ah, reminds me of middle school...

Wtf Regiadar

First Btw nice story

ew gay secks
dislike

3776853
ew homophobia

dislike

3776880
nothing against homos,i just dun want a dick up my ass or down my throat.
fuggin disgusting

3776853
what 3776880 said

3776902
ur a dickbutt

3776899
Then, uh, don't clop to gay ponies I guess? Gay people like this kind of thing. (Actually, yaoi is a fairly common fetish among the ladies, too.)

3776915
I'm not even gay and I enjoy stories like this sometimes.

3776923
This is also fair.

3776915
not clopping.
I was just hoping they would brohoof and fuck up all the mares

Well done. You've got the nuts to put stuff like this, and wreak havoc among homophobic members of this community.

Again. Well done. You just earned a Stalker.

...!

Finally, more SoarLane. Great job.

3776934 Is that really a big deal?

Like is there actually a dense concentration of homophobes in THIS community?
Because that would surprise the shit out of me

3777036

...Somehow, I knew that this was going to happen.

...So, for the little time iv'e been here, and the bunch o' stuff iv'e seen, my opinion's pretty much divided on it's own. But, I don't really think of a huge concentration, but the few that do. I dunno, I'm out of fuel today.

Teacher ruins everything

3777055 I'm just confused is all, like I haven't seen any outright homophobia and I hesitate to think that people who like ponies are really going to be all "ew gays" and such.

You know?
Without having seen it the idea just doesn't make sense.

Although I'm not massively into clop, I liked it. You didn't just launch into the sex and fleshed out the story a bit. Thunderlane's jump from liking Windstorm, to Soarin ,was a little fast .Having said that, where would the clop be without it? I'm looking forward to seeing more of this.

3777071

Nothing makes sence anymore, once you've met Discord.

...So yeah. I'm off till' I get more energy.

3777079 eeyyyyyyy nice dodge

3777110

After years of observing, you end learning something, sooner or later!

...But well. Baiii!

I'm no expert on M/M clop, so I can't tell you what you need to improve.

Nonetheless, I found this to be a good read — and I'm not even gay (and no, I don't have anything against anyone who is).

Damn...great job!

3776933 And what would the M/M label be for exactly then?

I love stuff like this. And you wrote it rather nicely.

weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/that-makes-me-moist.jpg

I'm like the hulk. Except clop turns me into this... ^

Well, the basic premises was nice, they were horny teenagers fucking in a public place, which is always a turn on. Soarin' was pretty straightforward, but you just barely made it work. It was kind of weird that he had to lie in the beginning before admitting that he knew TL was gay. Like I said, it worked out. What really turned me on was how TL immediately went into the sub territory and, well, spankings always work for me.

What didn't work out was your choice of words and your spelling. I for one don't think 'plot' and 'buck' to belong to the pony dictionary. Plot was an in-joke of the brony fandom, not really something I could see the ponies themselves use, and it kinda ruined some of the immersion. Buck, on the other hand, works as a substitute for 'fuck' in swearing, like you do on the last line. I don't see them using it as "buck me!" because that has the meaning of kicking someone in-universe. Little things, but annoying nevertheless. It doesn't need to be more ponyish with those words. You can say fuck—it's mature already so who cares?

The other problem I had was spelling. you spelled 'hear' as 'here', you had commas in the middle of words (m,uch), and stuff like that, which clearly shows that you didn't proofread or edit your story at all, because those would have been easy to notice with just a simple read-through. If you're too lazy to do it yourself, use a proofreading software and ask someone to edit for you. There's a lot of weirdoes on the site who like doing stuff like that.

All in all, a very nice first shot at a clop. The important parts are all rock-solid. Hopefully my minor grievances about the choice of words and mechanical polish won't discourage you from writing more of stuff like this, because I'd be happy to read more.

EDIT: Your picture doesn't show a source. Hope you had permission to use it!

M/M? It's about FREAKIN' TIME we got some more of it!!!

Ah. Wonderful High School classroom sex. And of course, the teacher walks in and kills the mood.

I say yay!

Though Straight!Dashie is gonna have to be sad and wait for Snowflake to get his libido back after the roids now.

YUSSS SO GOOD! I be thanking you Mr. nice writer man!

HUZZAH! Another gay romance story! Here's hoping it turns out pretty good.
Have a like my good sir. I intend to enjoy this read.

