Sometimes one must prove themselves to a greater being.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 22nd, 2022
Ferote
Just a (From what I hear) slightly better than average writer here on fimfic. Writing comes naturally to me, if I can get my lazy ass to do it.
Ferote
Joined 18th Jan, 2012 ·
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spaceg.com/multimedia/collection/fukung.net%20favorites/First%20Post.jpg
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getting first post on your own story is like giving yourself a high five in public
The ten commandments picture was made of win, though.
This could be interesting? Eh, screw it, I'll give it a try.
222433 i did that to be a dick and steal someones thunder
in this case yours
Well I don't do comments for first so yeah...
Aren't wolves furry too? Thanx for the story Ferote. I'm looking forward to more. Wow hunter 77 alicorn already, not bad. I wont have my wings for a while yet.
223597 these are legitimate wolves not anthropomorphic wolves
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problem?
226991 nope, love it
230374 thank you
ehsruhwrrgbjnouuibrubsubsrbsreadnuouaifghoihgomyahgoahgohgohgshglittleoahgadashienvsvoidamnsahfyouwf0w
Trollcord. Doesn't get any more chaotic than that.
I told you you'd get better at writing these....
Keep writing!
259502
I don't even plan these things through
its like there's a movie in my head and I'm writing down what happens
259555
Damn we think alike....
The most planning I put is into the chapter titles....
240065 there is a subliminal message in this
259568 ikr
originally I was going to have 5 chapters and have first letter of each chapter title was going to spell "worth"
Aliron and Reive had other ideas
No. Wolves do not attack humans unless they're incredibly desperate. First off, we taste like crap. Second, we're larger, and smell off. I say this because wolves are my favourite animal, and for people to portray them as dangerous, wild beasts is the very height of heresy. Now that personal issues are out of the way, let's move to the critique.
No offense, but it still feels rushed. There's not enough narration, and the first-person perspective actually makes the conversations really confusing. Also, there's not really that much emotional depth. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that the protagonist is attempting suicide out boredom with a monotonous life. Then he gets deus ex machina'd into Equestria, and...some other stuff happens? I'm sorry, but it's really hard to follow, and the formatting really doesn't help. The frequent author's notes add to the confusion and disrupt the mood, and...well, there's still a lot of issues. There are some improvements, but you've still got a long way to go. At least it's not another Cupcakes, spinoff, amirite?
One main tip: dialogue shouldn't be the primary method of telling a story. That's what Shakespeare did, and look how exciting that is to read. Try writing in third person, or from the perspective of an omniscient narrator. First person is actually far more difficult to pull of than it initially seems, because the character must be very well defined.
Just a question: do you read much? I found that about 99% of what I learned about writer's craft came from reading, which I do way too much. I think it would be safe to say that I've read a couple thousand novels in my life so far, from hundreds of different authors and dozens of genres. But I digress.
My suggestions to improve your writing: read some novels. Not other fanfiction; I mean actual, published novels. Pay special attention to dialogue structure, narration and plot flow. And by all means, keep writing. Practice makes perfect. Just in the future, make sure to edit your work. Remove interjectory author's notes, and if you notice your writing style suddenly changes, go back and edit everything else to make it continuous. And I know it may seem impressive that you're writing what appears to be a movie playing in your head, but I think that's what's making it seem so rushed. Never write something as you're thinking of it. It just doesn't work.
But most importantly, go back and read what you've put down before publishing it. Preferably a couple days after you've written it. Make sure your plot flows well, and you have plenty of descriptive narration, and it doesn't seem cumbersome or rushed. One last note: cut down on the formatting. It's just plain confusing, and there really has to be a better way of identifying who's talking. Maybe narration, or something.
260397 thank you for the critique
He almost commits suicide because he was extremely deppressed
So, I/We am/are Ferote...that's so cool and yet at the same time, rather creepy. MPD much?
I really like how you plot-twisted this into a back story. Well weaved Mr. Writer, well weaved.
261909 MPD?
He was reborn as Ferote
And I thought I started fresh.
263573 Ferote gets the full life
He doesn't pop out of nowhere. he pops out of... well you know
What? I dont get.
700239 I was supposed to post this chapter when Ferote is introduced into your story
I am really lat
700353 You can catch up, I haven't posted anything in a little while (A Month)