Hell Hath no Fury...
It was a cool spring day. The sun was shining (as it did most days in Ponyville), birds sang their lovely tunes, foals played, and not a single disturbance dared interrupt it. By all accounts, it was truly a magnificent time to be out and socializing with friends.
Except for Rarity, that is. For her, the sun did shine, but only through the curtains of Carousel Boutique. Instead of birdsong, Rarity’s ears partook in the drone of a sewing machine. It was a boring day, by all accounts, but the Grand Galloping Gala was right around the corner, and preparations had to be done; dresses made, hemmed, fixed, etcetera, etcetera… Unfortunately, aside from herself and her friends, it seemed very few ponies from Ponyville would be attending it.
The last Gala had truly been a disaster by all accounts. Rarity liked to think that she had no part in its downfall, but causing a scene with that dreadful Blueblood, did, in hindsight, most likely hinder things, rather than help.
Rarity scrunched her nose at the thought. That so called “prince” is probably going to attend this Gala as well, along with the other expected nobles. No matter. It was a large party that spanned virtually the entire palace. She would simply have to avoid him until eleven o’clock and then all would be well.
That was another thing Rarity was looking forward to. Celestia had done some inquiring to help improve the Grand Galloping Gala, and the end result was an after-party that began at eleven o’clock and ended some time the next morning. It would be an informal affair, available for anypony to attend - no tickets or invitations required. Of course, tickets would still be necessary for the formal portion of the Gala, just to appease the nobles.
Although the Canterlot nobles, from what Rarity understood, had complained quite a bit about such a “drastic” change. Of course, the only real change that affected them was that the Gala had been “shortened” by an hour. Thankfully, Princess Celestia had been more than firm against their elitism and made it quite clear that no amount of complaining would change things.
Not unless things went horribly wrong again, anyway…
A light jingle from the shop’s main room interrupted her thoughts. A customer! With a flick of her magic, the sewing machine ground to a halt. Now was an excellent time for somepony to help break the monotony of the day.
As Rarity trotted down the stairs and into the shop proper, she found that she had not been visited by somepony, but rather somebodies - Alex and Rose, accompanied by two other Liandri, both of which looked much more human than anything else they had a tendency to build. One was shaped to be Alex’s size and barely bothered to hide its mechanical nature, but the other hardly looked like a Liandri at all!
If the first represented a male, then the second could only have been a life-like depiction of a human female, covered head to toe in what Rarity could only think was flawless beige skin. It even had a mane that reached just past its shoulders as well. If it weren’t for the glowing blue eyes, its distinct lack of genetalia, and the fact that it stood as still as a statue, Rarity might have believed she was looking at another genuine human.
“Hello, Rarity,” Rose smiled as the pony descended the stairs. “I am in need of a few things, and you are just the one I need to talk to.”
Rarity smiled in return. “Oh? What do you need?
Rose placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “First off, we are in need of some formal attire to attend the Gala this weekend.”
Rarity’s face exploded with a massive grin. “So you are attending the Gala! I had my doubts, but this is such a pleasant surprise! Oh I’ve had so many different ideas about human formal wear, you’ll just love them! But that was just the first thing, yes? Is there a second?”
Rose shifted over to wrap an arm around Alex’s neck, placing her opposite hand on the his shoulder as well. Keeping a lighthearted smile, she said, “Alex is also in need of a break from work to let his body recuperate. I was hoping you would have some ideas to help him relax.”
Alex pursed his lips and slowly turned his head towards her. Rose, keeping her smile exactly the way it was, hissed at him through unmoving lips. “We’ve already gone over this. We are going on hiatus whether you like it or not.” Alex’s lips curved downward and he turned his head away in response, his eyes glued to the floor. Rarity could have even sworn she heard the tiniest of whimpers coming from him.
While she had a feeling she wasn’t supposed to hear that part, Rarity couldn’t help but giggle at them. “Oh, I have an idea. The girls and I are going to have a trip to the spa tomorrow after lunch. Would you care to join us?”
“We would love to!” Rose chirped, giving Alex an extra pat on the shoulder. “We’ll be there tomorrow at one. Now then about the clothing…”
“Oh of course, of course! Please, follow me.”
Rose let go of Alex’s shoulders and sauntered after Rarity, with the other two Liandri in tow. Alex remained rooted to the spot and sighed heavily before following them. “Suuure, we’ll just leave that little DNA issue and exocortexes till next week..."
