Chapter 1: Wake-Up Call
His coat was a golden tan, over a body so toned it looked almost as though he were an expertly crafted statue cast in bronze. His long and elegantly groomed mane with matching tail was a rich auburn that blew magnificently in the wind. His eyes were like two endlessly deep pools of ocean blue, and it was with those eyes that he gazed upon the mare.
The jasmine coated pegasus shivered as he traced a hoof along the outline of the three droplets of her cutie mark. She moaned in delight as he nuzzled his snout though her turquoise mane, inhaling deeply of her scent. When he pulled away she opened her mouth to protest, but all such thoughts disappeared from her mind as she felt a gentle prodding at her lips. The mare opened wide and took in the full length of his offering and swirled her tongue about it, savoring the taste before biting.
As she chewed, the rich flavor of the honey-glazed prench bread became even more pronounced. The stallion then silently offered her a glass cherry wine which she eagerly took to wash down the remains of the bread.
The pair of ponies sat at a table amidst a vibrant field of flowers all in full bloom, the only illumination a singular candle at the center and the stars above. He gazed at her and she back at him before speaking but a single word, "More."
The stallion spoke back to her in his luxurious accent, "Ah, be careful my sweet. You do not want fill up on appetizers before the main course... and of course after that there is dessert."
She smiled coyly, "Maybe we could skip right to the desert then."
"Oh, but you are a naughty g—" the stallion's words were cut short though, as the mare lunged across the table and locked her lips with his. The two tumbled down the sloping field of flowers until they came to rest by the side of A sparkling river.
As their kiss broke, the mare looked down upon her stallion and he back up at her. He leaned up softly, but not for another kiss; instead he nibbled her ear once and then whispered, "There is something I must tell, something I have felt in the pit of my heart from the moment I first saw you."
"Yes..." she moaned she felt his moist warm breath against her.
The stallion took in a deep breath — and then blared like a trumpet.
Raindrops shot bolt upright in bed as the trumpeting continued its relentless roar, fast ripping away the lingering ecstasy of her dream.
Hurling her blanket to the floor –along with a novel depicting a rather familiar looking stallion in a suggestive pose– the pegasus stomped over to her window. She nearly unhinged the shutter as she threw it open, ready to murder –or at least maim– whatever fool had spoiled her dream... and just before it got to the good part, no less.
As she drew in a deep breath to begin shouting down the interloper, her rage caught in her throat at the sight in the street below, "Che... Cheerilee...? I don't... but what... do you have any idea what time it is?"
The plum colored earth pony lowered the bugle from her lips and smiled, "Why, of course I do. It's a half-past sunrise, which means you're late."
"Late...? Late for what?"
"Tsk...tsk... Raindrops," Cheerilee scolded with exagerated dispointment, "Don't tell me you, of all ponies, forgot." Then, beeming with exuberance, "Why, it's the first day of our new knights of the realm training regiment, of course! Now, up and at'em, girl, we've all got a busy day!"
My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How'd I ever make so many true friends?
At the edge of Ponyville, five mares all stood in a line.
Carrot Top absently brushed a yellow hoof against a stray tangle in her orange mane, quietly lamenting having to cut short her normal morning grooming session. She wasn't a vain earth pony by any stretch of the imagination, but she still took great pride in mane-care as her singular luxury that she never skimped out on, no matter how much she had to squeeze her budget. True, it was only just the one tangle, hardly even noticeable, but she knew its existence would nag at the back of her mind all day long.
Next to her, Lyra Heartstrings was bouncing energetically on her mint-colored hooves, her golden eyes darting back and forth as she eagerly asked her friends on either side if they were as excited as she was. Her horn even let off the occasional spark to punctuate her enthusiasm.
Ditzy Do stretched out her gray feathered wings wide, flexing the tips to work out any early morning kinks. One of her yellow eyes tracked her friend with each bounce, while the other seemed to contemplate an errant blade of grass. "Aren't you a bit hyper this morning?"
"Huh...?" the unicorn stopped mid bounce, though her hooves still danced about with restless energy, "Is that supposed to be a crack about me being lazy?"
Ditzy shifted uncomfortably under her friend's gaze, "I'm not trying to judge. It's just that whenever I've dropped off the morning mail at the confectionerium, BonBon always says you're still upstairs sleeping."
