• Member Since 19th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen May 29th, 2017

ChaosDoomscythe


T

Takes place during Season 3, after Spike at Your Service, but before Keep Calm and Flutter On


Friendships that were gained. A promise that was made. A never ending rage. And a consuming desire for revenge. These are the things that keep me going. I tried to kill a princess and I failed. Now I am suffering the consequences. It doesn't matter. I have lost too much, and before this is over, I may lose even more... I might lose my friends. But I can't stop. Not until she dies. Not until she is made to pay for what she caused. I will not stop until she is dead. Nopony is going to stop me...

Not even you...

Luna...

My name is Shadow Flare.

And my wrath... knows no bounds...


This is my first FimFic Story. Figured I'd try my hand at making a story, so constructive criticism is welcome. The first few chapters may not be to anyone's liking, as they're meant to get a laugh out of you, but as the story progresses, it gets much more serious, so try to stay with it and give it a chance, please?

Warning to everyone, there will be light amounts of gore (at least I'm gonna try not to make it too gory), and profanity in this story (though the profanity gets toned down in later chapters.)

Chapters (21)
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Comments ( 233 )

MEN
HE'S HERE
OUR GLORIOUS LEADER
IT IS
MASTUR TROLE 2013!

Luz

Ruse master 10/10, would slam again.

2750367 I honestly read that in Mr. Krabs' voice.:rainbowlaugh:

I want to see where this thing goes it's not bad

Hm... should I do a mock review? or should I just leave this alone?

2749923 HA! HAHA! That's funny. That's really funny. If only the main character was a troll. Sadly, he's not. Sorry to dissappoint if i have. He's just a snarky smartass whose kinda pissed at stuff.

2749952 .............What? Uh...Is that good? I understand not what you are saying! ENGLISH MAN! ENGLISH!

2750073 Yeah, well, he's not a troll.

2750297 No? Why?

2750367Do not worry my friend, FOR THERE SHALL BE MOAR!!!!!!

2750619
No-no-no. We're calling you a troll, not your character.

2750594 Thanks.It's still in the developement stages, but the first few chapters explain what his life as like when he got to equestria. let me know what you think guy.

2750609 Before you even start, I would appreciate it if you did an actual review to let me know what you think and how i could possibly change things to make them better. This isnt meant to be a trollfic, and i dont particualrly like the fact that people are eeing it in that manner.So if you're not gonna leave an actual review, just leave this one alone, please. thank you.

2750620 Ooooohhhhh. See, now. Okay. I can accept you calling me a troll... But why do i gotta be a fat troll? Can't i just be a regular troll?

This ruse is truly a master piece it's Shakespearian

11/10

My jimmies were rustled

2750645 Thank you for the praise. have a stache.:moustache:

know what? have two. :moustache:

2750639
Nu. You're a fat troll. If you were a regular troll I'd actually read your story. But with a short description like that... YOU GOTTA BE A FAT TROLL, THERE IS NO WAY I'LL TAKE THIS STORY SERIOUSLY WITH A DESCRIPTION LIKE THAT.

2750636
Ok, you have really bad grammar and you use cuss words way to much. You can use them slightly then saying FUCKING FUCK SHIT TITS MOTHERFUCKER SHITS TOWN BITCH! It makes no fucking sense. Description is meh and the hooves thing was just...no.

Mock reviews do help but are suppose to help in a manner which will make the reader get better. I wont do one but you're lucky.

P.S get a fucking editor!

2750648 ...........wow......really? i mean.....really? just because of the description?


huh.


meh. whatever.

Luz

2750619

Ich war eindeutig mit Englisch in diesem Kommentar, wie Sie sehen können, Ihre autistische Geist und niedrige Intelligenz wirklich macht Sie als fail troll suchen. Sie würden am besten angerufen werden List Master des Jahres. Völlig wertvolle Zeit übersetzen diese. Nicht einmal die Übersetzer können alle die Worte.:ajbemused:

2750654
YES. Just because of that hideous description. You see, in order to be successfull in storywriting, you gotta be able to do three things.

1) Attract your audience. (<= THIS IS WHERE YOUR DESCRIPTION WORKS ITS MAGIC)
2) Captivate your audience. (This is where you impress your audience with a superb quality of your story)
2) Keep your audience interested. (This is where you make sure that your story doesn't suck later on)

You, my friend, have failed at step 1.

2750649 Ok, thank you. I understand the bad grammer thing, and i'll try to fix that. The Prologue is supposed to have a ton of cuss words in it because this is what the main character is thinking. The level of cursing is going to seriously be toned down as the story continues, so you dont need to worry about that. it's really just for the prologue and maybe the first chapter. Seeing as how this is now the second comment i've gotten about the description, i guess i'll go ahead and change that. I'll probably go in a d edit the part about the hooves and make it so he's freaking out about about the fact that he's no longer a human. Or something.

And i'll get an editor.

Comment posted by ShadowHeart219 deleted Jun 20th, 2013

2750619 1. You out right said "Screw you" to your potential readers in the description.

2. Your character, from what I've read (And by that I mean the description) is.... Typical. Human, died, ends up in Equestria as overpowered self insert.

Just... no.

2750876 I like how you assume my character is overpowered. Also, i changed the description like.. half an hour ago.

I have chosen to help you step by step. If you get mad them boohoo, I am reviewing this to help!'

Ugh…. Shit. Where do I even begin with this?

You don't you describe where you are instead of talking to us.

I guess I should probably start with where the f**k I am right now. The answer to that?

You lied to me, you were supposed to tell me but nooooo. You don't have to do this f$^$ you can use the word FUCK!

In the middle of a cold, damp, ugly as all f**k cell in the Canterlot “Royal” Dungeons. I say ”Royal” with italics and quotation marks because that’s what they call it. Fact is, the most royal thing about this place is the hole in the ground I’m supposed to use to take a dump.