Alex trudged after them into Rarity’s work/bed room upstairs. It was, for lack of any better word, a mess. Bolts of cloth, ribbons, and dress designs lay strewn about on the floor, table tops, and shelves. Alex mentally scoffed at the level of disorder, though conceded to himself that his own workshop would probably look just like this if the Domestics didn’t put the tools back after he was done with them. Cybernetic assistants were helpful that way.
However, aside from the mess, Alex couldn’t help but eye some of the more… basic clothes Rarity had lying around. “You know, I still find it kind of weird that ponies wear saddles, of all things, as fashion…”
Rarity turned to face him and tilted her head in curiosity. “Oh? Why is that? It’s a perfectly normal thing; I can’t see why you would find that weird at all!”
Alex unconsciously flashed a smile, though it disappeared just as quickly. Shoving his hands in his pockets and kicking at the ground, he said, “Yeah, horses - er… equines… had saddles back where I come from, too, and uh… Well, they were used for um… different reasons.”
“Different reasons?” Rarity asked with ever-piquing interest. “Like what?”
Alex let out a long whistle and began wandering around the room, looking at various objects. “Yeeeaaah, you don’t wanna know.”
“Of course I don’t,” Rarity said with a wry smile. “Now then, might I ask what these other two Liandri are doing here with you?”
One of the Liandri - the one that was shaped like Alex - stepped forward. “I’ve already taken the liberty of measuring and updating Alex’s dimensions for you,” explained Rose, indicating the Liandri in question. “It’s essentially a walking mannequin for you to use.” Rose pointed towards the other female Liandri. “This one is the model I intend to use for the Gala itself.”
Rarity walked around the female model, eying it up and down critically and comparing it against Rose’s usual fare. “I must say, it’s a little more… elegant than what you’re currently using. Very life-like, actually. The mane is a nice touch too, although I can’t imagine it’s actual hair. Is it?”
“It’s not keratin, no,” answered Rose. “They’re just synthetic fibers that mimic hair, so there’s nothing special about it. I performed some tests on nano-fibre strands, though they proved exceedingly difficult to manage when not in a weave.”
Rarity giggled at her. “Oh believe me, I know the difficulties of managing hair. Just out of curiosity, was it you or Alex who decided to put hair on this?”
“I designed this model entirely myself, actually. As we will be attending a formal gathering, which, in all honesty, will be entirely about appearances, I thought it best to make this model look at human as possible. Alex thinks I did good job with it.”
“Too good, I’d say,” Alex commented from the other side of the room while idly flipping through a newspaper he found.
Rose shot a sly smile towards Alex. “It’s been rather distracting, hasn’t it?”
“Just a bit,” Alex spoke in a strained voice coupled with an ever so slight flushing of his cheeks, though he kept his gaze firmly locked on the newspaper.
Rarity made a poor attempt at hiding her laughter by covering her mouth with a hoof. “I know humans have a thing about nudity, Alex, but I didn’t know it was like this! It’s just so adorable!”
“Yeah, I like to think of myself as more of an asexual than anything else,” Alex divulged through grit teeth. “Makes things easier in the long run.”
Rarity copied Rose’s smirk. “Then is there a reason why you’re not looking at this lovely figure Rose crafted?”
Alex inhaled deeply through his nose and stared directly upward, formulating some sort of retort. Instead of coming up with an elegant way to tell Rarity to shove off, Alex simply sighed, picked up the newspaper, and started marching out of the room. “Screw it. I’m gonna be downstairs. Just call me if you need me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Alex!” Rarity pouted, half genuinely sorry, half playful. “I promise not to tease you anymore! Besides, I need your input on some design ideas for your clothing!”
“Surprise me!” Alex called, giving Rarity an odd hand gesture where he raised one finger apart from the others.
Rose chuckled as Alex left the room. “Somehow, that never ceases to amuse me.”
Rarity, however, frowned in concern. Alex must have understood that they were only teasing him, so why did he react so strongly? “Has sexuality always made him so uncomfortable?” she inquired.
“For as long as I can remember, yes,” Rose confirmed with a nod. “I’ve never fully understood it myself, to be honest. Having a lack of gender or sexuality can do that, I suppose. Alex doesn’t mind the female persona I often undertake, but as far as he is concerned, it’s just to balance things out.” A smirk grew across the human-looking Liandri’s face and Rose’s voice continued out of it. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t extract some amusement out of him every now and again.”
Rarity cracked a smile at the new source of the voice. “Would I be correct to assume that you’ve done similar things before?”
“You would be,” answered the robo-human. “Although I’ve honestly never done it on this scale. He’ll get over it eventually, I’m sure.”