"That's not about being lazy!" Lyra responded a bit more harshly then intended, "There's just not much call for a musician in the morning, which means I make my best money playing in the afternoon and evenings, so it's just that I might as well sleep in."
Ditzy supposed that made sense, even if she preferred spending her own occasional off-duty morning by catching up on chores. Of course, having her daughter to look after probably made a difference there, too. "Alright, but you still seem a bit perkier than usual."
"Well, I might have had an extra two or three cups of coffee with breakfast just to make sure I was at my best... and well, there was probably a little cream and sugar involved too."
At that moment Carrot Top joined in, "I've seen you drink your coffee; it's usually more than just a little cream and sugar, and you even stir it in with a candy-cane."
"Hey! I do live in a candy shop, so it's just more convenient than having to clean up an extra spoon later," then with a sly grin the unicorn added, "Besides, who said I was talking about my coffee when I mentioned the cream and sugar."
Next in line was Trixie, the self-proclaimed Great & Powerful, who was too tired to feel her typical unease at such innuendos. Her azure coat was bereft of its signature garb. As she yawned and swayed lightly on her hooves, the unicorn muttered some mild curse that her mentor couldn't have –just this once– neglected her eternal duties and left the sun beneath the horizon, if only for an extra hour or two.
Lastly stood Raindrops, still in something of a foul mood and lamenting the loss of the dream Cheerilee had stolen from her. Yes, they'd all come to a mutual agreement to begin this training regiment, including the part about starting at the crack of dawn, but she'd never expected the usually laid back school teacher would enforce punctuality with quite so much zeal.
As Trixie stifled another yawn while rubbing her weary eyes, Raindrops whispered to her, "So I guess Cheerilee dragged you out of bed too."
"Qui, moi? How could you say such a... *yawn* ... thing? Just because I'm not a morning pony doesn't mean I can't drag my own flank out of bed, thank you very much." Trixie then grinned slyly, "Besides, yesterday I saw Cheerilee buy a bugle of all things. As much as I despise mornings, it was worth the extra effort just to see the shocked look on her face when I stepped out my door five minutes early."
A moment passed in silence before Trixie realized, "Wait, you said too; don't tell me she...?"
Raindrops only blushed with shame, but before Trixie could press the matter any further, "Alright girls, that's enough chitchat."
All five ponies broke from their disparate conversations to give Cheerilee their full attention as she paced slowly in front of them. "Philomena, the Salamanders, Tambelon..." she conveniently failed to mention the time all the alcohol in town had been cursed, but that event had been embarrassing enough that the six –along with most of the rest of the town– preferred not to speak of it, "...now then, I know none of us ever expected to bear the burden of an entire nation on our shoulders, and that we've all been trying our best, but we've all agreed that it hasn't been enough and that it's high past time we started treating our duties like the knights Princess Luna made us. We've got three strikes against us, but we aren't out of this game yet, and we won't let the tyrant sun catch us with our pants down again; are you with me!"
A chorus of raucous cheers came from the assembled mares. Even Trixie felt invigorated as she cast aside the remains of sleep. The six ponies who bore within them the primal forces of harmony stood together of a single mind and purpose... well, almost all of them.
The cheers were cut short as Raindrops interceded, "None of us even wear pants." It was a silly thing to say, but some part of Raindrops' mind that still begrudged the rude awakening she'd been given just let it slip. She flustered slightly in embarrassment as the others all eyed her, but still pressed, "Well, we don't. What kind of pony wears pants anyway?"
Maybe it was just the early morning air or that she was still in the grips of a combination caffeine buzz and sugar rush, but Lyra responded, "I think Ace does."
"Mrs. Pearl too," added Ditzy.
Cheerilee coughed lightly to get everypony focused again, "It's just a turn of phrase. Now then—"
"Where'd it come from though?" interrupted Carrot Top, to everypony's surprise, "I mean, it's just never made any sense to me, did some noble come up with it?"
Trixie scratched a hoof under her chin, "I don't think so. Not many ponies in Canterlot wear them either, not even Fancy Pants, and it's even his namesake."
Cheerilee coughed more sternly this time, "That's enough of that, my little ponies," said the school teacher in the same tone she would use to quiet a class of noisy foals.
