push comes to shove, I could probably make quick work of him with my claws and teeth. Wait...” I frowned and downed the rest of my tea, giving nary a care at how hot is was; especially when the steaming mixture drew the attention of Sunset, who gave a hiss at the sound of hot tea splashing at the back of my throat. “Why am I thinking about fighting the Maples? Calm yourself, Richards.”

“No, he wasn’t,” Martha added with a pat on Lumber’s massive boulder of a shoulder. “You should have more faith in our son’s words! Jack hasn’t fibbed to us since he popped out; you know that!” The sow narrowed her eyes at Lumber, who coughed into his hand and turned away from her gaze. “Ugh, bulls...” Martha stated with a roll of her eyes, turning her attention back to me as Lumber got up and hurried towards the door on our left.

“I bet it must be scary; coming to a new planet, that is. I just wanna be the first to welcome you into Bullivia, or more accurately, Stonehaven! It’s a quiet place, but you seem pretty accustomed to quiet life!” Setting down her tea cup, Martha picked up her plate and ate a piece of her pie.

I leaned back in response, placing the arm I had removed back onto the couch. “You could say that, Mrs. Maple. I’ve actually tasted both the quiet serenity of farm towns like Stonehaven, and the bustling scene of more metropolitan areas.” I sighed at my empty teacup, wishing there was a little more of that refreshing beverage inside its confines.

“So what do you plan on doing,” Martha inquired, causing me to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

“I have a public reveal to attend. I should have mentioned this sooner to my best friend, but Princess Luna has acquiesced to showcasing my harmlessness to the denizens of Equis.”

“PFFFFFTTTT!”

I nearly jumped as my head turned of its own volition to look at Sunset, who was trying to apologize profusely to a soggy Jack Maple. “Oh my gosh; Jack, are you alright? Here, let me get you a napkin!”

“I didn’t know it was possible to have that much tea in your mouth at one time, but this is a world filled with creatures from mythos, so I guess it’s to be expected.” Over the course of my thought, I had begun smiling somewhat. That same smile faltered when Jack stood up abruptly and stormed off in the direction where Lumber had went; in other words, the kitchen.

“I got it,” Jack stated with an annoyed tone as he disappeared around the corner. Sunset held out a hoof, but slowly dropped and sat back with a disheartened expression.

“... So you’re headed for Canterlot, then? It’s a pretty far journey from Bullivia to Equestria,” Martha pointed her finger at me knowingly. “Even with your alien things, the journey could take you around a week; and that’s only non-stop flying to boot! You’d do well in stocking up on supplies before leaving.” She ate another piece of her pie.

“You talked with Princess Luna!?” I winced at Sunset's loud question, turning my head to look at her with a stoic face.

“Yes-”

“When!?” Sunset practically tackled me with her front hooves, slamming them down onto my stomach as she shoved her face into mine. “It’s impossible for you to have met Princess Luna! As Martha said, she lives in Canterlot, my hometown; on the mainland,” Sunset spelled out sorely, probably mad that I hid this snippet of information from her. She further showcased how angry she was by pulling on my jacket collar.

“It was during a dream, Sunset,” I replied dryly, getting a firm shake as a response. I was about to show her that treating me this way is ill-advised, but when her horn glowed to bring the golden poker for the fireplace to bear; I found my confidence waning on that notion, even if she was in the wrong.

My response, however, did well in alleviating the death grip around my neck. “In a dream, you say? And that’s when you negotiated a public reveal?”

“Yeah. I would’ve never thought the Princess of the Night was responsible for dreams, but eh,” I shrugged my shoulders and placed my finger on the tip of her horn. “She’s not only responsible for making sure her ponies sleep tight, but also preventing dangerous villains from having a chance to manifest within Equis, apparently.”

“... Wat,” stated Sunset with a blank stare.

“Because I am an alien, she saw fit to invade my dream. A brief... interrogation took place before she discerned me as being harmless and agreeing to publicly reveal me.” I pushed Sunset back with a smile, setting her back onto her haunches while hefting myself up into a proper sitting position. “Does that answer your question, Sunset?”

She stared at me for a little bit more, and the way her face was scrunched up in thought made me chuckle at her blatant attempt to find a hint of trickery in my words. “I... guess so...” The pony said unsurely, rubbing her hoof back and forth across her chin.

