• Member Since 15th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen April 25th

Defoloce


T

I've been working on a completely separate My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic story for the past year, and as of this blurb I'm about eighty thousand words into it, but it's not ready for publishing. Early on in the writing of that story (March 2011), I decided to write a quicker spinoff story of The Conversion Bureau, which I saw on the Equestria Daily blog. The initial story seemed to get mixed reactions, but regardless of how people felt about the story itself, folks were having fun writing spinoffs. I thought it'd be fun too, so here's what I came up with.

Contains a smattering of bad language and gun-related violence.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 52 )

It's an interesting story. I would argue that a hostile takeover would never be part of the ponies plans, but then, this is a TCB universe story - it's malleable, and it can be chalked up to a massive misconception combined with simple ignorance and xenophobia on the parts of the humans.

However, I do have a wee point about this iteration of the Conversion Bureau universe as a whole - compared to all the other TCB stories I've seen, yours is a great deal darker with (Celestia-sanctioned) forced-ponification death-squads and the like, and definitely does not conform that well with the other portrayals of the universe. This is not a bad thing, but you may want to make a note about that in the story's description; I was kind of thrown for a loop by how aggressive Equestria is in this story, and I WTF'd a little.

Overall, it was nicely done, a neat change of pace from the usual TCB story, and quite well written.

Oh hey it's on here now anyhow make more of these. But I quite enjoyed it even thought the ending sad but this fanfic I feel that it can be expanded since you set it up real well. So keep up the work.

223074

The story is about a year old, at this point, and it was written back when folks were just really having fun trying out different iterations of TCB universe. Since then, it looks like there's been more of a coalescence of the universe as more people got into the act and started directly incorporating ideas that others had had. I completely agree that my story is pretty "out there" and doesn't really jibe with the now generally agreed-upon setting for TCB.

From the Equestrian perspective, I'm sure they saw this as a "tough love" approach to saving as many humans as they could (perhaps, after people stopped converting willingly, they took some lessons from the human playbook), but I wrote this story from a human perspective, where remaining pockets of resistance view Equestria is a Borg-like entity, inexorably smothering the world.

223152

Thanks for your comment!

I actually would write more TCB stuff right now, but I'm about three-quarters of the way through a much longer story that I'm writing, and since I'm such a slow writer, I really shouldn't put distractions on my plate. I really would like to revisit the setting, however, especially now that there's so much more world-building that's been done.

I see now that I didn't play the futuristic setting up as much as some folks have, as I thought making the time that Equestria reveals itself more contemporary would make it more relatable (also I'm terrible at thinking up sci-fi stuff). At this point I'd probably want to toe the line a bit more with anything more I write in TCB, just so it'd be easier for others to expound upon things in it they possibly like. It's always a cool little thrill to see others incorporate elements and themes from something you've written!

Oh my god, Its on FimFic now...

This is one of my favorite fics and one of my main inspirations for TCB writing.

A very good read, like the alternate insight into the people who would resist ponification. 5 stars, fav and you are now being watched :rainbowlaugh:

Damn, that was good. i really liked the pacing of it, as well as the accuracy of the descriptions. I was thinking about writing an experimental fic really similar to this, but all the characters would be ponies in a war-torn equestria after the assassination of the princesses (although I never quite figured out how they would die).

This is the first and only TCB fanfic that I'll ever read. And yes, this was great.

223433

Hi Krass! Still at it, I see; An Azure Future got big!

I tried following the TCB Ponychan threads—honest, I did—but they moved way too fast for me. Besides, I never had anything to contribute. I'm glad you found some inspiration there, and don't think I've forgotten about the cameo you gave "Enfield." :)

Keep it up!

223458

It's been interesting to see how the human attitudes I put forth here reconciled with stories written by other folks that came later. A big part of the original TCB story was that it was a voluntary choice. "Join us if you want a better life." The idea of the impenetrable magic barrier and magic being toxic to humans came very soon after I put this story up, if I remember correctly, but that barrier and its expansion also makes Celestia's "choice" more of an ultimatum. "Join us if you want" becomes "Join us or die." It's still the human's choice, but it's not much of a choice at all. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to believe that many, many humans would choose to die just on principle.

224383 I agree, it really does become a thorny issue, looking to explore it in my eventual entry into TCB stories

wow, it's nice to finally see this fic up on here, This and Midnight's Tail were the two stories that really drew me into the TCB universe. Though admittedly this is the one that drove me to finally write for TCB. :pinkiehappy:

Wow, i don't know how i missed this earlier. This is amazing, and a totally different outlook on everything. I really like this.

Loved this interpretation of TCB universe. Humans don't just give up in this story like the other stories. Kudos.

I've read it at least twice now, and both times I was sucked into the story, cIinging onto every word. The plot is great, the writing style is interesting and the pacing is just right. There are some outstanding ideas that can and should be built upon. I'd love to read spinoffs from this TCB universe version, and I think if I ever got down to writing a TCB fic, it'll be based off this one. It's quite amazing that this story stands at a mere 4k words, but yet manages to pack in so much action.
It's a damn good read.