With that distraction put aside, the six mares had began the day's routine with a series of calisthenics and stretches. For Raindrops, it really wasn't all that different than her own usual exercise habits –albeit not at such an early hour– so despite her grogginess, she found the activities mostly effortless, even if flexibility still wasn't her strong suit.
Carrot Top also had no real difficulties, but that was hardly surprising given that out of all the six, she had by far the most physically taxing job. The farmer's demurely reserved composure belied an impressive physique built from single-hoofedly plowing fields day-in and day-out.
What did surprise most of the assembled ponies though, was just how well Trixie kept pace. It wasn't exactly common knowledge, but for the past few months, Trixie had been exercising alongside Raindrops, if inconsistently. While she mostly started as a means of occasional distraction and stress relief, the efforts had gotten results nevertheless.
Despite her initial excitement and vigor, Lyra had quickly lagged behind, at least with the more rigorous exercises. The unicorn did still manage to show everypony else up when it came to stretching, most of the others having forgotten the displays of extreme flexibility she had shown off when they were all introducing themselves on that fateful day in the Everfree Forest so many months ago.
Ditzy was having some trouble as well. While no stranger to a hard day's work, she was more used to the long-term efforts of lugging post ridden bags along her mail routes, so exerting herself so much in such quick bursts was quite exhausting.
Cheerilee easily had the most balanced performance; not the strongest or most flexible, but blending both in equal measure and seamlessly shifting from one exercise to the next. Yet even as she cheerfully complemented the efforts of the others while encouraging them to each push just a bit harder, she could also be heard occasionally muttering about how out of shape she'd let herself get since settling down as school teacher.
With the warm-ups out of the way, Cheerilee had lead the group to the morning's main event and so now the six mares looked out at an expansive obstacle course that had been set up for them. Five of those mares exchanged wearily nervous glances.
"Uh, wow... so umm, did you really set up all of this by yourself?"
"Oh, it really wasn't that hard," Cheerilee replied matter-of-factly and oblivious to any concern, "Besides, I got Rainbow Dash to help me. She even said she based some of it off the obstacles the Wonderbolts use in their training, though modified for non-pegasi, of course."
"Uh, maybe we should tone it down a little; we aren't exactly Wonderbolt class athletes."
"Hmm..." she contemplated, "I suppose we could cut out the jump through the flaming hoops."
A wire mesh was strung out across several low stakes in the ground, forcing the mares to crawl their way under it. Carrot Top came to an abrupt stop about three-quarters of the way through. Normally, her natural affinity for plants helped her pass bushes and brambles with minimal effort, but that clearly didn't apply to metal wire and that errant tangle in her mane from earlier had snagged. As she fidgeted, she got more of her mane caught, along with her tail as well.
Minutes later, the farm pony stood with puffed cheeks, glaring at the pair of shears that had been used to free her. The damage was overall pretty minimal, her friends having been careful what they cut away, but it was more so the principle of the matter. Still, despite her best efforts, the offending object refused to melt into a pile of slag under the ire of Carrot Top's vengeful gaze. Finally the mare harrumphed, and as she turned away, gave an absent-minded kick with a hind leg.
...she yelped in pain and began hopping on three legs, the shears having got one last laugh at her expense by managing to sit at just the right angle so as to have jabbed the flustered mare in the soft inner lining of her hoof.
A grid of wagon wheels laid on their sides, one-by-one each mare took turns trotting through, until an azure-coated unicorn stumbled, tripped, and went sprawling into the ground. Trixie muttered a Neigh Orleanian curse and glared at the offending objects, while four other mares giggled lightly before helping her up.
A nearly vertical stack of logs barred further progress. Two-by-two, the mares each took one of the hanging ropes hanging form the top in their mouth and begin climbing their way up.
Heaving herself to the top, Lyra let out a victory cry and even proceeded to dance a little jig. With one misplaced hoof though, she lost her precarious balance; Ditzy reached out to catch her but only lost her own balance as well and the two ended up rolling down the other side, ending up in a heap atop of Raindrops and Carrot Top below.
Cheerilee sighed and shook her head, only for Trixie to nudge her with a hoof and give her a reassuring grin. The school teacher returned the smile, but her eyes still lingered on the other four as they disentangled themselves.
