Sea Lightning
Wise Beyond Her Years
Preread, Edited, and Reviewed By
Batty Gloom, Illustrious Q, Obselescence, El Oso
Fangwarden, Kohta Izumi, Applejack-fan, Kirk Heller
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Chapter 7
Sea Lightning
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“Barkeep, a round of your finest rummed cider, or rummed wine, or rummed anything really. I’m not picky when it comes to my libations.”
“No,” the bartender said, turning to look at the pony who had just sat down while letting his levitation magic wash and dry a glass. The stallion was red like the dirty, greasy bandana that was wrapped around his forehead. Though you could hardly see the thing behind his dreadlocks and old, heavily worn captain’s hat. “Your tab’s past due. I’m not giving you a drop of anything, unless it’s me drop kicking you out the door.”
“But mate, that pretty little pink thing was going to cover my tab.”
“For the drinks the other day. Not for the drinks today and not for all the other drinks you’ve had. No, either pay up or get out before I call the police.”
The stallion grumbled, pushed back from the bar, and got down from his seat. “I hope you know, this is a horrible way to run a bar. A bar is a place where rum and beautiful mares should be in high supply. All you have is no-libations and... mediocre mares at best.” The stallion paused to smile at one particular mare who was now glaring daggers at him. “Oh, not you love. You're a pretty little thing. Well, you would be, if you cut back on the cupcakes.”
The hoof of the mare struck hard against the side of the stallion’s cheek, causing him to spin around a bit bewildered. He rolled his jaw and fixed his hat back into position. “Though I can’t say you don’t have a lovely backhoof.”
“Still, I can tell when I’m not wanted,” the stallion said, heading to the door of the bar with dramatic flare. “So I shall depart, though I promise you shall soon miss my colorful commentary on your lives. You shall miss this charming rogue, and shall ever mourn the day you threw out the famous Captain–”
“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
~~~
The stallion she had met at the bar a few days ago was still cringing in pain when Pinkie Pie came to a stop. He was covering his eyes with his hooves, having been dragged from the cool darkness of his self-named “gutter” to the eye-searing brightness of day. Still, while he shouted and cursed with words Pinkie wouldn’t dare repeat, she had carried him to where they needed to be.
“I found him!”
The stallion cringed and rubbed his eyes with a forehoof, trying to make the spots go away. “I hope you know you interrupted a very important parley involving dealings of the most important... importance.”
“You were trying to get drunk, weren’t you?”
The stallion froze, like a creature caught in a cockatrice’s stare. He rubbed his eyes again, forcing his vision to clear and refocus before turning slowly. He was standing on the pier with Nephthys’ old ship, the Lunar Wind, moored nearby. And floating in the water on the opposite of the pier was Queen Oceania, who was glaring down at the stallion even as a crowd of ponies gathered several yards away.
“It’s been a long time, Sparrow.”
“Oceania... I...” The captain flashed a smile, brought a hoof to his hat, and bowed as he removed it. “You are looking as lovely as ever.”
“And you are the same rum-soaked pirate,” she said in return. “Even if you haven’t been on the ocean for centuries.”
“For my health, your majesty,” Sparrow said as he returned his hat to his head. “The ocean isn’t the safest place when its queen has a trident to grind.”
“For good reason,” she snipped, the grip on her trident tightening.
Pinkie Pie bounded up beside the two, still smiling though it was one of nerves. “Not to get in the way of whatever history you two have, but we do need to get going.”
“The pink one is right,” Sparrow said before promptly turn and starting to walk away. “I have to get going back to that bar.”
Pinkie Pie pointed to the Lunar Wind. “Actually, I was talking about the ship.”
Sparrow kept on walking down the pier. “Museums are not really my thing, but I’m sure you two will have a marvelous time. Oceania can tell you all about the relics inside. They share that trait in common, they do.”
“No, she’s actually really bad at telling stories,” Pinkie Pie said, ignoring the fact Queen Oceania’s glare was now fixed on her as she trotted up behind Sparrow. “And we’re not going to the museum. We’re going out to sea, and we need a captain.”
Sparrow stopped dead in his hooves and spun around slowly. “A captain, you say?”
“Yes. I kind of helped a mad, old pirate skeleton with a lantern in his chest escape from an uncharted island and now he’s coming here to harvest everypony’s souls and take Queen Oceania’s trident. And we need your help to stop him.”
“Ah, I see.” Sparrow turned back around on his hooves, once more turning to leave. “Good luck with that.”
“Are you sure? This is your chance to captain the Lunar Wind,” Pinkie Pie called.
Once more, Sparrow stopped and turned around, managing to strike the same odd pose he had taken when he turned round the first time. “The Lunar Wind. So you have her seaworthy again?”
“No, the ship’s still a museum.”
“Then you have a crew?”
Pinkie Pie shook her head. “No, no crew yet.”
“Then, let me get this straight. You want me to captain a museum with no crew up against an undead pirate that’s coming to cause general havoc and mayhem and the other sort of things undead pirates tend to do.”
Pinkie Pie smiled and nodded. “Yep.”
“Ah, yes... of course,” he said, nodding his head as he turned to leave again. Yet, he came to a stop mid step. A smile slowly spread on his lips, and an old glint came into his eyes. His grin grew wider, showing a few gold teeth as his eyes shifted back to Pinkie Pie. “Sounds like just the thing for a pirate.”
