Four year ago young Scootaloo left for a royal flight school, leaving behind her beloved Rainbow Dash. Now she returns to Ponyville. What has changed, how has she changed, and have any feelings changed.
When Scootaloo left she was 12 returning at 16
Rainbow Dash was 16 then turning 20
Scootaloo lived with her single mother
(just so no one gets confused)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like the idea, yes.
However,,, you kinda need a proofreader, I think. Or to at least run your text through a spellchecker. (It's spelled "clipboard", not "clipbored"; "choking", not "chocking", and "her body was made of lead", not "led". Among other things.) "Led" would have got past a spellchecker (they only know if what they're looking at is a word, not whether ii's the right word), but clipbored would have been flagged immediately.
("Chocking" might have passed, depending on the dictionary; "chocking the wheels of an aircraft" means to stick blocks in front of the wheels so it can't roll away. So don't assume the spellchecker will catch everything.
)
Also -- the character has a name, and Dash clearly knows her, so it reads kind of awkwardly to keep calling her "the pink pony" all the time.
Some misplaced or missing apostrophes -- "Rainbow Dash's day", "Scootaloo's ride", etc.
Dialogue. Don't end with a period if you're continuing with a description of who said what; end with a comma. Like this:
"I've just been thinking and stuff," said Dash, still refusing to look at her friend.
"You know I won't accept that as an answer," said the pink Pegasus, who was giving Dash the look a mother would give their foal when they know that the full truth was not being told.
Okay... good plot and all... just... Please make longer ones that take an hour to read :)
I like this story very much. I spend most of my spare time sifting through what basically comes out to be a bunch of pony porn romances but when you find stuff like this it is golden.
definately you've gotten my interest, looking forward to seeing where this goes.
grt from get them a glass of water and moiter from cloud moisture off her main
What is the shipping? I don't even see any romantic hints! . . . . NOT ONE!!!!