A long narrow plank stretched across a mud pit and weighted sand bags swung back and forth across the path. Lyra deftly dodged and ducked under the pendulums, putting her flexibility, balance, and sense of rhythm to excellent use. Carrot Top followed after with significantly less grace, having to pause at several spots to avoid falling over or rushing into an oncoming bag. Ditzy crossed with mixed effort; her skewed eyes left her with poor depth perception, but also helped her track multiple objects at once.
Raindrops barreled forward with reckless abandon, actually taking one or two grazing hits completely unfazed, until finally a bag caught her full on. Even at that, the sturdy pegasus only stumbled, but as she struggled to regain her balance, her forward momentum carried her into the path of another bag swinging in the opposite direction.
*splat*
As Raindrops cleaned the mud from her eyes she gazed up at the plank, roiling with restrained fury; the fact Trixie blew her a raspberry as she passed certainly didn't help. Without even stopping to think, Raindrops scooped up a sizable ball of mud in one hoof and tossed it in the unicorn's eyes. Trixie let out a startled cry, before misplacing a hoof step and tumbling to join Raindrops in the pit.
"Hey, no fair! That's cheating!"
"Meh, you deserved it."
"And you deserve this!" shouted Trixie as she took a ball of mud in her own hoof and lobbed it at Raindrops.
The pegasus effortlessly dodged the attack, "You really shouldn't give somepony so much warning", but rather than seeming frustrated, Trixie only grinned. Raindrops only had just enough time to glance upward before an even larger ball of mud, levitated by unicorn magic, fell down on top of her.
Trixie chortled in triumph, but it was short-lived before a barbaric roar pierced the heavens.
As the two mares took it in turn dodging volleys while returning their own, three other mares watched from above.
"Shouldn't we stop them?" asked a worried looking Carrot Top.
Lyra shrugged, "Nah, I say we let them get it out of their system," then with wry grin, "besides, why spoil a good show?"
Shortly thereafter though, a seemingly errant ball of mud curved sideways in mid air, guided by Trixie's magic, and struck Lyra in the side of the head, "I heard that!"
With a single hoof, Lyra slowly wiped the mud from her cheek. Then clapping her hooves together, she spread twin streaks of mud as a sort of makeshift war paint, "Oh, it. Is. On!" and with her own battle cry she charged into the muddy carnage.
It wasn't long before a few more not-so-accidental balls coxed both Carrot Top and Ditzy into the fray as well, and soon all five were laughing as they rolled about in the muck. That is until they all had to hastily cover their ears as a shrill whistle cut the air.
Cheerilee lowered a hoof from her mouth as she glared down at the five, who all averted their gaze as though they were a group of naughty foals caught in the act. "Would you care to explain yourself?"
"Aw shucks, Cheers..." chuckled Lyra, as she scratched a hoof behind her mane, "I guess we maybe just all got a little carried away."
"I'll discuss the issue of your getting carried away, like back at the wall, later. Right now though, I was specifically talking to Raindrops. You deliberately tripped Trixie up."
"Ooh, busted," said Trixie in a mocking drawl.
The school teach then shifted her glare, "Don't think you're off the hook either, missy! I caught that raspberry you blew. Raindrops might have been in the wrong, but you provoked her; what kind of teamwork is that?"
"I... um, well... that is..."
"Oh come on," flustered Raindrops, "It's not like either of us would pull stunts like that if any of this was real. Besides, if this were real, I'd have never fallen in the first place," she then spread her wings wide, "Or did you forget I've got these?"
"Oh, is that so? And did you forget that time Zecora used a potion to paralyze your wings? Or what if that sandbag had been a salamander who coiled around you before taking a dive into a lava pit?"
As Raindrops glowered, Trixie regained her composure, "Look, we get it; we both screwed up. Like Raindrops said though, it's only practice, so nothing wrong with a little harmless fun and games."
"Fun and games?" Cheerilee dead panned, "Oh sure, it's all fun and games until—"
*splat*
Silence hung dead in the air as four mares stared slack-jawed at the sight of Cheerilee, now with her face plastered in mud. Slowly, they turned their heads to eye the culprit.
Carrot Top wilted under the combined gaze. "Uh... I guess that was bad timing."
"Lake! Now! All of you!" bellowed Cheerilee, "I want you cleaned up and ready to give the course a second run in five!"
"Why bother?" Raindrops moaned, "We're just going to get dirty again anyway."