“Eventually. Oh, by the way, I’m not sure if I was supposed to know, but I overheard that you and Alex are going on hiatus…?”
Rose waved her hand dismissively. “It doesn’t really matter if you know, to be honest. Besides, it’s more of a forced vacation. The human body does have its limits, and as I’m sure you are well aware, Alex is very keen on pushing them. Especially with regards to exhaustion.”
“I’ve heard tales,” Rarity said with a roll of her eyes.
“I have no doubt. That’s why I’m forcing him to take a break for at least a week’s time, on top of enforcing human-normal sleep cycles. I’ve also decided to disconnect myself from the facility as well, just to keep my full attention on him during this time.”
Rarity tilted her head and aww’d. “That’s so sweet and kind of you, Rose! From what I understand, you find doing that very uncomfortable. To think that you’d do that for an entire week just to make sure Alex stays healthy is just-”
“Yes, yes, it’s nice of me.” Rose cut her off with a wave of her hand. “Now then, you mentioned you had some ideas for human formal wear? Would that happen to include anything for me as well?”
Rarity’s face instantly lit up at the mention. “Oh yes! Come come - let me draw you some sketches!”
The main room of Carousel Boutique had remained quiet for the better part of half an hour. Alex, completely content with the peace, had parked himself on the small, mirror-enclosed stage Rarity had next to one of the changing rooms. No one else had entered the boutique after him and Rose, which was surprising, considering the big Gala was only a few days away. To him, it looked like nobody from Ponyville would be going, or if they were, they weren’t going for the formal part of it.
Despite the lack of any and all activity, Alex managed to keep himself at least vaguely occupied by reading over the newspaper he borrowed from upstairs. Even though he was twenty eight years of age, he had never actually bothered to read a newspaper before, be it in Equestria or on Earth. In fact, the only news he had ever absorbed was from online news articles that would float his way every now and again, along with whatever news channel his parents happened to be watching while he was passing by. It was impressive how they only ever seemed to report the bad things…
Equestrian news, on the other hand, seemed completely different. This one particular paper, The Foal Free Press (which Alex found to be a weird name since it made no attempt to disguise the fact that it was produced by the town’s local school children), didn’t report on anything negative. No natural resource deficits, no terrorist bombings, no religious wars in the middle east, no viral outbreaks in Africa…
As Alex flipped through the pages, not a single story about anything horrible made itself known. There weren’t even any obituaries. A surprising amount of stories held similar themes. Overcoming hardship, becoming successful despite the odds… The articles themselves weren’t that bad either.
One story, however, stood out from the others. It seemed completely ridiculous at first, but as Alex read on, he found it it to be the most amusing article in the entire paper. In fact, it detailed something so outrageous that if it weren’t for the attached photo, he wouldn’t have believed it.
“Thank you again for your help, Rarity,” came Rose’s voice as the AI and unicorn descended the stairs. “I look forward to seeing the finished product, and I think Alex will appreciate his as well.”
Despite the mention of his name, Alex’s attention remained glued to the paper.
“Oh it’s my pleasure, Rose!” Rarity answered back. “It’s the least I could do for your help with transportation last week. Don’t you worry! I’ll have them done in just a few days.”
“Then I’ll return within seventy two hours.” Rose promptly turned towards Alex. “Everything is set, Alex. We can leave now.”
Alex, on the other hand, simply grinned and chuckled. With his attention still on the article, he waved her over. “Rose, you gotta see this! Just look at these two bozos!”
Raising a brow, Rose wandered over to look over his shoulder at the newspaper he was holding. The article in question described a pair of colts from Ponyville Elementary that somehow managed to cover themselves in obscene amounts of chewing gum and gotten themselves stuck together. After only a brief glance at the page, Rose wondered aloud, “How on earth did they manage to do that?”
“I have no idea, but this is amazing! It’s so stupid it’s great!”
While Alex continued to giggle at the paper, Rarity trotted up to them with a knowing smile. “I see you’ve taken an interest in the Foal Free Press as well! Gabby Gums is quite the gossip columnist. She really is what gives the school paper its flair. Although the one you’re reading is actually a rather old article - it came out last week. If you’d like, I have many more articles of hers you can read during your time off.”
Alex finally looked up from the newspaper and gave Rarity a curious glance. “She’s a gossip columnist, huh? Gossip doesn’t exactly sound like my cup of tea, to be honest.”
Rarity’s smirk deepened, lowering her eyelids a smidgen. “Is that so? You seem to be enjoying that one quite a bit.”