Rolling my eyes, I placed the knuckles of a claw against the side of my face and smiled at Martha. “So tell me about yourself, Ms. Maple. I’ll be honest and say I’m interested in a little bit of your race’s lore.”

Martha held her fingertips up to the front of her mouth as she giggled. “Now there you go; talking all formal and what not! It does sound more smooth coming from you, I must admit.” At the end of that sentence, Martha saw fit to bat a victorious wink at Sunset, whose response was to blow a stray piece of her mane from her eyes.

“As for us Taurs; there’s not really much to say. Most of our history lies within the soil you treaded in getting here, Silas. We’ve always governed ourselves, not really seeing a need to instate a ‘Head’ for our people, since we generally got along well. Farming was- and still is -an integral part of our society, as is combat... even though it has fallen widely out of practice amongst our people,” Martha explained, closing her eyes and nodding at the brief synopsis of her kind.

“Combat? I thought minotaurs didn’t fight each other,” I stated quickly, moving the knuckles on my cheek down to my chin. Martha looked at me for a while, before laughing and setting her plate down. Somehow, she had been able to down the rest of her pie without me noticing.

“I said, ‘we generally got along’! Duels were a good way of solving some common problems amongst our people. Problems like...” She trailed off, scratching the side of her head. Martha then pounded a fist into her open palm. “Land, Sows or Bulls, and Dominance! Maybe your neighbor was encroaching too far, but he or she claimed she wasn’t, for example,” Martha explained further.

“I get it.” I nodded my head in understanding. “A non-lethal duel does sound like a good way to settle disputes; especially if its something sensitive like a love interest or somesuch. The Dominance part, I’m having trouble wrapping around...”

“Oh, come on,” Martha enthused as she made her eyebrows dance at me rather suggestively. “Who gets to to be ‘Lead Steer’ or ‘Big Sow’? You’re a dragon; the hierarchy in a harem should be easy to understand!”

Just for the record, I wasn’t expecting that. Also, dry spit-takes hurt pretty damn bad if your tongue undulates against dragon fangs.

“C-C-C-Come again,” I freaked, wiping my mouth of any spit.

“Martha, he’s an alien dragon! You can’t say things of that nature around a male that’s never heard of polygamy!” Sunset was freaking out just like I was, but I have a feeling she’s not in danger of Ms. MILF on the couch!

“Knowing about polygamy is not a big deal, Sunset,” Martha tutted while giving me a big grin. “He seems to be handling it pretty well, considering he’s calmed down and whatnot.” I swear there was a wink that went unnoticed by Sunset right there!

“Dragon no likey cougar sow! Think of anything; anything, to change the topic!” I shakily readjusted a tie that wasn’t around my neck and coughed into a claw, using that same claw to swipe back my mane.

“You... uh.. you surprised me with that, is all. I thought talking about one’s marital ideals was taboo amongst you lot, heheh; but nevermind all that. How long has Bullivia been kicking?” On the inside, I was sweating Smith & Wesson factories. Even so, I feel as though that danger zone was dodged pretty well, considering I hadn’t a guitar or airplane to go through it.

“Well, when I was a little calf; my great-grandmother used to spin me tales about the founding of Bullivia. One of my favorite tales was about a Hero named Marble.” Martha’s eyes traveled upwards in remembrance as a smile broke out across her face.

“Great-Granny Honeydew was about as sharp as a bowl of mashed potatoes, but the tales she spun were wonderful! I believe the legend was passed down for a while, but eventually grew worn out by the time it got to my generation. Not too many Taurs hear this tale recited, so I guess you two are lucky!” Martha smiled at Sunset, but chose to wink at me quickly again.

“We’re definitely leaving after this... no exceptions.”

“Marble was born some years back before Tirek’s Fall, I believe. Back then, us Taurs lived on the mainland like the Alicorns and Dragons did. My Great-Granny told me that at the age of ten, Marble was already crowned as ‘The Greatest Taur to Ever Wield a Hammer’. There was a story where Marble took down a nasty dragon by the name of Sjach all by himself, and the dragon was a Black Scale Elder, no less!” At the end of Martha’s exclamation, Sunset gasped loudly.

“But Black Scales have impervious hides! Well, nigh-impervious hides! How did he do it!?”