“I thought you’d be interested,” Pinkie Pie said as she and Sparrow turned and began walking back towards the Lunar Wind. “Now, you’d better get to the helm. We’ll be setting sail in a few minutes.”
“I love your enthusiasm, but unless we want to go up against this skeleton pirate... what’s his name?”
“Bermuda Bones.”
“Ah, of course, the one you went looking for. Told you my compass was well worth the treasure split we negotiated. Still, if we’re going to be going against Mr. Skeleton Bones without meeting our own horrible fates, we are going to need a bit more sea-worthy vessel, savvy?”
“Oh, I know, just give me about three minutes and twenty five seconds.”
“You get three minutes and twenty four and not a second more.”
Pinkie Pie saluted Sparrow before quickly turning about and galloping to the end of the pier. There, she jumped up onto the barrel, grabbing the attention of all the ponies who had been looking at Oceania from a distance. “Hey, listen everypony! I need your help with something. Something really nasty is coming this way and we need to get the Lunar Wind shipshape! And we can do it if everypony helps.”
“And why would we just help like that? It’s just an old ship.”
“Why, this just isn’t some old ship. Why, this ship could be...” Pinkie Pie paused a moment, striking a pose as a broad smile spread on her lips. “Hydrodynamic.” She switched to a second pose, her smile only growing. “Emblematic.” Pinkie Pie snatched a large, black jacket from someone in the crowd, just to twirl it around before throwing it in the air. “Ultramatic.”
“Why couldn’t it be Sea Lightning!”
Pinkie Pie started tapping her hoof on the barrel, the beat traveling through the pier and seeming to infect the audience as she rocked her hips. “We’ll clean out the junk but leave crane game on the deck, oh yeah.”
“Keep talkin’, whoa keep talkin’!” The crowd shouted back.
“Fresh carbon fiber sails and riggings right off the shelves, oh yeah.”
“We’ll get her ready! Need to get her ready!”
“With a mast so high, she’ll be scraping at the sky. She’ll be so cool she’ll make any sailor drool, Sea Lightning!”
The crowd was bouncing with Pinkie Pie, stampeding down the pier to the ship’s gangplank. “Go! Go! Go! Go go go go go go!”
“Go, Sea Lightning, you're burning up that nautical mile,” Pinkie Pie sang as she bounded from the barrel that had been her platform to the ship’s bow. “Go, Sea Lightning, you're coasting when the rest are at full mast. You are supreme, ponies will scream, for Sea Lightning!”
“Go! Go! Go! go go go go go go!” The crowd sang along, each hoof, horn, and wing already at work clearing away the clutter the ship had gathered from its years as a museum.
“We’ll get some big cannons and plenty kegs of rum, oh yeah. “ Pinkie Pie wiggled her hips again as she strutted down the guard rail of the middeck. “A new wheel at the helm and we’ll be ready for that Bermuda Scum, oh yeah.” Pinkie leapt from the rail, getting caught by a few of the ponies caught up in her musical number.
“With new rope, nets, and oil, it will all be worth the toil. That old boney pirate won’t be ready for this riot, Sea Lightning!”
“Go! Go! Go! Go go go go go go!”
Pinkie Pie’s song hit its chorus and instrumental interlude. And with the ever growing army of ponies working on the ship, it began to transform before their eyes. The museum display cases that had been placed in its hold were tossed unceremoniously to the pier, to be replaced with barrels and crates of supplies. Cannons were fastened into place, sails hung from the mast. In the matter of a minute and twenty four seconds, the decades were turned back until the old ship was at her pirate hunting prime once more.
And all the while Oceania looked on in stunned disbelief while Sparrow drank from a quickly procured bottle of rum and, on occasion, used his hoof to gently close Oceania’s hanging jaw.
With the work done, Pinkie Pie stood at the top of the gangplank, dressed in a full pirate captain’s ensemble as the other ponies, now looking as pirates, danced and sang with her down the gangplank. “Go, Sea Lightning, you're burning up that nautical mile.”
“Go, Sea Lightning. Go, Sea Lightning!”
“Go, Sea Lightning, you’re coasting when the rest are at full mast.”
“Go, Sea Lightning, Go, Sea Lightning!”
“You are supreme, ponies will scream, for Sea Lightning!”
The other ponies raised their hooves and their voices, singing out like a choral chorus. “Lightning, lightning, lightning. Lightning, lightning, lightning!”
In a final grand pose, Pinkie Pie and all the ponies who had aided in the restoration jumped down to the pier. “Lightning!”
The sails of the ship unfurled, filling and billowing with the wind that had risen from the ocean. And it was then Pinkie Pie’s enchantment over the other ponies seemed to end. They cheered, hollered, and laughed as they began to leave the pier, going back to their business while Pinkie Pie waved to them happily. “Thanks for all the hard work! You all did great!”
Queen Oceania opened her mouth to say something, to try and define what she had seen, but she could only cover her eyes and shake her head. “Insane, everyone on land has gone insane.”
“Nope, just harnessing the second most powerful magic in all of Equestria,” Pinkie Pie answered.
“And to great effect, I must say,” Sparrow added, unphased by what he had seen as he climbed the gangplank. “Top notch repairs. She looks better than I ever remember. But then again, I only really got to see her when she was at full sail trying to hunt me down.”
“Well, the song was really meant about fixing a cart, but I’m glad I could make it work,” Pinkie Pie said as she climbed up the gangplank behind him.
