Twilight Sparkle Solves Problems
“Hey, folks! This next part’s a little nightmare-y, so I’m here to lighten the mood with a little physical comedy!” Pinkie Pie said, smiling brightly.
“...Pinkie Pie, why are you talking to a mailbox?” Celestia asked, walking up to the pink party pony, her head tilted slightly in curiousity.
The banana peel had been positioned with acute precision. Hoof met peel, and face met street, leaving Princess Celestia’s flanks sticking awkwardly in the air.
“A RED GIANT SUN COULD CONSUME THIS WORLD IN AN INSTANT, PINKIE PIE.”
“Wooow,” Pinkie Pie said to the mailbox. “Somepony’s grumpy-wumpy!”
. . .
Trixie dreamed, as she so often did, of the Alicorn Amulet, the powerful artifact that had once (briefly) made her more powerful than Twilight Sparkle.
She had lost her mind, then. And the reverberations of the power coursing through her body that day remained forever etched in her memory. It had made her somepony she had never wanted to be, and she had loved it.
And it terrified her.
She dreamed she was on stage. “Watch in awe!” she said ostentatiously, striking her trademark pose on her hind legs, with her forehooves thrown up in the air. Fireworks sparked from the floor on all sides around her. But all she heard from the darkness around the stage was laughter. Mocking laughter.
Applejack emerged from the shadows. “Yer a liar,” she said, and the word liar echoed in the darkness.
Then Rarity appeared next to Applejack. “You are a show-off,” she sneered, and repeating “show-off” echoes joined “liar” in the background noise of mockery and judgement.
Then Rainbow Dash joined her friends. “You’re arrogant.”
As the words and the laughter pounded into her ears from all sides, Trixie whimpered, “B… but… I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she screamed, her voice strangely quiet against the noise. Tears brimmed in her eyes.
And then the amulet was there, on her neck. And Trixie's hat and cape were gone, replaced with a black cloak.
And she made them dance. And she laughed. And they were the fools.
Twilight and Zecora appeared to stop her, but the amulet was too strong! She cast them back to the darkness!
"Stop."
"Who dares?!" Trixie wheeled to see... Trixie. The other Trixie wore no amulet, but wore the purple spangled hat and cape with an air of stupid, frail pride. "What?"
"This isn't me."
"This IS me! Trixie the Great! Trixie the Powerful!"
"Trixie the bully. Look at them, Trixie, they aren't impressed with you. You aren't delighting or entertaining or even scaring them. They hate you. More than they ever have before, they hate you. All the power in the world, and you're still in the same situation you were before."
"I can MAKE them love me!"
"You can make them act like they do."
"You," the sinister Trixie spat. "You are so CONFIDENT. So SURE." The amulet began to glow red. "But you belong to US! We will see how you JUDGE us when you are GONE!"
Tendrils of black energy shot out from the amulet and wrapped around the old Trixie, whose eyes opened wide in surprise and alarm. "No!" The tendrils wrapped around her hind legs, dropping her to the ground and dragging her on her stomach towards her possessed self, now enshrouded in a red-black cloud.
Behind her, the old Trixie could see Twilight Sparkle and Zecora, who reached out to her with their hooves to help her. She knew that they could make it stop. She knew that they could help her.
But she didn't reach back for them. And she found herself dragged closer and closer to the amulet. She was terrified. She was horrified. But mostly... mostly she was ashamed.
Trixie awoke screaming.
Twilight shrieked in response, and nearly dropped her precious vial of potion once again.
“What? Where?” Trixie said, panting and looking around in a brief disoriented panic. Then, quickly coming to her senses, and deciding that the best way to salvage her dignity in front of her rival was to pretend that that hadn’t just happened, she got up and said, conversationally, “So, ahem, how is the cure coming, Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight held up the vial with her telekinesis, smiling brightly.
Trixie looked at the vial.
Twilight looked at Trixie expectantly, awaiting enthusiasm.
Trixie looked at Twilight.
Twilight stared back at Trixie. She adjusted her goggles with her hoof.
Trixie looked at the vial again.
“...That’s it?! That little vial? Did you look outside?! There are… like, a hundred ponies out there!”
“A hundred and twelve ponies. As well as twenty-three animals of varying species (including one very rude pigeon), and one zebra. And also Spike.”
“Spike?”
Twilight pointed out her window with her hoof. Trixie looked out the window. Then, she looked up.
“...Ah.” Trixie said, scratching the back of her head frantically in manner that did not suggest an itch, a wide-eyed, half-smile of utter disbelief written in her face. “Of course.” Then, returning somewhat to her senses, Trixie continued, “But there is no way that tiny amount will do!”
Twilight pointed her hoof behind Trixie. Trixie turned to look. And there was Twilight’s cauldron, filled nearly to the brim with what must have been seven hundred pounds of potion. “...Ah. ...Of course.” Then, Trixie again continued, “So… then… what is that vial for?”
Twilight looked meaningfully at Trixie.