Alex pursed his lips and slowly lowered his eyes back down to the paper, the only word circulating through his mind being: Fuck…
The look on Alex’s face told Rarity everything she needed to know, eliciting a light giggle from her. “It’s alright to have a guilty pleasure, Alex! Besides, nopony’s going to look at you sideways for wanting to read a Gabby Gums article. After all, everypony in town is already doing it. Now then, would you like me to go fetch some of her other columns for you to look at?”
Alex bit his lip for a moment, pondering whether or not to go for it. After a brief moment of thought, Alex sighed and let the newspaper hang between his knees. “Fine, I’ll guess I’ll take a look at them…”
“Excellent!” Rarity beamed, already making her way back upstairs. “I promise you that you’ll enjoy them just as much as that one!”
With Rarity out of sight, Alex turned to look at Rose, who stared back at him with crossed arms and the most powerful look of disapproval he had ever seen from her. “What? It’s just mindless entertainment…”
“I expected better from you,” Rose deadpanned.
“Well then let that be a lesson for you for when you want us to go on hiatus again,” Alex chimed with a sarcastic smile. “I start doing stupid shit like this.”
Rose narrowed her eyes. “I’m still not letting you go back to work.”
Alex threw his head back and groaned. “Fuuuuuuuck…”
Inside of Ponyville’s spa, the area had been entirely calm and serene to accommodate the ponies that were currently relaxing within its walls. While there were no windows to allow the sun access, many warm white lights illuminated the spa’s main room while calming, ambient music played in the background from some unseen source. With the level of stress and activity at zero, almost nothing could disturb the stasis established by-
“Hello, everyone! We have arrived!” Alex announced as he suddenly entered into the spa’s main room, his arms outstretched with a towel draped over one of them.
Rose glared at him as she passed him from behind, holding a large, clinking bag. “Was that really necessary?”
Alex’s grin never left him. “Yes. Yes it was.”
Everypony giggled at Alex’s ridiculousness, and especially at Rose’s sour facial response. They had already begun their spa treatments by the time the two humanoids had arrived, though were only just getting settled in. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were busy soaking in a nearby hot tub, while everypony else lounged around on what looked like reclining chairs, though without the arm rests. Even Spike had shown up, though Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be seen.
Alex chuckled at Rose for a few more seconds before quickly spotting an adequate object to hide behind. “Alright, I’m gonna go get changed real quick. Rose, could you pay the spa owners?”
The AI held up the large bag of bits. “What else am I going to do with this?” As Alex ducked behind a pillar to change out of his clothes, Rose sauntered over to one of the spa ponies - a blue mare with a pink mane that was busy giving Rarity a hooficure - and unceremoniously dumped the bag of money next to her. “For your services. Keep the change.”
The spa pony, whom the databases identified as Lotus Blossom, immediately gasped in shock as the bag landed with a heavy, dull clinking. Lotus reached a hesitant hoof out and carefully opened the bag, whereupon her jaw practically hit the floor upon discovering the contents.
Twilight Sparkle, who was lying down in the typical pony fashion with a newspaper propped up against the back of the recliner, frowned in confusion at Lotus Blossom’s reaction. “Rose, how much money is in that bag…?”
Rose took a position standing in the center of the room. Shrugging, she said, “I don’t actually know. Alex is the one who filled it.”
Twilight turned towards the pillar Alex was hiding behind. “Alex, how many bits were in the bag Rose just gave to Lotus Blossom?”
“No idea!” Alex called back. “I just went into our vault and shoved a bunch of coins in a bag. Figured it’d be enough.”
Everypony’s attention quickly focused on Lotus Blossom, who finally came out of her stupor and ran out of the room with the bag of bits hanging from her mouth, a giant grin plastered on her face. Rose’s optics trailed after the ecstatic mare. With her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, she casually pointed out, “I’m beginning to think we overpaid them.”
“Yeah, probably!” Alex finally stepped out from behind the pillar, completely naked save for a towel that wrapped around his waist and extended down to his knees. “But hey, we’ve got more than we need. Might as well, right?”
Having set down the newspaper she was holding, Rarity stared after Alex as he sat himself down on the recliner next to Twilight. “I don’t mean to pry, but what do you mean when you say you have more bits than you need?”
Alex shrugged. “We have more than we know what to do with?”
Recalling the hangar being empty the last time she was there, Twilight asked, “I’m assuming you managed to sell The Galleon, then?”
Alex nodded with his hands tucked behind his head. “Mhm. Sold it a while ago, actually.”
