Pen Brush
Joined 1st Sep, 2012 ·
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I am sure crab should be grab. Other than that, I'm enjoying this story. Good on ya.
ONE. WORD.
MOAR!
Potential, lots of potential
i really am enjoying this story although for some reason something feels...off about it like it should have begun differently but i cant figure it out hmm
well whatever im enjoying this regardless lol
What the person a couple comments before said: MOAR
2743430
One of my pre readers said there was something off about the paragraph before she meets pinkie, but couldn't tell what it was and neither could i
2745134I'm not too sure myself, but I wanna say it was rushed. Like, the story just starts with Rapidash waking up in a bakery. Nothing else to introduce the story, so it may seem a bit off.
That being said, I truly liked this.
2745308
True but sometimes its better that way cuz it gives a sense of mystery as to what happened i can only assume team rocket was involved
2745343Hey, you said something seemed off. So I input my two cents. And I know it's one way of starting a fic. It's how I start one of mine when I finally decide to type it up.
2745352
Yea srry what i ment to say was that its something else besides what you said that feels off
Very good pen stroke this gets my alicorn seal
Of
Approval
In the description it's eccentric, not essentric.
I love how Rapidash is all like, "Wait, what just happened?" throughout this chapter. Or maybe she's similar in character to Fluttershy.
Either way, MOAR!!!
2745582
I'm...im not Pen Stroke...
2746506
sorry I might have been groggy
2743368
ITS SO COLORFUL!
2746512
its alright!
2746533 join a group?
2746946
dont jinx me
2746952 I shall. Kill the jinx!
Huh, another Pokemon story, I thought these things died off months ago. Not a bad start, not a person transformed but instead an actual pokemon, I'll follow to see how it goes.
2747179
I like Rapidash...even though i havent seen pokemon in a while
This does seem to have promise, hopefully it doesn't go RIP like the others...
And you seem to have gotten Pinkie's eccentricity down pat. 
2745343
you...why is it that its always one person who finds out the answer? This rapidash isnt even ash's pokemon
2748017
lol srr ill throw a spoiler over it but yea team roclets the only real recurring villains (other than galactic or nebula) so its bout to be one of those unless you make a new villain *WINK* *WINK* *HINT* *HINT*
2748210
What about team plasma
Don't leave them out.
2748210>>2749035
Team plasma doesnt try and steal pokemon for their boss, and my dilemma is the only ones who do that is team rocket, and they only follow ash because of pikachu
2743368 but you said three words. "One", "word", and "Moar". I'm naturally annoying. I'm listening to French music.
2751496
true but thats only what we've seen on screen and galactic and nebula do steal pokemon as well but only rare pokemon like the Regi- pokemon(gigas rock etc) or pokemon with great psychic auras like lucario otherwise their doing bad things off screen that we dont see the effect of until later in the series
(now that i think of it i believe that team nebula only exists within the games)
2751575
they are trying to make more land and more water, nebula just wants to destroy the world or something. I wikied it
2751577
yup that doesent sound evil at ALLLLL
2751597
I know it is evil, but they dont go out of their way to steal pokemon, they are trying to change the world, not make their boss happy with pokemon
2751603
lol honestly i think thats just jessie and james trying to make the boss happy so they can get rewards
honestly i dont know what team rockets trying to do, control the world maybe?
2751610
they want to be higher up on the board with their boss, and meowth wishes to sit on his lap
2751617
lol wish i had a talking cat
2751720
it took him a while to learn to speak, if what the show said is correct. considering meowth said how he talked himself, im gunna trust the evil cat
2751727
lol if i like in the pokeverse id gonna get a cattype pokemon then teach him ho to speak like meowth
look theirs an idea have the time space pokemon dialga and palkia get into a fight and patially merge the pokeverse with mlp just enough for things to be weird but funny. Ash brocke and misty would be their of course along with that poke ranger friend they had
I want to like it!
But there are 69 upvotes...
Do it... Do it and laugh...
2752119
Yep, that number is funny, for no reason other then a sex position. Anyway, thanks for the like
Man, all those years living with Spike must have left Twilight really blasé about open flame in the library.
Looks good! Can't wait for more.
2743368 I saw your comment while using my iPod. Each letter was big enough to be seen only one at a time. Laughing so hard now!
2754704
she probably thinks its just her mane style, and an enchantment a unicorn can do to their mane
can rapidash use magic?
2757165
I cant rightly give away all my secrets. Somepony already found out that team rocket did it, but they do not know how which makes me happy
i noticed rapidash didn't notice that the ponyta has a horn and ponyta don't have horns. i hope she can use magic without bruning things, rapidash i mean.
2757179
Uhhh...she did notice that the ponyta had a horn...
Very good, very good.
An interesting start, can't wait to see Twilight's reaction when she find's out that flaming mane is actual flames.
Lets see... synonyms for hesitate and scared?
Hesitate-apprehensive, pondered, paused
Scared-frightened, jumped, spooked
Let me know if you need more