“With magic and ingenuity, of course. Not only was Marble strong enough to move three boulders with a single rope; but he was also the smartest Taur at that point in time! It was hard orchestrating a fight against an Elder Dragon, though; especially one of the largest that ever existed... like Sjach. It wasn’t chronicled how he did it, but Sjach’s head was brought back on the backs of twenty Taurs.”

“Regardless of that, the founding of Bullivia was one not made by Marble’s will. He was, in a way, forced to do so. It was during the Great War against Tirek and his minions that Marble found out quickly; things were not as they seemed. He sensed impending danger for his people, who had helped the Alicorns and dragons push back the hellish creatures of Tirek, and ordered them to retreat; much to the chagrin of the footsoldiers, if I might add.”

“To add insult to injury, many wounded came from the battle as well. As kind as Marble was heralded to be, he knew it would take too long to get all of those injured Taurs off the mainland before his premonition came true. This marked a very dark time in our history; one that is revered every October 31st. We call this time ‘The Release’ because Marble had to let go of the sick and injured, just to save those who would survive the voyage. Twenty-thousand good Taurs were lost in that explosion of corruption...” Martha flattened her ears and looked down as she said that.

“I’m sorry,” offered Sunset, who was promptly snickered at by Martha.

“Don’t be, Sunny. They died knowing their sacrifice would be for the greater good of their people.” Martha lifted her head and smiled with her eyes closed. “The rest you can surmise, I guess. They sailed until they found land, etcetra etcetra.” Martha tilted her head one way and then the other, before standing up and stretching.

“Well, I have some cleaning to do. You two lovebirds are welcomed to stay if you like,” Martha enthused, making me do another spit-take and hurt myself again.

“We’re not lovebirds,” Sunset yelled at Martha, who tilted her head to the side, giving the appearance of being lost.

“You’re not? I assumed you were, seeing as how he responded so negatively to any ideas of polygamy; that made me think you two were in a monogamistic relationship with each other. Is that not the case?” Martha placed both her hands on her hips, keeping her head tilted.

“More importantly,” I interrupted, placing a claw over Sunset’s blushing face to keep her from interjecting my interjection. “Is everything you said credible? You never answered the question about this country’s age.”

“Well, Great-Granny Honeydew often said she was alive when this happened...” Martha trailed off.

“Yes,” I asked her hopefully.

“But if I recall correctly, she also stated her previous life was within the body of a squirrel, so I’m not too sure.”

“...”

“...”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I frowned and stood up, giving a stretch of my own as I sucked in a mighty amount of air to exhale back out. “This has been fun and enlightening, Martha, but I’m gonna have to get going.”

“Oh, did you not like my story?” Martha put on a face of hurt that made me halfway reconsider as Sunset trotted out the room. The sow watched her go like a hawk before her eyes snapped back onto mine with a cold efficiency. “That was the... censored version, if you catch my drift.”

I quickly followed after Sunset, not wanting to turn back and face that again.... whatever that was! “Oh yeah, I knew I wasn’t trippin’, man! That chick wants to do every forbidden thing possible with this body of mine, and she probably doesn’t give a damn who’s watching! I hope my stay here isn’t going to always end up like this!” Because I was so engrossed with my thoughts, I barely noticed as I barreled into Sunset Shimmer’s backside with my legs.

“Ouch! Hey,” Sunset shot, making me go wide-eyed and look down at her. “Watch where you’re going, doofus! Gah, why do I even bother...” She trailed off into a chain of indecipherable mumbles as we left through the back door.

Once a comfortable distance was achieved, I allowed myself to look back at the screen door. This was a horrible thing to do, and I was shown why it was in spades.

Martha was there, her fingers through the mesh while her face was plastered against the material too. Her eyes were locked onto my rear, and I nearly shat myself when her mouth moved to silently say, “Dat ass...”

“Sunset,” I asked quietly, placing both claws onto my rear to obstruct the perverted sow’s hungering eyes. “Can we never come back here, please? I’m s-scared!”

Sunset did the opposite of what I had asked her to do, and stopped. “Scared,” she asked, “What are you scared of!? There’s nothing but minotaurs and vegetables for miles!”

I hurriedly walked around her with a whiny “Exactly!” as the forest loomed before us. Sunset couldn’t drag me back here if she wanted to!

Comments

[beestmasters]

I feel srry for him... mabey not cant tell if I should or not

[Black--Soul]

Cant blaim a women for some excitment in her life i guess What a kill joy