"Don't give me any lip soldier, now move it, move it, move it!"
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"Why, of course I do. It's a half-past sunrise, which means your late."
That should be you're.
Ye gods, but I hate homophones and English language.
Oh, goody. She's turning into freaking Neidermeyer!!!
Oh.
Wait.
That was the point, wasn't it?
I'm imagining Cheerilee with a pair of reflective glasses and an army uniform when she grills them at the end.
The underlined word should be "dessert". One does not habitually partake of a geographic area of low rainfall after eating a meal. At least, that's not how my momma raised me.
This is pretty fun and looks like it might shape into something rather interesting. Didn't much care for how quickly Cheerilee got into the whole drill sergeant role though. Could have used more from her perspective honestly. Overall though a rather nice piece so far. Added to my favorites and alert list. I look forward to the next.
Nice. Cheerilee really needs to lighten up a little bit.
3310932 Slaughter could give her a tip or three.
Anyway, not too bad. Only a few typos here and there. Quite funny in places, too. Nice mythology gags.
I like this so far. Cheerilee makes a fun drill sergeant, and I love how all the other ponies are interacting. Also, nice callbacks to the various other catastrophes the ponies have weathered. They certainly have been through a lot!
The mud bits were especially comical :-)
When in the season is this happening? Is this early on, in Fall, or is it later, during Spring or Summer?
I think my only big question so far is why the L6 haven't gotten a real trainer. Even if they don't or can't get an actual trainer from the military, I'd be very surprised if Cheerilee or Big Mac didn't know a retired drill sergeant or mercenary with actual training (or, at least, lots of experience) in whipping newbies up to par, or at least have an idea of where to look for one. Cheerilee could also participate if another pony took over the drill sergeant role. But I'm guessing a reason for this will be forthcoming, so I'm not worried.
I admit that Cheerilee as the Element of Laughter requires interpretation on the audience's part. But from the hints at the conflict this chapter and the description gives, how does Cheerilee slip into her antithesis so relatively quickly, under circumstances that aren't even dire?
3310997
A legitimate concern, but at the same time Cheerilee going drill sergeant is more or less the whole point premise of this fic, so there really wouldn't be much story worth telling before she starts flipping out, and this isn't really meant to be a long fic either. I'd also like to think that while what we're seeing here is something that's been building up behind the scenes for some time now (and RDD was even kind enough to give me a bit of a preliminary setup in Tambelon). Either way though, I did try to keep it pretty mild for most of this first chapter, with the worst of it only coming after she gets a face full of mud and so is probably more angry than crazy.
3311208
Slaughter could at that, though after this start Cheerilee might be inclined to take any advice he has to offer.
3311275
Early fall. Somewhere between 1 week and 1 month after the events of Tambelon so far as I'm concerned, but final positioning is up to RDD.
As for why they didn't get a professional military officer to train them, well the main reason is narrative conceit, keeping a tighter focus on the main cast rather than bringing in random OC's out of nowhere. Also, if they just hired some pony to come in and train them, then when he started going overboard they could just as easily fire him, even if he wouldn't take the rejection very well, such a characters would still be a very different kind of antagonist, whereas with Cheerilee the other L6 actually have to come together to help her and each other out as friends.
As for the in setting excuse, ostensibly this all just started as them deciding to get more physically fit, with Cheerilee incrementally building up from just an overbearing school teacher into more of a full on drill sergeant. Regardless of Cheerilee being the one asking things most seriously, it's something that they are all serious about and committed to, but at the same time still treating with a somewhat casual attitude, which is why they also indulging in a bit of goofing around. Further more, I think that for all of them it's also something of a matter of personal pride; they are the heroes of destiny, such as it were, and so each feels perfectly up to the responsibility of stepping up their own game without needing to bring in any outsiders. Though of course getting some help from other ponies around town is fair game, that's why Cheerilee had Rainbow Dash help design and set up the obstacle course. Some other ponies, like Big Mac, might be involved later on as well.
3311481
Well, partly it's supposed to be a build up of stress from past stories, wherein the characters have been put in life harrowing situations, often with little to no warning. No one thing ever really broke her, but it's still been building up over time. Things aren't dire now, but they have been in the past, and there is legitimate reason for her to be concerned that it might all get a lot worse before it gets better.