“We aren’t calling her Sea Lightning though,” Sparrow said as he and Pinkie Pie climbed the steps to the quarter deck, Sparrow’s hooves quickly finding their way to the helm. “It’s a disgrace to her proud legend, the greatest pirate hunting ship on the seas.”
“Oh, of course not. That was just for the song. Sure, Lunar Wind is three syllables like Sea Lightning, but the stress on those three syllables is all off.”
“Well good, then we are in agreement. Now all we need is a crew.” Sparrow flashed a smile. “Think you can drum up some proper pirates with another little musical number of yours?”
“Sorry, I Pinkie Promised Princess Celestia I wouldn’t do more than one musical montage in one day. Besides, Oceania was going to use her trident to give some of her sea ponies legs for a little while. She says they know the ropes and the riggings! Which is good, because most ponies really only know the ropes.”
The semi transformed sea ponies began to walk onto the deck at that time, their entire fish tail lower halves changed. They now each had a pair of scaly legs, though in place of a normal pony tail they each still had a fish like flipper extending out behind them.
“Well, despite their less than appealing fishy bits, I suppose that’s as close to proper pirates were going to get in this day and age.” Sparrow gave the helm a small test turn, the smile on his face only growing. “Oh, but she feels ready. First Mate Pink! Let’s get underway.”
“Aye, Aye, Captain!” Pinkie Pie chirped with a salute before turning and shouting to the deck. “Ahoy, all hooves on deck! Cast off get ready to sail! We meet the Grey Griffin in open water beyond the harbor! Ready the guns and hoist the colors!”
The leg gifted seaponies nodded and began to work frantically, and both Pinkie Pie and Sparrow couldn’t help but watch as one in particular clamored to the top of the ship’s highest mast carrying a small black bundle. Up the netting he climbed, reaching the crow’s nest and hooking the flag to its line. Then, all it took was a few good pulls on the rope and the Lunar Wind was flying its pirate flag.
A black flag with pink bones and a skeleton pony head with a big, pink, poofy mane.
“Pink, lass... I don’t think you get the point of a pirate’s flag.”
“I don’t care! That’s the seventh best thing I’ve ever seen!”
~~~
“Ships off the starboard bow!”
Pinkie Pie and Sparrow moved to the right side of the quarterdeck, leaving the helm in the hooves of a seapony. Each withdrew their own spyglass. “I don’t see any ship,” Sparrow complained, only for Pinkie to use a free hoof to nudge his spyglass skyward, to where the Grey Griffin was floating next to the smoldering wreckage of an airship.
“Ah, yes, there it is. Well, it does look like Celestia’s finest didn’t fare so well against Bones. I must say, they just don’t train pirate hunting naval officers like they used to.”
“So, what are your orders, Captain?” Pinkie Pie asked, lowering her spyglass.
“Well, if they were on the water I would order an ahead full sail.” Sparrow lowered his spyglass, tucking it in his jacket before beginning to wave his hooves about. “I would order for the cannons to be readied and, when the moment was just right, I would bellow aloud for all to hear. I would bellow ‘fire’ then you would bellow ‘fire’, and so on and so forth. And then, once ‘fire’ had been reiterated three or, on rare occasion, four times the cannons would... fire. That being the point of the whole charade, you see.”
“That sounds like a great plan!”
“Ah, it is a tried and true method of fighting upon the ocean. Only one problem, our adversary has a significant height advantage.” Sparrow retook the helm of the ship before leaning over to look at Pinkie Pie. “So, my dear First Mate Pink, if you happen to have any suggestions for clipping the Griffin’s wings I would more than gladly take credit for it.”
“Well... I do have an idea involving a mustache, but I think we should start with plan B.”
“Ah, save the best plan in case we need it. Aye, then what is Plan B?”
“We party Pirate Pinkie Pie style!” She said before bringing her hoof to her mouth and whistling. In a flash, some of the crew carried a few large crates out into the center of the ship’s deck. Pry bars were used to remove the lids, showing the heavy munitions Pinkie Pie had picked up. Fireworks, of sizes that would blow a hoof clean off somepony’s leg if mishandled. And there were a lot of them.
“How are fireworks supposed to bring down a ship being powered by supernatural forces?” Queen Oceania asked, the royal sea pony forced to sit back seat to Pinkie and Sparrow’s insanity from a large trough of water at the back of the quarterdeck.
“Oh, they’re not,” Pinkie Pie said. “They’re just meant to invite Bermuda Bones to the party.”
~~~
“You’d think a modern flying ship would have put up a better fight,” Bermuda Bones said to himself as he stepped back onto the deck of the Grey Griffin, wrapping his grisly hook and chain back around his chest. He rattled his bones and walked up the steps of the ship back to the helm. He put one hand on the great wheel and another on the neighboring compass. He gave it a tap, to ensure the arrow was pointing true, then pulled his ship away.
In his and the Grey Griffin’s wake, Bermuda Bones left the wreckage of the S.S. Knight. The airship was clinging to the air with the last breath’s of its life. The balloon that kept it suspended threatened to come undone at any moment. The sides of the ship were peppered with holes from the Grey Griffin’s cannons. And the Knight’s crew lay about the ship, bodies and minds well but souls harvested to feed the lantern which glowed a little bit brighter within Bermuda’s ribcage.
“Now, a few degrees to starboard and—what the!?”