Rarity cocked her head to the side. “The Galleon?”
“It’s an airship he built, like the ones you’d find in Canterlot,” Twilight answered. “I was on it for a little while when it was almost finished. It’s actually really big for an airship, but very well made.” Twilight turned back to Alex. “How much did it end up selling for?”
Alex smirked to himself, casually bobbing one of his feet up and down in thought. His eyes scanned the others in the room, noticing how each of them was paying attention to him in some form or another, curious to know the answer to Twilight’s question. Oh this is gonna be fun…
“Four and a half million.”
“WHAT!?” Everypony simultaneously yelled. At least, everypony who didn’t instantly start choking on their own air supply. Alex grinned and quietly snickered to himself, with Rose mimicking him.
Spike, who had been calmly lounging around on his own recliner with slices of cucumber sitting over her eyes, was now sitting straight up and staring at Alex with a bewildered expression. “Four and a half million?! Dude, you’re loaded!”
“Sweet Celestia…” Rarity breathed, holding her own look of shock. “Who did you manage to sell that to? The princesses themselves?”
Alex shrugged. “Dunno. Whoever they were, they bought it through an agent. Did it right quick, too. We were only advertising it in Canterlot for about twenty hours before they just straight up offered us the cash. To be honest, I didn’t know how much it was really worth, but I didn’t really care. Four and a half million is more than enough for us.”
The conversation was interrupted when several spa workers walked into the room, each with a brilliant smile on their faces. Lotus Blossom returned to giving Rarity her hooficure, a yellow earth pony with a similar mane style as the other two proceeded over to Applejack to give her a massage, but a pink pony with a blue mane, name Aloe, walked straight up to Alex and gave him the most over ecstatic smile he’d ever seen.
“Bonjour, my noble,” she said almost bouncing in place. She spoke with an accent that sounded like a mix between French and eastern European. “My sisters et moi, want to thank you pour votre patronage. So gentil and généreux!” The foreign words seemed to ring in her own ear, making her conscious of her over enthusiasm. Calming herself, she took a breath. “Would you like a massage for you to relax?”
Alex chuckled, allowing a smile to cross his face. “I’ve never actually gotten a massage before, so sure, why not?” A quick readjustment later and the recliner lay completely flat. Flipping over onto his back, Alex added, “Just do whatever it is you do.”
Aloe hopped up onto the recliner and straddled Alex’s legs, allowing her front hooves better access to his back. She paused for a few seconds, however, spying the connectors implanted in the back of his head. Despite it all, she shook her head and averted her gaze downwards.
Despite their intended use and the amount of noise they made when walking across hard floors, Aloe’s surprisingly soft hooves coaxed an almost orgasmic groan of pleasure as they kneaded into Alex’s dorsal muscles. The rest of his body just as quickly went limp in response.
Everypony smiled at Alex’s reaction to his first massage, and Pinkie even giggled at it. Regardless, it seemed to be enough to get them to forget about his newly acquired finances and flippant disregard for overspending. At least for the time being.
Unfortunately, the peace lasted only for a few brief moments before Rainbow Dash galloped into the room, a newspaper firmly held in her teeth. “Guys, look! The new Gabby Gums just came out!” she somehow managed to voice around the paper before actually laying it down on the floor in front of her. “The Great and Powerful Trixie: Secrets Revealed!”
Rarity giggled at her friend from her spot on the lounger. “We’ve already read that one, Rainbow Dash. Come on, relax! Have a hooficure - they feel amazing!”
Rainbow Dash frowned at her. “Did you forget who you’re talking to? The day I have a hooficure is the day I turn in my daredevil license. Besides, I haven’t read this one yet-”
Dash reached down to pick her paper back up only to find that it had found its way into Rose’s hands while she was distracted. The AI flipped through a few of the pages before scoffing and lazily tossing it onto Rainbow Dash’s back. “I still don’t understand how any of you can stomach this stuff, let alone get a sense of pleasure out of it.”
Pinkie Pie leaned against the side of the hot tub with her forelegs crossed. “Wow, Rose, you really need to loosen up a bit!”
While Rose busied herself by scowling at Pinkie, Rarity further added onto her point. “Pinkie’s right, dear. You do need to relax a little. Besides, Gabby Gums is entertaining! And doesn’t Alex read her articles now as well?”
Rose shot a look over in Alex’s direction, who gave no indication that he noticed his name being mentioned in the slightest. “Only because I refuse to let him work himself to death. And even then, I’m sure it’s just to spite me.”