“What?” Then, realization crossed her face. “Oh no, you can’t expect Trixie to…”
Twilight shook her head. “I’d rather not use you as a guinea pig, but I don’t think we have much choice here. I’m certainly not going to use an experimental potion on one hundred and twelve ponies, twenty-three animals, a zebra, and a fifty-meter tall dragon, unless I’m reasonably sure it works.”
Trixie growled. “...Fine! Give me that potion!” Trixie yanked the vial out of Twilight’s telekinesis with her own, uncorked it, and drank it down in one quick gulp.
Nothing happened.
Trixie didn’t feel any different.
Nothing continued to happen.
Twilight stared at Trixie through her goggles.
Nothing kept happening.
Trixie stared back at Twilight, awkwardly waiting, silently.
After a sufficient duration of nothing, Trixie finally snapped, “Well? Did it work?”
“I don’t know! What part of experimental didn’t you understand?” Twilight sighed. “I’m not observing any side-effects… I guess… there’s really only one way to find out if it worked…” she said, reaching for her goggles.
Trixie was instantly struck by the notion that if it indeed had not worked, then she was about to be trapped in close quarters with an overamorous Twilight Sparkle. One hundred and twelve ponies, twenty-three animals, and a zebra were one thing… but the thought of Twilight falling under her… charms… was utterly terrifying. “Wait! Are you… sure this is a…”
Twilight removed the goggles.
Trixie and Twilight stared at each other. Trixie gulped nervously.
“I… I…” Twilight said, licking her lips, “I want…”
“T-Twilight?”
“I… need…”
Trixie looked frantically around the room, wide-eyed, searching for an escape route.
Twilight’s horn lit up.
Trixie briefly considered teleporting away, but knew that that would not help her now.
“I… need… a cup of coffee. Seriously. It’s been a long night!” Twilight said, levitating a steaming cup from out of the kitchen.
Trixie’s mouth dropped open. “Twilight Sparkle… you are a massive jerk.”
Twilight grinned, and tilted her cup to her lips.
. . .
“See? That wasn’t so bad, now was it? A little intense at first, but it got funnier!” Pinkie said, smiling brightly.
“Uh… Pinkie? Why’re ya talkin’ to a mailbox? And uh… what’s goin’ on with the Princess over here?”
The rake had been positioned with acute precision. Hoof met rake, rake met face, leaving Applejack swearing into her hoof as she rubbed her nose.
Pinkie produced a trombone from nowhere apparent, and played WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAH.
“Together…” Celestia said, picking herself up off the ground, “Together, we could destroy her, Applejack!”
“Don’t tempt me, yer highness. Don’t tempt me.” Applejack growled, rubbing her nose some more.
Pinkie Pie smiled at the mailbox, gesturing over her shoulder with her hoof. “These two, huh? Looks like grumpy-wumpy-ness is catching, amirite?! But they’ve been such good sports! Give ‘em a hand everypony!”
Celestia and Applejack looked at each other and shrugged.
. . .
Zecora watched Trixie taste potion.
She put her hoof to the ground with a grinding motion.
Twilight was with her, and Z had a notion,
Twi' meant to steal the object of her devotion.
The riot was loud and rough.
Zecora got hit with all kinds of stuff.
Love letters and feathers and pillow fluff.
Rocks, too! Ow! Enough was enough!
"You are all being fools, don't you see?"
Zecora shouted rather quite loudly.
"Twilight is inside of there, stealing Trixie!"
All eyes looked inside angrily.
Rage was building in Zecora heart!
This was treachery, Twi', you scandalous tart!
"We must be a team to pass this rampart!
"We're stronger together than we are apart!"
Together they struck the bubble, in force.
It started to crack as a matter of course.
A small hole formed at the crack's source.
Zecora snuck in, before Twi' reinforced.
. . .
"Geez!" Twilight said suddenly, her horn glowing.
“What is it?”
“The ponies outside… they’re acting more coordinated now. I’m reinforcing the shield bubble, but I don’t know how much longer we’ve got.”
“Then let’s give them the potion and fix all of this!” Trixie said, gesturing to Twilight’s cauldron.
“Yeah… um. Okay! Um. So I’ll just… uh…”
“...You have no idea how to give all those ponies this potion, do you.” Trixie said, flatly. It was more accusation than question.
Twilight blushed, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof. “Eh heh… eh heh heh… no.”
Trixie put her hoof to her face. “I’m doomed.”
. . .
"Aaaanyway, so then, Fluttershy tells me that Roseluck told her that Lotus told her, that she thought she saw Caramel and Nurse Redheart, of all ponies, eating dinner together! And well, you know, I hate to be a gossip, but to hear her tell it, it sounded like a rather romantic dinner, if you know what I mean!" Discord said in a conspiratorial tone that should have been rather more strained by virtue of the fact that he and Spike were bear-hugging each other, their massive footsteps booming with each step as each muscled to push the other over, but was in fact, not, by virtue of the fact that Discord was required by the laws of the universe to be impossible.
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRR!" Spike replied.