The loud pop drew Bermuda’s eyes to the port side of his ship, where he saw just a few glimpses of something bursting. Soon, another pop came from the starboard side, and those two were joined by dozens of other. And though it was hard to see in the bright light of day, Bermuda took notice of the flakes of fire and smoke.
Moving quickly to one side of the ship, Bermuda Bones looked all around for the source of the attack. Then he looked down, the eyeholes of his skull focusing on the ship to which the many trails of smoke lead. Still, Bermuda’s momentary panic became one of vengeful glee. He knew the Lunar Wind when he saw it, and, while Captain Nephthys had long since passed away, he would take great pleasure in sending her famed ship to a watery grave.
Responding to the will of his master, the ship began to descend as he rushed back to the helm. The cannon ports opened, and all about the ship the lantern’s magic worked. And with a delighted cackle, Bermuda spun the ship’s wheel and pointed the bow straight at the Lunar Wind.
~~~
“She’s come about and is on an intercept course, Captain!” The sea pony in the crow’s nest shouted.
“Good, good! We’ve gotten his attention. He shall come straight to us, and then... we will...” Sparrow turned his head away from the ship’s wheel, glancing between Pinkie Pie and Oceania. “Just how do we put Bones’ bones back where they belong?”
“Separate the lantern from his skeleton,” Oceania said. “He can only command its power as long as he shares some physical contact with it or its chain.”
“Oh, well, that should be easy enough.”
Pinkie Pie rolled her head to the side. “Well, it would be, but Bermuda’s kind of wrapped the chains all around his rib cage. It actually looks really menacing. A really good look for a spooky pirate undead skeleton thing. But it also makes taking the lantern pretty difficult. That and the lantern is inside his ribcage.”
“Well, the good news just keeps on coming,” Sparrow said, still smiling through the sarcasm in his voice. Still, he prepared the Lunar Wind for battle. A spin of the helm, and the ship’s course took a hard to port. Sea ponies rushed to the canons, tilting them up as far as they would go as all eyes were kept trained on the descending Grey Griffin.
“Steady! Steady!” Sparrow called. They watched as the Grey Griffin came within a breath of the ocean’s surface, but it did not land completely. No, it hovered above the waves, keeping the benefit of speed gifted to it as it continued on its course to the Lunar Wind, a course that had changed from intercept to collision.
“Captain, she’s going to ram us! Orders!”
“Steady!” Sparrow shouted to the sea pony crew, his hooves remaining firmly planted on the helm. He turned the ship again, bring her about so the tip of the bow faced the Grey Griffin. The two ships were now racing to one another in a deadly game of chicken, yet neither captain flinched.
“Steady! Steady! Steady!”
“You are going to sink us before the battle has even begun! Turn the ship!” Oceania snapped.
Sparrow glanced over his shoulder just briefly. “Hey, no back seat captaining!” he shouted back, even as his hooves began to turn the ship ever so slightly. The Lunar Wind turned to her port side, and, with a teeth-grinding crunch, the two ships collided. Wood and metal scraped against one another as the two ships slid past, and just when the two ships were board to board, Sparrow raised his voice and swung one of his forelegs.
“Fire!”
The cannons of the Lunar Wind roared, the cannonballs tearing into the side of the Grey Griffin. Wood and metal flung off in a thousand directions, and the Grey Griffin veered off its course by the sheer force of the impact. But not before, with a loud clank of metal, Bermuda Bones had landed his hook in the mast of the Lunar Wind.
Laughing like a demon of tartarus, Bermuda Bones swung on the hook’s chain from the Grey Griffin to the Lunar Wind, a cutlass in his free hand. He took a swing at the sea pony crew as he swung past, laughing all the time as he went back and forth. The sea ponies were forced to flee the deck, jumping overboard just to dodge the swipes of Bermuda’s blade.
And once the deck was cleared, Bermuda released his grip on the chain, landing with a thud against the deck before looking up at the helm of the ship. “Sparrow.”
“Bermuda, it’s been ages. How have you been? Have you lost weight?” Sparrow shouted from the helm.
“Yes, I have, just as you’ve lost your sense throwing your lot in with the queen and that ball of cotton candy.”
“Oh! Cotton candy! Where!?” Pinkie Pie shouted, her eyes darting about in excitement.
“Aye, First Mate Pink might be very... pink, but better to throw my lot in with them than with a pirate that cheats at our time honored tradition of cards.”
“The time-honored tradition is to cheat at cards, Sparrow,” Bermuda shouted back. “You just didn’t cheat well enough.”
“I cheated plenty well, thank you,” Sparrow argued as he stepped away from the helm and began descending the steps to the main deck. “But I at least had the integrity not to bribe the dealer. That goes against the pirate code, mate.”
“The pirate code really is more a set of guidelines than actual rules.”
“Hey,” Sparrow snapped before wrapping his mouth around the hilt of his sword and drawing it. “That’s my line.”
“I can’t help it if you’ve always been second best,” Bermuda laughed before lunging, his cutlass clashing with Sparrow’s sword. Metal clashed against metal and salty curses were thrown back and forth, a full and proper pirate duel like the world had not seen in a hundred years. Pinkie Pie was balancing on top of the guard rail, standing on the tips of her hooves as she watched the fight, not wanting to miss a moment.
“That’s it Sparrow! Give him the old one-two. Wait, look out! Parry! Parry!”
“I know how to fight, thank you very much!” Sparrow shouted through the sword in his teeth before he quickly leapt to one side, dodging a lunge from Bermuda.