Rarity glanced over at him and called out, “Alex? Do you really enjoy Gabby Gums’ articles?”
No response.
“Alex?” Twilight asked from her own spot adjacent to the face-down human.
When Alex remained completely still underneath his masseuse’s hooves, Rose walked over to him and casually lifted his head up by what little hair he had on it. Alex held a dumb smile on his face, with his tongue lolling out and his eyes crossed. Rose shook her head and allowed Alex’s own to fall back down. “Of course…”
Aloe simply smiled as she continued to knead into Alex’s back, while everypony else giggled at his state of bliss and ignorance. Rose, however, remained none too pleased. “All the same, my point still stands. The only ‘reporting’ done by this Gabby Gums is providing pointless pieces of information about individuals’ private lives. All of which has absolutely nothing relevant to do with anything else. Your fascination with this drivel is ludicrous.”
Rarity released a loud sigh. “Come now, Rose, it’s nothing but a little harmless gossip! What does it matter if we personally enjoy reading it or not?”
Twilight spoke up before anypony else had a chance to respond. “Actually, I’m kind of with Rose on this one.” Everypony’s eyes immediately focused on her, both out of surprise and curiosity. She continued. “Look, I enjoy her articles just as much as anypony, but don’t you think she can be kind of mean sometimes?”
Applejack chuckled lightly. “She ain’t mean, Twilight. She’s a hoot!”
Frowning, Twilight picked up the paper next to her in her magic and presented the featured article. Next to it was a picture of Princess Celestia gorging herself on a piece of cake. “Celestia: Just Like Us? Gabby Gums doesn’t value anypony’s privacy!”
“Which is the main reason why I dislike her,” Rose followed up.
“Pfff, like you and Alex worry about ponies finding out your secrets,” Rainbow Dash sassed, rolling her eyes.
Rose glowered at her. “I’m the one in charge of maintaining security at the facility. It’s my job to worry about exactly that.”
“Can we please just change the subject?” Rarity quickly interrupted. “We came to the spa so that we could relax. Not argue over Gabby Gums and whether or not we agree with what she does. Rainbow, why don’t you sit down next to me and join me in one of these delicious hooficures?”
Rainbow Dash grimaced in thought, looking around at her other friends for input. They all eyed her curiously to see which choice she would make. Except Twilight, who simply smirked at her and tilted her head towards Rarity.
“It’s that good, huh?” Rainbow asked, only receiving a quick nod from her unicorn friend. After hesitating for a brief moment, she relented. “Well… maybe just one little hoof…”
Everypony’s eyes locked on Rainbow Dash with rapt attention as she threw herself down onto the recliner next to Rarity, with Lotus being quick to approach her. Keeping the hoof-file in her mouth, Lotus carefully approached one of Rainbow Dash’s rear hooves, though the pegasus sucked in a breath and instantly withdrew her legs. Lotus raised her head back up and gave Rainbow Dash a sympathetic look; the same kind of look a mother would give right before her child were given a shot. It was enough to get Dash to keep her hooves still for a second longer.
Unfortunately, the same pattern continued several times, much to the amusement of everypony else. However, they were all so captivated by what was going on with Rainbow that they had failed to notice Rose’s bored expression suddenly snap to attention. They also failed to notice when Rose turned and stared at one of the many privacy barriers positioned near the sides of the room. Their ignorance continued when Rose began carefully walking towards it, taking surprisingly silent footsteps.
They did, however, notice when Rose suddenly yelled “Gotcha!” followed by a sharp yelp from somepony else. Even Alex suddenly woke up in all the commotion, nearly knocking Aloe off of his back in an attempt to flip himself over to see what was going on.
From where they were seated, Rose appeared to be wrestling with something in her arms - a frantically scrambling colt who was screaming his heart out in utter terror. The display only lasted a few seconds before Rose tore something off poor colt and tossed him towards the center of the room with a single arm, whereupon he landed flat on his belly in a daze for everypony to see. He was a fairly lanky pegasus for his size, with a beige coat and brown mane. A picture of a white feather adorned his flank.
The unknown colt groaned from his spot on the floor and made to stand up, although paused midway when Rose marched her way over to tower above him, an old fashioned camera in her left hand and a sneer on her face.
The colt could only watch as Rose turned her optics towards the camera and popped open the backside with a quick flick of her finger. Reaching in with her other hand, Rose ripped out a roll of film and held it up for everypony to see. Eyeing the film contemptuously, Rose muttered “Hmph, how quaint,” just loud enough for everypony to hear before tossing the empty camera back down to the colt. Glaring down at him, Rose’s finger shot towards the door.