AWESOME! I love the ten round versions of TCB! The original was nice to finally read!

I've always enjoyed TCB because it allowed for a dark contrast between humanity and ponies, but I've honestly never seen a TCB story as genuinely terrifying as this one. This not only features the dark desperation of dying humanity, but the terror of absolute zealotry. It runs as an interesting contrast to your Railroad Seven-Three where Celestia explicitly states that entering Equestria must be done of free will. Here not only are the ponies of Equestria willing to turn anyone and everyone against their will, or 'Purify' them, but the moment a human is converted their mind and will is lost, and they become just as terrifyingly zealous.

I am curious though, whether the ending is supposed to be a good one or a bad one, but it is a credit to your writing that I can't decide.

Either way, I am very glad that Chatoyance led me to your stories. I hope to see more.

566120

Thank you for your comment! Is there anybody who doesn't love seeing comments on their stories? ;)

You mentioned the contrast between how ponies behave in Ten Rounds and Railroad Seven-Three. I think one of the prevalent misconceptions amongst folks who dislike the Conversion Bureau premise is that there's an accepted canon we all follow when writing. Therefore, once you've read one TCB story you know what to expect from all other TCB stories.

I think what I'm about to say I've covered a few times in other comments, but whatevs, it's my headspace as to how TCB has evolved. Ten Rounds is a relatively old story at this point, and one of the first TCB spinoffs. Back when I wrote it, nobody had yet thought up things like the HLF, the PER, or the Barrier expanding. The expanding Barrier in particular was a big game-changer, since the concept of it invalidates the choice that humans had in the original TCB story. The choice is still there, but it's not really much of one. The no-choice situation in Ten Rounds is a bit more stark, and the idea of Celestia-sanctioned forced ponification would be pretty scary indeed for humans. The fact that humans are ostensibly being dragged kicking and screaming to a better, happier life somehow makes it no less horrifying. Conquest is conquest, and humans generally don't like being conquered, even if it's by cute colorful things with big eyes.

The big argument leveled against TCB by critics stems from this: ponies are genocidal! Well, in most stories, they aren't really. The Barrier isn't expanding because someone actually wants it to—it just is. In Ten Rounds, yes, ponies actually are genocidal, in their own pony way. Elements of the story have been used to great effect in other works: Chatoyance's take on the PER uses wave tactics similar to what's shown here, and I think (though I may be wrong) I can claim credit for coining the actual term "Potion" with this story. "Purity" didn't catch on for pretty obvious reasons; ponies don't really get around to killing people in other stories.

As for the ending, all I wanted was to underscore how strong human resolve can be. Human characters don't seem to straddle very well the line between being sympathetic or antagonistic to ponies. Either they're completely sympathetic to the pony way or they're vehement anti-pony monsters. The characters in Ten Rounds aren't HLF, since the HLF didn't exist when I wrote this (and I certainly wasn't creative enough to think it up). All they are meant to be are normal people forced to fight to stay human, and I imagine normal people would find the events in TCB pretty distressing. Exactly how the events unfold would probably matter very little.

You sir have inspired me.

This should be made into a flash movie or something. I really enjoyed it

642921

I've taken my fair share of inspiration from others here, so it's awesome to hear I can give some out in turn. Thanks for letting me know!

647239

That's an interesting idea! Such a movie would have to have plenty of Dutch angles and washed-out colors to take the edge off of the ponies' cuteness though, I reckon. Glad you liked it!

Pony Invasion a year and a half ago I'd never have even thought someone would think of this. Still I'm not sure if I'd resist it or not. As I read more and more of these I'm starting to wonder if being humans overrated. Good thing this is only fiction.

705301

We are hard-wired to fight and to preserve our sense of what should and should not be. Even a proper, real choice between going to Equestria or staying on Earth would have huge resistance movements sprout up all over the world. It's an upset of reality, and people will kill for what they believe. They'll die for what they believe, too. There's always an angle, and if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. From this mindset, everything people hear about Celestia and Equestria would be seen as nothing but lies and propaganda—whatever it takes to add to the herd.

705812
Well this stories case the angle part is definitly true perhaps its hard to say, but with the main conversion bureau stories all I'd have to say thats not the case. Its kinda hard to defend humanity in the state that it is in these stories. I'd argue its a no win senario, and I don't do no win senarios. Still these conversion bureau stories really make you think about a lot of different things. I'm just glad its not real.

Fuck this shit fucking twat you could of had a CoD moment were he still had rounds in the pistol and clipped em all. Fuck you you piece of shit for thinking this way. Humanity WILL survive!


FUCK YOU ARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nuclear warheads...glass the fucking planet

730796

So you're saying he could have won if the conditions were more conducive to him winning.

I agree!

786169

A scorched-earth policy would definitely be on the table in the early stages, I think (for all the good it would do in the end). At the point this story takes place, though, the idea is that the humans left are all very ragtag. They lack the capability to fight with sophisticated weapons, much less the electricity, fuel, access, and expertise needed to detonate even one nuclear device, let alone many different ones in different places.

