What is the greatest crime that someone can commit? I was told at a young age that it was murder. Stealing the life of another, nothing could be more horrible than that...
So why then would someone who has worked their entire life to nullify such tragedy be labeled as a monster. I have dedicated my very existence to making Equestria a better place, and for that I have been cast down, condemned, and vilified... So be it.
My work was meant to save this world from suffering and strife. But if its inhabitants would attack me for such, perhaps they are not worth saving. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps a bit more suffering is exactly what this world needs!
Chapters (9)
I feel there is much in store.
Please continue.
Oh I intend to... Hopefully it lives up to any and all expectations you may or may not have by this point!
Ooh. Mysterious, engaging, and a clever chapter title! I like it.
2739387
should have another chapter up in a day or so, just got some proofreading to do as I seem to have completely missed several entire words in just the first paragraph alone...
My sincerest thanks. While any and all feedback is greatly appreciated, I have to admit the positive kind is by far my favorite
Really good start, I like the characterisation of all who you've grown on
also I hope you expand more on the past coz I really want to hear more about the history between Starswirled, Clover and your character.
Love your style of writing too, you show people the story rather than just tell them the events
keep it up, you have a really refreshing writing style and if you ever need a prereader/editor I'd love to help out
2739496
Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy what's coming up and, while I'm not sure it will happen in this next chapter, the story will begin to switch off every chapter or so between the current scene and the past. I have a bit of an overarching goal planned for all four of the named characters from this scene but I'm still hammering out the details (since there's still so little that I actually know about the official characterizations of Star Swirl and Clover the Clever, I'm really looking forward to giving them a bit of history)
As for the style, again thank you. I owe both Stephen King and George R. R. Martin a lot of credit for the way I write and talk these days. A good decade of reading their stuff has left me completely unable to be satisfied with a story unless I can actually watch it play out as I'm reading/writing it. This one is just proving to be a great deal of fun to write on its own and good lord this comment has gone way further than I meant for it to!
2739527
Well then I definitely look forward to seeing what happens if they're your influences, I'm much the same with the reading and think I saw some of it in your writing ^_^ if I have any vague idea how your going to wrap the history in I think it'll work out wonderfully.
Keep at it and I can't wait for more
I love this story, and know I hate Twilight. How could she look up to a pony that is so selfish and cruel?
Next chapter is up, looking like this will be the typical length of the chapters for this story, with a few stretching into the 4k range. This seems to be just long enough to conclude each segment of the story without jumping too far into the next. Hope you guys enjoy it!
Another good chapter, some interesting species you have about the city. Star Swirl seems like a nice dude, as well. But, if I may, I'd like to point out that chapters can seem more visually appealing if you put spaces in between each paragraph. Given, I suppose that's more just a writing style, but for me personally it makes it look....better, I guess. Just my two bits.
Great chapter, I love the simple growth of ardent in this chapter compared to the cocksure and older version of himself in the previous ones.
Great use of imagery at the start as always :) but a few grammar and spelling mistakes if I were to be a nazi :3 looking forward to more of the story
Thank you both, I'm rereading it right now and trying to weed out all the grammatical errors I can find. I think I will definately space out the sentences a bit more, I've gotten used to reading it all crammed into word walls, so I can dedinately see where this will make things easier to look at.
Still not entirely sure just how big a role the other creatures (Griffons, minataurs, dragons, chimeras and the like) are going to play during the story, but i think its safe to say they will at least continue to show up in the Past chapters.
And please let me be perfectly clear about this: ANY critiques, criticism, suggestions, and corrections are very much welcome here. Anything you guys can bring to my attention can only make this a better story for everyone.
Was the song "Morning, U-Haul"?
2748913
Haha, unfortunately no. I may have removed a few words there in addition to a letter or two. "Born in a Mourning Hall," completely unrelated to the story itself in anyway but I felt I had to mention it for some reason in those authors notes... Oh well, its there now. New chapter In a couple days!
I lied :D The next chapter is up and it's a little shorter than the first two. However, it sets the stage for the rest of the Trial portion of the plot. Everything is in place, we can now get into the heart of the story from here on out. Expect to see some longer chapters, but possibly also a little longer wait in between updates. I'm going back to working on two other stories while I write this one so its going to be a bit too much to get a chapter out every other day or so. Rest assured, it will probably never be more than a week between chapters. Enjoy!
An armed takeover of a courtroom in what I can only assume is an early Canterlot? Surely reinforcements are on their way by now.
Also,
Should that be plead, or am I nitpicking?
No no, absolutely correct on the grammar point. Fixing that in a moment. As for the reinforcements... I wanted this scene to set the stage for establishing the shear power that both Star Swirl and Argent are able to call upon. You'll see a bit more in some of the coming chapters as the situation evolves, but for now, lets just say that any reinforcements that are on their way will be a little... busy for a while.
Wow that was an amazing twist
and so early on... I fear for what you have in mind for later chapters.