“Get out,” she growled.
The colt hastily nodded his head, picked his camera up in his mouth, and bolted out the door as quickly as his thin legs could carry him. Everyone’s eyes followed after him, stunned into complete silence. Even after he left the room, nopony seemed to be able to find any words to say.
Rose, on the other hand, quickly unrolled the near-black strip of film and stretched it out before her, eyeing it with intense scrutiny. After only a few seconds, Rose balled the film up in her fist and glanced over at Rainbow Dash. “Consider yourself lucky that I heard his camera’s shutter. That child almost made off with an arguably compromising photo of you.”
Rainbow Dash just stared back at her, her jaw slowly becoming more and more slack as the gravity of what just happened settled in her mind.
While everypony shared varying looks of concern amongst each other, Rose made her way towards the door. “Continue your spa therapy. I’m going to go properly dispose of this.”
Once Rose was completely out of the room, Rarity looked over at Alex. “Has anypony ever told her that she is just terrific with children?”
Alex scoffed and resumed lying face down on the lounger. “Nope. And for a very good reason.”
The next day, everyone reconvened at Sugarcube Corner for lunch. That is, everyone except Rainbow Dash. After learning about what that photographer had almost gotten away with at the spa, Dash had explained that she prefered to lay low for a while. Rarity had described it as Rose’s paranoia spreading to her, but as the others soon found out, Rose’s behavior wasn’t entirely unfounded.
“Applejack Asleep on The Job!” the farmer cried out to her friends around the table, pointing at an article in the paper. Sure enough, the article did, in fact, have photo evidence of her napping underneath an apple tree. “Can y’all believe this? Who the hay does this Gabby Gums think she is?!”
“Listen to this one,” Twilight chimed in from her own seat. “Twilight Sparkle: I Was a Canterlot Snob. - A well placed scaley source close to the prissy pony says Twilight Sparkle thinks Ponyville is nothing but muddy roads and low class roofs. Spike!” The dragon in question jumped from his spot in surprise, accidentally burping and incinerating the paper he held in his claws. “How could you say such a thing?”
Spike regretfully picked up the charred remains of his paper. “I-I didn’t! Gabby Gums made that up! I never said anything like that!”
“I suppose now you share my sentiments?” Rose chided from her position by the window, her gaze never left the street outside. “Although I wouldn’t classify unsubstantiated rumors as high on my list of priorities.”
Twilight frowned. “Well yeah, but you guys deal with unsubstantiated rumors about you all the time!”
“You mean like that time someone started a rumor saying that we kidnap ponies and perform weird experiments on them?” said Alex, who sat by the table with his feet propped up on it, never once looking up from his newspaper.
“Did you guys ever figure out who started that?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“No,” Rose said flatly.
“Oh… that’s too bad…” Pinkie mumbled, her eyes darting back and forth between the two humanoids who completely ignored her.
“I’m still surprised Gabby Gums hasn’t written anything about you two yet,” said Twilight. “I mean, she prints whatever she wants, regardless of whose reputation she destroys!” Twilight levitated a paper onto the table and tapped at an article. “Like this one! It says Fluttershy has tail extensions!”
Everyone around the table, including Alex, arched a brow and glanced at Fluttershy, who casually sank under the table and out of sight.
“Riiiiiiight…” drawled Alex, returning his eyes back to his newspaper. “To be honest, I’m not terribly surprised I haven’t been targeted by her yet.”
“But why?” Twilight insisted. “Starting lies and rumors about you and Rose would be the easiest thing in the world!”
“Exactly,” Alex pointed out with about as much interest as watching paint dry. “It’s too easy. Every rumor that could have been spread about us already has, and they’ve all been thoroughly squashed. So much so that almost every rumor about me that comes out has to be taken with at least a kilogram of salt. It’s the least original and least believable thing she could do. So now, I get to watch the fireworks in relative comfort and safety.”
“You see? Alex has the right idea about things,” said Rarity, idly flipping through her own paper. “It’s nothing but a little gossip. Honestly, you ponies have no sense of humor…”
“But it’s all lies!” cried Twilight.
Rarity waved a hoof at her. “So she tweaks a few ponies every now and then. It’s not like it’s going to-” She flipped to the next page in her paper and stopped mid-sentence, gasping loudly. “I’ll destroy her!” Everypony gathered behind Rarity to see what exactly was causing her distress. “The Drama Queen Diaries?! Gabby Gums reprinted my diary! How did Gabby Gums ever possibly get access to my private diary?!”