796264 Sorry, I really enjoyed your story, I hate the TCB fics so I wrote a fic just like this, are you going to make more?

796264 I was thinking about that later that day, what if the 'VIP's that could detonate it were taken out first, maybe in one or two countries, but certainly not all. Besides all you would really need is one, cut the head off the snake, plus would rather go out with a bang.:pinkiecrazy:

The Humans should had nuke those sons of b***hes the moment they start doing something like this.

2.bp.blogspot.com/_bY944vRkAU0/TU8QYxu_YDI/AAAAAAAAA10/qWUkwp_kQiI/s1600/NUKE+Pic.jpg

Luckily they did that in that other story "Ten Minutes".

I gotta say, a Pony Occupation just passed Zombie Plague on my list of "End of the world scenarios I would want to try to live through". Congrats on being a great writer.

I must have read this story at least a dozen times. It's fascinating to me, in a macabre, horrifying sort of way. One of my favorites. Thank you.

Much respect. This is a great read.

I definitely liked it; I liked how aggressive the Equestrian side was, not that I liked that they were, nor do I agree with them, but I was growing tired of the Ponies being the "good guys" and the humans being the baddies, this time both sides could be considered bad. I always liked the idea of the P.E.R (The guys who forcefully convert humans), but it always had a happy ending (After all, I'm sure Celestia never executed them for it). I never liked the HLF because they meaninglessly attacked the Conversion Bureaus, which basically just allowed people who wanted to be to become a pony... they killed innocent newfoals. If the HLF wanted to stop the need for conversion and the xenocide of the entire human race, they'd need to assassinate Celestia and Luna herself (In which I'd actually support).

Enough ranting, on to this story... The ponies were the bad guys here, and I liked that. I found it very satisfying when the humans killed them, afterall they were fighting for their right to remain human. If I were in the same situation, I'd do the same damn thing, except not limit myself to 10 rounds, and save one for myself. Who would want to be a pony if you were being used to forcefully convert other humans? I'd definitely like to read stories like this one

I read this so long ago, but I had to come back and read this again. I have to say, I wish I could write like you. Your imagery is amazing--pacing, perfect. With this story, you were just so. Wow. Same with Railroad 7-3. You're an amazing author that could easily produce a published book.

You have got the writing magic, and I want it. Maybe if you tussle my hair, some of it will rub off on me.

Well, here I am in the wee hours of a Saturday morning. So I decided to trace back a vein of TCB controversy. First, I found Ten Minutes: Aftermath, then Ten Minutes, then This. I read this one first, and now shall proceed on to the others.

Excellent writing.

i will die human no matter what!!
YOU HEAR ME I WILL DIE HUMAN TO THE VERY END!!!
SO FUCK YOU AND YOUR HAPPYESS!
SO COME AND GET ME YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

2745311

Kill the Ponies with the Fire of Humanity!

The Doctor would be very displeased with all of them.

It is not wise to make the Doctor angry.

Now wise at all.

:trollestia:

566120 Essentially, it's the Borg, but ponies.

Or the Cybermen (YOU WILL BECOME LIKE US)

Or the Body Snatchers... except they kinda eat the original...

1297159

If I were in the same situation, I'd do the same damn thing, except not limit myself to 10 rounds

I believe the 'ten rounds' limitation was due to the fact that the No.4 Mk 1 SMLE rifle was the only firearm he could scrounge up at the time, as opposed to something like a modern assault rifle with a higher magazine capacity (which didn't really make any difference in the end, given that some of his comrades had such weapons and didn't fare much better than he did).

Good god that was intense. that is really all I have to say about this story... Almost zombie apocalypse with the whole potion thing... almost like an infection... In the end, "intense" sums this story up pretty well.

I remember this from the old CB threads on Ponychan. Cool to see it up here. You might remember me as that fellow who wrote Maverick (which I really do have to get around to editing and posting one of these days).

I read this because I wanted to know what The Conversion Bureau was, as I'd heard about it for some time.
I must say, it captured my fears perfectly. When I think of propaganda spouting zombie storm troopers, I naturally think of pastel-coloured horses. Nice story.
The only way I think it could be improved is if you replaced all the ponies with lemons.
Now that's what I call tension, am I right?

I read this, and I couldn't stop thinking of the ponies trying to fight Terminators from Warhammer 40k, I just couldn't help but laugh at it in my mind as they try to turn them but to only find the front end of a bullet.

The SKS slam-fired as soon as it hit the floor

Is that even possible?
But anyways, this is a pretty awesome story. I was listening to All Systems Go (Quarantine) when reading this, and oh my god the feels.

Comment posted by Dreadnaught deleted Dec 11th, 2015

I can't help but think of someone making a hilarious montage parody of this.

This was super cool, Defoloce. I wish I learned you wrote TCB stories sooner, would have saved a lot of trouble finding ones I'd like to read! Some really lovely pacing and action, which stays strong despite its age.

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