Keep it up, the way your laying out the story so far is really enjoyable. And I wonder if Ardent has any basis on characters in the show
2765162
My thanks. I have to admit, I was a little hesitant about writing that scene so early in the story, but once I started I just couldn't see any other way that it would have played out. The next chapter will likely be another Past one, but the following Trial one should really establish the way Ardent and Star Swirl are essentially keeping each other in check throughout this whole thing.
2768101
Hehe I trust in how yu write :) sure it going to be a very good chapter
Alright, so here we have the first of our weekly chapters... I don't know if they'll all be this long, I got a little caught up during one of the scenes and just couldn't stop. As such, enjoy, but don't necessarily expect all the weekly updates to look quite like this.
Excellent. There were some minor spelling errors but overall, great. Do you plan on introducing the royal sisters in any part of this story?
I do, yes. I'm not entirely sure how its going to play out just yet, but a little later on they will absolutely show up... Or at least Celestia will. Like I said, still kind of hammering out the details there.
So there's another chapter down. This has quickly become my absolute favorite story to write and the amount of ideas I have for the ending has become a little more intimidating than I had hoped it would be... Also, I think I owe you all an apology. To anyone who read the comment I posted saying this would be a short story...... I may have lied horribly on that point. As of now, the path leading to the final chapter twists on for a few good miles from where we are now. I'm said I can't guarantee this one will wrap up any time soon.
"What's done is done, we're about to see another day. The game of life, the hunter and the agile prey. No guarantee which of them will succeed..."
INSTA WATCH
2841155
Thankee sai, very much appreciated
2841450 your welcome
Ok now, before you say anything, I'm sorry. I know its been a while since I updated. It's been a busy few weeks. Moving on, let me just say.... I'm sorry. The chapter came out far longer than I originally imagined it would and one of the major plot points didn't get its proper closure as a result. Rest assured it will be addressed in the next Past chapter. And on a final note... I'm sorry. There's some stuff in this one that got a bit more graphic that I meant for it to. Once I started writing it I just couldn't stop. It's where the scene went naturally in my mind so that's how it played out. Anyway, enjoy
2944446 Cool chapter, the graphic parts were awesome
2949739
Thank you, and glad to hear it. I never know hoe other people are going to react to some of this stuff with so much of the canon and imagery only being in my own head and all.
I liked it, would have like to have seen some more visual imagery and a few more twists in this chapter but something tells me that's coming soon anyway
3079112
Indeed. This was essentially just a transition chapter to get from one section of the story to another. There's a bit of a transition coming up relating to this chapter. As such, a bit less detail was put into this one. The next one will be up soon though, and should feature a bit more... story.
3080572
Ahh that's good to hear :) looking forward to more of it
Alright, the chapter is finally finished. Let me just apologize for the wait and the sheer length of this one. There will be no new chapter next week as I completely forgot to update a different story this week and have push that one ahead as what I'm working on next week now... Convoluted, I know, but it made sense in my head. As such don't feel obligated to read this one all in one sitting. Let some of the implications sink in a bit since the next update will probably be a couple weeks from now
Enjoy!
Ehh... 3rd story in a row that updates with random political background bullshit no one cares about
3164998
While technically that's just a matter of opinion, yes... I suppose so. Personally I've enjoyed writing these chapters so its hard for me to judge exactly how painful they are to actually read. Unfortunately, since I already know where the story goes from here and which portions of the political gunk are essential to the final outcome of the tale, I'm instantly a little bias when it comes to organizing it. As such, your concern is assuredly being taken into account.
I write my stories the way they appear in my head. I do my best to edit out unnecessary details, boring exposition, and references that I know only I would get because of how deep into my own head some of the canon I'm making up is, but I still attempt to leave in everything that is needed. As I've said before, this particular story was meant to be a rather short little adventure originally, but turned out to be something I just couldn't stop adding to. As such, its going to be rather long. Long stories often have certain aspects which will always come off as long-winded, meandering, and, yes, filled with background bullshit which is setting up for something that happens later on. I could have dedicated three or more full chapters to the stories I've made up in my head for how Star Swirl, Ardent, and Clover have all had interactions with the four races I mentioned in the first chapter. Instead, I thought it would be ever to digest if I just made one past chapter for each. We're done with minotaurs, gryphons, and dragons now so there's just one left to go. Humor me until that's done and I assure you there WILL be a payoff for it at the end.
As always, thanks for the criticism. In all honesty I'd like to see more of it from people, if at all possible.
Hey Arty, is this still alive or has it run out of steam? (Loved reading this chapter)
Oh it's still going; unfortunately so are three other stories and two (soon to be three) jobs outside of writing. The moment I get a bit more free time there will be two more chapters glued into here within a few days of each other.
Actually, screw it. Here's one to hold you over until then
Loved it! Not quite what I expected but definitely a good chapter, keep it up.
Next should be out soon. Another past one, this time not in the city. The story needs to branch out a bit from the castle for things to really develop.
Its been so very long... What is the holdup? do you need something?
Behind you stand the symbol of oppression. Where a thousands have languished under the name of this pony, Star Swirl, who has been held up to you as the shining example of Goodness!