Your teaching us grammar when you can barely write it! I didn't know guards say the "quotation Royal Dungeon." Wait, how is a shit hole the most royal place in a dungeon, does everyone worship it. "ALL HAIL THE BEAUTIFUL SHIT HOLE IN THE VERY DUNGEON!"

And have I mentioned how horribly deadly that thing smells?! I swear it’s like Tartarus’ most disgusting resident pulled out all its guts, let them sit in Her Royal Highness Sun Butt’s sun in a desert all day, puked on it (somehow), fed it to an undead rat, watched as the thing keeled over while puking it back up and crapping itself, then took all of it, dug a hole, threw it all in, and let it sit there for years on end until Canterlot was built right over it, and still left to rot. Seriously, it smells that f**king horrendous

No you haven't please explain to me how ungodly this smells.:trixieshiftleft: WAIT, DAFUQ DID I JUST READ!

Seriously, the guards that dropped me in here were wearing some seriously powerful magically enchanted gas masks on, and the moment they dumped me in here, they still turned tail and ran as though their lives depended on it! I swear, I saw one of their faces turn green, and heard someone puking their guts out. Guess those masks didn’t really do crap (hehe) for the smell that came from that demon hole. It could probably kill the residents of Tartarus.

So the guards puke and you don't. You must have magical powers!

So, basically, I’m sitting in this f**ked up, run down, stinky as all hell prison cell with a dead pony skeleton (whom, as previously mentioned, I have named Bones) lying about 3 feet next to me.

Well, I know its name was Bones WHEN YOU FUCKING METIONED IT A PARAGRAPH AGO.

Eeyup. This is totally Shitsville.

If I had a dollar for every time you cussed...

So, you’re probably wondering how in the hell I ended up in this situation, aren’t you? Well, I guess I should explain things from the beginning. It all started when a certain man fell in love with a certain woman. They got jiggie with it and I was born

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

No, I meant what I said. A ‘man’ and a ‘woman’, not a ‘mare’ and a ‘stallion’. ‘Course, that would be wrong even if I said that, too.

I know what you said you don't have to correct it! You make a fool of yourself!

You, know, maybe I should explain this a little better.

Please, tell us how this place smells horrible and how you got here by going into a magical portal!

Se, I USED to be a human,

Ok lets check what is wrong with this sentence.
1. Se
2. Random capitalization
3. No fucking duh you were a human considering your mommy and daddy fucked each other, making you!

“Dear, God! There’s an octopus screwing a bear in my tub!”

...........................DAFUQ!

“Dear, Luna! There’s an octopus screwing your sister in my tub!”

Why did you say it out loud? ....... No words for this.....

Anyway, like I said. Was a human. (As for what I am now, I’ll get to that later assuming you were too dumb to read the f**king summarey at the front page of this story. Yeah, that's right bithces, I can break the fourth f**king wall whenever the f**k I feel like it.

Your doing it wrong. Pinkie does it better.:pinkiesick: NO, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK YOU BROKE THE FOURTH WALL YOU IDIOT! Oh ya, one, two, three, four dollars from that.

I can't do anymore of this, it hurts reading it again. Work on everything please for the love of god, oops sorry in your case Luna! 2/10 it... I can't do this. It is bad, really bad.

2750893 Assume?! Of course I'm going to assume that a cross breed between a pony, a changeling, which can take the form of anything they want, and a dragon, a fucking DRAGON, which can kill anyone they like, breathe fire, and are one of the strongest beings in mythology, is OVERPOWERED.

2750902 You have no idea how much I want to hug you right now.

Y'know if you're gonna swear, don't half-ass it and asterisk half of it out. Just say the full word.

2750984
Yes! so true. If I had a dollar for every time he cussed I would be rich!

Ok, quick grammar lesson. Look at your description, you thinks it's good. I's have to be capitalized. I not i

"...well, a changeling/Dragon/Pony hybrid."

No.

I honestly don't see why this has such bad reviews. I find this hilarious (and slightly gory) and I wan to see where you'll go with it. Fuck the reviews! Just! Keep! WRITING MY MAN!

2753967 Thanks man. I'll keep writing. I hope i can keep the laughs coming too!

2750902
>If I had a dollar for every time you cussed...
32 DOLLARS!

I see you have fixed things. :twilightsmile: Good job!

A BiE story, with the MC being reborn as an overpowered Gary Stu is not a good idea.

Loading………

Loading……………

Loading……………….

Loading……………………..

Error, unable to load.

Rebooting system…………………………………….

………………..

…………………..

………………………

System online.

Running maintenance check.

WTF is this shit, the MC is some kind of robot ? No ? Then scrap this nonsense, no one react like this after being killed. It's immersion breaking in a story to have stupid line like this, the MC is a living being, not some kind of fancy toaster.

He just shit himself. PRICELESS! Dude that is always the best way to make a person turned child feel embarrassed! Lol till I faint!

2790998
Hence the comedy and random tags.

2753967
Ya man I think its funny too.

Good so far chap. I dont know why this story has so many dislikes. I think it'll be a good story. So I tip my extremely fluffy hat to you. Good day.

P.S. Heres a star

I like the development in this chapter. Bones is a cool character and I'm hopping he has a larger role in the fic later on. Keep up the good work. :moustache:

3197736 Why thank you my good sir! I shall continue doing what i'm doing and hoping it comes out good!

3198844 I plan on making bones a significant character, along with two others that have yet to be introduced in some way. I just haven't figured out how or why yet. Still planning this stuff. also kinda just going with the flow.

very good story so far. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

can't wait to read the next chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

another very good chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

i can't wait to read the next chapter.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

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