"Oh, I know! It's positively scandalous! Why, what will Sassaflash think when she hears? Everypony knows she's had a crush on Caramel for years!"
"RRRROOOOOOAAARRRRR!!!" Spike expounded.
"Oh, we never talk anymore!"
Spike opened his jaw. His eyes, spines, and mouth began to glow green.
"Oh, we're not doing this again, are we? Please tell me we aren't doing this again."
FWOOOSH!
. . .
"What about... some kind of hose?" Trixie suggested, half-heartedly. They had been at the "come up with a way to deliver the potion" brainstorming for a few minutes now, and Trixie was starting to lose hope.
Twilight waved her hoof around her. "I haven't got any hose here. What if you just... lured them into a trap..."
"No. No. No. No! Trixie is not luring anything anywhere! Trixie does not have a death wish, Twilight Sparkle!"
"Oh, they probably wouldn't kill you..."
Trixie growled at Twilight.
Twilight sighed and looked out the window. "...Doesn't Discord ever shut up?"
Rather than answer the question (which Trixie suspected was rhetorical in nature anyway), Trixie sighed, and put one hoof to her horn. "If only I hadn't exhausted my magic. I could make a little lightning cloud and rain the potion on them."
"Oh, yeah, I like that spell! I still have to figure out how you did it one of these days! ...I doubt that little cloud would do the job anyway though... it's a little... small... for... wait, that's it! I've got it!"
"You... do?"
Levitating her massive, full cauldron as if it weighed as much as a carrot, Twilight said, "Wait here!" and ran out the door.
. . .
Zecora hid in the ceiling joists.
The question of why a tree needed those she didn't voice.
Perhaps it was an aesthetic choice?
But from above she saw Twilight leave Trixie, and she rejoiced.
. . .
Trixie looked out the window, watching Twilight run off with her cauldron of potion floating by her side, both phasing through the shield bubble.
"Well, whatever you're planning, Sparkle, I hope it works..."
Then, Trixie stiffened as she felt a hoof trace softly down the side of her face from behind. Feeling hot breath in her ear, her eyes widened. She was too scared to move. Then, the hot breath whispered softly right into her ear, "Zecora is here, have no fear."
Wow. You know, Trixie was totally terrified before you said "Have no fear," Zecora, but I'm sure that that reassured her.
Nnnnnope. Hmm. She is running and screaming. Should've seen that coming.You haven't got much running room in the library, you know, Trixie.
Zecora licked her lips, gave a predatory smile, and gave chase.
. . .
Twilight ran, careful to avoid being seen by any of the Trixie Love Club still bashing away at her magic shield bubble.
Her hooves pounded the pavement and she felt smaller and smaller as she approached Spike and Discord's battleground, marked by a wide circle of flattened trees and buildings.
A streak of green flame engulfed Discord's head. Hopefully, that wouldn't distract him too severely. Personally, Twilight doubted that it would.
"Discord!" she yelled up at him.
Discord's eyes appeared out of the fire. "Yes? I'm rather busy at the moment, Sprinkle Princess."
Twilight ignored the name. Instead, she grinned rakishly, and levitated the cauldron up to Discord. Waving it in front of his eyes. "Make it rain, Discord," she said. "Make it rain!"
Confusion passed through the eyes inside the fire for a moment, followed by a wicked glint. "My pleasure."
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And lo did the pony offer up wine to God, and God doth say, "Let's party, bitches!"
Wait, if the spell on Trixie is what's driving the mob, then shouldn't they have stopped as soon as Trixie drank the anti-potion and broke the spell? Why do they need to drink it suddenly? Did I miss something? Admittedly it's much more interesting like this, but I can't help but feel that the internal consistency is off.
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Haha, I wondered if this question would come up! I sort of kind of explained it a couple chapters back, but looking back on it, it doesn't work at all as an explanation. Don't worry, I'll go back and fix it once the story's done (hopefully in a way that doesn't kill the pacing), but the gist of it is this: Twilight didn't so much create a potion to counter the potion spell as she did create a cure potion that blocks the effects of the potion spell from working on the drinker. In the case of Trixie and her ponies, I think of it like this: the spell exists as long as either one or the other ponies at either end are under its effects. So, Trixie taking the cure potion keeps her from being a love machine, but doesn't stop the ponies already under the effects from still loving her. Any of the loverponies that drink it will stop loving Trixie, but won't affect the effect of the spell potion on the other loverponies. Once all 112 ponies, 23 animals, Zecora, and Trixie have all taken the cure potion, the spell will fizzle out. In the case of Spike, it's a one-dragon system, so taking the potion will both block the potion spell from affecting him and fizzle it.
Whew. You can see why it was hard to work that all in in detail.
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I'm really enjoying your comedic cluster-fuck , it's almost like the movie we don't deserve.
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Your Zecora is excellent, as always.
Zecora's being just plain awesome in this story.
Kind of disappointed that Spike's green fire didn't just send Discord hurtling over to wherever Celestia is, to be honest. That would probably have been great.