Cauldron Club

by Biplane

Wherein Trixie Makes a Poor Decision

Trixie uncorked the bottle, and brought it to her mouth, the first few drops of liquid touching her lips just as Zecora burst out of the bushes, shouting, "Don't drink that brew! You don't know what it'll do to you!"

The result would have been hilarious if it wasn't utterly ineffective. Trixie spit and sputtered in surprise, half the liquid in her throat and half the liquid still in her mouth. Choking, coughing, spitting, and staggering backwards, she backed right into her modest ("dazzling!") cauldron, tripped, and fell into it. Knocking it over and rolling it into her wagon in the process. Actually, the result was still kind of hilarious.

Zecora resisted, barely (oh, so barely), the urge to break out laughing. The cauldron had come to a rest leaning at an angle against Trixie's wagon. Four hooves, a tuft of tail, and a wrinkled cape stuck out of the top of it comically. The little tips of Trixie’s hooves wiggled in the air, trying ineffectively to pull their owner out of her cauldron.

Zecora stepped up to help. “I didn’t mean to scare. Are you alright in there?” She put her forehooves up on the lid of the cauldron and pulled, tipping it forward.

“Of course! The Great and Powerful Trixie has never been better!” said the Great and Powerful Trixie almost, almost nonchalantly, just slightly too loudly. Her voice sounded distant and tinny as it echoed out of the cauldron.

The cauldron tipped forward, spilling out a unicorn that looked anything but great and powerful. Her mane and coat were splashed with potion. She rolled out of the cauldron, coming to a graceful, delicate rest on her face. Her wrinkled and damp cape flopped over her head. Her star-spangled hat had apparently fallen off in the cauldron.

Zecora once again resisted (just barely) the urge to laugh. That’s some iron discipline, Zecora. After all, Trixie cut quite the image. Laying on her face on the dirt road, her shapely flanks sticking up awkwardly in the air, her strong, but feminine legs twisted up beneath her under her resplendent, dirty old cape. Wait... what? Trixie didn’t drink any of that potion, did she? Did she swallow any?

Zecora’s vision was tinting slightly pink. Before she could start panicking, Trixie got herself upright, and threw the cape back off of her face.

Revealing a goddess.

A messy, sputtering, indignant, haughty goddess. “What is the meaning of this? What do you think you’re... um. Hello?” Trixie said.

Zecora just stared. Her mouth hung open. Those eyes. Those violet eyes. Those soft lips, bent into an imperious frown. Her beautiful, dirty, sticky, tousled, wet, dishevelled, dazzling mane. Zecora really liked her mane.

“Um...? Hello?” Trixie tried again, confusion replacing annoyance in her features.

Zecora kept staring. A small line of drool formed at the corner of her mouth.

“Wow. Um. Are you... are you alright?” Trixie said, concern replacing confusion in her features. Then, it hit her. Of course! The potion! Well, apparently it was working. She’d only intended to try a sip now, to taste it. She had hoped to test it out fully before her next performance. She sighed. It was all gone now, but she supposed it was lucky at least somepony had been around to confirm that it worked. At least she could always make another.

Trixie was interrupted from her reverie when she was full-on tackled by Zecora. She grunted as she was knocked back to the ground. Trixie lay on her back, looking up at a... disturbingly smiling Zecora standing straddled over her.

This made Trixie, understandably, quite uncomfortable.

“Trixie is the pony Zecora desires. Her beauty sets my heart afire!” said Zecora earnestly, a crazy edge to her voice.

“O... kay. Well this is... uh. It’s a bit sudden, isn’t it?” Trixie managed, panicking inwardly. This situation was getting rapidly out of hoof. She leaned forward to get up, and was forced roughly back down on her back by Zecora’s hoof on her chest.

“The feelings in my heart you feed. Trixie is what I need!” and slowly, oh so slowly, Zecora leaned down, rolled her tongue out of her mouth, and licked up the side of Trixie’s face.

This made Trixie, understandably, quite a great deal more uncomfortable.

“Okay! Right! Well! That’s enough of that!” said Trixie in a much-louder-and-faster-than-conversational tone, picking Zecora up with her telekinesis. Zecora struggled fiercely to close the growing distance between them as Trixie levitated her further and further away.

“Trixie, don’t make me plead! You’re the pony I want and the pony I need!” Zecora was shouting now, eyes wide with desperation as she struggled to break free.

“Trixie is sorry to have to do this, Zecora,” Trixie said, biting her lower lip, eyes searching the forest for a thin spot in the trees as she levitated the zebra. Thinking quickly, she added, “You can have another custom doorstop. Free! Trixie promises!” and with a telekinetic heave she hurled Zecora into the woods as far as she could.

Realizing that wasn’t going to buy her much time, Trixie didn’t waste a moment turning on her hooves and galloping back towards Ponyville as fast as possible. Twilight Sparkle can fix this. Twilight Sparkle can fix this. Twilight Sparkle can fix this. Trixie hoped to herself with each hoofbeat.