Alex let out a single “Ha!” that was loud enough to draw everypony’s attention, followed by a gigantic grin. Keeping his gaze down, he continued, “That’s why I keep all of my sensitive information stored on servers deep underground. The only ones who could ever access my dirty little secrets are Rose and myself. In fact, I’m happy Rose takes care of security so well.” He flipped the page. “Thanks to her, the facility and all of our information is locked down tighter than a gnat’s assh- WHAT THE FUCK!?”
Alex’s legs immediately dropped from the table as he gawked wordlessly at the page in front of him. Everypony quickly moved over from Rarity to spy at what was on Alex’s page, and they each gasped in unison. The whole display was enough to catch Rose’s attention, who looked over at them curiously. Although from her spot by the window, she could only see the looks of shock and horror on each of their faces.
“That one’s new…” Twilight started.
“Wow, that’s bad,” Pinkie Pie added.
“And Ah thought Ah had it rough...” said Applejack.
The article in question was titled: “Rose: A Glorified Calculator, or Something Else Entirely?” The accompanying photo looked like it was taken just outside of one of the windows of Carousel Boutique’s upper floor, and from the angle, clearly showed Alex standing next to the Liandri that looked frighteningly similar to a naked woman. The “something else” from the title was exactly what the photo suggested, though not in any positive light.
“What does that article say?” Rose asked from her spot by the window.
Everyone peering over Alex’s shoulders at the paper instantly looked up at her with wide eyes. Alex slapped the paper closed, yelling, “Absolutely nothing at all!”
Rose narrowed her eyes at him. “Give me the paper.”
Alex shook his head, keeping his wide eyes glued on Rose. “Nope.”
With everyone’s gaze on her, Rose took slow, calculated steps towards the table. Upon reaching it, Rose leaned down, planted her hands firmly on the table, and stared straight into Alex’s eyes. “Give. Me. The. Paper.”
Alex shook his head again, making a throaty “nuh uh” noise, though his eyes never left Rose’s.
“Now,” Rose growled. The sheer ferocity in it was enough to send a shiver running down each of their spines.
Maintaining his eye contact, Alex leaned away from Rose, carefully placed the newspaper down on the table, and slid it towards her. “I’m warning you. You really don’t want to read that.”
Rose snatched the paper away, giving him one final glare. “The hell I don’t.” She turned her attention towards the newspaper in her hands and flipped towards the proper article.
Everyone around the table held their breath, watching Rose for any sign of movement. She could read quickly - they all knew this - but for some reason, Rose continued to stare at the page for a lot longer than was comfortably necessary for her. While the question “What is she thinking right now?” should have been circulating within their minds, none of them could find the willpower to conjure even the most basic thoughts.
Finally, Rose did move. Her slender metallic fingers slowly began balling up the entire paper until with was little more than a crumpled mass resting in her palms. Several loud snapping noises akin to electric sparks sounded from between her hands, and in a matter of seconds, the paper locked within her fingers burst into flame.
Everyone continued to stare wide eyed as Rose’s hands held firmly onto the growing ball of fire, although her expressionless silver face under the fiery reflection easily caused more distress than anything else. Despite the fact that her eyes continued to glow blue, the fire gave the impression that they had begun glowing red. Finally separating her hands, Rose held the burning newspaper high in the air before slamming it down onto the table, whereby it exploded outward in a shower of ash, carbon, and burning paper.
“That bitch is done,” was all she snarled, staring directly into Alex’s eyes, before shoving herself away from the table and marching out the front door. Everybody continued to stare at the empty doorway, slack jawed, for several long moments.
Eventually, it was Pinkie Pie who broke the silence.
“Uh oh…”
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It's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here! IT! IS! HERE!
YYYEEEEESSSS!!!!!
The problem with slow updates is that I always forget what was going on last time
Shudn't the thot be italicness?
>the end result was an after party[/color
y u no after-party
>barely bothered to hide it’s mechanical nature
*its
>Rarity asked with ever piquing interest
y u no ever-piquing
>Rose, could you pay spa owners?
missin' sumtin'
>Flipping over onto this back, Alex added
>this back
kek
thIs chaptwr was so good.
5328655 portalz0r, what kind of a shitty-ass memory do you have? Upgrade your wetware!
6592502 It is a shitty ass-memory, since all the butts I think about make me forget other things
Ooooooh shit, you had to go piss off Rose..
Wow. That's not good.
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Spike's a girl!?!?
Kid deserved it lmao. The adults who such a thing deserve worse.