“He does know how to fight, but he faces an opponent that will not tire,” Oceania said as she sat up in her troth of water, hoof gripped firmly on her trident. “Bermuda can’t be beaten by conventional sword. We have to focus on getting the lantern away from him.”
Pinkie Pie glanced away from the fight for a moment, pouting like a filly being taken out of a movie theater before the movie was done. But she then sighed and nodded her head. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“Good, now, I think what we should do is—”
“Hold onto that thought for one second.” Pinkie Pie trotted up to the queen, her face once more carrying her sweet, bubbly smile. She stood before the queen silently for a moment, as if intending to speak yet not even putting forth the effort to open her mouth. The pair stared at one another a few moments.
“Hold on for—” Oceania tried to ask, only for her words to be met by Pinkie’s swift actions.
In the briefness of a few moments, Pinkie Pie had reached forward, grabbed Oceania’s trident, turned on her hooves, and threw the great magical weapon. Like an arrow released from a bow the trident flew, and with a resounding thunk the prongs of the trident drove into the wood of the mast.
And stuck between the trident’s prongs and the mast was the hook connected to Bermuda Bones chain.
“What are you doing!?” Oceania shouted, her hooves grasping for the trident that had been there just seconds before.
Pinkie Pie smiled, as if the sense behind her actions was evident to everypony. “Oh, just tying down the leash. Now I got to take this old dog for his walk.” Pinkie then broke into a gallop, drawing the sword from the belt of her own pirate costume. She leapt up onto the guardrail of the stairs that lead down to the main deck and slid on her hooves with the expertise of an acrobat.
On the main deck, Sparrow was still trading blows with Bones, though the good pony captain was backed up against the railing. His shoulder bore a cut from Bermuda’s sword, and the skeletal minotaur was closing in, murderous intent in each step.
“Hey, skull for brains!”
Bermuda turned, only to see the flash of a blade as Pinkie Pie attacked. He brought up his cutlass to guard the lantern, but Pinkie Pie’s aim was not for the supernatural relic. Instead her sword was targeted at Bermuda’s elbow. Her blow was clean, and with a clatter the lower half of Bermuda’s free hand fell to the deck, the digits of his hand still twitching.
“Catch me if you can!” Pinkie Pie sang, dropping her sword and grabbing up Bermuda’s fallen hand. She then bolted for the quarterdeck, laughing all the way until she reached the top of the starboard side staircase. She then spun around and waved Bermuda’s own hand at him, her giggles still filling the air.
With a grunt, Bermuda dropped the cutlass from his one remaining hand. He reached for Sparrow, grabbing up the boisterous pony before unceremoniously tossing him over the edge of the ship. Sparrow yelped for help, but his shout was left unanswered and was soon followed by the distinguishable splash of water.
“Give me back my arm,” Bermuda shouted, using his remaining hand to unravel the chains from his chest, leaving a trail behind him. “Or you will suffer a fate worse than death.”
“Ooo, that’s a good one. I think I felt chills crawling down my spine. But I would have personally gone with something like this.” Pinkie held up Bermuda Bones’ hand, forming its fingers into a playful mouth before rattling it up and down in tune with her own voice. “‘Give me back my hand, and I’ll strangle you to death nice and quick.’”
Bermuda began walking faster and unraveling the chain from his chest with greater haste as he climbed the steps. Yet, just as Pinkie Pie got within his reach, she bonded off across the quarterdeck, reaching the other staircase before continuing her puppet show with the skeleton hand.
“No, wait, I have a better one. ‘Give me back my hand so I can slap you with it.’”
“I am going to make you suffer like no pony has suffered before,” Bermuda threatened, chasing Pinkie Pie to the top of the other staircase. Once more, Pinkie Pie just bounded away. She scampered down the port side staircase and disappeared behind the mast. She then stuck Bermuda’s hand out, pulling off an impressive ventriloquism act.
“‘No, Bermuda, I can’t return to you. For I can no longer be the hand of a pirate. Not when I have found true love!’” Pinkie Pie stuck her own hoof out from behind the mast, speaking in a voice even higher in pitch. “‘Oh, Hanes, you love me that much?’”
“‘Aye, I do Lady Hoofington,’” Pinkie said in the gruff voice she had given to Bermuda’s hand. She then pressed the two together, making kissing noises before giggling and sticking her head out from behind the mast. “Get it, Hanes! Because it’s your Hand and your name is Bones? Hand? Bones? Han-Nes? Hanes? Get it?”
Bermuda offered no witty retort, only the bellow of a bull as he unwound all the chains from his chest, leaving it in a single pile on the deck. He then stomped his hooves and lowered his horns, the impaling tips pointed directly at Pinkie Pie. Bermuda was seeing red in his anger, and there was only one instinct a minotaur, or any part bull creature, had when infuriated.
Pinkie Pie yelped and ran for the front of the ship, even as Bermuda Bones began his charge. Like a runaway train, Bermuda kept gaining speed and was soon closing the gap between himself and Pinkie Pie. All the while the chains connected to the lantern rattled against the deck, being dragged along behind Bermuda as he thundered across the deck.
Pinkie Pie kept running and running until she reached the tip of the ship’s bow, and there she turned around with a fearful look in her eyes. Bermuda was at full speed now. Each step brought him closer to Pinkie Pie. Each step brought his horns closer to drawing crimson rubes from the pink pony’s body. Each step caused the chain connected to the lantern to eat up more and more slack.