Trixie. Ponyville is not the place you should be heading. Seriously.

. . .

Zecora crawled out of the trees and bushes, sticks and leaves in her mane and dirt on her face. “Playing hard to get, Trixie my dear? I will find you. Have no fear,” she said, grinning like a maniac. She licked her lips.

. . .

There was a blinding white light, and a magical shockwave.

Derpy was bounced and buffeted by the wave of magical energy as she was launched back into the sky.
Fighting to regain control, Derpy tried to get her bearings. This is doubly hard when your eyes have different opinions on what you should look at.

Flailing around confusedly, Derpy shouted, “Are you okay?! CT! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!”

Finally, Derpy righted herself, and turned around to face Carrot Top’s house.

Just in time to narrowly dodge a yellow blast of magical energy.

“Whoa! What the-?”

Derpy pumped her wings and dove back towards CT’s house. Another blast was emitted, then another, but Derpy dodged them both. The second one was so close, she could feel the heat coming off of it.

As she got closer, Derpy could see that half of Carrot Top’s house had been blown off. Part of the second floor had collapsed out the hole that had once been the easterly side of the house, and Derpy could see Carrot Top on top of the pile of rubble, eyes closed, tears streaming from her face. An enormous horn was jutting out of her forehead.

As Derpy noted this, the horn lit up, and another blast launched out of it skyward in a random direction.

“CT!”

“D! Help me!” cried Carrot Top, “I can’t control it I can’t control it I can’t control it I can’t control it!”

Oh no.

Derpy landed next to Carrot Top, putting a reassuring hoof around her friend’s shoulders. “Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay. Calm down. You’re okay. Calm down.” Derpy could feel the electric tingle of magical energy around her friend, like a powerful magnetic field.

“Oh, D! What have I done! I can’t control it, D! What am I going to do?!” Carrot Top cried.

“Nothing to worry about, just stay calm,” Derpy said, soothingly.

“But...” she stopped. Both of them could feel a powerful surge building around her body.

Oh no.

Carrot Top squeezed her eyes shut. “Stop! Stop stop stop stop stop!” she tried to will the magical energy in her. But it kept building. This was going to be a big one.

“Just stay ca-”

BOOM.

Derpy was launched away from Carrot Top, tumbling down the mountain of rubble that had once been half a house.

The white hot blast was the size of a pony, and launched off into the sky at a crazy, low angle, striking several roofs, which promptly caught fire.

OH NO.

“What have I done?!” cried Carrot Top, running off into the night. Driven nearly senseless by the forces inside her. Her head was like one thousand crushing migraines. Her body felt as though stung by a thousand bees. And the sensitive horn felt as though it were on fire.

. . .

Derpy wasn’t sure if it was minutes or hours later when she woke up, but it took her a couple seconds to remember what had happened, another couple of seconds to see that Carrot Top was gone, and another couple of seconds to spot the fires.

“I feel like this is an appropriate time to point out to nopony in particular that I just don’t know what went wrong,” sighed Derpy, then launched herself off to find some rain clouds as quickly as possible.

. . .

Mayor Mare scrambled out of bed. What was all this noise about?

She looked out the window. Part of the town was on fire.

She sighed.

“This has something to do with Twilight Sparkle,” she said, matter-of-factly.

Ah well. Duty calls! And she dashed outside to rouse and organize the volunteer fire brigade.

The many... incidents around town since Twilight Sparkle had moved in had made the fire brigade a very efficient team, and the mayor was in good practice with organizing them. It was only a few minutes before they were grouped up outside the town hall, most with buckets in mouths or in telekinetic fields.

The mayor briefly consulted the elected fire brigade chief, a yellow pegasus mare named Raindrops, and together they quickly settled on a plan: the pegasi would spread out and collect what rain clouds they could find from the surrounding area, and bring them back to Ponyville. Meanwhile, a bucket line of earth ponies would run buckets of water from the water tower to the fire zone, where the unicorns would dump them where they were needed.

"Ready, everypony?" said Raindrops, "We'll have this under control in no-"

At this point, Trixie ran panting through the crowd, pursued by a variety of small animals (apparently, Fluttershy's now abandoned cottage had been on the way), and Zecora, whose tongue was lolling out of her mouth. Trixie kept shouting with ragged breaths, "Trixie must find Twilight Sparkle! Twilight Sparkle can fix this!"

Ho boy.

"Was that... Trixie?! What is she doing here?! Last time she was in town, she locked me in a bird cage!" said Mayor Mare angrily.

Raindrops was too busy trying to figure out what was so familiar about the way her vision was tinting pink to respond. Then, it hit her. Oh no. Not this agai- "Come back! Trixie! I want you! I need you!" and she launched herself after her.

Mayor Mare looked confused for only a moment, before the effect of Trixie's potion kicked in on her too. "Oh, no you don't! Trixie! You can lock me up any time! Trixie!" cried the mayor as she took off running after them, the entire Ponyville Volunteer Fire Brigade hot on her heels.

Ho boy.

. . .