Cheerilee may be the Element of Laughter, but she's also a teacher, and as revealed in Hero of Oatan she first persuaded that career out of the motivation that had she and her old gang been more educated then he'd have run into less trouble while traveling abroad. This is sort of an extension of that concept. Still, the disparity between her element and her actions in this fic is something I'm going to try and address within the course of events as they play out.
Also, consider that even on the show we've seen characters like Fluttershy undergo similarly drastic persona shifts, such as in The Best Night Ever or Putting Your Hoof Down. If the OFFICIAL element of kindness can go into the occasional berserk rage, than I don't think the premise of this fic is to far out of line.
Trixie doing exercises with Raindrops?
Carrot Top practicing her death-glare?
Trixie's bad experience with wheels?
So many references!!!!!
Is Cheerilee going to call them 'maggots' by the end??
And now the extreme training montage begins! Cheerilee needs to break out the inspiring 80s rock music.
Raindrops' dream was an amusing opener, though I never would've imagined bread being so... er... provocative.
This is a good, simple start to this story, with the whole crew getting into things and Cheerilee not so much freaking out yet, just trying to instill a little seriousness and discipline into her friends. She's got a point, at least, that given previous events and the very real upcoming threats that the L6 should take training themselves like this seriously.
Cheerilee's kind of the only one of the group that has experience being the leader of a group of ponies in potentially dangerous circumstances, like with her old gang. So I can totally see her having trace bits of her 'alpha of the pack' personality, combining with her schoolteacher tendencies, getting her to go into a full on drill-Sargent mode. She pushes because she cares. I'm waiting now for her to break out the training weights.
Someone is getting carried away. The element ponies are always the unstable ones.
It has a nice callback to Tambelon. About Tambelon, with another blast from the Elements, Corona is less crazy and somewhat weakened. I can see her becoming the Celestia from the future Adult Dinky and PipSqueek know and love. As it is, Celestia acts like a motherbear:
My grandfather once told me about 2 drunk idiots who came across a bearcub. Rather than back away slowly, 1 of them took a running kick at the cub. The mother tore that idiot to pieces, while his friend ran back to town, where he relayed the idiocy of his friend. Corona is like a motherbear permanently stuck in attackmode.
There is a slight mistake there. In french, qui is masculine. The feminine is que.
3313399
And that is a perfect example of survival of the not incredibly dumb.
Any chance of Cheerilee's attitude bleeding through into her day job?
"Snails this maths test is a disgrace! Now get on the floor and give me 20!"
I'm sure Scootaloo would love to try out the obstacle course particularly is they replaced the flaming hoops.
3315315
What? Now way! Do you know who put those flaming hoops on the course? It was RAINBOW DASH! Why would Scoots ever skip out on an obstacle desigend by her idol?!
3315324
That's what I meant, if they put them back. With them removed the course is only cool, with them added then its made of pure awesome sauce.
3315440
Ah, then we are agreed.
On a related side note -- since Scoots is sort of maybe part of Cheerilee's supporting cast as well as Rainbow Dash's #1 fan, I considered mentionong that she also helpped with desinging the course. Ultimatly it felt a little forced to mention her specificaly, but it might possibly still be true.
Cheerilee. Wat R u doin. Cheerilee. STAHP.
That raspberry. I don't know why, but that stood out as such a good Trixie moment. Just exactly something she would do, and she would do it to Raindrops to boot.
Also, they been exercising, hmm? Shipping senses....tingling.
3315483
Maybe Scoots will find a way in later.
Sorry it took m e so long to review, this was an entertaining ride overall, I do agree with Bree that Cheerilee seems to have snapped a bit soon given her personality, and some the scene were a bit more tell or rushed, but those where in the minority. Overall I found everyone in character, the descriptions evocative and the dialogue excellent.
3331110
Hey, I can hardly complain about the delay, given I've still not finshed that fic of yours.
However, I'm especially glad this fic mostly meets with your aproval. As I've said elsewher, I'm aware that I'm kind of rushing into Cheerilee's breakdown, but this is intended to be a more simple three act story so I kind of needed to as prior to her snapping there just isn't much of a story tell. Ideally this is perhapse a fic that needs a whole preceeding fic to set it up (and RDD sort of gave me that with some subtle call forwards in Tambelon).