When Bermuda was but four steps away he gave one final, triumphant bellow. At three steps away, the chain on the lantern ran out of slack, for the hook was still pinned against the mast by Oceania’s trident. At two steps away Pinkie Pie began to smile as she rolled to one side.
At one step away, the chain on the lantern snapped taut and the cracking of bones filled the air.
The skeletal body that had comprised Bermuda Bones collapsed into a heap on the deck. His skull and horns became imbedded in the ships wood, and Pinkie Pie had to shield her eyes for a moment as little bits of shattered bone sprayed across her body. After a few seconds, it was done, and Pinkie Pie lowered her hoof to see the results of her plan.
Bermuda Bones had, quite literally, reached the end of his leash. With the other end of the lantern’s chain pinned to the mast by Oceania’s trident, Pinkie Pie had lured the undead captain up one side of the ship and down the other, ensuring the chain was wrapped around the ship’s helm. Then, all it took was getting Bermuda mad enough to charge.
Easy enough when you tell a love story about his hand.
And thus, when Bermuda charged, he sealed his fate. For when the chain snapped taut, the lantern was yanked free of Bermuda’s rib cage. It fell to the deck, and, with his connection to the lantern severed, Bermuda’s skeleton simply fell to pieces.
“Oldest trick in the book,” Pinkie Pie said as she stepped around the scattered bones and picked up the lantern. “Okay, maybe not the oldest, but still a classic. Now if only I had some white chalk to mark X on the spot. Then it would have been just perfect.”
Pinkie Pie shrugged, willing to take the moment for what it was before turning her head to the side of the ship. With a splatter and a cough, Sparrow poked his head over the side of the ship. His body and few clothes were drenched with sea water, but he didn’t seem to let it phase him. He scooped up his sword and quickly began to look about.
“All right, no pony panic! I’m back to save the day. Now, where did that old bag of bones run off to? I’ll teach him to throw a captain overboard like a bucket of chum.”
~~~
Ending her journey as it had began, Pinkie Pie sat in a rowboat, her hooves on the oars and her saddlebags resting beneath her seat. The bow of her little ship was pointed to the horizon, where the coastline, the port, and the train that would carry her back to Ponyville waited. Behind her, the Lunar Wind bobbed in the ocean waves, the leg-granted sea pony crew bustling about.
Though, unlike when she set off from the port a few days ago, Pinkie Pie had company. A squad of six sea ponies were swimming alongside her boat, a royal escort from Queen Oceania herself. It was a kind gesture, and it ensured Pinkie went straight back to shore and didn’t go and rouse some other undead pirate to pillage the seas.
As for the queen herself, she was in her trough at the back of the Lunar Wind, waiting for the spell she placed on the crew to wear off so they could all return to the ocean’s depths. Sparrow was also still on the ship, busying himself barking a few orders and sneaking glances at Queen Oceania when he could.
“Huh,” Pinkie Pie sighed, a smile on her lips, though it was a little weak.
“Is something the matter, Miss Pie?” One of the sea pony guards escorting her asked.
“I just realized I never got to tell the queen and Sparrow what I think happened with them and Nephthys. The queen was too busy releasing the souls from the lantern, and Sparrow seemed to really want me off the ship.”
“I do believe Sparrow intends to steal the Lunar Wind now that she is seaworthy again, Miss Pie.”
“Oh, well, I knew that. But that didn’t mean he had to kick me to the curb. I was going to let him take it. A pirate can’t be a pirate without a ship. I just really think those two will be a lot better off if I tell them what I think happened between them and Nephthys.”
“Would you like to stop and try shouting it to them?” the sea pony guard asked.
“No, they won’t hear me that well from all the way over here. The only way they would is if I got a bunch of ponies to sing with me. A song always carries farther, but you sea ponies don’t sing.”
Pinkie Pie sighed again, leaning into her rowing as she contented herself with just getting back to shore. She just kept her eyes on the Lunar Wind, not even noticing two of the guards escorting her disappearing from the water.
But she did notice a tapping. The sound of metal clanking against metal, and, as she turned her head, she saw the guards escorting her were striking spears against shields in a steady, slow rhythm. And, by nature, her own rowing began to fall in time with the beat.
Then the other guards returned, surfacing next to the boat with another twenty sea pony soldiers. And they were all beating their shields, creating quite the clatter that was beginning to draw the attention of Oceania, Sparrow, and those leg-granted sea ponies who still crewed the ship.
“I thought sea ponies didn’t—”
“The queen does not approve of it, but that doesn’t mean other sea ponies don’t enjoy a rousing melody from time to time.”
Pinkie Pie’s face could barely contain the smile that her lips formed. Their beat continued a bit longer, then Pinkie Pie began. A low, dark song that the sea pony guards joined into within a few seconds, their loud chorus carrying the words clearly all the way back to the Lunar Wind.
Shiver my timbers, shiver my soul
Yo ho, heave ho
Fear those ponies with hearts as black as coal
Yo ho, heave ho
They sailed their ships across the ocean blue
Bloodthirsty captains and cutthroat crews
So many a tale can be told
Of their lust for treasure and their love of gold
Pinkie Pie let go of her oars, letting them fall to the water as a few of the sea ponies took to pushing her ship. The whole group began to turn, slowly coming back around to face the Lunar Wind while Pinkie Pie donned a captain’s hat from her saddlebags. She had been looking for an excuse to wear it the whole trip.