"Whu-?" said Twilight Sparkle, with the lucid eloquence of a poet.

She'd been awoken by something? Was it a noise? A flash of light?

Shaking her head to try to get the cobwebs of sleep out of it, she struggled out from under her bedsheets, and made her way towards her bedroom window.

Opening and closing her mouth, Twilight stepped up to the window. Rubbing her bleary eyes with a foreleg, she looked out. Hmm. Ponyville. Riot around that flagpole over there that Trixie is up on. Fires. Magic blasts randomly shooting into the sky. Hmm. Twilight closed her eyes and yawned.

She stopped mid-yawn.

"Oh, jeez! Oh jeez!"

Grabbing her telescope with her telekinesis, she decided to get a handle on the situation from the nearby hilltop. That should provide her with a good view of the whole town! Oh, but she'd need Spike's help on this one!

. . .

"Oh, hello again, Princess Luna!" said Spike.

Luna smiled. "Greetings, Prince Spike! How go things in thy kingdom?"

"Oh, fine, fine. The castle keeps melting, but you'll have that."

"Considering thy choice of building material, 'tis no wonder, indeed."

Spike shrugged, adjusting his pointed waffle crown. "Gotta work with what we've got."

"Oh, make no mistake, 'tis an admirable structure! It certainly puts my own castle to shame!"

Spike smiled. "Thank you, Princess,” then, a somewhat thoughtful look crossed his features, “Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Prince Spike, thou need not ask my permission for such a thing! This is thy kingdom, after all!"

"Well, yeah, but that's kind of part of it. As the Princess of the Night, it's your duty to visit lots of ponies' dreams, right? To make sure they have good dreams?"

"'Tis a bit more complicated than making sure their dreams are sweet, actually. I try to help them learn the lessons their dreams are trying to teach them, but yes, that is one of my most important duties."

"Then... how come you visit mine so often?"

Luna laughed heartily. "Because the night is long, and I have many ponies to visit, and sometimes," a dark look crossed Luna's face, briefly, "Some dreams can be... difficult to experience," she raised her eyes back to Spike, smiling once more, "So, I think thee can see the advantage of dreams that so reliably contain so much ice cream."

Spike, Emperor of Ice Cream Land and Lord of Ice Cream Castle, said to his frequent visitor, affecting in his voice the pomp befitting his noble office, "Indeed I can, fair Princess Luna."

Luna giggled.

Spike continued unflappably in his prince voice, "The importance of ice cream is something I can... uh... totally understand!"

"I might have said 'something I can well and truly understand,'" said Luna, as she finished off her generous, if imaginary, bowl of rocky road.

Prince Spike shrugged, and met her with a level gaze. In a mock-serious tone, he said, "Well, we do things different here in the Ice Cream Empire."

"I shall try to remember-" suddenly, Luna tilted her head up and cocked it slightly to one side, as if hearing something that only she could hear. She sighed. "I am sorry, Spike, but I am afraid I must go."

"Oh. Okay. Drop by anytime, Princess."

"I will, thank you," said Luna, and vanished, presumably to some other pony's dream, where she was needed.

It was just as well, because Twilight was shaking him awake. He could always tell, because all the ice cream in Ice Cream Castle turned lavender and started saying his name when she did that.

"Spike! Spike! I think we may have a problem! Spike!"

Spike sighed.

Author's Note:

This was the most fun chapter to write so far! I really am surprised just how much fun Zecora and Trixie are to write.

Oh, and in case it gets pointed out, Luna isn't using the "royal we" anymore simply because that seems to be the case in the show. Seems like she's taken some of Twilight's suggestions from Luna Eclipsed to heart. Since that episode, she's pretty consistently used "I," and also the VOLUME OF HER VOICE has decreased. Atta girl Luna, good to see you're adjusting!

Comments

[Rinnaul]

Trixie running through town in a panic while repeating "Twilight Sparkle can fix this, Twilight Sparkle can fix this" to herself is an image I wish I'd thought of first.

[Seether00]

Everyone is doomed! Somehow this is all Twilight's fault!

[Biplane]

3012060
Life's not fair, is it, Twi'?
No. No it is not.

3011789
Thanks! I don't know how much credit I can take, though. That pony practically writes herself!

[RTStephens]

Something tells me Discord is out of a job.

Heh, at least Trixie knows the potion works. First hand experience and all that...

Laser Lightning Carrot Top! Get your today!

I wish I had more dreams like Spike's. All I ever get are the weird ones.

Twilight, better get your quill and parchment out. It's list making time.

[hawthornbunny]

I'm amused that you have an obvious Luna dream sequence in your fic, just like I did with mine XD

[jszellmer]

"Whu-?" said Twilight Sparkle, with the lucid eloquence of a poet.

So, in other words, her usual eloquence.

[Emperor]

For once, it's not Twilight Sparkle and friends that blow the place up themselves. However, she certainly put everything in motion.

I had to chuckle at Luna's admission she visits Spike's dreams specifically because of what he dreams of.

[Prince Leviathan]

Ice Cream is quite important