Really though I like to think of her break down here is just something that's been building up over time. That's why I made sure to call back to pervios encounters with Corona or her minions. I'd also wager the events of Oaton might weigh a bit heavy on her consiance seeing as how part of the problems they faced there where troubes from her own past. As I see it this is just where things finally reach a boiling point. I do intend to dwell a bit deepr into Cheerilees psycology in future chapters, but for this opening I wanted more of an outsider looking in approach, because well, I sort of want the snap to seemingly come out of nowhere.
I did still try to be somewhat reseved, and even give her an excuse to be angry when she finally starts yelling. Plus, I don't think this is really any more outside Cheerilee's character than the occasional bout of "Fluterrage" is on the show. Besides, we've already seen in fics like Scootalong that Cheerileecan be prone to similar such breakdowns.
3331226
Don't fret too much, oh and I got someoen form the proofreader group who's also being super helpful so thank you for that suggestion, I'll have to update chapter 1 soon with all the edits.
On Cheerilee's breakdown, I can see your point and it's a good one as well, I do still feel maybe a prologue could have helped, it could also break up the set pieces if that became necessary, by taking place elsewhere. It's mostly a lack of framing, the suddenness does help contrast it against her normal behaviour though, as you said; a more steady break down, could, potentially have worked better, good mood day one, bad mood day two etc.
But I haven't seen where you plan on taking this analyses of her personality so I could also be painfully wrong and besides it's well written and your story, so what right have I to complain.
3331250
You have every right to complain, though likewise, I'm not really under any obligation to care. Still, I do apreciate the critique, as well as the willingness to give me some benfit of the dout in regards to execution further chapters.
Besides, of all the potential complaints I was worried you might make, I'm glad this seems to have helped the rest slip under your radar.
3331312
ah yes, the dream sequence, it wasn't flawed even if not to my taste. But dreams are weird things anyway so yeah. Sorry if that's an unsatisfying response, it was there, but there's nothing innately wrong with it form memory.
Seeing the cover image, I have to make this joke:
Cheerilee: Welcome to standing up school.
Trixie:*thud*
Cheerilee: Aaaaand you fail.
Not to sound like a grammar freak but just so you know tacitly comes from Latin and means "silent". I think you meant to write tactically.
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Ouch, that mistake was just plain embarrassing on my part. TY very much for pointing it out.
3333739 not a problem, I've seen many fanfics where (in the summary) the author misspells so many words that you don't want to even give the story a chance because of the grammar headaches that will follow, thankfully the first chapter doesn't have any that I saw. :) good luck on this and I will watch tos see where it goes :)
This seams like an awe
some story. I look forward to updates!! 
Lol. Raindrops getting dreamblocked by Cheerilee's rude awakening. Although I'm sad that Cut 'n Dry doesn't get any love, such a cute unicorn too. But yeah I like Drill Sergeant Cheerilee. No real complaints, a pretty solid beginning chapter, and looks like this is going to be a fun read. I eagerly await the next chapter.
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While I absolutely love Cut'n'dry, it's worth keeping in mind that was always a one way ship that Raindrops was largely oblivious too, probably because she just doesn't have any innate romantic inclinations towards mares. Which is not to say Cut'n'dry could never win her heart, though I don't think she the type to ever try forcing such a thing either. Regardless she's not likely to show up in Raindrops' dreams in that kind of capacity after only their short interactions, least of all months later. Plus, I think I tried to imply that the dream stallion was also the cover model for the book Raindrops was reading the night before and fell asleep with.
Anyway, thanks for the compliments, guess I need to put some extra effort into pumping out that next chapter.
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1.bp.blogspot.com/-Y3O0w-PxPm0/T2ZRc1b9BFI/AAAAAAAABgo/b7gElN1JB6U/s400/TwilightClap.gif
That'd be cool. Seeing the Ninja-Sensei, Reneighssance Mare Cheerilee share her plethora of questionably legal knowledge and skills to get them into shape'll be interesting to see. Even if she only uses what she knows to get them fit-ish before they go mad.
when next chapter ?
Heh, I quite like Drill Sargeant Cherilee.
Good
60 weeks...no chapter 2...
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When will story continue ?
er, it is training regimen not regiment
She got Trixie up at this hour?
Call the Pope, it's a miracle!