Shiver my timbers, shiver my sides
Yo ho, heave ho
But one wished only to sail the tides
Yo ho, heave ho
There was one captain unlike the rest
Who wanted nothing more than freedom’s best
With a boat, a crew, and a black flag up high
He could be happy till the day he died
Yo ho, heave ho
But one fair day, he saved a mare
As wild as the ocean and just as fare
Three gifts she gave, one he stole
Compass, conch, heart, and life untold
Yes, and life untold...
Back on the Lunar Wind, Sparrow had moved to the guardrail of the quarterdeck, his hat tipped back and a wide smile on his face. He watched the display unfolding before him, his crew, and Oceania. The sea pony guards were beginning to swim through maneuvers, forming flanks and columns that shifted and rolled. More sea ponies were joining as well, drawn in to Pinkie Pie’s song like so many before them.
Shiver my timbers, shiver my heart
Yo, ho, heave ho
This mare and pirate would never part
Yo, ho, heave ho
Yet upon the seas was another mare
Chosen by the navy with utmost care
On the Lunar Wind she sailed the seas
And brought many pirates to their knees
Pinkie Pie’s little row boat was pushed to the center of of the swarming sea ponies, who now easily numbered in the hundreds. They were going through maneuvers like a marching band at halftime, forming shapes and patterns, swimming this way and that, all while continuing to sing and slam their shields to keep the beat.
Shiver my timbers, shiver my sides
Yo, ho, heave ho
Pirates were something she could not abide
Yo, ho, heave ho
With a hand of cards she tipped the scale
Ensuring old Bones would prevail
For with one stone, she sought to claim
To end two pirates of glorious fame
Yo, ho, heave ho
And on that day she struck the final nail
Telling the ocean mare a terrible tail
Bones was left in his tomb to die
And across the sea, no Sparrow would fly
No Sparrow would fly...
Queen Oceania, who had been holding her head in her hoof during most of the song, was now sitting up straight in her trough. Her eyes were focused on Sparrow, and he turned to look at her with a similarly shocked expression. They did not look to watch the continued, swirling movements of the sea ponies. But still the song rang true in their minds.
Shiver my timbers, shiver my soul
Yo, ho, heave ho
That zebra’s heart was black as coal
Yo, ho, heave ho
A scorned mare’s wrath is a terrible thing
And the zebra used it with poisonous sting
She drove a part the two lovers true
To trap on land the pirate and his crew
Smiles began to slip onto Sparrow and Oceania’s faces as the sea ponies began to surge together, forming tight ranks and columns like a military march. They brought their shields and spears up in a brief salute and shout, one that Oceania returned with a nod. At that Sparrow called to the crew, having them unfurl the sails. The Lunar Wind was away, sailing off into the ocean while Pinkie Pie and her sea ponies continued their song, as a parting gift.
Shiver my timbers, shiver my heart
Yo, ho, heave ho
This mare and pirate would never part
Yo, ho, heave ho
For years it did stay this way
Sparrow never aging or turning grey
Bound to the land, a bird in a cage
Fearful forever of the ocean’s rage
Yo, ho, heave ho
But love did stand the test of time
And as sure as I can make this rhyme
They do sail away to a new life blessed
This pirate party was the best!
Was the best!
Yo, ho, heave ho!
The last word of the song was shouted by all, Pinkie Pie and sea pony alike. Then came the cheers of a job well done. The guards laughed and congratulated one another. Those who had been drawn in returned to the depths, and soon only Pinkie Pie and her original guards remained. Her rowboat was turned back towards the coast. Her oars were retrieved, and soon she and six sea ponies were rowing along, as if the song had never occurred.
Though, unlike before, Pinkie Pie now wore a happy grin on her face and the captain’s hat on her head. “Now that’s how you end a pirate adventure.
“So, any of you want to help me sing ‘Row Your Boat?’”
=====================================================================
Questions, Comments, Concerns?
pen.stroke.pony@gmail.com
My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic © Hasbro
I do not own the intellectual properties this fan-fiction is based on.
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Nice work with this one.
I sense the Disney Pirates movies influence on this...
Also, the lyrics and songs? THEY MUST BE MADE REAL.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I suppose normalcy is okay. Until the next pirate adventure, at least.
Nice chapter with Pinkie Pie. I enjoyed the song at the end.
CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
And thus did the Element of Laughter earn Queen Oceania's begrudging respect.
Still the best darn Pinkie I've read in ages. I wish others were half as good at capturing Pinkie's character as you are. If Sparrow and Pinkie were ever to meet I could see it totally going down like this
I approve of this, even if I was laughing for five straight minutes as I read it.
Well, that was... interesting to say the least.
And thus, your Pinkie Pie makes everyone else's seem OOC by proxy. That was brilliant! Part of me wishes this whole story could just be Pinkie and Sparrow's adventure on the high seas, but we still have a conspiracy to uncover!
That song should be sung for real. I think it'd be great.
Everything about this was good. I can see no negatives.
Great!!
Actually, Pinkie, I was thinking more that a simple line would do the trick.
Excellent choice of song at the end, Pen.
Well I feel sheepish. I can't seem to understand her song....
It's pinkie you don't need to explain.
Pen, there is nothing EVER normal about your stories. That's why they're so amazing. On a related note, I can already see the look on everyone's face when they read about THIS from Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie broke her pinkie promise to Tia. She sang in to musicals in one day.