Thaaat was pretty damn good. Me gusta

I'm not going to be the pony that says that people can't do what they want to do, but uhm yea... I didn't want to see this in the feature box, it raises the normal range of disturbing implications.

Incidentally: Regardless of my views on M/M sexuality, did you really just have them have sex in a public place? That kind of thing should carry jailtime (or at least a fine for your first offense), regardless of your orientation... Especially considering the health hazard involving bodily fluids.

I don't like reading about public-sex either, it's like, "Other people use that!"

I'm just... Going to do whatever it is I do now. P:

I really liked the approach to sex---you showed there can be a variety of ways to have anal. Good characterizations, too.

Good work, this was a pretty alright clop, a pretty alright gay clop, no less. I enjoyed the sex though some of the wording was a bit off, be it spelling or word choice in which the commentor before me, Isseus, sums up quite nicely.
I have one huge gripe though. Speaking from experience, I had a major issue with the confrontation between Thunderlane and Windstorm in that when someone is giving you shit for your sexuality, all physical attraction goes right out the window. Why would one find an aggressor attractive? That confrontation could have used a little more thought.
Barring that, however, the rest of the story was enjoyable. Learn from your mistakes and keep up the good work! :)

3779402 Assuming that this story takes place in high school, the worst that would happen is a mild/severe suspension or detention. In any other circumstance, however (like downtown or in the middle of a shopping center), you would have a point, but for some people, public sex is a very titillating fetish. The threat of getting caught is very arousing and the idea that people are going to touch/use/sit on what you and your partner are fucking on is also sexy albeit really hilarious. Just a little something to know.

Thank you everypony for your feedback! I honestly didn't expect such a response that I received, and making it to the feature box is pretty darn sweet. I will be going over this sometime soon to eliminate any small grammatical errors.
A lot of your advice was genuinely helpful, and if I ever venture into clop again then I'll be sure to take on board what was said

I read this story because a friend sent it to me. All he said was it was hot. I didn't believe him.... I was wrong. This story was great, and the sexiest m/m clopfic I've ever read. The pacing was excellent, as well. Aside from a few errors with your grammar, I loved it so, so much. I'm so happy this got featured, and you totally deserve it. (I wish I knew how to write good clop, but I never seem to know how) But yeah, I really loved it, congratulations, and please, please write more.

3776851 you're acting like you've never had gaysex in 8th grade at the back of science classroom
fucking weirdo

You have no idea how much I love you for this story right now.

Most of the stories I go to read that are like this end up being horrible. This story was the opposite.

It was very good. The emotion felt real and the ending was just... yes.

While I don't normally comment on things that are clop for a few personal reasons. I must say, I really felt the need to say that this story was good. Don't stop writing, celestia knows we only have a few people who are good at writing clop, you are one of these people.

Hahahah! This story is great.

You ask me yay or nay
You threw this one out for that stallions that're gay
I stand in my seat give give a shout! HOORAY!!!
and then I make a meme of my face.

*Me gusta!*
Make more! Hint hint!

I SAY YAY! Definitely write more, this was just....damn. I'll admit I got flustered as hell reading this and my god Thunderlane is so adorable as a submissive type.

3778056

cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/99052/mms_medium.jpg

A M/M clop fic in the feature box, now that's unusual.
I liked that Thunderlane gets bullied for being gay, I've never been a big fan of settings where everyone is strangely accepting about homosexuality (Just feels unnatural)
Thunderlane is really well written and I quickly got to love him. Soarin is good too, but the point where he confess that he likes Thunderlane feels a bit... forced.
All in all you have given them some good personalities and their non clop interaction with each other is just as interesting as the clop (if not more) and it leaves me wanting more stories just with their relationship following the events here. (also, I kind of want to know what that argument they keep referring too was about)
The clop itself was good too, and I really liked Thunderlanes submissive nature. But it was not the reason that I like the fic.
anw. an YAY definitely

What the hay did i just read?
I'm no gay; what the hell i'm doing here?
Please excuse me, i have to go check my sexuality - this story messed it up.
Btw, love the ending.

You did an amazing job, even for a first. Keep writing!

Not enough high-quality coltcuddling on this site. I heartily thank you.

I said "Oh my God!" like, 100 times and the whole time I was asking, "Is the teacher gonna walk in??? Oh I hope she doesn't." and saying, "No, your in a classroom!". Then, the teacher walked in. Me:

*sticks tounge out, flicking it around while making slurping sounds*
....
This pertains to my intrests.
Read later.