• Member Since 28th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 14th, 2014

InTheStands


E

Sunset Shimmer did very bad things in this world. She knew that now. And she wanted to fix it.
As her punishment of helping repair the damaged high school nears its end, a familiar face comes along and makes her question whether everything can be mended. With Twilight's help, she began several new friendships.
Could she restart something more than that? Even if she broke it to begin with?

First 'Equestria Girls' fic I've done, and quite possibly one of the first Sunset/Flash Sentry stories out there (Though here the characters will be given 'human' names. I just feel it fits better that way).

Critiques Accepted, as always! Cover art will be fixed once I find a better picture.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 5 )

I agree with DR-J33 with most of his first point. EG kept the pony names for their doppelgangers in human form including Flash and Sunset so why again did you feel they needed real names? And when I got to Paulina:twilightangry2: I (don't know how else to say this) did not approve of Pinkie having any other name to describe her besides nicknames her pony friends have given her. Overall I really liked your story and I think it gave an even better closure than EG did.

Pretty good - It seems as if it kinda short but it does work as great epilogue scene to the movie :ajsmug:

Could you please double space the paragraphs?

The first one was Celestia's new student, Twilight Sparkle, arriving, fixing the friendships Sunset had broken, and defeating her through the true power of the Elements of Harmony.
The second one was when Sunset herself put on the Element. She had felt herself grow cold as she was forced to watch all she had done. The tears. The breakups. The hatred. All her doing. It was as if the Element itself deemed her unworthy.

That's hard to read, I suggest this instead:

The first one was Celestia's new student, Twilight Sparkle, arriving, fixing the friendships Sunset had broken, and defeating her through the true power of the Elements of Harmony.

The second one was when Sunset herself put on the Element. She had felt herself grow cold as she was forced to watch all she had done. The tears. The breakups. The hatred. All her doing. It was as if the Element itself deemed her unworthy.

I will read more of this in a bit and give you my proper thoughts on it. Fingers crossed, you have a lot of good reviews and I'm hoping =)

I thought this was a very cute story. I think there's a lot that could be done with Sunset. :pinkiehappy:

This is very intresting
You write this in 2013 and now 2020
Flash and sunset are very close
And kinda have feelings for each other

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