But still a great chapter mate.
~Reggie
did anyone else hear jack speaking in this chapter?
That was awesome!!!! *takes out Molotov and takes off the fuse.... swings back and drinks the rum*
3394999
Once upon a time, on a wave far, far away, there lived a Sparrow and a Sea Queen, very much in love. There was also the Minotaur, who was the Sparrow's friend, enemy and rival
But over a nearby wave, there came the dreaded Captain Nepthys. Nepthys hated the Sparrow, who had evaded her reach time and time again. Always she chased him, pursued and ambushed him. Some days, she even captured the Sparrow. But the Sparrow was wily, and each time he escaped, fleeing over the horizon once more.
This time however, she did not give chase, or even make known her presence. For she had devised.... a Plan.
The sparrow was playing his customary game of cards with his rival, the Minotaur. As was their custom, they cheated outrageously, yet kept to a code of honour. But this time, there was another player in the game. Nepthys bribed the Dealer of Cards, and the minotaur won. Believing his friend had broken their Code, the Sparrow ended his friendship with the Minotaur. But Nepthys was not yet satisfied.
She hastened over to the Sea Queen's side, and whispered into her ear a tale of falsehoods and trickery, accusing the Sparrow of deeds most foul.
Angered beyond all reason, the Sea Queen banished the Sparrow from the seas, and imprisoned the Minotaur in a cave.
Satisfied, Nepthys went, and one day disappeared.
And so things remained, The Sparrow bound to the land, the Minotaur to his cave, and the Sea Queen to her ocean. each alive and immortal in their own way, yet each alone, until one day, the Pink One appeared.
But that is a tale for an earlier line.
More or less
And now we know why Ye Captain bargained for "anything studded with sapphires"
Ooookaaaayyyy...
That's just Pinkie being Pinkie. Not much else to say.
You know majesty you need to lighten up.
[youtube=9ds4xhz-xIY]
3395525 wow.....that was....pretty incredible. Thanks so much!
Oh god...oh god...this was epic! I could not stop laughing.
A sea battle, and TWO songs!
That was...amazing!
Took me a moment to recognize the first one, but I caught on quick...and after each one I went and found each song on youtube.
Awesome.
3394860
I'm in complete agreement. This chapter was amazing. I actually forgot about the whole overarching plot about zebras while I was reading this simply because Pinkie.
Best. Side quest. Ever.
Ok so i just started reading this chapter and after finding out the drunk pony's name is Sparow, I will be reading the rest of the chapter imagining him with Johnny Depp's voice. Its amazing!
Edit: Finished reading the chapter now. I would leave a comment saying how awesome this is, but it would not do the chapter justice.
I've made myself a new headcanon.
But I'm not sharing.
I will forever connect Grease with Pinky Pie....
Your portrait of Pinkie is so genuine, it's astonishing. Best chapter so far.
3395876
haha, no problem
Pirate adventures with Pinkie Pie, what a perfect combination.
Standing ovation, Pen.
Glad to hear. This reference stuff doesn't really work for me. Just distracts from the story.
.... I am in awe.
3396426
So I wasn't the only one who forgot what it was Pinkie was supposed to be doing. Good
A very awesome ending. It was a good story/chapter.
I approve this message. 
How many chapters can we expect of this :D or u unsure
I think Pinkie as Adm. Magenta McGorgamaforg in http://www.fimfiction.net/story/4773/synchronicity was the best... but this is definitely a close second!
You'd think with all her rhyming she'd be a more accomplished sea duelist.
3394984 So glad someone posted that, I have been nostalgia tripping since I read the song.
Pinkie Pie, saving the world and saving love, with music.
Well, that was weird.
Ho-lly cow! Pinkie is crazy, this chapter is crazy. You are crazy, Pen Stroke! You should feel great about it
3396426 Zebras? Oh right! Conspiracy and Discord and Ze.... bras. Plural...
In the first few paragraphs, all I saw was an obnoxious bastard before it became obvious this alcoholic fella was a Jack Sparrow ponification. Guess that's why none of the characters in-universe find him as charming as moviegoers. It also goes to show how much any given character relies on the right actor to give him or her life. If you're this good at a ponified Jack Sparrow, I can only imagine how fantastic it would be to see you do the same with Indiana Jones or the Marx Brothers.
When Bermuda Bones was reaching the end of his tether (it was pretty stupid of him to secure that chain to his lantern, doncha think?), I imagined Pinkie would stop, throw her hooves wide as if making a target of herself, and when the lantern popped out the back of his ribcage it would just be a weak, harmless skeleton that fell into Pinkie's waiting arms so she could wrap him up and say, "Awww, you just wanted a hug this whole time!"
Yarr, so many references. But no cupcakes. Why are yhe cupcakes always gone?
Also, past tense of drag is dragged, not drug.
I think cap'n Pinkie would agree that Sparrow is addled enough on rum without thtowing drugs into the mix.
Yay for normalacy!!! No, wait. Does that mean no more pirate adventures for Pinkie Pie?
Your seapony song reminds me of something I'd find in a Redwall book.
3402679
Or a Muppets movie.
[youtube=8WWdOjxoQro]
It was very fun to sing along with the seaponies at the end~
Okay, Pen, the worrying thing here is that you got Jack and Pinkie perfectly in-character. I don't think that the West Indies or any sea on Equstria are ready for those two to be sailing it under the Jolly Roger.